visch1

In my early AA days I was almost frozen with fear, naturally not really knowing anything about it, with the mention of the fourth step. Was finally convinced to give a try the best I could. Most of the fear I had was in regards to the 5th step I find out later. When I finally finished the 4th the first time I was elated, a sort of a pink cloud. It showed ME the reasons I escaped to drinking, mostly the large range of feelings I was repressing. Didn’t do the 5th for quite some time and still pay a lot of attention to my trigger feelings. Another big one I needed to pay attention to was H.A.L.T. BE WELL

Fandy

I have read through this thread and I do not see the OP "frozen with fear", "suffering moiod swings, depression ,irritability" (except when being told she is so obviously wrong).

she's early in her sobriety but has been very honest, anyone would be defensive if they kept hearing that they are so shockingly wrong to not suffer, been told that they should be WORKING (tsk, tsk disapproval~hey it's her business, she may have won the lottery, she may be wealthy, don't be so nosy), but are enjoying being sober and wanting the social aspect of fellowship.

Everyone's experience with getting sober is different, Elaini's plan and thoughts may be just right for her life. we cannot predict the future, but she seems very reasonable in her expectations. Maybe others feel this way too and what she has said will help them.

We are all here for the same reason and in many different ways we got here.

Eleni58

Fandy: Well said! You hit the nail on the head. Thank you!

Anna

Several posts were unapproved.

Please remember:

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

wpainterw

I agree. To simplify this one can merely say that in the period of very early recovery, it is dangerous even to trust oneself. Because deep inside the brain is a component which has been calling the shots, literally "in control". It has been referred to as the "midbrain" and, as far as recovery goes, it is definitely not your friend. Arguably it becomes your sworn enemy if your plan is to remove the alcohol and never let it back.
Subjectively this may feel like it's "you" but it may not be, if the real "you" has been diminished, weakened and enslaved by addiction. The real "you" has to be nourished back and for that it's best to give it some help, direction, structure, friendship. A program which involves other recovering alcoholics, whether or not AA, is helpful. I needed that help to climb up the wall of recovery. Others may have climbed it alone. Some have failed. I could not make that climb alone. I tried to for forty years and failed. I am lucky that worse things did not happen to me, or to others. Compared to this mountain climbing may be easier, since this struggle takes place within a divided self, part of it weakened and diminished by years of addiction.

W.

DisplacedGRITS

You don't have to work the steps to go to meetings. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. So according to that, you can go to meetings AND drink but you gotta want to quit drinking. We even have a clause in our opening dialogue that requests drunk or high people to just listen. Getting a sponsor and working the steps are highly recommended. Most people do those things and i would say that those things as well as the meetings help a lot of those people stay sober. I went to AA for several months without a sponsor or step work. I even had 10 months sober but i relapsed. It's not because i wasn't doing the steps with a sponsor but i believe if i'd been doing the program as a whole, i may not have relapsed.

30 in 30 or 90 in 90 is a good recommendation but it's not for everyone. I didn't do it this time around and it's fine. I actually relapsed trying to do 90 in 90 because i felt so much pressure when i missed a couple of meetings. Still, i would commit to a few meetings a week (i typically do 4). Take how many meetings you're comfortable doing then add 1. That makes you think about your dedication to your sobriety instead of just coasting along doing what's comfortable.

Again, don't feel like you have to do certain things to get something out of AA. You'll get something just by going and many people find the meeting after the meeting (the socializing) to be as important as the actual meeting if not more so. You get what you put into it so it's a question of what you want.

wakko

Cannot speak for anyone else but the last person I trust to keep me sober is me. My flawed thinking almost killed me. It was only when I let others with long-term sobriety take an ojective look at me did things start to get better.

wpainterw

I quite agree! The problem is very simple (and so does not violate the admonition often made to "keep it simple"). Addiction means that one part of the brain has assumed control of another part. The former is often referred to as the midbrain. The latter, the cerebral cortex. As a result the more primitive, emotional, child like, and occasionally irrational parts of the brain have a pernicious and toxic effect on the "thinking" process (if one can call it that, speak of "thinking" at all in this context). If the alcohol is removed from the system, the midbrain tries every trick in the book to get it restored.
With the "self" so divided (one might well refer to two "selfs" rather than one) where the self slavery comes from within, how can a person be trusted or trust himself/herself in early recovery? All I know is that I tried this path alone, with the occasional help of sometimes naive and credulous "counselors". And I repeatedly failed. Is it so strange that I benefitted from the help of others who suffered as I did? Having themselves been helped, they were able to help me.

W

Eleni58

I never said I was relying totally on myself or trusting myself to do this alone. I believed and still believe it was divine intervention (God) who came into my heart and mind and gave me the courage and strength to quit drinking. I also believe that God continues to work within me because I pray to Him every night and first of all, thank Him for helping me to get sober and stay sober and secondly, ask Him to give me the strength for my continued success at abstinence.

Fandy

my thinking actually saved me ( with my laptop and google).....along with common sense that I was killing myself by pouring booze down my throat. I was depressed from events and drinking was making it worse.

I knew that I needed to stop and didn't know a thing about stopping until I logged on here and found others who were in the same boat, wanting to stop drinking....on line here with others was the best therapy. In February 2010, everyone here was very kind and no one preached a method to me. I would not have returned, if I didn't connect with like-minded people.

LadyinBC

I think this is a very important thing to remember. It's when I forget this, that is when I am in trouble.

I know for me there is no way I would have done the steps honestly or with an open mind when I first started AA. Everyone has their own journey they need to follow. I know for me that I do need some kind of program. Others don't and that is okay. Whatever keeps you sober and works for a person is okay in my books.

You are going to get different opinions due to experiences and I believe that people here really do have the best intentions. Just take what you need from the advice and leave the rest .

wpainterw

Eleni58. Your belief in God has given you a powerful friend. May you find peace with that. And may you pass your faith on to others so that together you may attain sobriety and the sunlight of His grace. Every good wish.

W.

littlefish

Hi eleni58, I'm chiming in here quite late, but I thought about this thread last night. The first thing I thought is what my sponsor told me, and it is quite true: "AA is not for everyone". Then I thought that there is a small percentage of alcoholics who quietly quit on their own, no group dynamic, no counseling or addictions specialists, no formal structure. I know several individuals who fit this profile. Maybe you are one of them.

If you are, you are quite lucky to belong to this special group in the overall alcoholic population. Most of us need the group dynamic, whatever it is, aa or a non-faith based alternative, counseling, programs, all that stuff: I needed all of that and more. But I don't assume everyone is like me.

If you indeed fall into this category, you are quite blessed. Or, in a few months, you may find yourself behaving more to the norm, and feel the need for structure and guidance that AA can provide. It's always there, that's the nice part about it. great work on one month sober!!!

Grungehead

I believe the OP got exactly what they were looking for from this thread.

Lionhearted1

The big book states quite clearly that a certain type of alcoholic of the hopeless variety need to work the steps in order to maintain sobriety... you just may not be of that type!! Just like any type of problem it can range from minimal to chronic ....!!

visch1

In my contact with thousands of well intentioned alcoholics during many years, our aim is to not drink in the beginning and continue into a sober lifestyle. There are many factors entering this goal to destroy it. I'd say that alcohol has done what is described above along with damaging brain cells. It's often been said we are mentally and emotionally at a level of where we were when we started drinking. Recovery is so varied we can’t all be put in the same fix it mold and all recover at the same pace. I personally feel that most recovery starts months after putting the drink down and is a lifetime maintenance program of refreshing our memories, for me meetings. BE WELL

wpainterw

Visch1: You noted, "It's often been said we are mentally and emotionally at a level of where we were when we started drinking."
I wish it was as easy as that. Quit drinking and merely go back and resume the maturing process where you left off! I can only speak for myself and say that long term misuse of alcohol not only halts the maturing process but to some extent may unravel or undo some of what may have been accomplished before the drinking began. Long term drinking may involve so much self deception, so much rationalization, etc. that it's not merely a matter of going back, picking up the reins and getting the horses underway again. It depends on the individual. And that also is true for figuring out what to do about it. For some it's continued attendance at AA meetings. For others it may be SR, Rational Recovery, etc. Some may be able to rely exclusively on their faith. If it keeps you from drinking then that's what it's all about.

W.

FlyerFan

Amen to that. In the beginning i went just for the purpose of being around people and potentially making new friends. I was a loner when i drank so it was great to me to find out that all these people got together every week to talk and drink coffee, and sometimes we go out to eat together.