Eleni58

For those of you who know about my history of recovery so far, know that it's been a relatively easy road for me. Withdrawal symptoms were very minimal and went away within a few days. I have not had any cravings or urges for alcohol since I quit drinking 27 days ago. I have been around others who were drinking and it didn't bother me at all.

I only went to 4 AA meetings so far. Most people tell you that you should go to 30 meetings in 30 days. But from day 1, I have felt I don't need AA in order to stay sober. Now that I am approaching a month being sober, I feel I am just going to AA once a week for "socializing" and not to help me on my road to recovery. I do not work, all my kids have grown up and moved away and my boyfriend is on the road all week, so I am alone much of the time. So I look forward to the social interaction at AA once a week and that's about all I am getting out of it.

Having said all that, I feel like I should probably quit going to AA because I don't think I need to work the steps. I don't have "issues" that need resolving or were the cause of me becoming an alcoholic. I don't suffer from depression and I never did anything hideous while drinking. I just feel that I am being a fake and a liar by attending meetings only for the social aspect and pretending to everyone at the meetings that I am working the steps.

Thoughts?

ZoeM

I plan to go to a women's meeting on a Saturday morning just for the socialising. My kids have flown the nest now too so it's somewhere to go.
I have no intentions of working the steps - this forum is enough for me.
If nothing else AA is a way to meet new friends who don't drink - I'm treating it as no more and no less than that.

john316

Read the first page of a vision for you from the aa big book we don't go to meetings to stop drinking

Eleni58

Thanks Zoe! Relieved to hear there are other people out there that think like I do. My concern was only that I am lying to the other members by saying I intend to work the steps when really I don't want or need to.

jazzfish

I don't think you would be the first to go only for the socializing. I would not underestimate the value of support from being around others who are trying to get sober.

My only warning is that hearing AA talk, especially if directed at you, may create a resent that leads to a relapse...just to "show them who's boss." At least, that is what happened to me.

ReadyAtLast

If you enjoy going and like the socializing aspect and company I don't see a problem with that. "Take what you need and leave the rest" as many will say. I wouldn't pretend to be working the steps though if I wasn't. Maybe people are just trying to help or get you a sponsor if you want one-I don't think you need to explain yourself to anyone.

Alternatively AA isn't the only form of recovery. I don't think by stopping going you're suddenyl going to start drinking again-unless you're getting thoughts of drinking of course. There are many other options.

Congrats on your 27 days btw

Lightning Bug

I am comfortable attending 2 meetings a week and working with my sponsor. I spend a lot of time here on SR.

The meeting I attend is 90% people who are 20-30 years sober. They come for socializing.

Mark75

The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking. Simple.

edit @ earthsteps... I believe that, many come for socializing, but the primary purpose of AA is to achieve sobriety and to help others... and some of the old timers really do take that to heart, to help others.

Eleni58

John, I read it and I guess I don't understand your point. I know people don't go to meetings to stop drinking but to stay stopped by utilizing the 12 steps. I am saying my purpose of going is not to stay stopped (because it's very easy for me to stay stopped), but to socialize with other alcoholics in a setting where alcohol is not involved.

ScottFromWI

Your quitting and recovery have been very successful thus far Eleni. It's a great accomplishment you should be very proud of .

Having said that, you are very, very early in recovery. I'm not suggesting a relapse is imminent or anything, but many times after the initial hardship of withdrawal we feel we are "better" and that we don't need to do much to maintain our sobriety anymore. And that's when things can really bite you in the butt so to speak.

I think it's just fine to go to AA meetings and listen and not work the steps. If it helps you to do so, keep doing it.

Soberpotamus

I can very much relate. Same here... no kids, relatively easy sobriety, was just going to be around others... and I too felt like somewhat of an imposter, but not really. It seemed everyone else there had it so much harder, I felt like I couldn't relate. But I think it matters the group you go to.

BadCompany

Not all drinking problems are the same. There are varying degrees of severity. AA is not the be all end all for any kind of drinking problem. Some people just need a wake up call to turn things around, others need a good slap in the face. AA is the "nuke it from orbit" option.

Eleni58

It seemed everyone else there had it so much harder, I felt like I couldn't relate.

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That's what I'm talking about! Exactly how I feel.

Eleni58

Many times after the initial hardship of withdrawal we feel we are "better" and that we don't need to do much to maintain our sobriety anymore. And that's when things can really bite you in the butt so to speak.

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@ Scott: I had very little hardship during withdrawal. I am saying that I don't need to work on staying sober. It comes naturally to me and has not been a struggle whatsoever. Ii don't even take it one day at a time anymore. I actually had to look at a calendar and figure out how many days I have been sober as I don't think about counting the days anymore either.

PippoRossi

Hi, Eleni. Congrats on your 27 days! You are still very early in your recovery, as am I (I just celebrated one year yesterday and I still feel like I have many miles to go). Maybe AA is not for you, but I'm concerned that you may think you already have it all figured out and that you don't/won't need any help. You've got this beat, right? Well, that's how we get complacent and go back to what we've always been doing. Trust me, I know. The first time I quit I was 9 lovely months in when I figured I was good, then I started drinking again. 8 drunk months later and I was back to square one working on my sobriety. This time I used the help of these forums and I swore to never forget how I got here. I hope this doesn't sound preachy, it is not meant to.

FeenixxRising

If you find even a tiny bit of solace and help in the meetings, feel free to keep attending. There's no need to "pretend" you're working the Steps. And there is no need to lie. You're simply not working the Steps, and that's your business. Maybe you may feel the need to do so in the future, but again, that's your business.

If someone pressures you about working the Steps, just politely shut them down, again it's your business, not their business.

ScottFromWI

I understand completely, I have followed your threads every since your initial questions about tapering all the way through today. I'm only suggesting that it's a little early in recovery to start saying "I don't need to work on staying sober". Many, many people have done so and gotten complacent and relapsed because of it.

Basically what I'm saying is just be careful and aware, that's all.

SLB1968

The only thing I can relate this too is dieting. At one point i got real fat. I started hitting the gym, eating right etc. I was disciplined. In about 16 weeks I felt and looked like a new man. Had new cloths, chicks where diggin me again etc. etc. . I also adopted the mindset that I was 'Joe-Fat-loss' and could handle a treat here and there. Simply put, before long I was thanking my lucky stars that I never donated my big-boy cloths to the salvation army!

My point, once that initial urgency that drove us to change is gone, it's easy to slip. Maybe, that is where AA can have value. Maybe some of us can't related to their horror stories but it might be worth hearing them out. An once of prevention kind of thing......

Eleni58

Thanks everyone for your input! Really appreciate it!

Just to make it clear: I, in no way, think I have this thing beat and I DO know I cannot drink in moderation. I have not become complacent and even though I am feeling great--no temptations. These are not the issues here.

I am simply saying I do not have any urge to drink and don't have to work hard to stay sober. I am TOTALLY AWARE that just because the AV has not bugged me doesn't mean it won't ever bug me. I am prepared if the AV tempts me.

SLB1968

Keep up the good work. stringing together the better part of a month is huge! I bet you're starting to feel allot better.