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Thinking about quitting going to AA

Old 08-21-2013, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by LuLu13 View Post
I feel like I am beating up on you which is not my intent :-) All questions asked with love and caring. Did you not post the other day about being in pain and having urges to do a few shots of brandy? Also, if you drank everyday for 13 years was it just to get drunk? No underlying causes? Resentments? Etc. I am not pushing AA, I attend a few meetings a week and am not sure what part AA will play in my longtime recovery. Once I got past the detox I have had only one craving and it passed quickly. So far I am not finding this difficult but my number one fear is becoming complacent and cocky, I know where that will lead me. Just food for thought, you need to do whatever works for you.
1) No, I don't believe I said I had urges per se to do a few shots of brandy. I merely said the thought very fleetingly crossed my mind about taking brandy to get rid of the horrible pain. But I had no cravings or urges whatsoever. And the thought was gone as fast as it came. I ended up going to the doctor to get pain pills in case that thought came back again.

2) Yes, I drank every day for 13 years just to get drunk and the last 3 years to get rid of chronic pain. I have no underlying causes or resentments. Nor was I trying to escape from anything. I had a great job that I loved, 4 wonderful children who all turned out great, had a great childhood and got along well with my parents and no problems or resentments that I can think of. God blessed me in that regard. I will say there is a 75 year old lady in AA who has been sober for 30 years and she said too that she had no issues or resentments or underlying problems as she had a great childhood and wonderful husband.

3) I don't believe I am being cocky or complacent about my recovery. I know 27 days is nothing compared to a lot of people on here that have several years of sobriety. The last time I quit drinking was 15 years ago and I quit for 2 years before I relapsed and did not attend AA meetings at that time. However, the reason I quit the first time was because my husband at the time threatened to divorce me if I didn't quit drinking. I didn't do it for myself. He ended up divorcing me anyway 2 years later and that's when I fell off the wagon. This time I am doing this for myself. There was absolutely no pressure from my family to quit. As a matter of fact, they thought I didn't have that big of a problem. But I was totally honest with them how bad my alcoholism is/was.

I am just speaking the truth as to how I feel at the moment (i.e. not struggling, no craving, no depression & no anxiety).

I know you say these things because you are concerned and care, but please trust me when I say that I will definitely seek help if I get any urges that are more than a fleeting thought as well as feeling as if I have no control to not act on the urges.
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Old 08-22-2013, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Eleni58 View Post
1)

I know you say these things because you are concerned and care, but please trust me when I say that I will definitely seek help if I get any urges that are more than a fleeting thought as well as feeling as if I have no control to not act on the urges.
This is a really bad plan- I had the same plan word for word almost and of course I drank. My thing was "I'll talk to someone if I feel like drinking" the problem with that is that I felt like drinking not talking to someone lol.

BTW if you have no control to not act how are you going to not act?
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Old 08-22-2013, 09:01 AM
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Oh yes! I can identify with this! Back around 28 years ago I had had around seven years of sobriety. Then one winter I caught a severe cold and had to give a speech in a major city. My doctor, whom I had never told about my drinking problem, gave me a strong antihistamine in liquid form which I think had an alcohol base. The speech went fine and at the reception afterwards I figured I needed a little reward for having done a good job and also for having lost around 40 pounds on a crash diet. One reward led to another, not with disastrous results in the beginning but enough to launch me down the slippery slope. The slope got a lot steeper due to problems arising from one adolescent kid. Well you know the rest. Eventually I ended up in the hospital. The folks there detoxed me but didn’t send me to AA. Eventually I had another one or two relapses and went to AA. That started my 25 years of sobriety. I don’t go to AA as much as I used to but I hope I have the sense to go if something inside my brain tells me that I need a little “reward” or maybe something to “cheer me up”! Think about it! Is booze really a “reward”? Does it “cheer” anyone up? It’s a chemical setup. Looks inviting. Like cheese to a mouse- on a mousetrap! The initial “buzz”- that’s the “hook”, and with time the buzz gets weaker and weaker. Eventually comes the “sting” and then the “crash”. A visit to hell- with the aid of chemistry...

W.
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Old 08-22-2013, 09:27 AM
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heres something that strikes me:
ya go to AA to socialize, but im sure there are civic functions and and non profits around you that could use an hour of volunteer help.
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Old 08-22-2013, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Eleni58 View Post
I am not working, my boyfriend takes care of me
I hesitate to respond to this post for a variety of reasons..but look at me still doing it anyway (still working on my impulse control : )

Why does your boyfriend take care of you? Are you incapacitated in some way? I'm sorry but something bout that statement troubles me. Geepers, I feeling a bit feisty today...I best sign out for awhile after this.

I am not a member of AA. I was before and not now. I picked up some tools there and certainly recognize its benefits and the whys and such. There are still many different aspects to my recovery though..and that's important to me. I too was not physically dependent on alcohol and suffered no withdrawal etc. I do not have the benefit of knowing that much about you Eleni..like how much or how long you drank and what consequences you suffered as a result. For me, alcohol was incredibly symptomatic of a whole hornets nest of stuff I have to address in recovery. I use recovery in the broadest sense. If you don't want to do the steps don't do them..but recognize they exist for a reason. I have a feeling they are simply a map to help you look at "your stuff". I look at "that stuff" with a therapist. I also have SR to keep me in check. I do a ton of reading on recovery and I get tremendous comfort and guidance from my source of spiritual nurturance.

I am a little up the way on sober road than you (but not much) and I had a craving almost blindside me last night...at 80 days. I have actually only had two serious cravings to manage since I quit in early June...and I did struggle a week or two in..not with a craving so much but I just wanted to maybe crawl back under the rock of denial and be a drunkard again and not DEAL.

Whatever you do..just ensure you have some tools in place when and if cravings occur. Recovery for me is not about just not drinking. Not drinking helps me recover and figure out what led me to the drinking mess in the first place...which was for me..my snakey mind with all its darkness, and lostness and foreign territory. It was my patterns of behaviour and thinking and well....well walked wrong paths. I'm breaking new trail..and I need many allies.
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Old 08-22-2013, 09:42 AM
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Whatever is best for your sobriety. I wish you the best in any decision you make.

AA is a program of attraction.

Just personally, ok...my program my life Through out the many years I've attended AA for socialization. Today I go more to learn and share...and my life is best exemplified outside of the meetings....am I sober....dry drunk...drinking.

most importantly it gives me opportunities to help the newly sober people...in helping I almost guarantee my own sobriety.



To me AA is working the steps (program static) and being service to the fellowship (people forever changing).

It has never been my job to convince someone to attend nor is their daily life my concern.

If you decide to go to meetings once a week or everyday that is your decision...your life is in your control, keep healthy by not drinking, and help someone out.
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Old 08-22-2013, 09:48 AM
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Eleni58, I dont know your drinking history, but if you feel that you have a problem with alcohol that is reason enough to go to AA. You don't have to go every day or do 30 meetings or 90 meetings in a row. If you have alot of alone time, I would suggest going to AA more than once a week. You also don't have to work the steps right now or ever if you choose not to. Go to the meetings and get what YOU need out of them. I would suggest you get a few friends if you don't want to get a sponsor and hang out with sober AA friends also. If anyone gives you grief about your "not doing the steps...or not going to meetings everyday...just tell them to take their own inventory and work their own program". Be careful with thinking that you won't get an urge or craving to drink. If you have support in AA, you can reach out to them and of course here. Good luck.
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:47 AM
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I thought I had it beat. Didn't need meetings. And relapsed on day 60...and I was sure I had nothing to fear. I find myself needing meetings now b/c I can't continue not using w/o them. Your situation is different I am sure. YOu didn't mention if you had copy of the Big Book and had flipped it open or not. I didn't think I needed to work steps on their own merit b/c I hadn't delved into the workbook and the questions related to the steps. Good luck on your journey.
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Ohio1 View Post
This is a really bad plan- I had the same plan word for word almost and of course I drank. My thing was "I'll talk to someone if I feel like drinking" the problem with that is that I felt like drinking not talking to someone lol.

BTW if you have no control to not act how are you going to not act?



Oh ye of little faith! Please go back and read my posts and you will learn that I did controlled drinking (tapering) for four days before I completely quit. I certainly don't want to go through that misery again. I am a very strong person but only by the grace of God was I able to taper and completely quit and stay quit so far--no urges, no relapses. So prayer is another one of my tools. It really works!

Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by hellomynameis View Post
YOu didn't mention if you had copy of the Big Book and had flipped it open or not. I didn't think I needed to work steps on their own merit b/c I hadn't delved into the workbook and the questions related to the steps. Good luck on your journey.
I do have a copy of the Big Book and I read the whole thing twice since I stopped drinking. VERY INSPIRATIONAL! I do not have nor have I heard of the workbook. But like I said, presently, I am not ready nor do I want to work the steps.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:02 AM
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Eleni,people are only speaking from a place of concern, understanding and having been there themselves.You are very early on in sobriety and so far you feel great -that is good news. No one is saying it isn't.But after heavy drinking for 13 years it is likely (?) that you will have urges at some stage whether that is because of something external, a life event or internal, for no reason it just happens. If you have no support and no experience of dealing with the cravings because you've never experienced it then in my experience, and what happened to me is that I did drink.

I'm not saying continue with AA or ever do the steps, though of course that is an option in time if YOU want it. I think what I'm trying to say is keep your options open - I'm not trying to scare you but you seem so confident, sound as if you believe you've beat this and that's the end. Of course being positive is great,essential even, but don't underestimate the power of the AV-I think it's important to have a plan in place. Quitting drinking isn't the end. It's just the beginning and sobriety is a journey full of ups and downs
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:22 AM
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I'm not trying to scare you but you seem so confident, sound as if you believe you've beat this and that's the end. Of course being positive is great,essential even, but don't underestimate the power of the AV-I think it's important to have a plan in place.

It's true that I'm confident but I am certainly realistic about this. I do realize that even though I haven't had the urge or cravings, there is the possibility down the road that something will happen to cause me either stress, anger or depression. And I do realize that if such an event occurs and the AV finally comes out of hiding, that will be the REAL test as to whether I can remain sober.

Until then, I am going to continue to enjoy my sober journey in life and not worry about what will happen or not happen in the future. As I always say: negative thinking = negative results.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:24 AM
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Also, by no means do I think I have "beat this". I will be an alcoholic until the day I die.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by tate9685 View Post
Eleni58, I dont know your drinking history, but if you feel that you have a problem with alcohol that is reason enough to go to AA. You don't have to go every day or do 30 meetings or 90 meetings in a row. If you have alot of alone time, I would suggest going to AA more than once a week. You also don't have to work the steps right now or ever if you choose not to. Go to the meetings and get what YOU need out of them. I would suggest you get a few friends if you don't want to get a sponsor and hang out with sober AA friends also. If anyone gives you grief about your "not doing the steps...or not going to meetings everyday...just tell them to take their own inventory and work their own program". Be careful with thinking that you won't get an urge or craving to drink. If you have support in AA, you can reach out to them and of course here. Good luck.
this seems to be a very sensible suggestion....
I think that whatever you need to do will become your new normal.

But in the nature of this thread, (and the title) you aren't going to get many people to agree with you, as they may use the program differently (jmho) Don't be upset with the people who are prophetising....they just follow a different path. congrats on your upcoming month!

by my own experience (i am now at 27 months, i don't count, and I do not follow AA, i'm not a big churchy person, but I do believe in God)..the first time i stopped, i had 45 days, it was a normal sunny day, after work I drove to the liquor store and bought a bottle of wine...i never hesitated or questioned myself, but I prefer being sober. it is something i had to find out for myself.
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:21 PM
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This thread reminded me of something I heard at AA.

To start off, not having cravings/the urge to drink isn't necessarily abnormal. In fact, it can offer a really false sense of security.

I don't have any cravings or urges to drink whatsoever.

But here's the really scary part about that:

I have (and maybe others can relate to this) gone to a bar/party/gathering with no intention of drinking. Perhaps soon after a long bender and some serious consequences. I am still stung with humiliation and I do NOT want to drink or get drunk. I don't want to drink or get drunk. Let me say that one more time: Not a single fiber of my being wants to get drunk.


..Yet somehow I wake up and what have I done? I've drank.
It's very scary to realize that part of this addiction at least for some, is that even when we do NOT WANT TO DRINK, we are still powerless and DO drink.

What I'm saying is that even if you do not want to drink, that doesn't mean you won't. So even if right now you are confident, you really have no idea what the future holds.



I don't think there is any issue with you going to AA for the social aspect. IF anything, go and listen to the stories and remind yourself how lucky you are that you stopped before your life fell apart, that in your sobriety you can take back your life. The fact is that it is a very 'egoist' ideal that I hear all the time "Well I wasn't as bad as so-and-so" "Well I'm not depressed and man they're all depressed and anxious."

Whether you are willing to admit it or not, you were 'bad enough' that it lead you to AA. It doesn't matter how many drinks you take, or how many times you pass out, or how many cars you have, because you are still an addict. There are always gonna be people who have it worse than you... but that isn't a reason to stop seeking help. I would continue to go to the meetings and really look into WHY you don't want to work the 12 steps into your life. Where is the harm in trying to live a better life through those steps? Why exactly do you reject any use of them?




This is all just my opinion of course
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:24 PM
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DAYOVER - A BIG thanks for that post - it has certainly made ME think x
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Old 08-22-2013, 12:54 PM
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I think it's been suggested already on this thread, but I wanted to comment again. Maybe you might want to look into volunteering somewhere? I'm about to start doing it, actually going to the training tonight! That way, you get out, get to be around others, get out of your own head, help others, and possibly might make some new friends and business contacts this way.
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:11 PM
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This whole discussion reminds me a little of the jungle. Let's face it. When you're in recovery you're being stalked by a very clever cat- your addiction, your old "self". The scary part is that the jungle isn't on the outside nor is the normal cat. Both are within. So when you refer to "I", or "you", who is the "I"? Who is the "you"? Who am I writing or talking to right now. Who's there? Where are we? Are we in the jungle? Can we be sure something unexpected isn't about to happen? Dayover's post said that they had gone to a party determined not to drink, had no "craving" at all and yet something happened.
It's very tricky stuff. Doesn't hurt to be on your guard (assuming you know who "your" refers to). What happens in addiction is that the body takes over the brain. How can you be sure "who's" really in "control"?

W.
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:16 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberJennie View Post
I think it's been suggested already on this thread, but I wanted to comment again. Maybe you might want to look into volunteering somewhere? I'm about to start doing it, actually going to the training tonight! That way, you get out, get to be around others, get out of your own head, help others, and possibly might make some new friends and business contacts this way.
Great suggestion and I have been looking into it. However, at the moment I am incapacitated as I sprained my neck and shoulders and am in much pain and can't drive. Once I get better, I will look into volunteering, but I still want to go to AA too. Like I said in a previous post, maybe a year from now I will WANT to start working the steps. I am at Step 3 and Step 4 is the personal inventory. Not ready for that step yet.
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Old 08-22-2013, 01:19 PM
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Pretty deep stuff there, wpainterw!
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