33 days sober - reflections
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
33 days sober - reflections
well, as the title says, i have 33 days today.
i cannot believe i have done this. my final weekend of drinking, i thought i had lost everything. my drinking was out of control. my husband was away on business, and my daughter's father took her from me for the weekend after she came home from school on the friday to find me passed out drunk on the sofa.
it truly was a lost weekend. i drank constantly. i didn't eat, or shower. i would pass out, come to long enough to top up then pass out again. i went to the store drunk, to buy more vodka. i fed all the change i had scrounged up into the checkout machine, only to have to call an assistant to remove the litre bottle i was attempting to buy so i could swap it for a smaller one, as i was 20p short.
by sunday night i was vomiting and hallucinating. on the monday, my daughter came home from her dad's and wouldn't even look at me. once she was off to school, i texted my husband to tell him what had happened, checked into a hotel and spent the night sober - still vomiting and hallucinating.
i knew that was the end. i had to choose - my life or the bottle.
i chose life.
it hasn't been easy. my daughter has been showing signs of emotional distress. her father took her to the doctor yesterday, and that brave, beautiful girl told them everything that had happened. the doctor asked my ex-husband if he wanted to involve social services. he said no; that i was sober and he had faith in me.
i am starting an outpatient therapy group next week. i am free from the obsession with alcohol, free from lying, hiding bottles. free from spending every penny i have, still worrying it won't be 'enough' booze. i am emotionally present for my daughter, and i see the relief in her face every day i don't drink.
my husband today gave me a beautiful diamond eternity ring, to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary next month, and also to celebrate my sobriety.
i have to hold on to the lessons i have learned. i cannot afford to be complacent. i take it one day at a time.
i could have lost my daughter. her father would have had every right to take full custody. and, i would have used that as an excuse to drink myself to death. this isn't dramatising, it's what i would have done.
i am so grateful to have been given this chance. a huge part of this beginning of my recovery is down to the friendship and support i have found here on SR.
it's not an easy ride, but i believe we are all fighting alongside one another to be the best that we can be.
thank you all.
i cannot believe i have done this. my final weekend of drinking, i thought i had lost everything. my drinking was out of control. my husband was away on business, and my daughter's father took her from me for the weekend after she came home from school on the friday to find me passed out drunk on the sofa.
it truly was a lost weekend. i drank constantly. i didn't eat, or shower. i would pass out, come to long enough to top up then pass out again. i went to the store drunk, to buy more vodka. i fed all the change i had scrounged up into the checkout machine, only to have to call an assistant to remove the litre bottle i was attempting to buy so i could swap it for a smaller one, as i was 20p short.
by sunday night i was vomiting and hallucinating. on the monday, my daughter came home from her dad's and wouldn't even look at me. once she was off to school, i texted my husband to tell him what had happened, checked into a hotel and spent the night sober - still vomiting and hallucinating.
i knew that was the end. i had to choose - my life or the bottle.
i chose life.
it hasn't been easy. my daughter has been showing signs of emotional distress. her father took her to the doctor yesterday, and that brave, beautiful girl told them everything that had happened. the doctor asked my ex-husband if he wanted to involve social services. he said no; that i was sober and he had faith in me.
i am starting an outpatient therapy group next week. i am free from the obsession with alcohol, free from lying, hiding bottles. free from spending every penny i have, still worrying it won't be 'enough' booze. i am emotionally present for my daughter, and i see the relief in her face every day i don't drink.
my husband today gave me a beautiful diamond eternity ring, to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary next month, and also to celebrate my sobriety.
i have to hold on to the lessons i have learned. i cannot afford to be complacent. i take it one day at a time.
i could have lost my daughter. her father would have had every right to take full custody. and, i would have used that as an excuse to drink myself to death. this isn't dramatising, it's what i would have done.
i am so grateful to have been given this chance. a huge part of this beginning of my recovery is down to the friendship and support i have found here on SR.
it's not an easy ride, but i believe we are all fighting alongside one another to be the best that we can be.
thank you all.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Congratulations on choosing life! You are doing great. 
Is your daughter going to therapy? A good friend of mine was in similar situations with his mother when we were in high school... I wish he'd had some support to help him process it. It's a lot for a kid.
Is your daughter going to therapy? A good friend of mine was in similar situations with his mother when we were in high school... I wish he'd had some support to help him process it. It's a lot for a kid.
for sharing that. What a difference a month makes.... 
I'm glad things are going well for you.Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Newport Beach, CA
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by ippochick 
well, as the title says, i have 33 days today.
i cannot believe i have done this. my final weekend of drinking, i thought i had lost everything. my drinking was out of control. my husband was away on business, and my daughter's father took her from me for the weekend after she came home from school on the friday to find me passed out drunk on the sofa.
it truly was a lost weekend. i drank constantly. i didn't eat, or shower. i would pass out, come to long enough to top up then pass out again. i went to the store drunk, to buy more vodka. i fed all the change i had scrounged up into the checkout machine, only to have to call an assistant to remove the litre bottle i was attempting to buy so i could swap it for a smaller one, as i was 20p short.
by sunday night i was vomiting and hallucinating. on the monday, my daughter came home from her dad's and wouldn't even look at me. once she was off to school, i texted my husband to tell him what had happened, checked into a hotel and spent the night sober - still vomiting and hallucinating.
i knew that was the end. i had to choose - my life or the bottle.
i chose life.
it hasn't been easy. my daughter has been showing signs of emotional distress. her father took her to the doctor yesterday, and that brave, beautiful girl told them everything that had happened. the doctor asked my ex-husband if he wanted to involve social services. he said no; that i was sober and he had faith in me.
i am starting an outpatient therapy group next week. i am free from the obsession with alcohol, free from lying, hiding bottles. free from spending every penny i have, still worrying it won't be 'enough' booze. i am emotionally present for my daughter, and i see the relief in her face every day i don't drink.
my husband today gave me a beautiful diamond eternity ring, to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary next month, and also to celebrate my sobriety.
i have to hold on to the lessons i have learned. i cannot afford to be complacent. i take it one day at a time.
i could have lost my daughter. her father would have had every right to take full custody. and, i would have used that as an excuse to drink myself to death. this isn't dramatising, it's what i would have done.
i am so grateful to have been given this chance. a huge part of this beginning of my recovery is down to the friendship and support i have found here on SR.
it's not an easy ride, but i believe we are all fighting alongside one another to be the best that we can be.
thank you all.
i cannot believe i have done this. my final weekend of drinking, i thought i had lost everything. my drinking was out of control. my husband was away on business, and my daughter's father took her from me for the weekend after she came home from school on the friday to find me passed out drunk on the sofa.
it truly was a lost weekend. i drank constantly. i didn't eat, or shower. i would pass out, come to long enough to top up then pass out again. i went to the store drunk, to buy more vodka. i fed all the change i had scrounged up into the checkout machine, only to have to call an assistant to remove the litre bottle i was attempting to buy so i could swap it for a smaller one, as i was 20p short.
by sunday night i was vomiting and hallucinating. on the monday, my daughter came home from her dad's and wouldn't even look at me. once she was off to school, i texted my husband to tell him what had happened, checked into a hotel and spent the night sober - still vomiting and hallucinating.
i knew that was the end. i had to choose - my life or the bottle.
i chose life.
it hasn't been easy. my daughter has been showing signs of emotional distress. her father took her to the doctor yesterday, and that brave, beautiful girl told them everything that had happened. the doctor asked my ex-husband if he wanted to involve social services. he said no; that i was sober and he had faith in me.
i am starting an outpatient therapy group next week. i am free from the obsession with alcohol, free from lying, hiding bottles. free from spending every penny i have, still worrying it won't be 'enough' booze. i am emotionally present for my daughter, and i see the relief in her face every day i don't drink.
my husband today gave me a beautiful diamond eternity ring, to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary next month, and also to celebrate my sobriety.
i have to hold on to the lessons i have learned. i cannot afford to be complacent. i take it one day at a time.
i could have lost my daughter. her father would have had every right to take full custody. and, i would have used that as an excuse to drink myself to death. this isn't dramatising, it's what i would have done.
i am so grateful to have been given this chance. a huge part of this beginning of my recovery is down to the friendship and support i have found here on SR.
it's not an easy ride, but i believe we are all fighting alongside one another to be the best that we can be.
thank you all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
fantail - my daughter has been offered therapy and is giving it some thought. she is 13, which is a difficult age enough without the heartache i've put her through.
her dad has been amazing. we've been divorced 10 years, and it hasn't always been easy. but when he came over last night, he said he had no problem turning down social services intervention, that he knew i could quit as i'd done it so easily when i was pregnant with our daughter, and that i was proving i am not like my own mother as i have acknowledged my problem and am taking steps to address it.
i am so, so lucky - to have a wonderful daughter and husband, and an ex-husband who is rooting for me to succeed.
and you lovely lot, of course.
her dad has been amazing. we've been divorced 10 years, and it hasn't always been easy. but when he came over last night, he said he had no problem turning down social services intervention, that he knew i could quit as i'd done it so easily when i was pregnant with our daughter, and that i was proving i am not like my own mother as i have acknowledged my problem and am taking steps to address it.
i am so, so lucky - to have a wonderful daughter and husband, and an ex-husband who is rooting for me to succeed.
and you lovely lot, of course.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Ippochick, good work on the 33 days. I would copy and keep this post as a reminder to yourself of how bad things were, how far you have come, how much inner strength you have shown and how much love and faith the loved ones in you life have in you
Well done sweetie
Well done sweetie
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Olympia, Washington, USA
Posts: 135
I'm on day 29! Thank you for sharing your story! You are amazing, and we can all do this together! Rob Lowe has been sober for 28 years. He says simply "it works if you work it". A simple statement yet so true and really sums it up that we all must just keep working it day by day! have a great weekend!
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