princy

Hi.. actually what you are telling is good that giving advice is very easy to others.. am really inspired by your talk.. Thanks..

360shoes

I rarely think about anything I need to do for the rest of my life. Seems not all that productive to me but that's just my opinion. I need to brush my teeth everyday for the rest of my life but I don't pay much attention to that. There are a gazillion things I need to do and quite frankly, only about a handful, I want to do. So what. That just how life works. Working certainly fits in that category. If I think about how I have to work for damn near the rest of my life, I kind of want to cry.

Quiting drinking just kind of works this way too I'm afraid. A lot of us didn't or couldn't go there on the thought of forever at first. Some do but not everyone. Then some need to do it and then others don't. Go figure.

Thing is, for me, I wasted so many of my years worrying and fighting it that now the rest of my life isn't really all that many years anyway. Probably is harder for young people. You have a lot of years left to worry about doing something forever.

I would focus more on what kind of life do you want to live. A life is just made up of one day after another anyway. Time marches on whether you want it to or not. How do you want to live it? It's your life.

I like how you say what you think, Raspberry! Nothing wrong with asking a question coming from a different perspective. Keeps me on my toes. Thanks.

Lightning Bug

I am definitely not thinking of the future. I am thinking about today. And only today. 24 hours is all I can handle. This method helped me kick the RX habit.

Junegirl

Raspberry,

You've gotten some really great thoughts and suggestions here. I really understand your feelings when you hear "never drink again". It was the advice I got when I came on here and it caused me tremendous anxiety. I'm sure almost everyone felt this, so we *can* empathize. Even now, when I think about never drinking again (I'm only at 4 weeks), it is daunting.
In the end, for me the daunting feelings of being sober for the rest of my life are completely outweighed by my memories of the horrible feelings I had after drinking, the stupid things I did when I drank, and the awful things that would surely happen to me if I continued to drink in the future. Whenever I start to feel daunted I remind myself of all this and suddenly sobriety forever starts to look reallllly good.
(BTW, I use a tool called a Cost-Benefit Analysis from Smart Recovery and it helps a lot with this process)

I hope this is helpful. Whatever you decide to do, it's your individual process and I wish you best of luck with it.

Junegirl

Soberpotamus

I think you're right about that... it IS a process. There is a model of change by Prochaska, the Stages of Change... take a look at that if you haven't already. It might help you see where you are in this process. It helped me over the years to at least get honest with myself in identifying where I might stand.

It helps some to focus on not drinking "just for today"... that never did much for me really. But some people really seem to live by it.

I think that because you have anxiety and negativity when faced with the thought of never drinking again is very telling, in that most addicts wouldn't feel this way. At least, that's why I hear I'm an addict, so I'll truly never know what that must feel like... as alcohol certainly has been at the forefront of my mind for years now.

Good luck.

FBL

At first, I found the prospect of never drinking again very scary. Now, I find the prospect of going back to drinking even more frightening!

ClearLight

After about three months sober it started to dawn on me - this feels great!

I relapsed several times after that. Nothing major but I missed the good feeling of the sober life.

Waking up refreshed. Feeling energized. Feeling positive about myself.
Getting things done. Just feeling better.

Now I realize, for me, alcohol takes all that good stuff away. And I want the good stuff back.

Junegirl

I second SoberJenny's recommendation of Prochaska reading. It's what helped me make the decision to change (the book is called Change for Good).
Formerbeerlover-beautifully said!

June

Ryno03272009

There is a saying in AA known as "One Day At A Time." Instead of looking at it as "quitting" drinking... A alternative would be to wake up each, make a choice not to drink and say "I am not going to drink TODAY." Don't worry about the future. Just dont drink today.

hypochondriac

I am sorry you feel pressured Raspberry. To be honest I had a similar response coming here but it had the opposite effect on me. It gave me a real kick up the arse to quit. No one had ever told me to stop drinking before or even suggested it. For me no alcohol at all is the only way I can function and this place gave me the inspiration and the aforementioned kick in the behind to actually do it. But there are a myriad of different approaches within this community. Some of us are 'quit forever' types and some of us are one day at a timers. But no one here is going to suggest any form of drinking to help you in your sobriety. You are right that it can be too much to contemplate at first but it gets easier as it becomes clearer. It doesn't happen in a hurry though and there are lots of people here at different stages of the process. It took me 5 months after finding this place to actually quit. Glad you are here x

Mizzuno

I have been thinking about this post all day.
When I first arrived at the crossroads of my Alcoholism, I was not prepared to accept the fact that I was an Alcoholic. This meant that I continued on my drunken path for a long time, knowing full well that I had a problem. I wanted so badly for this truth to be something other than what it was. I did not embrace Alcoholism, and I was damn well not embracing "Never Again".
Well, after rehab and a year of sobriety, I found my old friend again. It was like we had never left each other. I went on a drunken spree for 2 years. Fast forward to now......4 months ago I was on a plane, and I went into a psychotic state. I lost my job, and discovered humiliation on the deepest level. I have never felt so humiliated in my life.
Alcoholism is progressive. Alcoholism will destroy lives. I am one of many that has experienced this type of demoralization.
I think when we say give it up for good, it is because it is fitting. It may seem daunting, but we were missing out on life while being drunk. So, I take it one day at a time. I cant think about tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.

Carlygirl

Raspberry- have you read Kick the Drink by Jason Vale?

If you do, I guarantee it will annoy you.

But, it will also challenge what you think alcohol is adding to your life and what you are afraid of letting go.

Maybe give it a whirl?

DarkDays

Read the Jason vale or Alan Carr book, need to change your mindset. Good luck.

Notmyrealname

I think most of us were scared of the idea of never drinking alcohol again in the beginning. I know I was. But I realized over time that it works, while drinking in moderation did not work well at all.

Yeah, it's scary. It's a big life change with far-reaching repercussions in many areas. But it works.

It took me almost an entire year to come around through the denial and fear to an honest grasp of the situation. How many times does a man need to see "just one drink" lead to, without fail, "first stop after work is the liquor store, then go home and drink until bedtime", before he makes the connection -- the latter always follows the former. There may be a few more days between the beginning and end of that pattern, but the story comes out the same way, every time.

For me the solution has been to just not start -- don't push that lead domino down in the first place. It works. Was I scared? Hell yes. I thought it would change my life, and it did. But all the changes are awesome!

visch1

One of AAs basics is one day at a time and some say : Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have - so spend it wisely.
BE WELL

FinallyReadyJN

I agree 1000%! I feel that the more I tell myself - THAT'S IT, the less likely I am to stick to it. This time I decided to not tell myself anything and just do it. I refuse to set myself up for failure by setting rules for myself. This time it's because I WANT to stop, not because I'm telling myself to stop. Nobody can tell you what to do if you're not ready. That's like expecting the Sun to go down at noon because you told it to. I haven't even told my friends that this is what I'm doing because at this point I sound like a broken record. The every Monday morning blues. It's my own little secret and the less emphasis I put on it, the less pressure it becomes.

Knat84

True . We are seriously NOT perfect. We are just wanting you to be the strong person you CAN be. Don't sell yourself short. Giving up alcohol for good is hard as hell...but, you can do it. I was there. (Not being able to imagine my life without alcohol. I think I went bloody nuts when trying to get sober. Throwing stuff. Cursing out people... it's a torturous process for some. The anxiety was through the freaking roof.) Don't get too upset with us. We just want what is best for ya'. xoxooo

anewpage

I can't wrap my head around never drinking again, either. Which is why I'm staying sober TODAY. And then tomorrow, I'll (hopefully) renew that same decision. I can always go back to drinking if I don't like sobriety. But, right now, I feel much better sober so that's what I'm sticking with. Just one day at a time.

yeahgr8

Yeah i totally agree.

All my dry spells over the years ranging for a few weeks to a year were like a march of death for me, how could i live my whole life and never drink again?! Sure ill do it for a while to clean up a mess or get straight but forever, thats nuts.

Even when i went to AA a few years ago and got sober i did think about offing myself rather than live the rest if my life without booze.

Of course, in hindsight, the problem i had was that i was not willing to change myself, sure i would change external stuff like location, job, partner, physique, style, friends, hobbies etc but i did not want to look at me. So obviously if my default setting us to get drunk and someone takes that away from me I'm not going yo be very happy or look forward to the rest of my life.

So i had to do some real work on myself to become a non-drinker and to be happy with that long term.

CAPTAINZING2000

Not too many people on a recovery site by accident.
That being said, I've enjoyed the past 14 years without
a drink