stop telling me to quit for good!
 

It seems that the general advice here to newcomers is to give up the drink completely (naturally given the type of site this is). But I do feel that surely sobriety is a general process, and many newcomers will not be in the right state of mind to think about giving up completely - that's a very daunting thought. To have such daunting thoughts at the start of your journey away from alcohol surely can't be very motivating? Well it's not for me anyway.

Don't get me wrong it may well be the best advice long term (you 're all in better states of mind than we are after all) but I don't think it's entirely empathetic sometimes.

I don't want to offend anyone, I think you're all ace. But I have an alcohol problem, and the thought of never having a drink ever again at this moment in time fills me with nothing but negativity and anxiety. But I won't give up for now because I'm enjoying the sober feeling, it's great.

There isn't much more advice people can give but to stop drinking all together. We all have different life experience and background. It's hard to give them anything else but that and our own experience.

Thanks Actionpack, true we do. I'm thinking though there were probably more stages leading up to the final "sobriety for good" stage that we could learn from, just to feel a bit better about ourselves when it's not working out! I mean it can't be that cut and dry can it? Perhaps I'm just making excises for myself. But I will tell myself that's all part of the stage I'm at !

Hi Raspberry. I totally get where you are coming from a few years ago I went to a couple of counselling sessions about giving up drinking and she asked me if I thought I
could give the drink up, I was horrified and no way could I contemplate it. Yes I wanted to cut down and be a NORMAL social drinker..... ! OK a few years on, I now have accepted I cant do this I have tried and I should imagine the majority on here have tried to cut down , given up for a few months , tried to just stick to weekends made rules, Mine was no drinking in doors , only drink at social events and only 3 max. But as we know these rules don't last . I know I cant drink , I know I have to stop I have accepted this and I'm fighting my demons but I will win this time . You will get to a time when you accept what you have to do, the people on the forum who say you cant have another drink have first hand experience, it is one of the hardest things you will ever have to come to terms with, but one day you .. but try not to dwell on giving up something great you are actually giving up nothing but gaining so much more ...I suggest you read Allan Carr Easy way to control alcohol you can get it from Amazon ..

Think I may be having a bad day :/

Raspberry, I love the way you think we are all in a better state of mind! Yeesh! This place is a freak show of emotional instability!
I hated the thought of never being able to drink again, and rebelled against the idea continuously. I would make deals with myself, stop for a month, stop for a year, only drink weekends, only on holidays. The fact is for ME, and no one else, I can never drink again period. Because I am an alcoholic and I have learned over 10 years, read me, a decade of wasted years, that I. CAN. NOT. DRINK. IN. MODERATION. That is just the way it is for me. I also feel IMHO, that anyone who cannot imagine life without alcohol is an alcoholic. I suggest you read Allan Carrs easy way to control alcohol, if you feel it is more about control than stopping.
I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or chase you from a site that supports every persons idea of sobriety,we each deal with our alcoholism in our own way here, a lot are on day one, some on year 10 and each individual copes in their own way. We are not as strong and clever as you seem to think, I wish I knew 10 years ago what I have had to face now.
I wish you all the best Raspberry on your journey, which ever path you walk.

I've been clean for almost 14 years but have had some slips in the last 12 months. It's made me realise its not "for ever" but really is day by day. Projecting brings on the wobbles and the "possibly can't do this", "it's just too much"...you will get there. Sober people have bad days but are better equipped to deal calmly with things.
It's a great day: sober, sunny day, off work, remember what I did and said yesterday, no one can accuse me of bad feelings, no sneaking around hiding booze, money in my wallet. Just memories that I need to live with to remember where I have come from. Thank you I am grateful today.

Ive learned that in helping those just
beginning their recovery journey is to
not tell them what to do. I try to treat
others the way i'd like to be treated.

We learn to use the power of suggestion
to guide one another thru a recovery
process made up of knowledge and tools
to help not drink or use one day at a time.

Okay then just quit for today. One day at a time. I cannot look at yesterday to define my today and I cannot live today for what may be tomorrow.

For some, admitting they are an alcoholic and they can no longer drink is a hard pill to swallow. Some embrace it from the get go while others ease in to it.

I have learned that our experiences with our own journey are all we have to share but that is a big deal. It is our way of helping the other alcoholic.

There is a saying "Take what you need and leave the rest". Some do not like the saying as it seems to encourage that you should only listen to what applies to you. I don't feel that way. For me, it means to listen to ALL the stories that are shared, listen to all suggestions/advice that is given and then hang on to them. Then I use what I need right at that moment and I leave the "rest" at that moment, but I did hear it.

There have been days or weeks down the road that a light bulb goes on and I think "wow, what that person said is just how I feel" but I did not see it at the time. In other words I don't dismiss what I did not understand or did not apply to me at that moment but I tuck it way for later. More times than not that moment comes and what they said is what I needed to hear.

Take is easy and take it one day at a time.

GracieLou- well said!

I had those thoughts too - so I kept drinking, I lost everything I cared about, and I nearly killed myself.

when I stopped I still couldn't handle the idea of forever...but one day at a time seemed more achievable to me, a commitment I renewed every day.

same journey but a different route.

I'm sure that many new folks here find the idea of never again confronting, but honestly....I can't in all conscience recommend anything else, raspberry...I wouldn't be doing you any favours at all.

D

Hi there... yes its daunting!!!! But I compare it to an insect bite if you keep itching drinking) it, it gets worse and you carry on til it bleeds

I agree with this. Not "telling other folks what to do". But that doesn't mean I can't say what worked for me and what didn't work for me. I hated the prospect of never drinking again. So I drank off and on for 30 years. Episodically. It wasn't a disaster but it could have been. Looking back on it all, it wasn't much "fun" either. And now, after 25 years of not drinking, I look back on it and am amazed that I could ever have thought it would be "boring", "monotonous", "dull", etc. Those ideas must have originated somewhere in the bottom of my sick mind which was trying to persuade me to keep up with the big lie, that booze is "fun", that no one wants to be a "party poop"!

W.

You're on a community forum for addicts by addicts. Any expectation other than straight talk is going to result in disappointment.

Good Luck of your journey!

hey raspberry, and welcome!

yes, for me there were stages on the way to quitting. social drinking, frantic drinking, secret drinking, the almost losing everything i hold dear stage, the health scares, the lost weekend, and rock bottom.

before i quit, the thought of never drinking again terrified me. i have 25 days sober, and i'm doing it one day at a time. and, you know what? i'm starting to enjoy this sober life.

best of luck to you.

Hi. Part of my war cry is to be honest with ourselves. That is not too easy until we are ready to surrender to Alcohol. The problem is that with many of us in its grasp it makes us lie about it being a problem and how much we need/love it. Unfortunately many wait until we are sick and tired of being sick and tired and then it may be too late. BE WELL.
Following from an earlier post of Whiskyman.
Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.

I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet. It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me. The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful. And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me.

But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND. Faithfully yours, Your addiction

Raspberry,

I wasn't ready to quit when I came here the first time...not for six whole months.

I definitely had "stages" in getting sober...mostly emotional,psychological and physical ones (I had to feel REALLY bad from drinking before I was ready to give it up) but when it came to quitting...I had to quit, not just cut back.

Until I quit, I wasn't going to reap the benefits of sobriety.

I went through a grieving process. Google grief stages. I was in denial, then anger, then bargaining, etc etc...

I felt sorry for myself, overwhelmed etc etc (nearly all of us do at some point) but in time I realized that the people on SR are here to support sobriety, by sharing their experience. They respected me enough to tell me the truth and allow me to find my way, and keep talking to me even after I'd thrown a tantrum, pity party or relapsed.

When I had processed a lot of my grief, gotten real sick and was ready to get sober, they shared what had worked for them.

Welcome to SR.

If you want to read about "tapering" as in getting sober gradually, there are a lot of threads on the subject. Type "tapering" into the search bar above. People have shared their experience with that and you can find out if it appeals to you and if you think it might work for you. A number of people have shared their tapering journey here.

I understand what you're saying because I used to feel the same way. But for me alcoholism is like a ghost. Shining a light on it and understanding that the fears weren't real was an 'aha' kind of thing. That's not to say that I didn't have times when I had to take it moment to moment. But in general 'getting' that the only reason I felt like never drinking again was a Huge Deal was BECAUSE I was an alcoholic. A normal person wouldn't feel like that.

So making a plan to Moderate, Drink Less, Drink Like a Normal Person etc etc. That is ALL alcoholic thinking, IME.

I have used the analogy before of how alcoholism felt like being trapped in a room. Living in that room 24/7 and fighting SO HARD to stay in there. We are saying... OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!!! There is a whole world that you are missing out on as long as you are convinced that those 4 walls is all the world has to offer.

I know it feels impossible :hug:

I used Rational Recovery and highly recommend it.

AA Big Book ?
 

Just stop now today, don't worry about anything else but this moment because the truth is that is all we will ever have.. Now