When does it get good?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Kay,
For me, I started to feel a little better when the mess started getting cleaned up. And the only way I could even start was when I got cleaned up. First things first.
It's a mess right now but it will get better. I have extensive experience in screwing things up. You are not alone.
One thing at a time I took it. I stopped drinking. I stopped causing more messes. I paid my dues on the ones I caused in the past. I looked for the lesson in it all because somewhere in that nightmare there was one. I told myself that no matter what I would not drink. No matter how hard, unpleasant, or difficult, I would do anything but drink. I meant it.
Then I worked on building the life I dreamed of living.
I'm sorry you have all this pain. You are not alone and you certainly deserve a better world. Hang in there. It exists.
For me, I started to feel a little better when the mess started getting cleaned up. And the only way I could even start was when I got cleaned up. First things first.
It's a mess right now but it will get better. I have extensive experience in screwing things up. You are not alone.
One thing at a time I took it. I stopped drinking. I stopped causing more messes. I paid my dues on the ones I caused in the past. I looked for the lesson in it all because somewhere in that nightmare there was one. I told myself that no matter what I would not drink. No matter how hard, unpleasant, or difficult, I would do anything but drink. I meant it.
Then I worked on building the life I dreamed of living.
I'm sorry you have all this pain. You are not alone and you certainly deserve a better world. Hang in there. It exists.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 28
I suspect most of us didn't like ourselves when we first began this recovery work. In fact, not liking is a huge understatement. What can happen though is you can, maybe for the first time ever, start to really get to know yourself as you really are. Many of us have or are learning that we are NOT bad people who are trying to get better, but sick people who are trying to get well.
I felt like **** for how I'd failed as a father and husband --- just as I had thought my dad had failed me.
One thing that really helped me over the last eleven years is a quote from the poet Naya Angelou: We did then what we knew how to do, when we knew better, we did better.
You have an amazing life ahead of you. Today. Take hold of it and don't waste energy hating or condemning yourself or others. Waste of time!
Take care!
Mike L.
I felt like **** for how I'd failed as a father and husband --- just as I had thought my dad had failed me.
One thing that really helped me over the last eleven years is a quote from the poet Naya Angelou: We did then what we knew how to do, when we knew better, we did better.
You have an amazing life ahead of you. Today. Take hold of it and don't waste energy hating or condemning yourself or others. Waste of time!
Take care!
Mike L.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
While this meeting may not have been great, it was good to go. I think I am going to need AA simply for the support & reassurance that I'm not alone. I spent 10 days trying to figure out what to do next as my IOP isn't for another week at least. This may be it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 28
A meeting is AA, but AA more than any one meeting or any one member. AA is a truly weird organization. It has the lowest standards of any organization. You don't HAVE to do or believe anything. Members will even take advantage of the freedom to drink or use again, some of those will take advantage of the freedom to come back and raise their hands (or not!) -- and some, sadly, do not.
Everything is framed as suggestion -- you see, we don't know what's the right thing for you -- all any of us know is what has worked for us -- as well as what has not worked! And if anyone comes at you with commands and "you better do X or you'll die!" -- you can either tell them, "Thank you for sharing..." Or you can tell them to F! Off!" Those two responses can be synonymous in the context of AA!
My suggestion is that you keep going to meetings, the same ones, different ones, alike. I've discovered at all meetings are unique, even the ones that meet at the same time and place each week. They all happen only once. You may discover, as I have discovered that they can be a place of safety for me to discover who I am and how I can live is this place called World.
Mike L
Everything is framed as suggestion -- you see, we don't know what's the right thing for you -- all any of us know is what has worked for us -- as well as what has not worked! And if anyone comes at you with commands and "you better do X or you'll die!" -- you can either tell them, "Thank you for sharing..." Or you can tell them to F! Off!" Those two responses can be synonymous in the context of AA!
My suggestion is that you keep going to meetings, the same ones, different ones, alike. I've discovered at all meetings are unique, even the ones that meet at the same time and place each week. They all happen only once. You may discover, as I have discovered that they can be a place of safety for me to discover who I am and how I can live is this place called World.
Mike L
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