When does it get good?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820 
Wow, that is some ordeal. Sometimes though, it takes a situation like that to really wake us up and realize how deep we are into the cycle of addiction. You can get sober though, and it really is a much better way of life. Britney Spears is one of my favorite singers of all time. I got tickets one xmas from my dad. I waited in anticipation for months, but I got drunk at the show and barely remember it. I had waited SO long to see her, and I missed it due to alcohol. Luckily, I was given another shot a year ago, and since I was sober, I enjoyed every second and the memories of that night are ingrained in my memory.
Alcohol ruins everything, and just drags you into the mud. You now see you have a problem, and its not going to go away or get better on its own. You can take charge, but it takes work and you have to be proactive. Go for this, get sober, and see what happens. For me, my life changed for the better in every way possible, more than I could have imagined when I was using. It is rocky at the start, emotions ebb and flow, and you get depressed and anxious. That is just withdrawal, and it WILL pass. Recognize anything you feel now, remember it ALWAYS, and know it will get better. You can fix everything you feel you have ruined if you take action and live life sober. It may seem overwhelming now and all doom and gloom, but its always darkest right before the dawn, right?Hang in there!
Alcohol ruins everything, and just drags you into the mud. You now see you have a problem, and its not going to go away or get better on its own. You can take charge, but it takes work and you have to be proactive. Go for this, get sober, and see what happens. For me, my life changed for the better in every way possible, more than I could have imagined when I was using. It is rocky at the start, emotions ebb and flow, and you get depressed and anxious. That is just withdrawal, and it WILL pass. Recognize anything you feel now, remember it ALWAYS, and know it will get better. You can fix everything you feel you have ruined if you take action and live life sober. It may seem overwhelming now and all doom and gloom, but its always darkest right before the dawn, right?Hang in there!
Your last line reminds me of a song-Florence and the Machine Shake it Off:
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Sounds like getting drunk with the children in your custody and getting arrested isn't the first mistake you've made while drinking....and you're already ready for your big reward full of flowers and rainbows on Day 10?
In my experience, just managing to get through a day sober at this point is an achievement. Expecting more will only leave to you falling short of expectations every day - which means that you'll feel like a failure even while you're making progress. The best gift you can give yourself is patience. There is no "free pass" to long-term sobriety, you have to earn it with time spent dry.
Stay on the sober track and don't get too worried about the "what ifs" and "what could have beens". You don't have control of any of that. Stay in the present, and keep expectations realistic and set simple goals. That way you will succeed on a daily basis and build confidence. Good luck.
In my experience, just managing to get through a day sober at this point is an achievement. Expecting more will only leave to you falling short of expectations every day - which means that you'll feel like a failure even while you're making progress. The best gift you can give yourself is patience. There is no "free pass" to long-term sobriety, you have to earn it with time spent dry.
Stay on the sober track and don't get too worried about the "what ifs" and "what could have beens". You don't have control of any of that. Stay in the present, and keep expectations realistic and set simple goals. That way you will succeed on a daily basis and build confidence. Good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Thanks to all of you and your unwavering support I made that first call and am going to my first meeting tomorrow morning. I am hoping it helps I feel like I am hanging off a ledge trying to hold on-not just to sobriety but to myself if that makes sense...
Thank you, I need all the support I can get and in return I will give anything I can to help any one of you. This is new for me and I can use online support as well as face to face.
Thank you, I need all the support I can get and in return I will give anything I can to help any one of you. This is new for me and I can use online support as well as face to face.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 28
I wouldn't worry so much about feeling anything other than what you feel. There's nothing wrong with that. The truth is, much of my feeling management via alcohol was a dismal failure -- as yours seems to have been for you. What happened to you on 6/26 is going to take awhile to completely come to rest. Your feelings included.
The truth though is that things will get better. Then, they will get worse. Then, they will get better. Etc. It's called life. Treasure it. Your kids. Your family. Your being sober today.
What I did was to dive into the fellowship of AA -- for me, it was a safe place because everyone one there seemed to nod their heads or laugh with (but not at) me as I shared what had happened and what was happening still. I didn't feel so alone. But people's experiences are different. I was lucky: I'd seen this process work for my 15 year old son and thought it might work as well for me. We're both still clean and sober.
I'm glad you're here. You needn't (some say "can't) do this alone.
The truth though is that things will get better. Then, they will get worse. Then, they will get better. Etc. It's called life. Treasure it. Your kids. Your family. Your being sober today.
What I did was to dive into the fellowship of AA -- for me, it was a safe place because everyone one there seemed to nod their heads or laugh with (but not at) me as I shared what had happened and what was happening still. I didn't feel so alone. But people's experiences are different. I was lucky: I'd seen this process work for my 15 year old son and thought it might work as well for me. We're both still clean and sober.
I'm glad you're here. You needn't (some say "can't) do this alone.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Things get better so slowly I hardly notice but when I look back my life has gotten better beyond my wildest dreams. AA showed me how to live a life without alcohol and how to live
BTW I know 2 Docs and 4 RNs in AA. Between the six of them they have close to 100 yrs of sobriety
BTW I know 2 Docs and 4 RNs in AA. Between the six of them they have close to 100 yrs of sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 43
KaytiP,
I think as mothers we are inherintly harder on ourselves than anyone else can be. I haven't had such a public experience, but nontheless, I wake up every time feeling as if my kids will be taken away and no one could possibly understand and if I loved them more I could just quit........ It goes on and on and on. And I am on regular anti-anxietys as well, I have been there, a couple days with out and the regular anxiety plus the withdrawl anxiety come together, you pop a benzo and forget because it does what it is supposed to and you have a drink, then 3 more, and you're on the floor with out a clue. I send you thoughts and hugs because I know inside of us is the mother and person that is what our kids see us as. we can get there again.
Best of luck, contact me if you need any kindnessess!
I think as mothers we are inherintly harder on ourselves than anyone else can be. I haven't had such a public experience, but nontheless, I wake up every time feeling as if my kids will be taken away and no one could possibly understand and if I loved them more I could just quit........ It goes on and on and on. And I am on regular anti-anxietys as well, I have been there, a couple days with out and the regular anxiety plus the withdrawl anxiety come together, you pop a benzo and forget because it does what it is supposed to and you have a drink, then 3 more, and you're on the floor with out a clue. I send you thoughts and hugs because I know inside of us is the mother and person that is what our kids see us as. we can get there again.
Best of luck, contact me if you need any kindnessess!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 37
It might be different for everyone. I attended AA for a year and it was just terrible. After I left AA things got so much better because I could finally do things my way. I hope things work out for you with regards to your court appearance and career. Time to streamline your life and evaluate what is important.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
That's a lot to deal with. My last drunk was awful too but I'm now grateful it happened because at almost 8 months sober, life is so much better. I didn't start feeling grateful for my alcoholism or its consequences right away but it happened. AA has helped me learn how to live a sober life. The support is amazing & I already feel I've grown so much. SR has also been wonderful & a saving grace for me many many times. 10 days may not seem like long but it is, be proud of that & try to think of this time as the beginning of a new era. For you & your family. I don't know anything about that cori test you mentioned but I did know someone who was a nurse, had a felony for heroin possession & her lawyer made it so that never went on her record. Keep us posted & congrats on starting on your sober journey. This alcoholic doesn't regret quitting and it's not always easy but I'm guaranteed clarity which prevents me from making bad choices.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by MindlessSmarts
KaytiP,
I think as mothers we are inherintly harder on ourselves than anyone else can be. I haven't had such a public experience, but nontheless, I wake up every time feeling as if my kids will be taken away and no one could possibly understand and if I loved them more I could just quit........ It goes on and on and on. And I am on regular anti-anxietys as well, I have been there, a couple days with out and the regular anxiety plus the withdrawl anxiety come together, you pop a benzo and forget because it does what it is supposed to and you have a drink, then 3 more, and you're on the floor with out a clue. I send you thoughts and hugs because I know inside of us is the mother and person that is what our kids see us as. we can get there again.
Best of luck, contact me if you need any kindnessess!
I think as mothers we are inherintly harder on ourselves than anyone else can be. I haven't had such a public experience, but nontheless, I wake up every time feeling as if my kids will be taken away and no one could possibly understand and if I loved them more I could just quit........ It goes on and on and on. And I am on regular anti-anxietys as well, I have been there, a couple days with out and the regular anxiety plus the withdrawl anxiety come together, you pop a benzo and forget because it does what it is supposed to and you have a drink, then 3 more, and you're on the floor with out a clue. I send you thoughts and hugs because I know inside of us is the mother and person that is what our kids see us as. we can get there again.
Best of luck, contact me if you need any kindnessess!
I am not ready to forgive myself yet, I don't feel I deserve it. I wonder if I ever will...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by trail257
Kayti, hang in there from another 10 Dayer. Time and sobriety heals
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Hello, Kayti! 
Everyone has given you great advice that I really can't add to. Read and reread it. There are such wise, funny, friendly, caring, intense, mellow,respectful, honest, new and experienced people here at SR. If you stick around you'll most likely make some friends who will give you support and courage 24/7. Good luck at your meeting! Keep coming back, read and post and let those feelings flow. It gets so much better with time!
Everyone has given you great advice that I really can't add to. Read and reread it. There are such wise, funny, friendly, caring, intense, mellow,respectful, honest, new and experienced people here at SR. If you stick around you'll most likely make some friends who will give you support and courage 24/7. Good luck at your meeting! Keep coming back, read and post and let those feelings flow. It gets so much better with time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
I hope so, my biggest fear is doing all of this and still ending up a failure. Time it flies when you want it to drag and drags when you want it to fly.
I plan to stick around here for quite some time. For me I have very little support right now so I will take (and give) all I can!
I plan to stick around here for quite some time. For me I have very little support right now so I will take (and give) all I can!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 43
You will only fail if you give up, that is what so many have told me already and I have only been here a week. In my head, failure is not an option. I was failed on as a small child, I will not allow that to history to repeat. I know you have the right mindset and can do this, hope in eachother has opened my heart to accepting this as a lifelong LONG being the word here, journey. I have very little support as well so accept this as the foster support family you DESERVE!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by KaytiP
I hope so, my biggest fear is doing all of this and still ending up a failure. Time it flies when you want it to drag and drags when you want it to fly.
I plan to stick around here for quite some time. For me I have very little support right now so I will take (and give) all I can!
I plan to stick around here for quite some time. For me I have very little support right now so I will take (and give) all I can!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by MindlessSmarts
You will only fail if you give up, that is what so many have told me already and I have only been here a week. In my head, failure is not an option. I was failed on as a small child, I will not allow that to history to repeat. I know you have the right mindset and can do this, hope in eachother has opened my heart to accepting this as a lifelong LONG being the word here, journey. I have very little support as well so accept this as the foster support family you DESERVE!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
If you want more real human support than you can imagine AA is your solution. I had to paint myself into a very tight corner before I became willing to accept AA. For me it was either AA or death. Hopefully you do not have to go as far down the alcohol road as I did before you see a solution that is right in front of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: East Coast
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by KaytiP
I am not ready to forgive myself yet, I don't feel I deserve it. I wonder if I ever will...
Believe me, I know how hard it is to forgive yourself, being a perfectionist myself and expecting nothing less than perfection from me. But I am learning to forgive myself and that frees me to not hide my imperfections in alcohol.
In any case, good luck with the Meeting. Hugs and support to you.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by TempeBrenn
Kayti, Would you forgive a friend? I think you would, especially knowing the background and circumstances (other meds and conditions). Then go ahead and forgive yourself, not your actions, but you, the person, who is deserving of love and forgiveness.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to forgive yourself, being a perfectionist myself and expecting nothing less than perfection from me. But I am learning to forgive myself and that frees me to not hide my imperfections in alcohol.
In any case, good luck with the Meeting. Hugs and support to you.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to forgive yourself, being a perfectionist myself and expecting nothing less than perfection from me. But I am learning to forgive myself and that frees me to not hide my imperfections in alcohol.
In any case, good luck with the Meeting. Hugs and support to you.
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