Had my last drink tonight.....I hope!!!?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Bird82-
It is really hard the first month. I remember thinking I flat out could not control if/when I drank. I felt like I was possessed by a demon or something...lol. One night on my way home it seemed like my car was pulling into the liquor store against my will. I jerked the wheel to the right and traveled home. I had beaten a craving. That gave me so much hope. After that I felt capable.
I am a newbie also but, I must say the last few months have been cake compared to that first month. Hang in there and dont drink NO MATTER WHAT.
Jess
P.S. Your dog is friggin adorable.
It is really hard the first month. I remember thinking I flat out could not control if/when I drank. I felt like I was possessed by a demon or something...lol. One night on my way home it seemed like my car was pulling into the liquor store against my will. I jerked the wheel to the right and traveled home. I had beaten a craving. That gave me so much hope. After that I felt capable.
I am a newbie also but, I must say the last few months have been cake compared to that first month. Hang in there and dont drink NO MATTER WHAT.
Jess
P.S. Your dog is friggin adorable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ipswich suffolk
Posts: 77
Thank you Jess I am struggling right now, my stress levels are beyond controlling I can't think straight, my children are screaming and rowing, I just want to run away from it all and drink a bottle of Wine. Can't walk out, husband not home yet I crave to be somewhere a quiet where I can drink myself Into oblivion so I can't hurt or feel this stress
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
My first month sober I actually sat on my sofa and cried because I wanted a drink so bad and had to pick up my teenager that night.... so I couldn't drink RIGHT THEN. Talk about immediate gratification. Every craving you get through makes you ten times stronger. Hang tight....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ipswich suffolk
Posts: 77
Can't deal with my kids anymore, hubby got home and I disappeared with the dog for n hour, didnt want to come home 
am going to ask doc t up my meds (am in citalpram for depression) now not sure I am in the best place in myself to deal with the drink too...
am going to ask doc t up my meds (am in citalpram for depression) now not sure I am in the best place in myself to deal with the drink too...
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
You can do it Bird, it will get better I promise. The first few weeks are tough. I am so glad that you have a peer who is also a real life neighbor. Maybe you and Ippochick could talk on the phone and hit a meeting together today.
Having a support system is so important. SR has really helped me but I need my home group and the friends in recovery I see face to face. Don't give up before the miracle happens.
When you see your doctor ask him what he recommends as far as vitamins and supplements are concerned and if he think that you could benefit from Gaba and St John Wort.
Having a support system is so important. SR has really helped me but I need my home group and the friends in recovery I see face to face. Don't give up before the miracle happens.
When you see your doctor ask him what he recommends as far as vitamins and supplements are concerned and if he think that you could benefit from Gaba and St John Wort.
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
Bird 82, I felt the same way about my kids causing me stress. I just couldn't deal with it. All the yelling and screaming. Turns out when I quit drinking, my kids didn't stress me out nearly as much. It was like my kids became better kids overnight. Now that I haven't drank in a year, I have realized that most of that anxiety was being caused by the drinking. You just need to quit for a while to understand that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Fleetwood, Lancs
Posts: 56
Hey Bird, it's 8.30 now right? If you have an early night (I don't mean right now!) then that's today cracked. Then when you wake up tomorrow, you'll already two days!
Just get through today Bird. Go to bed now if you have to. Just get through today. Let's worry about tomorrow.....tomorrow.
Just get through today Bird. Go to bed now if you have to. Just get through today. Let's worry about tomorrow.....tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ipswich suffolk
Posts: 77
Wellrowed with my husband last night. As I don't want to go up the club till i know I'm strong enough to abstain, I'm not going to my sister in laws boyfriends 40th, in early July yet,....same reason. And I ws tired and grouchy and stress last night and he came to bed and told me to cancel our holiday in July to Isle of Wight if in going to be like this, he can't cope with it.
I wanted to ask him if he preferred an alcoholic wife, but again he has said before he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic even tho he supports what I am doing.
My head is all over the place right now.
I wanted to ask him if he preferred an alcoholic wife, but again he has said before he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic even tho he supports what I am doing.
My head is all over the place right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by Bird82 
Wellrowed with my husband last night. As I don't want to go up the club till i know I'm strong enough to abstain, I'm not going to my sister in laws boyfriends 40th, in early July yet,....same reason. And I ws tired and grouchy and stress last night and he came to bed and told me to cancel our holiday in July to Isle of Wight if in going to be like this, he can't cope with it.
I wanted to ask him if he preferred an alcoholic wife, but again he has said before he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic even tho he supports what I am doing.
My head is all over the place right now.
I wanted to ask him if he preferred an alcoholic wife, but again he has said before he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic even tho he supports what I am doing.
My head is all over the place right now.
I don't know your history Bird, but I would write a list of all the things you are giving up - hangovers, tired, grouchy with the kids (I know that one!) blackouts ... maybe worse and tell him this is what you are giving up long term. Why would he not want that for you?
Does he drink? Do you think part of this is he feels sorry for himself as he has lost his drinking buddy, or has been forced to evaluate his own drinking?
Hope you can get your head sorted a little more today and feel better later
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by Bird82
My head is all over the place right now.
U r going to be uncomfortable for awhile. U will get through it.
Best thing to do is eat some sweets, get to meetings, use those phone
numbers, and try not to say something you'll regret later.
Here is an audio Big Book. This will keep you busy. Big Book Audio MP3
Linked with permission of AA World Services, inc.
PS it's best to be off the alcohol for awhile so your doc can properly diagnose you . It's absolutely normal that you r feeling anxiety right now. But if you don't hang tough, you will just have to go through it again another time. Make this the day you r gonna stick.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Oz
Posts: 32
You can do this Bird but you need to want it too. I joined here two years ago wanting to learn how to limit my alcohol like normal people. I knew then i was a boardline alcoholic but i didnt really want to fully acknowledge it (check out my old post).
Now Im back here, my life is so much worse because i didnt take the action that was needed back then. BUT Im now know that I have to stop, i need to stop.
Im only on day two and yes its hard, but i would prefer to struggle now then to look back in two more years time and find that my husband has left me, im homeless, unemployed or maybe even dead (i have liver issues).
Do this for yourself!!
Feel free to PM me whenever you need support, like i say Im only on day 2 but if i can help in anyway i will. Im a good listener
take care
Oz
Now Im back here, my life is so much worse because i didnt take the action that was needed back then. BUT Im now know that I have to stop, i need to stop.
Im only on day two and yes its hard, but i would prefer to struggle now then to look back in two more years time and find that my husband has left me, im homeless, unemployed or maybe even dead (i have liver issues).
Do this for yourself!!
Feel free to PM me whenever you need support, like i say Im only on day 2 but if i can help in anyway i will. Im a good listener
take care
Oz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ipswich suffolk
Posts: 77
I can't help but look ahead tho, to what the future could be like without wine, it worries me that my family and in laws won't understand , they are all very social and moderate drinkers. They are always throwing parties for one reason or another and I worry that I won't enjoy myself any more.
My husband is struggling, I think with just how my moods are especially after yesterday. I feel very teary today's love him so much. I have got work today so hopefully it will keep my busy and take my mind of it all.....but I will come home to it so it will always be there.
Thk you all for your support right now. It helps to know I am being listened to .
My husband is struggling, I think with just how my moods are especially after yesterday. I feel very teary today's love him so much. I have got work today so hopefully it will keep my busy and take my mind of it all.....but I will come home to it so it will always be there.
Thk you all for your support right now. It helps to know I am being listened to .
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Bird,
Early sobriety can be really tough, can't it? I was disappointed that I didn’t feel much better sooner. There seems something unfair about giving up alcohol and actually feeling worse for a while. I was grouchy and lethargic, and I didn’t sleep well. I had started to become a little depressed while drinking and that actually got worse for me in early recovery. I kept a journal (which I recommend) and I can see my mood was low for about 3 months. Then, in my journal, it’s like a fog lifts over the next 1-2 months. I’m sure everyone goes through these stages at different speeds and I don’t know if I was slower or faster than on average – but by 6 months I described myself as happy again, and definitely happier than when I was drinking.
I think this is what traps so many of us in drinking. Drinking is making us, and others, miserable – but some of us don’t get any or much relief in early recovery. In fact we may feel worse for days or weeks. The initial conviction that “I must give up” can ebb away a bit – enthusiasm for the sober life wanes as it does not appear to be offering what we thought it would offer. We may be tempted to think “it was better when I was drinking” and so we may return to the trap.
But my life certainly did get much better and much happier from about 3 months onwards. In those first months I grudgingly accepted that I couldn’t return to drinking. But from 3 months onwards, for me, I gradually became to really appreciate sobriety instead of just tolerating it. The sober life is now something I cherish much more than I used to cherish the drinking life. I love sobriety now – though I would not have said that in the first 3 months.
This is perhaps why many of us need some “plan” to keep us sober, especially in the tough early days. For many that is AA which offers both local support and a methodical approach for dealing with actions in the past and life in the present. For me it was embracing my faith and prayer in a new way, while following something very close to the 12 steps of AA (I also found this forum really useful). I don’t know if you are a person of faith or not, but I found “Breathing under water”* by Richard Rohr, and “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning really useful and supportive; both are very affirming books. For others, it may be “AVRT” or “SMART” (I’m not really sure what they are but I’m sure people can tell you more). I think many of us need something to help focus our sobriety and give us a bit of a framework for dealing with the temptations, the cravings, and the moments where we’re simply feeling down and it’s all feeling too much. I think also, try to be patient with yourself – many of us spent years developing our attachment to alcohol. It takes a little while for our bodies and brains to readjust to life without that anaesthetic. Be gentle with yourself, but don’t drink.
*The title “Breathing under water” comes from a poem by Carol Bialock about having to adjust to a new life, a new reality. At first we're swamped, perhaps panicking, but then we learn to breathe under water.....
God bless you Bird +
Early sobriety can be really tough, can't it? I was disappointed that I didn’t feel much better sooner. There seems something unfair about giving up alcohol and actually feeling worse for a while. I was grouchy and lethargic, and I didn’t sleep well. I had started to become a little depressed while drinking and that actually got worse for me in early recovery. I kept a journal (which I recommend) and I can see my mood was low for about 3 months. Then, in my journal, it’s like a fog lifts over the next 1-2 months. I’m sure everyone goes through these stages at different speeds and I don’t know if I was slower or faster than on average – but by 6 months I described myself as happy again, and definitely happier than when I was drinking.
I think this is what traps so many of us in drinking. Drinking is making us, and others, miserable – but some of us don’t get any or much relief in early recovery. In fact we may feel worse for days or weeks. The initial conviction that “I must give up” can ebb away a bit – enthusiasm for the sober life wanes as it does not appear to be offering what we thought it would offer. We may be tempted to think “it was better when I was drinking” and so we may return to the trap.
But my life certainly did get much better and much happier from about 3 months onwards. In those first months I grudgingly accepted that I couldn’t return to drinking. But from 3 months onwards, for me, I gradually became to really appreciate sobriety instead of just tolerating it. The sober life is now something I cherish much more than I used to cherish the drinking life. I love sobriety now – though I would not have said that in the first 3 months.
This is perhaps why many of us need some “plan” to keep us sober, especially in the tough early days. For many that is AA which offers both local support and a methodical approach for dealing with actions in the past and life in the present. For me it was embracing my faith and prayer in a new way, while following something very close to the 12 steps of AA (I also found this forum really useful). I don’t know if you are a person of faith or not, but I found “Breathing under water”* by Richard Rohr, and “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning really useful and supportive; both are very affirming books. For others, it may be “AVRT” or “SMART” (I’m not really sure what they are but I’m sure people can tell you more). I think many of us need something to help focus our sobriety and give us a bit of a framework for dealing with the temptations, the cravings, and the moments where we’re simply feeling down and it’s all feeling too much. I think also, try to be patient with yourself – many of us spent years developing our attachment to alcohol. It takes a little while for our bodies and brains to readjust to life without that anaesthetic. Be gentle with yourself, but don’t drink.
*The title “Breathing under water” comes from a poem by Carol Bialock about having to adjust to a new life, a new reality. At first we're swamped, perhaps panicking, but then we learn to breathe under water.....
I built my house by the sea.
Not on the sands, mind you,
not on the shifting sand.
And I built it of rock.
A strong house
by a strong sea.
And we got well acquainted, the sea and I.
Good neighbours.
Not that we spoke much.
We met in silences,
respectful, keeping our distance
but looking our thoughts across the fence of sand.
Always the fence of sand our barrier,
always the sand between.
And then one day
(and I still don't know how it happened)
The sea came.
Without warning.
Without welcome even.
Not sudden and swift, but a shifting across the sand like wine,
less like the flow of water than the flow of blood.
Slow, but flowing like an open wound.
And I thought of flight, and I thought of drowning, and I thought of death.
But while I thought, the sea crept higher till it reached my door.
And I knew that there was neither flight nor death nor drowning.
That when the sea comes calling you stop being good neighbours,
Well acquainted, friendly from a distance neighbours.
And you give your house for a coral castle
And you learn to breathe under water.
[Sr. Carol Bialock]
Not on the sands, mind you,
not on the shifting sand.
And I built it of rock.
A strong house
by a strong sea.
And we got well acquainted, the sea and I.
Good neighbours.
Not that we spoke much.
We met in silences,
respectful, keeping our distance
but looking our thoughts across the fence of sand.
Always the fence of sand our barrier,
always the sand between.
And then one day
(and I still don't know how it happened)
The sea came.
Without warning.
Without welcome even.
Not sudden and swift, but a shifting across the sand like wine,
less like the flow of water than the flow of blood.
Slow, but flowing like an open wound.
And I thought of flight, and I thought of drowning, and I thought of death.
But while I thought, the sea crept higher till it reached my door.
And I knew that there was neither flight nor death nor drowning.
That when the sea comes calling you stop being good neighbours,
Well acquainted, friendly from a distance neighbours.
And you give your house for a coral castle
And you learn to breathe under water.
[Sr. Carol Bialock]
God bless you Bird +
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ipswich suffolk
Posts: 77
Thank you Michael x
Well went to the doctors before work, he has upped my pnd meds to help with my anxiety. I have horrifi heArtburn todAy too Along with a massive headache and feeling extremely tired..... I guess this all sounds normAl withdrawal symptoms lol..
Well went to the doctors before work, he has upped my pnd meds to help with my anxiety. I have horrifi heArtburn todAy too Along with a massive headache and feeling extremely tired..... I guess this all sounds normAl withdrawal symptoms lol..
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
First off.. I AM SO GLAD you are STILL here Bird!!! I'll be honest...I really didn't think you would be. Super glad you are proving me wrong (even though as an addict I really hate being wrong lol).
And Michael..wow what a powerful poem but I think I interpreted it wrong. To me, it felt like the sea was a metaphor for consuming my life..and breathing under water was resigning myself to drinking myself to death. Ah well, it was powerful to me all the same!
And Michael..wow what a powerful poem but I think I interpreted it wrong. To me, it felt like the sea was a metaphor for consuming my life..and breathing under water was resigning myself to drinking myself to death. Ah well, it was powerful to me all the same!
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