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A teeny-tiny confession

Old 06-08-2013, 08:17 AM
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A teeny-tiny confession

So I figured I should post this. If anyone knows/ever read my story you would know that when I quit drinking I said I would not drink until my anniversary and then my husband and I would get drunk.

Well my anniversary,June 2nd, rolled around and I didn't want to get drunk. We went to a restaurant and had to wait 15 minutes,so they sat us at the bar. Hubby had a beer and I said "I wonder if they have Sprite?" Hubby said "why dont you get some wine or something?" So I ordered a glass of "white zin" It was fruity and light and tasty. A thought flitted through my head as I was staring at the rows and rows of liquor, I could start taking shots and noone would stop me. But, alas, the wiser me knew better. I would have to face my baby-sitter drunk, I would be an idiot, what if my toddler got up through the night, the hangover, and the guilt, stopped me.

I made that glass of wine last me over an hour. I sipped water, I ate a huge meal and just took teeny sips of the wine. I knew that if I felt a buzz I would be in the danger zone.

So that was it. We went and had ice cream, went home, and were sleeping by 10pm, lol.

That's my confession. I drank. I controlled it, I moderated. I have no desire to do it again, because it was all so carefully executed it was more like a job to have that wine.
Am I condoning moderation?? Absolutely NOT!!
I had to have an inner heart-to-heart to keep myself from getting shots, and I never would've had that convo if I wasn't at a bar, sipping wine.
I also don't want to have another glass of wine anymore. It was nice for a change to have a glass of wine like a responsible adult, but for me it's kind of like, what's the point, if I'm not trying to get drunk, Id rather have fizzy water.
So I'm glad I got that out of the way, and in fact I feel better now, stronger about my sobriety. I conquered my voice that day.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:23 AM
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Don't you think having that 'one' glass of wine was risky? Who knows where that could have led. I think you would have been better off with sprite.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:24 AM
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Great. Successful campaign! You were smart to avoid the buzz and you seem to realize this behavior is not sustainable. Not for most of us on this site at least.

I remember meeting friends at a bar for two and remarking that I was normal, no big deal.. Month later Drunky drunk drunk.

Good work
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:28 AM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Don't you think having that 'one' glass of wine was risky? Who knows where that could have led. I think you would have been better off with sprite.
Yes, it was risky, and I would've been better off with Sprite.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:33 AM
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Russian roulette is a game I chose not to play.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:45 AM
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It's done and you learned something about yourself. Good on you for using this to your advantage and cementing the idea that drinking any amount is just simply not worth it on any level. Alcohol is so overrated. The truth will set you free...
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:48 AM
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I am 100% certain I could do the same thing. [edit] OK. 99.9%.

And I am 100% certain if I did, I would do it again at some point.

And I am 100% certain that if I did it again successfully a 2nd time... there would come a time where I'd say, if I can do 1 with no problem there's no reason I can't do 2. And I would be on my way again...

No idea how long the above would take, could be weeks, maybe months or years, but I don't want to even have to think about it. With alcohol out of my system it's out of my life. I'm free to do whatever I choose with no fear whatsoever of picking it up, making a fool out of myself, getting into any kind of trouble regarding alcohol. I'm free. If I pick up one drink, it has me shackled again, even if I don't realize it right away.

Someone once made the analogy of their addiction being like a stove. As long as they don't touch any alcohol, the pilot light eventually dies out. One drink is like putting a match to that pilot light, all the burners are activated again. That stuck with me and made sense.

Same holds true for me with tobacco, which I've been fortunate enough to be free from now for over 20 years also.
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Old 06-08-2013, 09:08 AM
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Wow - I know I could not do it. For me, if I set special dates/day's for drinking, it would totally consume my sobriety I am working so hard to achieve.

Maybe 1% can do it, but from what I have read and seen, 99% cannot. I am sure I am in the 99% group.

Glad you posted and did not advocate this but gave an honest posting on how you handled it. Please continue to post and especially let us know if that one glass has pushed your trigger button on future use.
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Old 06-08-2013, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted by ArcticSA View Post

That's my confession. I drank. I controlled it, I moderated. I have no desire to do it again, because it was all so carefully executed it was more like a job to have that wine.
that's good for you
I tried that more than once
thought that I had control over all
until the day would come once again
when I was stuck back in my sin
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Old 06-08-2013, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by ArcticSA View Post
So I figured I should post this. If anyone knows/ever read my story you would know that when I quit drinking I said I would not drink until my anniversary and then my husband and I would get drunk.

Well my anniversary,June 2nd, rolled around and I didn't want to get drunk. We went to a restaurant and had to wait 15 minutes,so they sat us at the bar. Hubby had a beer and I said "I wonder if they have Sprite?" Hubby said "why dont you get some wine or something?" So I ordered a glass of "white zin" It was fruity and light and tasty. A thought flitted through my head as I was staring at the rows and rows of liquor, I could start taking shots and noone would stop me. But, alas, the wiser me knew better. I would have to face my baby-sitter drunk, I would be an idiot, what if my toddler got up through the night, the hangover, and the guilt, stopped me.

I made that glass of wine last me over an hour. I sipped water, I ate a huge meal and just took teeny sips of the wine. I knew that if I felt a buzz I would be in the danger zone.

So that was it. We went and had ice cream, went home, and were sleeping by 10pm, lol.

That's my confession. I drank. I controlled it, I moderated. I have no desire to do it again, because it was all so carefully executed it was more like a job to have that wine.
Am I condoning moderation?? Absolutely NOT!!
I had to have an inner heart-to-heart to keep myself from getting shots, and I never would've had that convo if I wasn't at a bar, sipping wine.
I also don't want to have another glass of wine anymore. It was nice for a change to have a glass of wine like a responsible adult, but for me it's kind of like, what's the point, if I'm not trying to get drunk, Id rather have fizzy water.
So I'm glad I got that out of the way, and in fact I feel better now, stronger about my sobriety. I conquered my voice that day.
'


Im not sure why you would even have that 1 glass after a whole year of sobriety? You may not realize this, but the addiction is working its way back into your life, and I don't think you even realize it. The thoughts about shots, the glass of wine, the way you chose to "celebrate" your one year. These are all pretty concerning and I think if you are serious about being sober, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate what this sobriety means to you. Why did you want to quit drinking to begin with? Remember those reasons. You moderated one time, it wont happen that way every-time. Your body and brain have healed a lot in that year, but no joke, you will be right back where you started in a matter of a few weeks should you keep playing with fire. There is no exception to this rule when it comes to being an alcoholic, which is why you need to keep that guard up and remind yourself how hard you worked. You are in the danger zone right now, and I want you to succeed. Thanks for the post!
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Old 06-08-2013, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by onehigherpower View Post
that's good for you
I tried that more than once
thought that I had control over all
until the day would come once again
when I was stuck back in my sin

See, that is what I am concerned about here. Addiction is so tricky, it plays with our minds and pride so it sneaks back slowly, before you even realize what it happening. You let your guard down, think "Hey, Ive changed, I can control this now" and then BAM, you are back in hell. Its no secret in alcoholism that when you quit, no matter how long, should you drink again, you will ALWAYS go right back to where you left off.
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Old 06-08-2013, 10:26 AM
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You played with fire and lucked out. It's good you've learned something from the situation.

I hope you can stay sober and get the life you really want.
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Old 06-08-2013, 10:28 AM
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What would concern me most is not that you had a glass of wine. The fact that you used it as a celebration of sobriety would. Cancer survivors don't celebrate a new tumor, even if its just a tiny one. Learn from this and decide what your real priorities are in regards to drinking.
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Old 06-08-2013, 10:42 AM
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She means her wedding anniversary, not her sobriety anniversary.

The way I understand it Arctic is that you initially quit by making this deal with yourself... Quit drinking and as a reward, get drunk on June 2. Then when you arrived at June 2, you realized you didn't need the carrot anymore.

That's awesome! It sounds to me like your sobriety's gained all new meaning. Congrats on the learning experience. Yes a risky one and would've been great if you'd stuck to sprite, but I'm glad you made it through safely.
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Old 06-08-2013, 12:01 PM
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I am glad it worked out for you but like others said: it's playing Russian roulette and sooner or later it could catch up with you whether it takes a few days, a few months or a few years like me.
The way I see it, if it was me, now that I successfully tasted and controlled the "forbidden fruit", I would have given my AV amunitions so at some point when the beast pops out craving booze, AV can whisper that I dealt with drinking successfully before and can do it again. How do I know? I have been there. Drank while knowing fully well that I was an alcoholic and was playing Russian Roulette.
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Old 06-08-2013, 01:41 PM
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I kind of think fantail got it right.

For me I would never want "A" glass of wine. I never understood the point if ONE drink! I drank for the buzz escape not the beverage. But I guess that's why I'm here
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Old 06-08-2013, 01:54 PM
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Arctic, that sounds pretty scary to me. You might start believing you could do it again sometime.

I had a temptation yesterday too. I didn't put any thought into just saying "No." Then I did a lot of thinking about what if I said "Yes." But I did the thinking later, not before.

I know this is a phrase for kids, but it works for adults too: "Just say 'No.'"

I am praying that you and your husband never forget how bad it will be if you start drinking again.
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Old 06-08-2013, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by fantail View Post
She means her wedding anniversary, not her sobriety anniversary.

The way I understand it Arctic is that you initially quit by making this deal with yourself... Quit drinking and as a reward, get drunk on June 2. Then when you arrived at June 2, you realized you didn't need the carrot anymore.

That's awesome! It sounds to me like your sobriety's gained all new meaning. Congrats on the learning experience. Yes a risky one and would've been great if you'd stuck to sprite, but I'm glad you made it through safely.
This is how I took it too! She made a deal with herself to wait a certain amount of time then when the time came she made the right choice to stop at 1. I appreciate that she was able to make that decision and commend her honesty for sharing that experience!
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Old 06-08-2013, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by ArcticSA View Post
Hubby said "why dont you get some wine or something?"
Hi Arctic, glad you made it through that day. I noticed that your husband seemed to be the one who suggested this. Does he know you are trying to stay sober? My wife would sooner tell me to jump out of an airplane than ask me that question. Just wondering...
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Old 06-08-2013, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Deckard View Post
My wife would sooner tell me to jump out of an airplane than ask me that question.
You're a lucky man. My wife would rather I drank so she'd have the pleasure of saying "See? I told you so."
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