Have a mild physical dependence. Can I really never drink again? Also: wanna rant
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Originally Posted by RyanC 
I enjoy reading clinical research, so if anyone knows of any that might apply in my case, please share.
Posting here is great, support here is great. The hard work is on you. I expect you will learn about about yourself in your struggle to stay sober...if you are open to learning.
Good luck.
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Originally Posted by RyanC
I really do feel great, better than I have in some time. I almost feel too well, like I'm slightly manic or something, but I don't want to over think anymore for now.
Work is going really well today, and I wanna focus on that at this time, but I'll check back in after.
Work is going really well today, and I wanna focus on that at this time, but I'll check back in after.
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Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Although I have read a lot about neurotransmitter function and addiction I was a little unclear on your GABA issue. You have a deficiency that causes the anxiety? I'm starting to think right there tangled up in all the roots of addiction.
Anxiety can be treated temporarily in this way, although there is obviously refractory anxiety (e.g. that hopeless feeling that I get now with my hangovers that I now realize other people report) that can be worse if the underlying problem is not fixed.
I don't want to diagnose myself, so I'm just saying that based on my past anxiety disorder and my new love of drinking, I think think I have "GABA issues".
Originally Posted by Michael66
Hi Ryan. I'm sure you know this but normal people schedule drinking around work and not work around drinking.
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Since you like research, research alcohol and alcoholism, addicition, and recovery from addiction. I would suggest you do a lot, and I mean a lot, of reading. You are, and I don't mean to be rude, naïve about your problem and how to address it.
Posting here is great, support here is great. The hard work is on you. I expect you will learn about about yourself in your struggle to stay sober...if you are open to learning.
Good luck.
Posting here is great, support here is great. The hard work is on you. I expect you will learn about about yourself in your struggle to stay sober...if you are open to learning.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I generally felt the same way the times I quit, the real bad stuff didn't really begin to set in until about day 2/3/4. Best of luck, and please be safe - see a doctor if you feel your symptoms warrant it.
I'm really only 19 hours removed from my last dinner, and the hangover/withdrawals were never as bad as they were the last few days, so I'm gonna keep an eye on things.
I have a couple of guys that I binge with occasionally -- both born into successful careers, but also responsible -- that give it up for lent, even though they aren't practicing Catholics. It makes more sense to me why they do that now.
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Never thought I'd say this at one point, but I agree with Micheal66 - being sober can actually be pretty awesome. Ok, sometimes it is hell, but that ain't drinking...that's just life, lol.
Once I got over 'the hump', I too was amazed to find my desire to drink sort of evaporated and I didn't care if drinking was an option, because even if it was...I had no desire to do it. And that's freedom, far as I see it...choosing whether to drink based on my desire to do or not do it (just like a 'normal person' lol), rather than doing it our of habit or not doing it because I'm scared of what will happen if I do.
I still sometimes think 'eff it, I might as well get drunk', but then (like a 'normal person' who thinks this) I can flip off the thought and get on with stuff.
Check out AVRT, if y'haven't already. Might not be for you, but if y'like research, its quite interesting as far as 'recovery programs' go - its basically and simply an approach to 'recovery' that involved turning junkie logic on its head.
Also, you might find this thread interesting. It is only a short one, but full of people's thoughts on whether drinking after dependancy / addiction is possible or wise.
Once I got over 'the hump', I too was amazed to find my desire to drink sort of evaporated and I didn't care if drinking was an option, because even if it was...I had no desire to do it. And that's freedom, far as I see it...choosing whether to drink based on my desire to do or not do it (just like a 'normal person' lol), rather than doing it our of habit or not doing it because I'm scared of what will happen if I do.
I still sometimes think 'eff it, I might as well get drunk', but then (like a 'normal person' who thinks this) I can flip off the thought and get on with stuff.
Check out AVRT, if y'haven't already. Might not be for you, but if y'like research, its quite interesting as far as 'recovery programs' go - its basically and simply an approach to 'recovery' that involved turning junkie logic on its head.
Also, you might find this thread interesting. It is only a short one, but full of people's thoughts on whether drinking after dependancy / addiction is possible or wise.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 86
Hello family,
If you were allergic to poison ivy would you roll around in it every day? Most likely not would be my guess. We all have many choices as we know.
Its our nature as humans to experiment with things. So, is insanity really doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Are we looking for attention? Do we want to blame someone or something else for our demise?
The questions are infinite as well as the answers.
Bottom line...The alcohol/drugs/chocolate are not the problem. So when do we accept responsibility for our thoughts/choices/words, etc.?
We humans are a complicated lot for sure ;-)
Love,
CS
If you were allergic to poison ivy would you roll around in it every day? Most likely not would be my guess. We all have many choices as we know.
Its our nature as humans to experiment with things. So, is insanity really doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Are we looking for attention? Do we want to blame someone or something else for our demise?
The questions are infinite as well as the answers.
Bottom line...The alcohol/drugs/chocolate are not the problem. So when do we accept responsibility for our thoughts/choices/words, etc.?
We humans are a complicated lot for sure ;-)
Love,
CS
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 16
Thanks guys for the continued responses. I'm taking it all in, but this is all pretty new to me. I'm still not sure where I'm at.
Anyway, haven't had a drink since Monday at dinner, but I think that's mostly because I've been reminding myself not to. For work I've been in and out of bars today, and I must admit I felt a little tempted.
A few times throughout the day the thought processes of "I should go get lunch at..." or "I could really go for a..." came up.
Overall it's not bad. I'm trying not to over think it. That said, there is one weird thing:
I still think I'm manic. It's not so bad, but something is off with me. I didn't sleep at all last night, and I barely ate yesterday. I'm still not tired. I've been diligent with work, but I'm spending hours researching esoteric crap on the internet, and loving it.
I've always thought I was pretty introspective, but I realize now it was selective introspection. I have no idea if I've been like this for the last four years that I've been drinking, and just didn't notice, or what.
Did anyone else ever like drinking when sleep deprived? I do. That's gotta be something weird. I'm sure that says something about me, but I don't know what.
Anyway, I just wanna finish winning my day today and move on for tomorrow. I got a big day at the job sites up ahead. This is a lot to take in.
PS I sprained my back/ribs today, and was thinking of using it as an excuse to drink, but decided not to, even though the pain feels like a pretty good excuse right now
Anyway, haven't had a drink since Monday at dinner, but I think that's mostly because I've been reminding myself not to. For work I've been in and out of bars today, and I must admit I felt a little tempted.
A few times throughout the day the thought processes of "I should go get lunch at..." or "I could really go for a..." came up.
Overall it's not bad. I'm trying not to over think it. That said, there is one weird thing:
I still think I'm manic. It's not so bad, but something is off with me. I didn't sleep at all last night, and I barely ate yesterday. I'm still not tired. I've been diligent with work, but I'm spending hours researching esoteric crap on the internet, and loving it.
I've always thought I was pretty introspective, but I realize now it was selective introspection. I have no idea if I've been like this for the last four years that I've been drinking, and just didn't notice, or what.
Did anyone else ever like drinking when sleep deprived? I do. That's gotta be something weird. I'm sure that says something about me, but I don't know what.
Anyway, I just wanna finish winning my day today and move on for tomorrow. I got a big day at the job sites up ahead. This is a lot to take in.
PS I sprained my back/ribs today, and was thinking of using it as an excuse to drink, but decided not to, even though the pain feels like a pretty good excuse right now
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It isn't deprivation if you do not need it, and apparently, right now, you don't need it: 'I'm still not tired'. Try sleep when you can though - you don't want to get sleep deprived on top of all the other stuff y'mind and body are currently wading through.
Also, mania describes an extreme and acute 'high' which has detrimental consequences to your life in some way:
'The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.'
If you feel this way or are experiencing anything close to this, mate...speak to someone, a doctor or someone, just in case. If it ain't mania, no worries, enjoy it, but just in case it gets beyond that y'know...mania, like drugs or booze is not something worth messing with. Chances are, y'won't know till you're over the limit if it happens (been there)...and not everyone finds their way back.
Otherwise, some people do get a rush of like endorphins or adrenaline for a while and feel a bit high or fresh or even prangy before things level out.
That's a point though, is there anyone who knows y'laying off drinking? If there is someone you trust, then trust them - never hurts to have someone who's got y'back, y'know...plus, then they're also in a good position to put a swift foot up y'arse should you need it...again, speaking from my own experience lol
Also, mania describes an extreme and acute 'high' which has detrimental consequences to your life in some way:
'The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.'
If you feel this way or are experiencing anything close to this, mate...speak to someone, a doctor or someone, just in case. If it ain't mania, no worries, enjoy it, but just in case it gets beyond that y'know...mania, like drugs or booze is not something worth messing with. Chances are, y'won't know till you're over the limit if it happens (been there)...and not everyone finds their way back.
Otherwise, some people do get a rush of like endorphins or adrenaline for a while and feel a bit high or fresh or even prangy before things level out.
That's a point though, is there anyone who knows y'laying off drinking? If there is someone you trust, then trust them - never hurts to have someone who's got y'back, y'know...plus, then they're also in a good position to put a swift foot up y'arse should you need it...again, speaking from my own experience lol
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by rennn
Hey ryanC just want to say good thread. I really like the way you articulate things and I can relate a lot with what you've been saying.
Originally Posted by tsukiko
It isn't deprivation if you do not need it, and apparently, right now, you don't need it: 'I'm still not tired'. Try sleep when you can though - you don't want to get sleep deprived on top of all the other stuff y'mind and body are currently wading through.
Also, mania describes an extreme and acute 'high' which has detrimental consequences to your life in some way:
'The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.'
If you feel this way or are experiencing anything close to this, mate...speak to someone, a doctor or someone, just in case. If it ain't mania, no worries, enjoy it, but just in case it gets beyond that y'know...mania, like drugs or booze is not something worth messing with. Chances are, y'won't know till you're over the limit if it happens (been there)...and not everyone finds their way back.
Otherwise, some people do get a rush of like endorphins or adrenaline for a while and feel a bit high or fresh or even prangy before things level out.
Also, mania describes an extreme and acute 'high' which has detrimental consequences to your life in some way:
'The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.'
If you feel this way or are experiencing anything close to this, mate...speak to someone, a doctor or someone, just in case. If it ain't mania, no worries, enjoy it, but just in case it gets beyond that y'know...mania, like drugs or booze is not something worth messing with. Chances are, y'won't know till you're over the limit if it happens (been there)...and not everyone finds their way back.
Otherwise, some people do get a rush of like endorphins or adrenaline for a while and feel a bit high or fresh or even prangy before things level out.
Individuals in a hypomanic state have a decreased need for sleep, are extremely outgoing and competitive, and have a great deal of energy. However, unlike with full mania, those with hypomanic symptoms are often fully functioning. A number of high profile sources have cited that individuals suffering from hypomania are actually more productive, risk accepting, and goal oriented than usual.
That seems to fit how I was feeling better. Anyway, it seems to have worn off after I got some sleep last night. I feel more level today.
Originally Posted by tsukiko
That's a point though, is there anyone who knows y'laying off drinking? If there is someone you trust, then trust them - never hurts to have someone who's got y'back, y'know...plus, then they're also in a good position to put a swift foot up y'arse should you need it...again, speaking from my own experience lol
Anyway, spent all day at two bars... working. Had lunch at one, didn't drink. I gotta admit that I felt like it, but it just seemed like a psychological thing. Aside from using booze as a reward system, I will also use it as a medicine for acute boredom.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by RyanC
I've had a psychological dependence on alcohol since a few years ago when I developed an anxiety disorder in my late 20s.
(Side note, feel free to skip: I smoked weed until I started getting compulsive thoughts about developing ALS, and then somaticized the symptoms. I was always pretty rational about what was going on, but it took 2 years and finally insisting on an EMG to put it behind me. To this day I still have muscle fasciculations, but I know it is caused by some issue with GABA in my brain, and so they no longer scare me. I mention this because I felt about hypochondriacs how I felt about people who "allow themselves" to become alcoholics... until it happened to me. Anyway, speaking of "something with GABA"...)
A low dose of benzo would get me through the day, and binge drinking was my party at night. I got over that anxiety, but something is different about me now, and it frustrates me that I can't really describe it. I don't think I came out better. I just like drinking now like I never did before.
The health anxiety passed, but my new taste for the sauce has remained. I'm not 24/7 drunk, but I make up for missed time. Over the few subsequent years since I've vacillated between slightly unhealthy drinking patterns and GTFO binge drinking.
Lately I find myself approaching the latter, though still no where near where I was when I was getting over the anxiety disorder.
Last week I drank every day after work, and a few days during work. I'm self-employed, and I can schedule work around drinking, though there is no denying it's having a detrimental effect on my career now. I'm gonna really lose out on a big pay day for the first time if I keep this up.
Other than that my motivators to change are my wife, who is sick seeing me drinking alone even once a week, and that part of my brain that reminds me that I am killing myself slowly with this lifestyle, and if I'm just a bit unlucky I may kill myself quickly.
On Saturday I woke up with a righteous hangover -- the new ones that I get now which include symptoms of generalized anxiety -- and a wine with lunch did not help! Speaking of GABA issues: I know that's not a good sign. A few drink after that did help, and a few drink more and I was on top of the world again. At midnight I woke up with a hangover, and drank the little booze I had left.
I promised myself I would not buy a bottle the next day, and I didn't, but between 5PM and 2AM I probably managed to buy 12 drinks at local bars and restaurants. I didn't get plastered, but I wasn't sober either.
Now it's Monday morning. I woke up at 9:30 with a relatively mild hangover, but the new hangover anxiety was just annoying enough. I know these new hangovers are the first signs of physical dependence like I never had before, even when I used to drink more.
I just needed a pop or two to take the edge off, but the local liquor store didn't open till noon. I needed cigarettes too, but I elected to walk a few extra blocks to a liquor store I knew would be open instead of to the corner store, and I bought my cigs along with a couple of nips of cheap vodka.
The nausea kept me from drinking them right away. I could have downed them pretty easily, but why force it? It wasn't that bad.
A few hours of tooling around on the internet and procrastinating on work, and the bad hangover symptoms subsided, but I had these two nips next to me, so of course I drank them.
Because I regularly skip breakfast, it was even enough to catch a buzz off of. I feel pretty good again, but I'm not getting more.
I know that I did not drink enough to experience a bad hang over when I come down, and I probably won't have another drink for a few days based on how annoyed I am with myself now.
I also know I need to just stop entirely.
Then what? Can I really never drink again?
I know there is a genetic component to alcoholism, and I can't be sure if I have it, but I don't think so. There are no alcoholics in my family.
Also, drinking is a big part of my family's culture. I can't imagine a future where I have to remind my cousins every holiday and wedding that I'm an alchy and I can't drink. Do you guys think it's too late for me to get a hold of this?
I realize this may be a hot-button question on this forum. If it is then I promise you that my intention is not to start a flame war. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with this on this forum. I know there are different subtypes of alcoholism. I'll concede that I fit into some subtype or another. Is my subtype more likely to be able to get a handle on this?
Will I never be able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol?
I enjoy reading clinical research, so if anyone knows of any that might apply in my case, please share.
(Side note, feel free to skip: I smoked weed until I started getting compulsive thoughts about developing ALS, and then somaticized the symptoms. I was always pretty rational about what was going on, but it took 2 years and finally insisting on an EMG to put it behind me. To this day I still have muscle fasciculations, but I know it is caused by some issue with GABA in my brain, and so they no longer scare me. I mention this because I felt about hypochondriacs how I felt about people who "allow themselves" to become alcoholics... until it happened to me. Anyway, speaking of "something with GABA"...)
A low dose of benzo would get me through the day, and binge drinking was my party at night. I got over that anxiety, but something is different about me now, and it frustrates me that I can't really describe it. I don't think I came out better. I just like drinking now like I never did before.
The health anxiety passed, but my new taste for the sauce has remained. I'm not 24/7 drunk, but I make up for missed time. Over the few subsequent years since I've vacillated between slightly unhealthy drinking patterns and GTFO binge drinking.
Lately I find myself approaching the latter, though still no where near where I was when I was getting over the anxiety disorder.
Last week I drank every day after work, and a few days during work. I'm self-employed, and I can schedule work around drinking, though there is no denying it's having a detrimental effect on my career now. I'm gonna really lose out on a big pay day for the first time if I keep this up.
Other than that my motivators to change are my wife, who is sick seeing me drinking alone even once a week, and that part of my brain that reminds me that I am killing myself slowly with this lifestyle, and if I'm just a bit unlucky I may kill myself quickly.
On Saturday I woke up with a righteous hangover -- the new ones that I get now which include symptoms of generalized anxiety -- and a wine with lunch did not help! Speaking of GABA issues: I know that's not a good sign. A few drink after that did help, and a few drink more and I was on top of the world again. At midnight I woke up with a hangover, and drank the little booze I had left.
I promised myself I would not buy a bottle the next day, and I didn't, but between 5PM and 2AM I probably managed to buy 12 drinks at local bars and restaurants. I didn't get plastered, but I wasn't sober either.
Now it's Monday morning. I woke up at 9:30 with a relatively mild hangover, but the new hangover anxiety was just annoying enough. I know these new hangovers are the first signs of physical dependence like I never had before, even when I used to drink more.
I just needed a pop or two to take the edge off, but the local liquor store didn't open till noon. I needed cigarettes too, but I elected to walk a few extra blocks to a liquor store I knew would be open instead of to the corner store, and I bought my cigs along with a couple of nips of cheap vodka.
The nausea kept me from drinking them right away. I could have downed them pretty easily, but why force it? It wasn't that bad.
A few hours of tooling around on the internet and procrastinating on work, and the bad hangover symptoms subsided, but I had these two nips next to me, so of course I drank them.
Because I regularly skip breakfast, it was even enough to catch a buzz off of. I feel pretty good again, but I'm not getting more.
I know that I did not drink enough to experience a bad hang over when I come down, and I probably won't have another drink for a few days based on how annoyed I am with myself now.
I also know I need to just stop entirely.
Then what? Can I really never drink again?
I know there is a genetic component to alcoholism, and I can't be sure if I have it, but I don't think so. There are no alcoholics in my family.
Also, drinking is a big part of my family's culture. I can't imagine a future where I have to remind my cousins every holiday and wedding that I'm an alchy and I can't drink. Do you guys think it's too late for me to get a hold of this?
I realize this may be a hot-button question on this forum. If it is then I promise you that my intention is not to start a flame war. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with this on this forum. I know there are different subtypes of alcoholism. I'll concede that I fit into some subtype or another. Is my subtype more likely to be able to get a handle on this?
Will I never be able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol?
I enjoy reading clinical research, so if anyone knows of any that might apply in my case, please share.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 16
These questions get pretty hard to answer.
I never considered myself to have to have a physical dependence, though I always knew there was at least some psychological dependence. At least I think I did. In hindsight, I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
The problem was that I wasn't thinking enough.
There was a slow build up of thoughts of "I need to slow down" or "I shouldn't drink before the weekend this week", and when time and again those didn't happen, and when I binged myself into hangovers like never before ("doom and gloom" sensation, etc), something snapped. That's when I joined this forum.
Since then, I'm thinking about it a lot, and in new ways too... I can definitely say that I've gained perspective.
I believe that the way I think about my relationship with alcohol will never be the same.
If I'm wrong about that, then I don't know what I'm capable of.
One good thing that's come of this is that I've decided that not only do I not want to deteriorate, but I also need to do better.
In my post prior to this one, I can see I was pretty proud of myself.
I'd gone 72 hours without drinking after a pretty bad binge, and it was pretty easy. That was 6 hours ago.
Then, after a brief inner monologue, I agreed with myself that I can "drink normally", and so I went out and did.
I watched the first three quarters of the game at my local restaurant's bar. In that time period I had two standard (i.e. large) glasses of wine, a standard scotch with my coffee. I paid $18.25 and tipped four dollars. That was 4.5 hours ago.
Then I wanted one more, but I didn't get one. In the 1 block walk home, I managed not to stop at the bar two doors down, though I wanted to. Then I got home and smoked a small amount of weed, because I realized that this would kill my urge to drink more, and it almost entirely did, as per usual.
Shortly thereafter I realized that what I just described sounds nothing like "normal drinking", despite the fact that I didn't get "properly drunk". It occurred to me that it was not an inner monologue that convinced me to go out, was it? Wasn't it more of a dialogue, and wasn't the other party "my inner addict"?
Isn't that what just happened?
I think we convinced me by suggesting that going from daily binging to abstinence so quickly could be harmful, and so we should go out for a little "normal drinking" today in order to be safe, since we'd already proved to ourselves that we have no physical dependence.
We are a smooth talker.
Why did I do that? What did I get out of it? I spent 23 bucks to catch a buzz by myself, for what?
Sometimes throughout the day I convince myself that I'm just being melodramatic on here, and I start to believe it.
Then I remember I had Majorska for breakfast Monday, and it was far from the first time.
Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820
Its pretty simple, if alcohol is something that consumes you versus you consuming it, then you are an alcoholic and addicted. How much time do you spend thinking about how much you drink, buying alcohol, drinking itself. How much time do you spend based around drinking as a whole?
The problem was that I wasn't thinking enough.
There was a slow build up of thoughts of "I need to slow down" or "I shouldn't drink before the weekend this week", and when time and again those didn't happen, and when I binged myself into hangovers like never before ("doom and gloom" sensation, etc), something snapped. That's when I joined this forum.
Since then, I'm thinking about it a lot, and in new ways too... I can definitely say that I've gained perspective.
I believe that the way I think about my relationship with alcohol will never be the same.
If I'm wrong about that, then I don't know what I'm capable of.
Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820
These are questions you need to seriously ask yourself, and then decide if you want to take charge now and change your life, or continue to deteriorate.
Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820
It sounds easy, but its not and you really have to commit to it. Dont walk into it thinking, "I can never drink again" because that is overwhelming. Try saying I wont drink today, and give yourself some time to adjust and heal. As the days continue, you will begin to see amazing changes and realize just how addicted you were. Alcohol and the addiction play many mind games, so be on guard and be patient. You can free yourself from all of this, including the anxiety that goes with drinking and the harm you are doing to your brain and body. Its a process and like I said, it takes a fair amount of commitment. You can do it now, or when your further down the road of addiction. It doesn't matter if its in your genes, who you are, how much money you make, race, sex, orientation.............alcoholism isnt picky on who it takes over. The choice is yours buddy, but we are here to support you on your journey. Welcome!!!
I'd gone 72 hours without drinking after a pretty bad binge, and it was pretty easy. That was 6 hours ago.
Then, after a brief inner monologue, I agreed with myself that I can "drink normally", and so I went out and did.
I watched the first three quarters of the game at my local restaurant's bar. In that time period I had two standard (i.e. large) glasses of wine, a standard scotch with my coffee. I paid $18.25 and tipped four dollars. That was 4.5 hours ago.
Then I wanted one more, but I didn't get one. In the 1 block walk home, I managed not to stop at the bar two doors down, though I wanted to. Then I got home and smoked a small amount of weed, because I realized that this would kill my urge to drink more, and it almost entirely did, as per usual.
Shortly thereafter I realized that what I just described sounds nothing like "normal drinking", despite the fact that I didn't get "properly drunk". It occurred to me that it was not an inner monologue that convinced me to go out, was it? Wasn't it more of a dialogue, and wasn't the other party "my inner addict"?
Isn't that what just happened?
I think we convinced me by suggesting that going from daily binging to abstinence so quickly could be harmful, and so we should go out for a little "normal drinking" today in order to be safe, since we'd already proved to ourselves that we have no physical dependence.
We are a smooth talker.
Why did I do that? What did I get out of it? I spent 23 bucks to catch a buzz by myself, for what?
Sometimes throughout the day I convince myself that I'm just being melodramatic on here, and I start to believe it.
Then I remember I had Majorska for breakfast Monday, and it was far from the first time.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 16
Before I forget to mention this: On a few occasions over the past year, I drank isopropyl alcohol when I'd run out of alcohol on a binge.
I actually read the Wikipedia page first and then decided it didn't sound toxic enough to stop me.
I actually read the Wikipedia page first and then decided it didn't sound toxic enough to stop me.
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