merz77

Hi,

I found this site yesterday & really need some advice.

I have once again been out and got so drunk I can't remember what happened. My boyfriend is unsurprisingly cross with me, I've got bruises on me from presumably falling over. And I feel so bad that I haven't gone into work today, I've just called in sick. I don't usually miss work, but I feel emotionally wrecked by my behaviour again.

When am out drinking I find it impossible to know when to stop, which is why I get in this state.

I drink every day & have done for about 5 years, I've cut back from a bottle of wine a day to about 3/4 to 1/2 most nights, weekends probably a bottle again.

The prospect of never drinking again makes me feel like am going to miss out, but I know something needs to change, and I don't know where to start.

My question is probably rhetorical but I feel I need to ask, do you think my daily drinking is a lot? And do you think I have a problem with drinking?

Thanks in advance for any replies

mecanix

I knew i had a drinking problem , deep down inside .

I knew for quite a few years it was doing me more harm than good but still i carried on doing it . I think thats my definition of a drinking problem .

No matter how many times i tried to moderate eventually , days, weeks or months on i'd find myself drinking myself into a blackout where i'd have no memory of events .

In the end for me quitting completely was the only way to prevent myself and my life going out of control .

Good luck whatever you decide to do , M

Hollyanne

Merz77,
Give up all drink for a month.
Just one month.
Start today.
If you think, after a month, you were happier drinking, drink again.
I am pretty sure you will not.
Drinking every day and questioning your drinking are a warning.
Getting into trouble with friends, family, work is a warning sign.
The hole stops getting bigger when we stop digging.
Best of luck.

Hollyanne

By the way,
Welcome to Sober Recovery!
Read, read, read.......

merz77

Thanks mecanix, I guess deep down I know I have a problem, I feel quite scared & upset today, appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Living

By you questioning yourself on your drinking, I think you already know. I was in the same boat as you. I have only 5 weeks of sobriety, but let me tell you how wonderful it is. Please do as HollyAnne said and give yourself a goal of one month. I am quite sure you will be so pleased with yourself that you might not ever want to go back to drinking.

Good luck and keep posting.

merz77

Hi Hollyanne & live or die, thanks for your replies , one month seems a lot when I am worried about just tonight but I am going to try & get through today, I don't want to feel like this again any time soon

BLJ

You don't have to think about quitting forever, Just for today. Just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting and tomorrow do the same thing. Don't drink and go to a meeting. It's always one day at a time. I have over 18 years sober and I did it one day at a time, with meetings, with a sponsor and with working the steps. The thing that needs changing is my mind. With the same kind of thinking, I'll return to drinking. The steps are what makes this possible. I don't have the same mind as I did, I have a sane one, a healthy one and my life is really good. Some people will tell you they didn't do it this way. You have to make up your own mind as to which way you want do it....then do it!

Hollyanne

I have a feeling that you are young and probably not in the depths of addiction.
BUT!, you have to understand that no one is above getting addicted.
If drinking is causing problems now, it very rarely becomes anything but a bigger problem.
The reason I said a month is because a month is a short time.
To a "normal" drinker. If this horrifies you, make it a week!
Just don't forget today.
How you are in the dog-house with the boy etc.
And! You missed work!
For a drink!
And you have the "FEAR"! Yuck!

joygirl

Hi and welcome!
You are in the right place. Keep reading and posting and see if anything, honestly, clicks with you. You'll know.

merz77

Thanks Hollyanne, am not that young (35) so really old enough to know better. I don't know about addicted, I am pretty sure I have a problem though, both thou & BLJ are making valid points, 1 day or a week just make a change.
Boyf is not speaking to me and he"s been here with me before, being out with me being wasted & making a show of myself.
Work, today was a bad day to take off for I had a lot on, its not actually made me feel better, but chatting here is helping.

anewpage

merz - I came on here just 4 or 5 days ago with that very same question - do I have a problem? Well, since I tried cutting out alcohol for just one day and having awful withdrawal symptoms, I decided that yes, I do. Whether an all-out alcoholic, or someone who habitually abuses alcohol, it's a problem if you think it is. I still have not managed to go a day without alcohol. I'm working on it though. I'm glad to have found this place, it helps a lot. So stick around, read, post, and let us know what you decide to do.

Hevyn

Welcome merz! Great to have you with us.

I wish I'd questioned what alcohol was doing to me at 35. I went on for many more years, until I totally destroyed my life. I kept insisting willpower would help me control the amounts I drank. I was afraid to miss out too - but now I realize it was life I was missing out on by staying numb and foggy so much of the time. It isn't how much we drink but what it does to us when we do. If you have no off switch and end up with unintended consequences - there's a problem. I'm glad you are taking a look at what drinking is doing to your life. It takes courage to face up to it and take action.

merz77

Wow thanks everyone, Hevyn I think that you have summed it up well for me, in that I have no off button. I can be awful when am drunk & can be mean & nasty at times, in a way that I never would be sober.. I'm feeling very apprehensive but thanks so much for all your replies.

freshstart57

I got trapped inside of larger and larger bottles of cheaper and cheaper vodka and my world got really really small. I was missing out on just about everything you could think of while drinking.

Now, sober, I miss out on NOTHING, except being sick, hungover, bloated, bruised, achy, depressed, angry, ashamed and anxious. Those I things I happily do without now.

I learned that I don't have to drink, people don't really care one way or the other, and that I have the ability to do big things like quit a powerful addiction. You can do it too!

Pete55

Welcome,

I drank for over 30 years and recently learnt
there is no known cure for the physical craving of more alcohol after the first drink.
Yet it was suggested in the 1930's about the phenomenon of craving for alcohol linked to a mental obsession.
I do not crave alcohol unless I put alcohol in my body, craving is physical.
The Obsession over alcohol for me were the thoughts along the lines of ,
"one day I will be able to drink in moderation after I build up enough tolerance by drinking more alcohol"!
I have no "off switch for alcohol".
It only got worse.

Abstinence from alcohol a day at a time works for me and AA to deal with alcoholism.

Sasha4

I stopped for a month and here I am sober still 459 days later.

I have been in your shoes.
Shocked by my behaviour when drunk.
However most of the time, someone else had to tell me what had happened as I was black out drunk.

Don't think about the future or next Christmas, summer, your birthday.
Just take it one day at a time.
I would wake up and say ' just for today, I will not drink'.
Its worked as I have well over a year now.

I learnt a lot about addiction here.
I posted, I read and my knowledge of addiction has grown.

I also came to the conclusion that the label - 'alcoholic, binge drinker, alcohol abuser - did not matter.
The fact alcohol made me unhappy and other people I loved and cared about was enough for me to stop.

I could of spent years debating if I was an alcoholic or not and all the while kept drinking and doing more damage.

I now know I am not missing out on anything by not drinking.
Drinking events and places hold little appeal to me now.
I don't see drinking as a reward anymore or as a way to spend time or relax.

There have been many times I have regretted drinking. I have never regretted not drinking.

My best to you
x

anewpage

Wow - that is a great thought. Thank you.

wheresthefun

Missing out on the above, don't sound all that bad, to me.

merz77

Sasha4 & where's the fun thanks for taking the time to reply, yep it doesnt seem like I will be missing much when written in black & white!
"Never regretted not drinking" wise words, I just need to try it, thanks again.