sandgirl

"Emotionally wrecked by my behaviour again"...whatever you label it as it's not making you happy.

Sasha4

I think there are lots of people in the UK who drink a bottle of wine a night.
I know lots of my friends who do it and I did it myself.
But you know a bottle of wine is about 9 units, so 7 days a week, that is well over the 14 to 21 units for women a week.

The first few days were strange for me.
I had to find things to do.
I tidied, I cleaned, I went to the gym, I went shopping, did lots of jobs I had put off for ages, went for a long drive with loud music, cooked meals for the freezer.
Gradually it became 'normal' to not drink.
Now I cannot imagine sitting on the sofa every night, same glass, same television programme every night like I used to.

You might find people trying to talk you out of it.
Your boyfriend might even talk you out of it too.
But stick to your guns, be strong.

I never made any life changing speeches or confessions.
I just said I want to try and give up drinking alcohol for a month. Then it went to 6 months. Then I got to a year.

I found the longer I went, the less I wanted to drink, and the less people/friends/colleagues tried to talk me into it.
Most of my friends knew I wanted to do a year and my the end did not want me to fail.

I think your going to do good
x

Hollyanne

Merz77,
35!
You are only a little chicken!
I will tell you this.
That is just about the age where the booze turned on me.
It is kind of the age that people are breaking off to start families and getting serious buying houses and marrying and all that serious adult stuff.
Also, getting a little older, we don't bounce back after a night out as quick.
I love that Sasha started with a month and is working up to 500 now.
Don't do this another 10 years Merz. We have done the research for you.
Trust me.

Harden1313

Hey Merz. If 77 is the year you born then we aren't that far off.

The thing you will find about most people in recovery is that they won't tell you what you need to do, they will share parts of their story. It's frustrating as heck sometimes but we do it that way because our stories connect us. We share the same pain and experiences through alcoholism and can relate to each other like non-problem drinkers just can't. It's like a women explaining child birth to a man, it's really something only another woman can relate to and just like us, the pain of not being able to control, stop or temper our drinking is something only another one of us can understand.

I heard from many people: "Dude, you should probably cut back...I mean look at what you have done!". Now, I understood their logic but the addiction had me so tight that I defied that logic to tragic ends. Should I have stopped years before I did? Of course. Could I have? No. Not a chance. I needed every single ounce of pain, tragedy, loneliness and loss to finally reach the point where I gave up trying to control my drinking and became CONSISTENTLY and BOLDLY honest about my behavior when it came to alcohol.

As to your question about drinking too much, the answer I can give is this: For me, it isn't about the amount of alcohol you drink, the frequency or duration. It is about how it impacts your life. Are you an alcoholic? I don't know, that is something for you to honestly search your heart for. I can say though that despite the answer you find, there are many willing, friendly kindred spirits in the rooms of AA that will help you in the search.

I suggest you find some local AA groups, attend some meetings and keep your ears open for a strong woman who's story and wisdom speaks to you. Approach her and ask her to be your sponsor. You won't be contracted to her and you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. For me, my bottom was when I broke through the denial and the ego that told me I could control my drinking on my own and asked someone to hold my hand and help me recover. It is hard. It can feel daunting but if you can approach it with the mind set that you are going to do this one step at a time, one day at a time then you will be closer to freedom.

As for what you will be missing? I feared the same thing. People who have been sober for a long time told me that sobriety is better, to which I secretly was afraid and skeptical. Now I have strung some days together and I'm starting to understand what they meant. I never had known sobriety so I couldn't picture anything but the lifestyle I had before. It really is better being sober.

Hope you find your answer.

Dejvice

The following was written in a thread on SR yesterday or last week.

'Drinking is just a very miserable affair now and I'm just pouring it down my neck to stop feeling bad. That last sentence would never make sense to a non addict'!

merz77

I feel overwhelmed with the kindness of you all, and all of you are strangers to me.

Such wise words as well, Harden & the rest thank you for all taking the time share your thoughts with me on this dark day for me.

merz77

I just can't say thanks enough for today, I've cracked however & had a drink, but I have also researched & emailled some local councillors & therapists to set up a meeting. What I have learned here today, is that I do need to take a big step & I can't do it alone.
I will keep reading as you have suggested, and keep you posted. Once again thanks to everyone who replied x

Spinach

Merz77 You can do it but you've got to keep at it, don't worry that you've had a drink just give up tomorrow, get through the day and keep counting , it can be easy it can be dreadful. See your GP they can only be of help and they'd rather know and support, sometimes a few days of pills can really help once those days it's all about working on a new life a different plan, ask your bf to help even join in, think how much money can be saved, holidays. Think of your pride , that's what got me through ?
Eventually I saw it and started not just not drinking but enjoying sobriety.
You found yourself here it's no mistake.
You know the painting the Scream by H Munch, no more days like that and in no time at all you'd be able to buy it !!
Love John.

Legend40

i would say definitely YES, you have a drinking issue. getting hammered and falling over and hurting yourself is not a normal way of life. my advice would be to seek treatment immediately, either out patient counseling or possibly a impatient center. i hope you make the right choice, life is way to beautiful to live through drunken eyes. i wish you all the luck in the world, i really do.

merz77

Wow here I am again, just read these pages back & im reduced to tears, same story 5 years on.
I've changed a bit I drink bottles of beer now rather than bottles of wine, as I can't stop once I'm on the way to being drunk. Still drinking every day & last night was a spectacular example of my inability to control myself, hammered making show of my self I imagine (can't remember) other half not talking to me. Hating myself right now.

I think today is different than last time, when the food shopping arrived I had ordered beers for myself. I told the delivery driver to keep them, that I didn't want them. Just today I'm not going to drink, and I'm aiming for the month this time. Just one day at a time tho.

Mountainmanbob

According to the above.
If not alcoholic possibly borderline?

Seems that you and ones close to you are tired of your drinking habits?

Many times in life ones will receive warning signs.
If action is taken, these may save a life or marriage or etc etc etc..

Mountainmanbob

jazzfish

I remember having the fear of missing out or living a life that would be "less than" if I didn't include alcohol. Then one miserable day it hit me: if alcohol is so good at enhancing my life, shouldn't my life be a whole lot better RIGHT NOW.

My addiction was defined by the fact that I would choose to drink knowing full well that it was going make me miserable.

JustTony

Merz,

I hope that you don't mind but I'm going to share my experience of ladies that drink in the UK?

I know a lot and those that drink daily do not black out on one bottle of wine. They build a huge tolerance (as do men) and it would need closer to three bottles of wine to have that effect for a daily drinker.

I know everyone is bigger, smaller, different etc. But I suspect (if you're drinking daily) that your tolerance and consumption is much higher than you say.

I apologise if this offends you? I'm a three bottles of wine man (minimum) and can still sink shots and beers after on a long session. The last time I blacked out was years ago.

Are you sure 1 bottle is all you drink?

Either way - you have a problem just like me.

Tony

merz77

Well I don't really drink wine much now, but the black outs occur after binging drinking, usually on nights out or some occasion. Sorry I've not been clear there. I drink a lot when I'm out, beer and shots. And the worst thing is I'm the instigator of shots usually.

I've made a note of how I feel today so that I can read it when I want to reach for a beer tomorrow. Read that here today so hopefully tha will help me.

Susiegirl

Welcome Merz - drinking everyday is a problem. I know from experience I started to ruin relationships with family friends and alcohol was the final nail in the coffin for my marriage - I am now divorced. Apart from the end of my marriage - I'm lucky that I still have everyone else in my life. Drinking and blacking out forgetting what you have done is not healthy and in my opinion it was not acceptable to me and I had to stop. I'm only 14 days sober and like Sasha says above - take it one day at a time and don't think about the future. Just wake up in the morning and say I am not drinking today.
I am finding the days are lasting longer and getting far much more done. If this affecting your relationship and obviously stopping you from going to work then do it for yourself and reap the benefits. Its not going to be easy but prove it to yourself that you can do it.
Hope all goes well for you - Stay strong X

Berrybean

Glad you're back, reading and posting.

Just remember though, nothing changes if nothing changes. I was a typical alcoholic, investing all kinds of energy I trying to find a way of keeping the drinking but dispense with the consequences. Kidding myself that I just wanted to drink like a 'normal' person. Such a big lie to myself - I never wanted a few drinks, when I had a drink there was one thing I wanted and that was to be proper drunk. To have responsibility removed from me. To get that 'witter, prettier and tittier'release from the normality of being me and the anxious not-enoughness that came along with that.

I hope that you will feel compelled to make those changes that can lead you to sobriety and recovery, and the freedom from alcohol and self that many others have found. Serenity really is a thing! Who'd have thought it.

Please don't wait for appointments with counsellors and the like. By all means get that process started, but even getting a doctors appointment in the UK can take a week, let alone counselling sessions. There will be an AA meeting near you in the next 24 hours. It is free. You don't need to register or give anyone your full name or any other details. You can go and just listen and not even speak if you don't feel up to that. But the hope that we can get from meeting other alcoholics in recovery really needs to be experienced to be believed.
Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd - Home

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

merz77

Thanks everyone. Despite how awful I'm feeling today, I think this will be the easiest day not to drink. I'm worried it's easy to forget that drinking leads to disruption and upset.


Berrybean, I think that's good advice I'm looking on the website now. Ty

Lava256

That's me. Black out drinking every other night. Waking up in the morning and gauging my husband's mood: if pissed then I'd know I'd done or said something stupid the night before. If he was happy and cool then most likely I'd just stumbled quietly into bed. What a way to live!!!!

Berrybean

While you are looking, just to say that Closed means the meeting is just for people who have issues with alcohol. Open means that it's for people with issues with alcohol AND for others who may have an interest or want to go along to support someone else. Sorry if you already knew that. I only mention it because it was something that really confused me when I first looked. I couldn't understand what there were all these meetings that had closed down. Doh,

Lava256

merz77, you are exactly me... at least when I used to go out. It was often black out drinking and forgetting snippets of the night the morning after.. like how exactly I got home, etc. I'd always brag to my friends that at least I ALWAYS managed to get into my house. Then I graduated to drinking at home. I don't go out much anymore coz of having a young child, new family life, etc. But that's not how a normal person should live. Normal people don't drink that much every day of their lives and feel horrified at the thought of having to stop. I too was horrified but it reached a point where I had to choose booze or life. I've chosen life.