Newem

This is a message to myself so I don't forget why I decided to stop drinking. There are going to be many times along this path that I purposely forget the bad aspects of my drinking. The reason being is that I love drinking. Love the smell, taste and buzz I get from Champagne and wine. I have associated so many pleasurable things in life with a (or many) champers. Beautiful sunny day became better with a wine. Gathering with my girlfriends was always with a wine. A big day exercising meant I deserved a wine. Stressful day I deserved a wine. Soon there wasn't a day when I didn't "deserve" a wine and unlike so many other people I couldn't control my drinking. Could not so no. Would drink until every drop was drunk in the house. The only days that were alcohol free days were when I had an epic hangover that alcohol was still flowing in my veins. There are so many things I'm going to miss about drinking but I'm ready to stop because the negatives far outweigh the positives now and it's time to grow up. It's over. These points are to remind you how bad it was.
* hiding bottles of vodka under the bed so my husband wouldn't notice. Hiding the extent of your drinking from him
* the shakes from drinking the night before. Your manager asking you if you were nervous about a presentation after noticing your shakes and you lying saying yes rather than saying it was from drinking the night before
* the black outs.... Most recent one at party where random guys sent you messages on fb the next day and I'm married!! I know I didn't do anything but heavens I must have said something bad
* crying and letting out family secrets and New Years
* the bedroom stinking of wine from my breath
* passing out whilst my husband drive back from my sisters. Being so drunk I passed out and vomited over myself and in the car.
* waking up after Kristys 40th with scratches down your arms after falling over.
The list of cringe worthy and shameful things are endless.
I'm on day 5 of being sober. All I can think about is having a wine. I'm so desperately sad. I feel like I've lost a friend in a way. How did I become this person. I have two very young boys and I never want them to see me drunk. The drinking.... It's over

Jackie3

Be strong! You are on the right path!

Newem

Thank you Jackie3. That means a lot. I'm the most ridiculously private person. It was so hard to write that and to be honest doesn't even cover half my problems. But it's nice to know there are good people out there like you.

Jackie3

Anytime! You found a great site. Everyone is very supportive. You will find out many pepper are/were in your situation , you are not alone. I'm on day 9. I was also fed up with my drinking habits. Constantly blacking out, falling down, being embarrassed of myself, losing friends, etc. I knew I had to change... We are on the righ path to a better life!

Odelle

Welcome to SR, Newem. Read around a bit, you’ll soon see most of us arrived here with much shame and regret. One day at a time is helpful early on, and at times, 15 minutes at a time. It does get much easier with time and the cravings will diminish. You may want to join the Class of May group http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ay-2013-a.html for the support and encouragement of other people who have also decided to quit this month. I joined the class thread when I quit in February and the camaraderie is amazing.

rainyengland

Hi,it's good to write down like you did. - I can relate to all that and more!

You lost a friend? - friends like that I am sure you can do without!.. Would you truly make a friend that will promise to one day take everything away and kill you most likely ? Nope,go do one my 'friend',I caught you out and are better,stronger and Cleverer than you :-)

Keep going!

Newem

Thank you Odelle, I have joined the May Group. My craving are huge at the moment. All consuming. As soon as my husband gets home I'm going for a walk but there is a bottle shop I have to walk past. I'm not going to walk with any money so I can't get anything but I don't know how I'm going to continue day after day feeling like this. Thank you for letting me know it gets better.

Jeni26

It does get easier. When I first quit I honestly thought it would be impossible to get past a Friday night without drinking. After all, that had been my routine for 30 years! Little wonder it wasn't going to go away in a few weeks....

But it has. Friday night is just like any other night to me now. Sober and full of plans for the weekend. Plans that don't involve laying on the sofa hungover that is...

Best wishes to you xxx

endlesspatience

You're already making progress by sharing your experiences here and realising that you can decide whether to drink or not on an hour by hour, minute by minute basis. For example, by not taking any money with you when you walk past that wine shop. It's doing lots of little things like that which helps us in early sobriety. And as sobriety becomes more extended, the scales begin to fall from our eyes and we realise that we always do a little more to protect ourselves from drink and all the terrible consequences it brings, like the ones you listed.

Leona

Thank you Newem for your post. I can relate to all of it and it has really helped me this morning. I am also day 5 and I've decided I need a better friend than the wine. We deserve better don't you think?

MidnightBlue

Hi, Newem. I could totally relate to this.

But now, after almost 7 months of sobriety I can't even stand the smell of wine - makes me literally sick. And all the things are so much better without wine.

When I just quitted I would have never believed I could survive New Year without Champaigne. But I did)

So, be strong - it's really getting better.

Best wishes to you.

FeelingGreat

Newem I loved your first post. You summed it all up for me. Drinking was fun, it was social, it tasted great. But eventually it became my enemy. I still miss some aspects of drinking, but I don't miss the hangovers, constantly feeling below par, the fact that it took over my thinking.
Something that motivated me as well was the health cost. I saw a professor in an ad on TV saying that alcohol was a class 1 carcinogen, and that really scared me. At the same time a couple of people I knew who were heavy drinkers died of throat cancer. I was putting on weight, had a bout of high blood pressure and I'm sure I was rotting my teeth away.
The first little while with strong cravings will pass faster than you think. Try taking deep mindful breaths; I find they relax me and my mind moves on.

Newem

Thank you all so much. It brings tears to my eyes that there is so many beautiful kind people out there. Xx

least

Congrats on your first five days sober. It'll be hard at first but don't give in, cause it does get easier. I too was a wine drinker and didn't think I'd have a life without it, but it gets easier the longer you're sober. Now I never even think of wine.

Stay strong. You can do this!