wpainterw

Tonight I was looking at Jack Lemmon’s performance (with Lee Remick) in “The Days of Wine and Roses” and found it pretty tough going. Brought too many memories back. And suddenly I thought how often I had seen that movie, along with others such as “The Lost Weekend”, “When a Man Loves a Woman” and each time I watched them I must have thought, “But that’s not me. I’m different.” So many years of thinking “I’m different”! Of course at the end, I found I was no different. Alcohol is a chemical and doesn’t respect differences. Alcohol doesn’t care. With alcohol no one’s “different”, at least if he’s an alcoholic.
Are you “different”? If not, when did you stop thinking otherwise? What did it take?


W.

quitforme79

I used to sit in AA meetings and think "I'm different" because I never had anything REALLY terrible happen. UNTIL I relapsed, tried to killed myself (in a black out) and ended up spending 4 days in a psych unit after being medically cleared. I knew I was an alcoholic prior to that but unfortunately, that's what it took for me to REALLY accept it. Now I see it as a blessing

Tamerua

For a long time I didn't think I had a real problem because I wasn't my father, who was a violent drunk. Then, I wasn't like a girl I knew, who drank pints of vodka every day. Then a guy I knew who was hospitalized. I started to go to AA because I emotionally bottomed out. At first, yeah, I used to think I wasn't like them. Now, I see I am. Very much so and had better listen so that I don't go out again and have the physical, legal and material bottoms they had.

wpainterw

P.S. Sometimes I think that alcoholics are the only people I really understand. They're like me since I'm not "different" from them. And the more I know them the more I understand myself. That's something I never did, for years and years.

W.

Acheleus

The first time I drank at a party I blacked out and urinated in my friends living room. I was fifteen. At 18 got first DUI. At 20 got second DUI. Tried to kill myself a few times. Spent one year at my fathers drinking a gallon of wine a day and taking the occasional Xanax. I am 27 and didn't realize I had a problem until a few years ago. Still drank because I felt so guilty about being a fool. My father is a drunk and always enabled me. I have been sober four days and realize you have to do this for yourself. No one else will accept your alcoholism and try to remedy it. You have to do it yourself.

bigsombrero

My first (and hopefully last) time in a detox center was a real eye opener. I saw some people that were quite down on their luck. They looked unhealthy. Some were clearly having mental troubles. Some were surly. And many of them had been there before.

Then it hit me:

I am ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Holy crap. That was when it finally dawned on me that I was an alcoholic and truly in need of help.

FeenixxRising

I was "different", for decades. I could take or leave alcohol. Never drank at home and never drank during the day. At most I drank maybe once a month, with most of those times being a few drinks each time. Sure, I became intoxicated 3 or 4 times a year, but not black-out, crazy drunk. And I never had urges or cravings for alcohol or any other substance.

And then about 5 years ago, I wasn't so different anymore. Not sure what happened exactly, but here I am. I don't dwell on it much. I could ask why, but that's like asking why are my eyes brown, or why am I only 6 feet tall and not 6'3" tall. It just is.

Not drinking anymore isn't the end of the world, millions of people never drink and have full, rewarding lives, so there's no reason I can't do the same.

phebe

I thought I was different because I was a very pleasant, loving drunk. Not abusive and violent.

I thought I was different because I only drank red wine... so good for you, right??

I thought I as different because it was the norm around me for so long.. working in a restaurant with other heavy drinkers, having friends that were heavy drinkers, having family that liked to have drinks when we got together and celebrated.

I thought I was different because there is always someone you know that is drinking more than you.

Now the difference is.... between me and all the above... I have realized, and most importantly accepted, that my body is not designed to drink. Even as others may be able to do. I believe, genetically, I may have inherited that 'weak drink link', from my fathers parents... they both died of cirrhosis in their 50's.

It's taking a bit of physical pain to wake me up to this fact, and I may have not stopped drinking at this time if that wasn't so, but now that I am stepping away from it (17 days) I see how much of a vicious cycle... between the cravings, hangovers, sicknesses, wash rinse repeat... and how deadly drinking really was.

I am blessed to be here with you Now and get this monkey off my back.

Cc77

I relapsed after three years clean by trying to finally be a 'social drinker'. Drank for two months straight, lost a great guy(whom I thought I would marry), the day he kicked me out I almost drank myself to death. I was a a .4----. Took 12 hours in the emergency room to get my BAC to a .2 just to go to detox. It was like I had never quit. I shouldn't be alive today according to the nurses. For some reason my life was spared, and I have FINALLY admitted that I am truly an alcoholic. I think I've used up all of my chances. I needed that wake-up call..it's a mystery why it took so much to make me realize. Cunning, baffling disease!!! Go away!!

2granddaughters

Alcoholism....

If you aren't an alcoholic then no explanation is possible. If you are an alcoholic then no explanation is required.

All the best, Bill.

Bob R

BadCompany

The alcoholics problem isn't that he thinks he's very, very special. The alcoholics problem isn't that he thinks he is a worm. The alcoholics problem is that he thinks he is a very, very special worm.

deeker

I love hearing stories like that and the reason why is because you are gonna beable to help so many others who have felt or are hopeless and want to end it all. God will use our past and make something very special out of it.
Thank You

wpainterw

Hey! It's wonderful hearing from all you folks who aren't "different"! It makes me feel less lonely, less guilty. Groucho Marx said that he would never want to belong to a club which had the poor judgment to accept him. SR is different because it's mostly folks who share one thing in common. And I think this makes them feel better about themselves, less lonely, less guilty

W.

Nonsensical

I've always been very different from other alcoholics.


Until it turned out I was quite the same.

fantail

Ha! I just posted about this topic on another thread without realizing it was being discussed here:

I had this quote on my wall for a while: "They believe they can take it or leave it alone — so they take it. If they do stop, out of fear or whatever, they go at once into such a state of euphoria and well-being that they become over-confident. They're rid of drink, and feel sure enough of themselves to be able to start again, promising they'll take one, or at the most two, and — well, then it becomes the same old story over again."

It's from The Lost Weekend (the book), which was published in 1936. It was a good smack in the face when I realized that someone had described my pattern to a T decades before I was even born.

FBL

It's amazing how the human brain can justify just about anything. I never thought I was "that bad" until I ended up in the ER, questioning my own sanity. The sober life is SO much better!

Huglets

For years I suffered from terminal uniqueness. That thinking nearly killed me.

Fact is I'm an alcoholic that is no better and no worse than any other alcoholic.

hypochondriac

When I stopped looking for the differences I started to get better. I spent years comparing myself to other people but there will always be someone worse and better than you. I stopped comparing in a negative way when I came here and saw many similarities with other people. I never used to think I was better than anyone else though, I always thought sh;t, that could happen to me, but not yet... I was always surprised I hadn't had worse consequences from my drinking, but when I did have negative consequences I always used to try and explain them away without having to contemplate the idea of quitting drinking. And I didn't speak to anyone about it so I could justify anything to myself.

honeypig

Reading this, I realize how "not different" I am from all those other folks in the Alanon meetings and how "not different" my A is from all the A's who posted here....

I am very new into recovery and this is tremendously eye-opening and helpful for me. Sorry you all paid the price to be here; thanks for turning the price into gold by sharing that w/others.

cleareyes

Oh yes I like some others thought I was different from those in AA because my bottom wasn't as "bad" as their bottoms. I also realized I as the same when I went to treatment. I relapsed (one day) right after treatment and one of those things that I hadn't done yet happened. Every part of other alcoholics bottoms are just a yet away if it hasn't happened to you.