JM593

Quitting is hard and I dont know if I can do it. Ive ben trying and I feel worse than I did a month ago. I promised myself I would feel better in a month. Give myself a month. the month is up. All I have now are thoughts a little bit wont hurt me and it will make me feel better. I bought some and have been staring at it. I want to stop but i feel like I am dead. Everything is flat and there is no color in life. I barely make it through work and my girlfriend is hanging in wtih me but I dont know why. If she comes home and figures it out I dont know if she will give me another chance. im lying Im lying to people on a computer I used I brought it home and I used hours ago and now I want more I might be able to cover this but more I cant cover. I keep telling myself I cant start again I am remebering before I quit I went crazy. I did 3 grams in a weekend while drinking. I ended up on the floor seeing things in blurry white. I could hear my heart pounding and then someone pounding on the door. people yelling. My boss was at my door, the police, there were people outside my windows and i couldnt move and laid there. I woke up and no one had beat down the door, there was not even a message on the phone It was all coming from my heart beating. when does this get better? will it get better? ive tried hard and I dont feel better I feel worse. something is not working right

ReadyAtLast

It does get better.I'm at 3 months and feel a thousand times better than I did at 1 month. I felt despondent at 1 month and, like you,wondered why I didn't feel really really great.

bagpussgirl

Keep going you've done so well

Dee74

Hi JM

I dunno about you but I drank and used for years - it's all fine and good to set a time limit for feeling better but our bodies and minds often have other ideas.

A month did not cut it for me...it was more like 3 months for me. I still think that was a pretty good deal for nearly 30 years of drinking and drugs.

The other thing to consider is...what have you been doing to add that colour you're missing?

It would be great if being sober solved everything...but it rarely does.

I had to work hard to build a life I was happy in...that's the other reason why I'm not sure a month is enough to grade living sober.

I know it's hard - but you're not alone here - there's a ton of support.
Stand your ground - be patient - stay sober.

There's no answers back the way you came..right?

D

JM593

No I dont think theres any answers back that way. thank you

JM593

there are no answers back that way and ive told myself no every day many times a day for the past month i coudnt do it today and I felt better for a while but now not so good again the only way to feel good is to go back that way but I cant live that way anymore I know this. I know its true but it hurts this new way hurts.

Anna

Yeah, I agree with Dee. I don't think giving yourself a time limit to feel better is a good idea. I think the best thing is to focus on the positives of recovery. Try keeping a Gratitude Journal.

Dee74

how do you know that for sure if you've only given this way 4 weeks JM?

D

JM593

a month sounded like a LONG time when I quit. I know its not that long only 30 days. and now I screwed that up with one impulse to go get more. Driving there was the first time I felt excited that is sad isnt it. I still have my job, I think I still have my girl, my family knows Im trying to change and they are proud of me. they dont trust me but they know Im trying. My heart isnt jumping around like it used to. Maybe there is a change. Maybe I am feeling pain like I didnt feel it before. I used to run from it, now Im feeling it. It sucks but its real. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself Im better than this

Stash

we use alcohol to feel better when we feel like crap. thats why its so easy for us to want to go back to it. one month isnt a lot of time to heal and you should try not to put so much pressure on your self about feeling better so quickly. allow yourself to feel and go through the emotional stages of grieving alcohol and drugs. this feelings will pass give it some more time. no dead lines... just go with the flow so you wont feel so much pressure.

i hope you feel better soon
<3

kizzy40

Nothing worth having and is truly precious is ever easy to come by... Hang in there

trachemys

Aw, c'mon JM, let's fall off the wagon together. Let's get ripped.

Ripped...torn asunder...shredded... is that what you really want? How damaged do you want to be tomorrow? We can do this if you want to. I'll go with you. We can throw a cyber bender. You really want to? I'm in. Let's party.

least

I'd give yourself at least three months to see a difference in how you feel. The other thing is maybe you have clinical depression. Stay sober for a longer time than a month and then if you still feel bad, see a doctor for an evaluation.

Richierich777

I don't think you want to lose everything, your girl and family? For something you really want it usually is hard. Life is hard right, but you have your girl and family and work. Some people don't even have that.

silentrun

Just 2 short years ago I quit drinking for a week(medical condition). It took me no more than three days to bounce back. Right now I am 6 weeks in and still recovering from mush brain. I had pretty sever depression when I quit and it's just now starting to lift It's from the recovery I don't have any underlying depression issues. IMHO one month is just not enough time for our bodies to repair. It does get better. It's hard to put yourself through recovery process. You can do this.

Bigndfan175

Of course it's hard, chrst if I were easy more people would seek the help they want. So good luck, come back when you're ready to listen and put in the work, cause its some of the hardest work you will ever do ( also the most rewarding)

Bigndfan175

I like this poster - thanks!!!

shoreladylu

Thank you for sharing that with us. You don't want that old life- It's clear in the honesty of your posts. I can't tell you when it will get better. But if you keep using I can tell you it will never get better. Don't give up on yourself.

MemphisBlues

I'll let you in on a little secret not many in recovery will share: Sobriety sucks. Those first few weeks or months or, in my case, more than a year are incredibly, powerfully, incalculably hard.

I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

But the truth, the hard truth, is that recovery takes time. A month of not drinking or using isn't going to cut it. I never had what some call the "pink cloud," that feeling that life is wonderful sober, that getting clean was a piece of cake, that everything was ice cream, rainbows and orgasms.

At six months sober, I would just pray to have one day, or even just an hour out of a day, where I felt relatively content. It never came.

It took me about a year. And 2 1/2 years sober I can still have days that are just crushing. I'm not talking about craving for a drink or a drug, but just slammed-to-the-floor.

But I don't drink. I don't take a drug. And I am happy to have paid that price, those days and weeks and months of misery, to get to where I am today: Clean from the obsession that a drink or a d rug will somehow fix whatever feelings I am going through.

It doesn't work.

deeker

hmmm