Im giving up
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: LoneStar
Posts: 78
Jm593,
Im 4 weeks and a day sober. I feel like Crap this evening. Hate to hear you do to. I am looking forward to something you mentioned. Being trustworthy mostly in the sense of being predictable for my family. I think they deserve me to be that for them. Thanks for sharing your pain and I wish you freedom from your anxieties.
Im 4 weeks and a day sober. I feel like Crap this evening. Hate to hear you do to. I am looking forward to something you mentioned. Being trustworthy mostly in the sense of being predictable for my family. I think they deserve me to be that for them. Thanks for sharing your pain and I wish you freedom from your anxieties.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by MemphisBlues 
I'll let you in on a little secret not many in recovery will share: Sobriety sucks. Those first few weeks or months or, in my case, more than a year are incredibly, powerfully, incalculably hard.
I wouldn't wish them on anyone.
But the truth, the hard truth, is that recovery takes time. A month of not drinking or using isn't going to cut it. I never had what some call the "pink cloud," that feeling that life is wonderful sober, that getting clean was a piece of cake, that everything was ice cream, rainbows and orgasms.
At six months sober, I would just pray to have one day, or even just an hour out of a day, where I felt relatively content. It never came.
It took me about a year. And 2 1/2 years sober I can still have days that are just crushing. I'm not talking about craving for a drink or a drug, but just slammed-to-the-floor.
But I don't drink. I don't take a drug. And I am happy to have paid that price, those days and weeks and months of misery, to get to where I am today: Clean from the obsession that a drink or a d rug will somehow fix whatever feelings I am going through.
It doesn't work.
I wouldn't wish them on anyone.
But the truth, the hard truth, is that recovery takes time. A month of not drinking or using isn't going to cut it. I never had what some call the "pink cloud," that feeling that life is wonderful sober, that getting clean was a piece of cake, that everything was ice cream, rainbows and orgasms.
At six months sober, I would just pray to have one day, or even just an hour out of a day, where I felt relatively content. It never came.
It took me about a year. And 2 1/2 years sober I can still have days that are just crushing. I'm not talking about craving for a drink or a drug, but just slammed-to-the-floor.
But I don't drink. I don't take a drug. And I am happy to have paid that price, those days and weeks and months of misery, to get to where I am today: Clean from the obsession that a drink or a d rug will somehow fix whatever feelings I am going through.
It doesn't work.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9
I didnt do too good yesterday. Beat myself up but in the end I did have some left to toss out, and I did it. Would have been better coming here and taking you up on the cyber bender. I have been thinking about a couple things that were said to me yesterday. The answers are not back there, nothing worth having comes easy. I have been reading here some today. I know it is supposed to be encouraging to hear it gets better. but hearing it will take four months, six months, a year. I cant even relate to those lengths of time right now. I dont know how you do it. Im back among the living dead today.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Listen JM...you have been chemically flooding your brain. As a result of these huge unnatural surges, your brain has adapted by producing less of its own dopamine. It also messes with the receptors. When you quit, it only makes sense that things seem flat and dull. But it does not last. Give your brain time to return to it's normal functioning. There are natural ways to stimulate dopamine. Find out ones that you like and do them. The brain is amazing, but geez, give it some time. You've beat it up pretty good.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9
I know thats true. I sound like a whiner to those of you who made it past this point. I dont think I should have told myself to give it a month. It wasnt long enough but I had my mind on a month and I would feel better. My girlfriend wants me to go to a doctor, see if I can get something to help me. How do I tell the doctor Im all F'd up because Ive been doing illegal drugs for a couple of years. And now I dont feel good cause I stopped. I sound like a fool, but it does make me laugh a little at my own stupidity. Im clean today and Im not counting days anymore, not setting any time limits. My goal is to feel better and be better as long as it takes.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by JM593
I know thats true. I sound like a whiner to those of you who made it past this point. I dont think I should have told myself to give it a month. It wasnt long enough but I had my mind on a month and I would feel better. My girlfriend wants me to go to a doctor, see if I can get something to help me. How do I tell the doctor Im all F'd up because Ive been doing illegal drugs for a couple of years. And now I dont feel good cause I stopped. I sound like a fool, but it does make me laugh a little at my own stupidity. Im clean today and Im not counting days anymore, not setting any time limits. My goal is to feel better and be better as long as it takes.
I'm almost 3 months in and still feel like crap somedays too, but even on those days it's nowhere near as bad as those hung over, dry heave, can't eat anything because of gut rot, splitting headache,get nothing done all day days.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Hi JM593 -
Glad to have you back - A relapse can lead to break through learning. Knowing that your dopamine and serotonine levels are going to be affected for a while, what's your plan to manage that?
I didn't interpret your post as whining - but rather someone who is trying really hard to get sober and struggling, just as we all do. If you feel the need to 'whine' tho, SR is a great place to come - as fellow alcoholics we can empathize and share insights. Bottling it up gives the alcoholic voice fuel.
I'm unclear from your post - do you want to go to the Dr and struggling on how to broach the topic, or is this something that your doing to appease your girlfriend? You will have much greater success in sobriety if the steps you take to heal are for you.
Welcome! Please keep posting
Glad to have you back - A relapse can lead to break through learning. Knowing that your dopamine and serotonine levels are going to be affected for a while, what's your plan to manage that?
I didn't interpret your post as whining - but rather someone who is trying really hard to get sober and struggling, just as we all do. If you feel the need to 'whine' tho, SR is a great place to come - as fellow alcoholics we can empathize and share insights. Bottling it up gives the alcoholic voice fuel.
I'm unclear from your post - do you want to go to the Dr and struggling on how to broach the topic, or is this something that your doing to appease your girlfriend? You will have much greater success in sobriety if the steps you take to heal are for you.
Welcome! Please keep posting
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Giving it whatever time, a week, a month, 3 months, is putting conditions on your sobriety. My attempts at sobriety in he past were conditional on feelings and external events. I would stay sober until stressed, or my emotions overwhelmed me.
Rebuilding my life and at the same time as having to deal with my emotions and normal stress of life without an 'escape valve' does not come naturally- it can be done- it takes longer than a month- it takes what it takes, in it's own time.
There is a lot to be said for acceptance and going with the flow
Rebuilding my life and at the same time as having to deal with my emotions and normal stress of life without an 'escape valve' does not come naturally- it can be done- it takes longer than a month- it takes what it takes, in it's own time.
There is a lot to be said for acceptance and going with the flow
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by JM593
I know thats true. I sound like a whiner to those of you who made it past this point.
Im clean today and Im not counting days anymore, not setting any time limits. My goal is to feel better and be better as long as it takes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: LoneStar
Posts: 78
Jm,
Remember I told you I felt like Crap yesterday? Well I feel unusually great today. Didn't do anything special to warrant it. My brain must be trying to poke out from behind the clouds. Let the storm blow over...
Remember I told you I felt like Crap yesterday? Well I feel unusually great today. Didn't do anything special to warrant it. My brain must be trying to poke out from behind the clouds. Let the storm blow over...
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
Saying I'll wait a month and see how I feel is absolutely no way to beat an addiction. Alcohol addiction is way too powerful to just kick to the side like that. You are guaranteeing that you revisit an argument that your alcoholic voice will win 9 times out of ten. It'll be back in another month to claim the one remaining.
I have a sneaking suspicion of why you don't feel better now than a month ago. It is because you never really gave your addiction up. When you get real with your addiction and tell it that you are done forever. When you tell alcohol that it will never touch your lips again. That is when you will feel better. That is when the dark cloud will begin to lift. That is when you will enjoy a new sober path in your life that leaves your old life behind. Instead, your old life is being brought along with a leash.
I have a sneaking suspicion of why you don't feel better now than a month ago. It is because you never really gave your addiction up. When you get real with your addiction and tell it that you are done forever. When you tell alcohol that it will never touch your lips again. That is when you will feel better. That is when the dark cloud will begin to lift. That is when you will enjoy a new sober path in your life that leaves your old life behind. Instead, your old life is being brought along with a leash.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 277
JM, I full agree with Dee and Anna. Giving ourselves a time limit to feel better is no solution. In fact , it works other way around and can become a trigger for relapse. From our experience, just being sober is not good enough. Feeling better is really subjective . We must fill the void with some re-recreational activities and we must be patient. It took me umpteen numbers of replapses to realize this.. Now, I have learned to feel better with so many lovely activities like adventure sports, performing art and improving my skills. Alcohol does not cross my mind for days.. Keep at it.. Do not fall into trap of going for short cuts to feel better.. Those short cuts are not good and the good feelings, produced by those short cuts ,are nothing but illusion. You need some more time to really feel, the better feeling produced by NOT DRINKING AND USING .All the best.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am still clean. Not feeling much better physically, but I have stopped jabbing sharp objects into my psyche punishing myself for what happened last week. It has made me feel weaker. Made me want to use more. That is out of control thinking and I know it.
I like what you said about in these 30 days have I decided for sure Im done. maybe I hadnt. Maybe I was testing myself, and I had the willpower to get to the 30 days and then expected a transformation or I could say see no difference Im going back. Im going to think about this.
Had some trouble with my girlfriend too. She knew. Just looked at me. Couldn't hide it because she has seen it before. Asked me what happened and what I wa going to do. She asked me directly if I was going back to it. It the same question that I realize now I have to answer deep inside. Am I ? Am I leaving a little space open for the possibility? Its sucks to give that little space up.
She still wants me to go to the doctor. It is probably a good idea because I think I may have abnormal depression here or something. I feel like a trunk plowed me flat every day. Its not a way to live. Im not in that place to make that call yet. But Im clean.
I like what you said about in these 30 days have I decided for sure Im done. maybe I hadnt. Maybe I was testing myself, and I had the willpower to get to the 30 days and then expected a transformation or I could say see no difference Im going back. Im going to think about this.
Had some trouble with my girlfriend too. She knew. Just looked at me. Couldn't hide it because she has seen it before. Asked me what happened and what I wa going to do. She asked me directly if I was going back to it. It the same question that I realize now I have to answer deep inside. Am I ? Am I leaving a little space open for the possibility? Its sucks to give that little space up.
She still wants me to go to the doctor. It is probably a good idea because I think I may have abnormal depression here or something. I feel like a trunk plowed me flat every day. Its not a way to live. Im not in that place to make that call yet. But Im clean.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 77
Giving up?
The easiest part is quitting. Not getting booze, not drinking it. It's the easy part.
You have to do things to get drunk. All the way down to actually drinking the stuff.
You could do nothing instead. And if you feel bad you can do something fun that is harmless. It only takes a little while to get through the worst part anyway.
Only put things into your body that are good for you.
The easiest part is quitting. Not getting booze, not drinking it. It's the easy part.
You have to do things to get drunk. All the way down to actually drinking the stuff.
You could do nothing instead. And if you feel bad you can do something fun that is harmless. It only takes a little while to get through the worst part anyway.
Only put things into your body that are good for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9
Im still clean. I feel like I made progress because I came back from what happened. I also have some hope because I did make an appointment with my doctor, and I will be talking to him about my feeling so low. Its going to be hard to admit whats been going on, but I know I need to do it, need a good check up. Wanted you all to know Im hanging in, not giving up today.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by JM593
Im still clean. I feel like I made progress because I came back from what happened. I also have some hope because I did make an appointment with my doctor, and I will be talking to him about my feeling so low. Its going to be hard to admit whats been going on, but I know I need to do it, need a good check up. Wanted you all to know Im hanging in, not giving up today.
All these things you are doing are outstanding and you should be applauded for it...nice job!
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