Dee74

let's all chill

We have this rule for a reason

Nerither Anna or I want to stop people from sharing their opinion or experience....

but when people try and universalise their experience or seek to extrapolate their experiences onto others, however noble the intent, things get messy.

If I've learnt one thing here, it's that people are admirably capable of making up their own minds.

They don't need their minds made up for them.

The other thing I've learned is SR works way better when we share what works for us, not what doesn't.

I hope you'll understand I make these remarks in a general and not a specific way, Brit.


I hope you stick around.

Our addiction loves to isolate us.

D

FreeFall

I think one of the reasons SR is so helpful for people is the Newcomers' area where you read all about different options and experiences. I think you got a lot of reasonable and well thought out answers. I'm not in AA but I respect how much it has helped so many people. I think everyone here wishes anyone who is trying to get and remain sober the best of luck. Hopefully you will find your own path that works.

deeker

It's a profound statement and has invaluable meaning to me. Because of that statement, I realized that one of the reasons I condemned something was because I was afraid I really didn't understand it, and was afraid to investigate because of fear. I don't feel that way today....Thank God. I just have to take the time to learn, and isn't that what life is all about?

I could never come on here and say people I have to warn all the newcomers about AA because I went to one meeting and it wasn't my thing.

Have you any idea how many millions of people have gotten sober through AA? Don't knock it until you have actually tried it. One meeting is hardly trying it.

Please only share something that you truly have experience with, with all due respect. You are warning the newcomers and I feel now like I have to protect the newcomers from ignorant statements. Sorry but folks , it's just not right. This is a forum that is supportive of all routes to recovery.

Carlos1111

Good evening,

I am back after years which I never count. I always say; I only have today. That is how much I respect soberity.

I signed up today to ask for help because my wife of 21 years Passed. She was/is my best friend so this really hurts. And I shut my brain down by using.

Then while looking over the site I ran across yours....

Remember, this is a day at a time process.

One must be careful of there "Yet".... If you do not understand what a "Yet" is......no problem....Your will

The neat thing is, if you just do the best you can. day by day, one day, if you continue to use AA, you will see someone just like you WERE.

Take the good parts which you agree with and "store" the rest. There is no demand for you to do or become anything. The only person you have to be pleased with is you.

I am an old Professional Excutive BUT my addiction lead me to prison ((which I Ran = I did Institutional Count))

After I got out, I was in a rehab. One that looks over the ocean. I am Black and No Blacks came to this meeting. Tell someone my Life = You Crazy was my answer to that. They told me I HAD to get a Sponser = Yea Right......... Well I also taught computers to inmates while there.........

I went to a open meeting held on Location...Overlooking the Ocean

We were standing up, getting ready to leave ..and I heard a voice..The voice said to me = Your Sponser is right behind you...

I turned around and a Black Man was standing behind me..

I said = You Are My Sponser?

He said = Yes...And in Prison You taught me computers and now, I am going to teach you the Word Of God Accourding To AA.

I Thank God for him, when I missed, He fed me ( I got tired of a Whopper for breakfast, a Whopper for Lunch and a Whopper fr Dinner) but HE FEED ME when I could not feed myself; EVERYDAY FOR MONTHS!

Let Life Do What It Does. Get Out Of The Way and just see when you are in a meeting if you see someone there who you feel that you have a KIND Word for.

I am a very Proud Person. I want no one to help me do anything BUT now I am fighting the Hardest Fight of My Life. I am fighting for my Life. I understand why when a Spouse Loses a Spouse and the surviving Spouse shoots hm/her/self. I Understand. She was my Love. She was/is My SoulMate, She was/is My BestFriend............

Thank God I have enough sense to RUN to AA...

My Friend; Do Not Worry About Tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough issues. Just Take Care Of Yourself Today!

Dee74

welcome Carlos

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope you'll decide to start your own thread - you'll get more responses that way.

D

Grymt

I can't make anyone sober just like no-one can make me drink. I think I know what I'd like to write on this matter but it's difficult for me to put it into words. If I find myself feeling threatened by others opinions about my means of staying sober then I think that is my problem. I think my ego has a part in that. I find open-mindedness and time (waiting, imo, is an underrated form of prayer) tends to sort that out.
Through my journey to sobriety I've tried to use what works for me and not let what doesn't stand in the way. Often what doesn't make sense to me at one time might sometimes years later, do. So being exposed to all sorts of ideas is, I think, good for me,
That doesn't fully express what I'm trying to communicate. I hope it makes some sense.

Lyoness

Welcome (back) Carlos. I am also so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've come here for support and to share your story. I hope you will start your own thread as Dee suggested, too. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. Take care.

FeenixxRising

Don't leave brit, there's no reason to cutoff your nose to spite your face. This place is a great resource, so don't deny yourself the help you will find here. The etiquette here is to not criticize the programs people are using. It's just a common courtesy thing.

I have the same concerns as you regarding AA. However, I've not yet been to a meeting, so my opinion is based on the views of others, the reading about AA I've done here, and my reading of AA's book and their literature. I plan to attend at least a few meetings, as I like the idea of interacting with other people striving for sobriety. And I may find AA is what I need--but that's a decision I'll make down-the-road. For now my focus is staying sober and using SR as my support.

And the fact remains that AA has worked for many--they like it and from what I can tell no one here is forcing anyone else to use AA.

liss74

Oooooo I hate reading all this it makes me second guess myself or should say the addict comes alive especially after a day of struggle I'm depressed it takes the safe feeling away I wish people would understand we r fragile and holding on so bad I know AA is has worked for me I love the meetings and people get u like on here support groups is key that's why the work so well for me

liss74

Thank u I needed to read this I'm one day off a month and struggling today got home and read this felt really depressed

Dee74

Opinions are just that - opinions - Liss

D

wellwisher

Don't be depressed, Liss.

The solution to addiction lies in living actively in the solution, no matter the path one chooses.

There will always be critics about anything in life; I think we who suffer from addiction are highly tuned in taking those criticisms to heart.

It is so much better to lead by example and to share our positive experiences in how it works for us. I found it so much more helpful early on to look in a mirror at my own reflection, see what needed to change, and soak up how others handled changing what they didn't like to see, and what worked for them.

Keep going; don't be disheartened.

RightLAine

Like others said AA works for some and not for others. I was "forced" to go to AA meetings as part of my probation after my second DUI. I appreciated listening to people's stories and it helped put things into perspective for me but those meetings are not something I go to on my own will. (who knows maybe I should maybe it would work if I had an open mind). I appreciate your opinion on it. Just as you tried and went to a meeting I think others should to and then they can decide if its something they want to pursue

Hanna

Yeah, it's awful... Until it works. It has changed my brother's life completely. He used to know everything and be completely miserable. Today he is clean, has humility, found gratitude, hope, peace, serenity. Terrible, right?

I know a guy that hates my favorite city...but he's never been there. Every time I go I get the "what an awful place" lecture. Seriously! I've spent more time there than in any other city except the one's in which I reside.

Nattythreads

With respect, it's no more your job to do that than it is Britabroads' to come on here and make expansive generalizations.

As Dee rightly pointed out "If I've learnt one thing here, it's that people are admirably capable of making up their own minds."

2granddaughters

That's the reason I post here as often as I can to put right this kind of influence on the newcomer.

I've been an active member of AA for nearly 24 yrs. I was at a meeting this morning.

Anyone who wants to know more about Alcoholics Anonymous is welcome to PM me.

It has saved millions of lives.

I will submit the same warning as brit .... Newcomers beware of all you read here. Do your homework. Don't be swayed by prejudice and innuendo.

All the best.

Bob R

ClearLight

brit- your post troubles me for a couple reasons

First, I think it can scare away folks from a legitimate, proven form of recovery that has saved many, many lives.

Second, you don't seem to understand the basics about AA or this website - at least as I understand them. That's not big deal in and of itself but to then base 'warning' folks away from a particular form of treatment that you don't understand just seems like it could actually harm folks.

And I'm not a member of AA.

Yeah - I've read stuff like that too. I've also read folks who love AA and have had their lives saved by using the AA approach. You really have to be very careful about what you read online - or anywhere.
For instance - I suffered from depression 5 years ago. My doctor recommended I take Lexapro. I went online and did research and found lots of people that proclaimed to have experienced horrible side effects with little or no results from Lexapro. that scared my off for about a year. I finally wound up taking it. My side effects - zero. AND it pulled me out of depression. I still take it to this day and I resent all those folks online making false claims about it because they caused me to suffer for about 9 months needlessly.

Actually - this is just wrong. One of the main things about the AA method of recovery, that I try to use myself outside of AA, is to improve the well being of the entire person. And they have certain procedures, "steps" that help to achieve that total wellness goal.

This one bothers me because it seems like you're not getting the basic premise and practice of this website. I come to this website specifically because it's not just a one approach website. It's not an AA website, it's not a SMART website and it's not a christian or non-christian website. That was apparent to me right away. Not sure why you haven't seen that. I've seen folks toss out all kinds of methods of recovery. The main thing is the recognition that it's not a one-size-fits-all philosophy here.

So - that's the stuff that bothers me about your post.

Whatever method you might choose to find and keep sobriety - I hope it works. Maybe you could share some of the things have helped you get this far in recovery. Maybe I could pick up something from you that would help me!

Good luck.

ClearLight

WellWisher:
Hey - that's a good one. I'm going to print that out and keep it around.

2granddaughters

Right on sb1. I have no quarrels or qualms with those. I have not heard of them before anyway and can't give an opinion. If one gets you off the booze and back on track... GREAT !!

I want to talk to the person who has tried all the other options. The one who has done their best to get their life back and it keeps getting worse.
I want to talk to the person here who has lost it all, who feels like they have no place to turn and that life is over.
I want to talk to the person who woke up this morning and looked around and saw the remnants of their life was just a smoking hole in the ground.
I want to talk to the person who has lost the will to live as they have been beaten so much.

I want to talk to that person because that person was me in 1989. And I want that person to know there is a way out of this. They are not destined to Hell.

And just maybe, if I and some of the other AA folks here can look you in the eye and tell you that all will be OK if you follow our path, Just maybe we might be able to save some lives.

That's all I'm here for.

All the best.

Bob R

Saskia

Every program has its pros and cons! And every AA meeting has a different "flavor" based on the people in the group. Even over time a given meeting can change. What someone told me that I thought put it in good perspective was to "take what you want and leave the rest". I think a number of us need more than SR to be successful for the longer run. Some kind of structure can help. I'm not religious and don't attend AA regularly (the 90 in 90 is one of those things I "leave in the room" because it doesn't do it for me) but I wouldn't hesitate to go back if I felt it would make a difference. And I still might. The people I've met there have been ordinary folks like you and me. If you find a meeting not to your liking, try a different one. They are not all alike.

If I slip again, my next step would be to go the AA route for awhile.

Sassy