hrdtrgt

We are a unique breed (or maybe we are so arrogant we think so). But traditional methods seem antiquated to someone that can take 60 vicodins a day and not miss a beat. I need help and I need help by knowing that I am not the only one out there that can abuse, succeed BUT WANTS TO STOP!!! I am clean 24 hours but it wont last without being able to speak with others like me!!

sugarbear1

Basically you are talking about most alkies and addicts.....

Glad you found SR!

Anna

Welcome, we are here to support you.

trachemys

Does ten liters of wine and a gallon of vodka a week count? That was before I lost my job. The first week after I really don't remember how much I bought.

I stopped, detoxed, lasted about ten days. Slowly relapsed to a full-blown blackout in 4 days. Found better tools, quit again. Three days sober and I'll never drink again.

hrdtrgt

I have not lost anything, I am more successful than ever. I can manipulate quite easily but I am done. I want to be the husband my wife deserves and I want to get clean for good. 24 hours off and my wife recommends in patient. But I KNOW that will not work. I am the guy that reads every line of the instructions and follows them meticulously to build the "product" but I have no instructions and do not know what to do to stay

clean.....

hrdtrgt

Anna -- what a great quote you have....I feel I may have people here that understand me.

hrdtrgt

If you are an HFA, that has had no bottom, has the power to make sure there is no bottom (other than death) and is NOT in denial but knows this is not the life intended. I can do ANYTHING....but I cannot figure this out. There is nothing else that I have ever faced I could not figure out. I do it all day for others but I cannot figure out how to fix this and do what is right for ME, my family and my wonderful kids. I have to stop this cycle. Inpatient will not work for me, I will easily manipulate through it. I need to know what others have done? HELP...PLEASE. wisdom is all I seek. wisdom from experience of another who is an HFA with no bottom and just trying to do what is right

Mizzuno

There is always a bottom.

deeker

I could never say I didn't lose anything. I lost my freedom to alcohol. no actual bars but I was in a cell 24 hours a day.

ClearLight

My experience is that you'll keep your job alright - but you'll lose your health and die young.
Your body doesn't care about your job. And I'm not even talking about liver damage. That's the obvious one. Lot's of addicts die of heart problems caused by the damage being done to their system or unhealthy life style.
AA and NA have 12 "instructions" you might consider.

hrdtrgt

I will hit bottom some day if I stay on this path. I guess what I need is guidance for a similar minded person that has wisdom. Not the obvious of death or a bottom. I know 1+1 =2 . I just am hoping for someone to hear me. Someone that says "hey, heres the deal, try this, read this, do this" I don't know. Mybe arrogance is stepping in again. I just want to go beyond the ice breakers and here something that someone has to say beyond the quotes and beyond the obvious. I am sorry for my tone. I just really want help and I cannot go to a shrink with a beard when the basis of all pshychology is that those with beards are hiding something. I need something real, I need someone real. I need something that may not exist but I throw it out there

hrdtrgt

AA and NA steps are common sense steps of life, addict or not, all should live by them. I need depth

fini

good heavens!!
how could a mere mortal like me possibly suggest something to someone with "no bottom" who already knows for sure what will not work???

yeah okay, sarcasm aside....i lost nothing outwardly either, but i sure lost lots "inside".
and y'know what? the thing that really made the turn-around for me, the real clincher, was getting, really getting, that nothing, absolutely nothing about my being a drunk was in the nature of being a "unique breed".
garden-variety drunk.
but this likely won't help you. since i obviously reached "my bottom". which was seeing that i was a damn garden-variety drunk.
it's the best and most honest i can offer. my outward lack-of-failures simply allowed me to keep fooling myself and others much much longer.

hm...gee, if you can't fix this...you who can do ANYTHING...hm, sounds pretty bottom to me. you can decide where it is, you know. and if you've reached it.
but really, you're setting the parameters up so that nobody can have anything of use to you.
but really, i talk too much.

artsoul

Yep..... I think you'll find lots of company here, hrdtrgt. Addiction is a baffling thing, especially when you can control everything else in your life. My attempts to understand/manage/cut down/control my drinking had little or no effect on my intake (in fact, it only got steadily worse).

I had success on the outside, too, and relatively few consequences, but it eroded my spirit and my joy. Have you ever been to treatment? Just wondering why you say it "wouldn't work"(?)

Starbaby928

I agree with the others. I was a binge drinker and I'm young & my career is at its peak. I found my bottom celebrating an award at work. My bottom cost me my partner & the life we were building together. My career, finances are still intact... For all intents & purposes, I'm a "successful" girl... But my life has fallen apart at the seams.

Your certainty that you got this is your addiction talking. You will eventually falter and it will be a tiny stumble at first & each trip up will magnify in proportion... Trust me. Or maybe not... But as another pointed out- your health will suffer.

I would go to AA.. Listen to the people there... Turn over your will... Enlist medical help to assist with your detox if you need... There isn't an easy solution. We all have to do the work.

Blessings,
SB

liss74

Just surrender hand your will over and ground yourself

liss74

And mayb ask your higher power think its your only answer u r asking for help so r human and we all have a bottom lets hope u never hit it before u find out how bad it is take care

instant

Welcome to SR. SR is a deep pool of wisdom.

Starbaby928

I keep coming back to this hrdtrgt... I think there is simplicity to the steps, yes. But there is absolute depth to them... Have you been to a meeting & talked to an old timer about their experience?

Disclaimer-I'm no expert. I'm new to AA/NA... But there is something I know I haven't grasped yet about the process... The Big Book is there... But this "thing" is something I feel is not within the pages per se. This is why sponsors are there to guide us... Alcoholic to alcoholic... Addict to addict.

Like liss74 said- you have to be willing to entertain the idea of turning your will over to your Higher Power... It's an admission that you cannot do this on your own, instruction manual or no instruction manual.

I feel like you feel misunderstood within this thread... But, trust me, we all understand... You posted and that's a first step to admitting you can't control this. I wish you all the best & hope you find the care & support you need to work towards a sober life.

Blessings,
SB

fini

you who can do ANYTHING:
i think i've got it!
here: in-treatment won't work because you'll manipulate your way through it and around everyone there?
go to treatment and DON'T manipulate.
now there's a tall order that will require constant work and guts and willingness and perseverance and honesty and vulnerability and facing stuff and chipping away at facades and....
depth.
right there.
much as you're willing to risk.