My First Time Here... Not sure how to start
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2
My First Time Here... Not sure how to start
Hey everyone, I been lurking around a bit and wasn't sure how to start.
I guess overall I don't have a severe problem, so perhaps this isn't the place for me. I should give context... I'm in my late 20's and never really started drinking heavily till about 1.5 years ago. Even in undergrad I never went to parties, didn't even drink on my 21st birthday. I had a rough breakup last year (it was only a few month relationship) and some things kinda went off the rails.
Anyway, fast forward 1.5 years later and on average I get myself drunk about 3x a week. Almost all the time it is alone. Nothing too crazy, just a six pack in fast succession, then end up eating junk food and I fall asleep. I know this might not sound severe, but it's been over a year since I went at least 1 week without drinking. And at this point I have no interest in just "social" drinking, I like getting drunk. It made me feel fun, outgoing, and social. I'm NEVER social! All of a sudden I was meeting lots of people, and perhaps to my regret engaging with them sexually, but I wasn't shy anymore... but I could feel it 'killing my brain' and I hated it.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, so maybe in a way it is an escape. I don't really know. In fact I have no idea what I'm asking. I know this isn't a place for medical advice, because I'd really like to know if I stop now. Will my mind get back to normal? My memory seems slower, I don't think as clearly as I used to...
Which bring me to the final point about me. The rest of my life for all purposes is good. Sure I've been single, don't have a social life, but I'm a ok looking chick who exercises often and I quite my job after the breakup, found myself in Master's program, and I'm starting my Ph.D. this fall (Bio-engineering), so I'm excited at the direction I'm going in my life. I just wonder, if I wasn't hungover or drunk 3 times a week how much more I could be doing with my education, I'm making good progress... but clearly I'm in a profession where my mind is critical. I mainly want to stop because I just can't afford to be slow or lacking in memory. I get by on hard work, I wouldn't call myself gifted smart or anything, so losing what intellect I have isn't doing me any favors.
So... again I have no idea how this works. I'm just a girl in her late 20's who want's to make some changes. I was drunk last night.... but I want to come here and promise myself I won't drink today.
This might sound strange, but reading about people drinking, makes me want to drink!! I clearly have some type of addiction and need to help myself.
Thanks for any support.
I guess overall I don't have a severe problem, so perhaps this isn't the place for me. I should give context... I'm in my late 20's and never really started drinking heavily till about 1.5 years ago. Even in undergrad I never went to parties, didn't even drink on my 21st birthday. I had a rough breakup last year (it was only a few month relationship) and some things kinda went off the rails.
Anyway, fast forward 1.5 years later and on average I get myself drunk about 3x a week. Almost all the time it is alone. Nothing too crazy, just a six pack in fast succession, then end up eating junk food and I fall asleep. I know this might not sound severe, but it's been over a year since I went at least 1 week without drinking. And at this point I have no interest in just "social" drinking, I like getting drunk. It made me feel fun, outgoing, and social. I'm NEVER social! All of a sudden I was meeting lots of people, and perhaps to my regret engaging with them sexually, but I wasn't shy anymore... but I could feel it 'killing my brain' and I hated it.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, so maybe in a way it is an escape. I don't really know. In fact I have no idea what I'm asking. I know this isn't a place for medical advice, because I'd really like to know if I stop now. Will my mind get back to normal? My memory seems slower, I don't think as clearly as I used to...
Which bring me to the final point about me. The rest of my life for all purposes is good. Sure I've been single, don't have a social life, but I'm a ok looking chick who exercises often and I quite my job after the breakup, found myself in Master's program, and I'm starting my Ph.D. this fall (Bio-engineering), so I'm excited at the direction I'm going in my life. I just wonder, if I wasn't hungover or drunk 3 times a week how much more I could be doing with my education, I'm making good progress... but clearly I'm in a profession where my mind is critical. I mainly want to stop because I just can't afford to be slow or lacking in memory. I get by on hard work, I wouldn't call myself gifted smart or anything, so losing what intellect I have isn't doing me any favors.
So... again I have no idea how this works. I'm just a girl in her late 20's who want's to make some changes. I was drunk last night.... but I want to come here and promise myself I won't drink today.
This might sound strange, but reading about people drinking, makes me want to drink!! I clearly have some type of addiction and need to help myself.
Thanks for any support.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Welcome, R-Girl!
Most of us here will suggest that, if you think drinking is a problem, you should stop drinking. If you can stop easily, great! And if you can't, this is a good place for support!
Most of us here will suggest that, if you think drinking is a problem, you should stop drinking. If you can stop easily, great! And if you can't, this is a good place for support!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Welcome to SR girl13 
I related to a lot in your post...in fact I could've written it about 1.5 years ago. Unfortunately for me, my drinking eventually progressed to every night and I suffered some major consequences for my actions while drinking. My memory seemed to be getting worse and worse as well and I need to be on point in my profession. At about 2 months sober, I really started feeling like myself again and my memory seems tip top like it used to be back before I started drinking. You will get a lot of support here
I related to a lot in your post...in fact I could've written it about 1.5 years ago. Unfortunately for me, my drinking eventually progressed to every night and I suffered some major consequences for my actions while drinking. My memory seemed to be getting worse and worse as well and I need to be on point in my profession. At about 2 months sober, I really started feeling like myself again and my memory seems tip top like it used to be back before I started drinking. You will get a lot of support here
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Just admitting there may be a problem is the first step to solving it. I second the suggestion of quitting for a certain period of time, say three months, and see how it goes. Then you'll have your answer.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
Welcome to SR RecoveryGirl!
Looking back, I wish I would have stopped drinking when I first started asking myself if I had a problem. Instead, I denied to myself and to everyone else for quite a while that there was anything wrong. I too had a lot of things going for me, but alcohol took most of that away.
We are here to offer support and wisdom. Keep reading and posting, it will help you through these first days.
Have you considered checking out an AA meeting in your area?
Looking back, I wish I would have stopped drinking when I first started asking myself if I had a problem. Instead, I denied to myself and to everyone else for quite a while that there was anything wrong. I too had a lot of things going for me, but alcohol took most of that away.
We are here to offer support and wisdom. Keep reading and posting, it will help you through these first days.
Have you considered checking out an AA meeting in your area?
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Welcome Recoverygirl! I think it's great you are questioning your drinking now rather than later when it could become an even worse problem. I started drinking at 16 and was definitely self-medicating. I was so shy I could barely speak, had terrible anxiety and major depressions. When I drank all of that went away--for awhile. I, too, was a binge drinker, when I drank I drank to get drunk.
At 22 I was "only" drinking a beer or two a day but I felt really uncomfortable with that--why did I have to drink every day? So I did manage to stop drinking but by then I had begun my addiction to marijuana. I didn't realize the addictioin problem resided in me, not in the substance. Almost 30 years later I am struggling with a heavy opiate addiction.
So I congratulate you for taking a serious look at this NOW before it has a chance to get any worse. Stick around SR, there is so much support and wisdom and information here.
At 22 I was "only" drinking a beer or two a day but I felt really uncomfortable with that--why did I have to drink every day? So I did manage to stop drinking but by then I had begun my addiction to marijuana. I didn't realize the addictioin problem resided in me, not in the substance. Almost 30 years later I am struggling with a heavy opiate addiction.
So I congratulate you for taking a serious look at this NOW before it has a chance to get any worse. Stick around SR, there is so much support and wisdom and information here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Pleased to meet you, RecoveryGirl. It's good that you're taking a look at your drinking habits. I wish I had, before my life became a trainwreck. I'm sure you'll find some helpful suggestions and a lot of support here. We're glad you joined us.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
RG, a lot of us started like you. Well, at least I did.
Drank to relieve the anxiety of shyness, to relieve the pain of a breakup, to basically... escape from our feelings, at least for a few hours. What a relief, eh? We weren't "so bad."
I think people who really like getting drunk and keep on drinking are destined to wind up in an ever deepening hole. It happens almost without you noticing it until you are in over your head wondering how in the world this happened but knowing that you know how it happened. After all, you were there digging the whole time.
I think about people I know who don't have a drinking problem. Some of them enjoy "getting tipsy," but they know when to stop. And they can. Not only can they, but they do! Some of them don't enjoy the feeling of being out of control at all, so they never even get to tipsy. This is unfathomable to me - why would anyone drink if they didn't enjoy that feeling of being really loose? I'm not like those folks who don't have a drinking problem.
It doesn't really matter how I define it, I just know my chemistry/makeup/history/genetics/whateveryouwanttocallit is not made of the stuff that will ever allow me to go back to enjoying just one or two.
It doesn't really matter if you think your problem is severe, moderate or mild. If you want to make a change and would like some company/support, this is a good place to find it.
One last thing. When I first started looking for help, I found myself identifying with the "addictive voice" I was reading in others' posts. I too, wanted to drink. Not sure when that changed (it took too long!), but I think it's important to focus on what you really want, not what you want to get away with, if that makes sense.
I hope this comes across ok. I truly do wish that I had paid attention and valued myself enough three decades ago when I started seeing the same things in myself as you describe seeing in you.
My best to you!
Drank to relieve the anxiety of shyness, to relieve the pain of a breakup, to basically... escape from our feelings, at least for a few hours. What a relief, eh? We weren't "so bad."
I think people who really like getting drunk and keep on drinking are destined to wind up in an ever deepening hole. It happens almost without you noticing it until you are in over your head wondering how in the world this happened but knowing that you know how it happened. After all, you were there digging the whole time.
I think about people I know who don't have a drinking problem. Some of them enjoy "getting tipsy," but they know when to stop. And they can. Not only can they, but they do! Some of them don't enjoy the feeling of being out of control at all, so they never even get to tipsy. This is unfathomable to me - why would anyone drink if they didn't enjoy that feeling of being really loose? I'm not like those folks who don't have a drinking problem.
It doesn't really matter how I define it, I just know my chemistry/makeup/history/genetics/whateveryouwanttocallit is not made of the stuff that will ever allow me to go back to enjoying just one or two.
It doesn't really matter if you think your problem is severe, moderate or mild. If you want to make a change and would like some company/support, this is a good place to find it.
One last thing. When I first started looking for help, I found myself identifying with the "addictive voice" I was reading in others' posts. I too, wanted to drink. Not sure when that changed (it took too long!), but I think it's important to focus on what you really want, not what you want to get away with, if that makes sense.
I hope this comes across ok. I truly do wish that I had paid attention and valued myself enough three decades ago when I started seeing the same things in myself as you describe seeing in you.
My best to you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scottsdale, Az
Posts: 7
Reading your post reminded me so much of my life. In college I told myself that my drinking was just "social" and normal because its what everyone my age did. Even though I was drinking when I woke up and blacking out constantly, I figured that because I was doing really well in school, graduating early with honors, that it was just something I would grow out of. A few years later and I don't drink much but became addicted to painkillers. It's like I learned all those addictive tendencies drinking and partying in college but since I never allowed myself to realize it was an issue, I was completely blindsided at how quickly and strongly I became addicted to something else. It sounds like you're finally having that realization too and I think that's a great sign. I'm no expert and am just now deciding to try to change as well but maybe just try taking things one day at a time and making small changes that are manageable for you. Even though you say you aren't very bad off right now, it's better to start working on the changes you want to make now before you have to experience any more severe consequences. I wish you all the best!!
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