Please help. Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Please help. Thanks.
Hi Everyone,
I've just signed up. I am reaching out. I've gotten into a slump for about a month now. My mom died. She knew she was dying, and didn't even want to say goodbye to me. For the past month I have been drinking 2.5 liters of beer every night to numb me.
I have no health insurance and really cannot afford to get sick. I know I'm playing with fire.
I know I can quit this cold turkey if I had someone to hold me accountable every 24 hours. Would any of you be willing to just check in with me every day for a few days? They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit.
My intention is to replace alcohol with running.
What do you think?
Thank you VERY MUCH.
Courtney
I've just signed up. I am reaching out. I've gotten into a slump for about a month now. My mom died. She knew she was dying, and didn't even want to say goodbye to me. For the past month I have been drinking 2.5 liters of beer every night to numb me.
I have no health insurance and really cannot afford to get sick. I know I'm playing with fire.
I know I can quit this cold turkey if I had someone to hold me accountable every 24 hours. Would any of you be willing to just check in with me every day for a few days? They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit.
My intention is to replace alcohol with running.
What do you think?
Thank you VERY MUCH.
Courtney
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
Posts: 548
Welcome Courtney. Lots of good things said here. Stick around and read read read. I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I lost my mom when I was 4. I was still drinking over that at 35. Sobriety isn't just about not drinking. It's about dealing with life, on life's terms. Have u considered aa, or any face to face groups? Best of luck honey. I have been struggling the past couple of weeks. I'm back in the saddle though. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orillia, Ont., Canada
Posts: 165
Well, sure, I am quite willing to stay in daily contact with you for awhile, my E-mail should be on my contact info. But I do think it might be a better idea for you to stay in contact with this site on a daily basis, and get responses from a bunch of people; whole lot of people on this site, a whole lot of them smarter than I am--hoping for the best for you--rick
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm really sorry about your mum Courtney.
The thing I found about drinking was it didn't let me grieve - all it did was bottle up my grief - nothing got dealt with and noting got resolved.
We can help and support you, for sure...but the work really needs to be yours.
If you can replace alcohol with running, I say go for it
If you find you can't we'll be here to help either way
D
The thing I found about drinking was it didn't let me grieve - all it did was bottle up my grief - nothing got dealt with and noting got resolved.
We can help and support you, for sure...but the work really needs to be yours.
If you can replace alcohol with running, I say go for it
If you find you can't we'll be here to help either way
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Me too, Courtney. I am on Day 12 and check in here everyday. Why don't you post here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2013-a-21.html
and be part of our "group"; it is still February after all. Groups tend to hang together. Read through that thread, then at the end click on that link for the continuation and so on till you get to the last post, where you will be able to post, (threads get too long and are continued) or, if you want to jump right in, go here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-17.html
Wishing you well, Pamel
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2013-a-21.html
and be part of our "group"; it is still February after all. Groups tend to hang together. Read through that thread, then at the end click on that link for the continuation and so on till you get to the last post, where you will be able to post, (threads get too long and are continued) or, if you want to jump right in, go here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-17.html
Wishing you well, Pamel
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Thanks!
Originally Posted by fallingtogether 
Welcome Courtney. Lots of good things said here. Stick around and read read read. I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I lost my mom when I was 4. I was still drinking over that at 35. Sobriety isn't just about not drinking. It's about dealing with life, on life's terms. Have u considered aa, or any face to face groups? Best of luck honey. I have been struggling the past couple of weeks. I'm back in the saddle though. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by Courtney
Hi Everyone,
She knew she was dying, and didn't even want to say goodbye to me.
Courtney
She knew she was dying, and didn't even want to say goodbye to me.
Courtney
this is a huge issue that must be dealt with. huge.
i will go on to read the rest, but please take this seriously. it may not always be on you mind, but this needs to be resolved.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 182
ok, i read through. yes, obv stop drinking & running would be great exercise, but in my opinion, this thing needs to be faced and let go properly.
who knows what my issues are, but you've pointed out a major one for yourself. the longer you let these things go the harder they are to expel.
try grief counseling. i know you have no insurance, but sometimes there's people out there with sliding scales, students, etc. just resolve this.
sorry for the advice, outside of addiction treatment it's natural to offer people advice when they ask for help.
you could read the big book too.
who knows what my issues are, but you've pointed out a major one for yourself. the longer you let these things go the harder they are to expel.
try grief counseling. i know you have no insurance, but sometimes there's people out there with sliding scales, students, etc. just resolve this.
sorry for the advice, outside of addiction treatment it's natural to offer people advice when they ask for help.
you could read the big book too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Courtney! We all care about you and want to help. I'm sorry for the pain you've been through, but glad you see that getting numb isn't helping you to heal. I think you'll find SR very supportive and encouraging - please keep posting and talking to us.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 762
Sorry for your loss Courtney...I recently lost my lovely Dad so I can imagine it is very difficult for you.
Running is GREAT! A very good idea - I run too. Sometimes I wonder what I am running away from and sometimes I never want to stop as then I have to think ;>)...but all in all it tires me out, keeps me fit and definitely helps you sleep.
Take care and hang around with all these lovely folk.
Running is GREAT! A very good idea - I run too. Sometimes I wonder what I am running away from and sometimes I never want to stop as then I have to think ;>)...but all in all it tires me out, keeps me fit and definitely helps you sleep.
Take care and hang around with all these lovely folk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 6
Thanks...
Originally Posted by ntmu
without reading the rest of your post or any of the posts that follow. i recommend that a professional therapist deal with this.
this is a huge issue that must be dealt with. huge.
i will go on to read the rest, but please take this seriously. it may not always be on you mind, but this needs to be resolved.
this is a huge issue that must be dealt with. huge.
i will go on to read the rest, but please take this seriously. it may not always be on you mind, but this needs to be resolved.
Thanks for listening, you guys. I haven't been able to get this off my chest.
Courtney
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Do you still have the eulogy you wrote? You can still read it.. find somewhere special to you, read the eulogy or say the words you wish you would have had time to say, plant some flowers, release some balloons, blow bubbles, plant a tree, something symbolic to you to have your say, to say your goodbyes and honor her life and your loss. Might sound sort of cheesy, but sometimes things like that can help us get over a roadblock like you're experiencing.
Do join the "Class of February" group, you can check in there daily and get to know a group of people who are right there with you in terms of new-ness to sober living.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm happy you found us!!
Do join the "Class of February" group, you can check in there daily and get to know a group of people who are right there with you in terms of new-ness to sober living.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm happy you found us!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 182
your english is very good btw.
hey, it's ok. you wrote an obituary, you wrote an eulogy. this is all very good. have peace with that. that is not in your control what your sister or anyone does with it.
you really stepped up and did let your mom go in a very good way.
find peace with yourself.
you can find a way to let this go, please do.
yes, by all means, be personal about it.
hey, it's ok. you wrote an obituary, you wrote an eulogy. this is all very good. have peace with that. that is not in your control what your sister or anyone does with it.
you really stepped up and did let your mom go in a very good way.
find peace with yourself.
you can find a way to let this go, please do.
yes, by all means, be personal about it.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR Courtney. I am deeply sorry for your loss and for it ending with such an open wound. Without knowing the backstory to your Mom and her illness, I cannot comment further on that. Please be assured that you can come to SR 24/7 and find someone here. Reach out if and when you need to. You can definitely stop the alcohol and rediscover more healthy ways of dealing with your grief. Be careful about going too gung ho into exercise without getting a physical. Start slowly and build it up. Just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 95
Courtney,
I learned to accept death for the first time after my father died when was I in college by thinking about this, and many other poems by Emily Dickinson. Maybe it was is too easy for me too find Emily because her house was two blocks from my school, and we sometimes walked by it.
She was a great artist, but her real life is more of a cautionary tale, about how not to live. She never left the top floor of her house, she never met man, not in the biblical sense. But in the poem below called “372” – she didn’t give her poems names, rather her editors decided after her death to name them by their first lines in the order that Emily had numbered them. Sad that Emily’s greatest recognition came after her death, but it follows the fact she chose to live a disconnected life.
Cautionary Tale (1) you would rather be remembered for your contribution to the lives of others. “372” conveys a sense suffering so greatly felt because the writer had become separate from her beloved. But to be fully we have to be separate in many ways, as I did from my Father.
Cautionary Tale (2) To spend one’s life in drink, you would not merely be separating yourself from your Mother, but also from the possibility of achieving a true relationship in which you could honor her memory, and take her love for you to a more profound level with someone else. That is the greatest thing you could for her.
Your Mother would look down on you in happiness to see you smile every day and know that you have escaped the tortuous world of private pain and loneliness that Emily Dickinson decided to wallow in alone -- however profound and beautiful her poetry may be.
Make the poetry of your life in genuine relationships, and at some point you will the feel embrace your Mother’s happiness from above. And you will be glad you did. Only connect, as another famous writer said. We can only connect and embrace in a lasting way through sobriety. Here’s the text of the poem. I often refer to it in shorthand, "After great pain, a formal feeling comes, first chill, then stupor, then the letting go. Be well.
After great pain, a formal feeling comes – (372)
BY EMILY DICKINSON
After great pain, a formal feeling comes –
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs –
The stiff Heart questions ‘was it He, that bore,’
And ‘Yesterday, or Centuries before’?
The Feet, mechanical, go round –
A Wooden way
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought –
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone –
This is the Hour of Lead –
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow –
First – Chill – then Stupor – then the letting go –
- Emily Dickinson
I learned to accept death for the first time after my father died when was I in college by thinking about this, and many other poems by Emily Dickinson. Maybe it was is too easy for me too find Emily because her house was two blocks from my school, and we sometimes walked by it.
She was a great artist, but her real life is more of a cautionary tale, about how not to live. She never left the top floor of her house, she never met man, not in the biblical sense. But in the poem below called “372” – she didn’t give her poems names, rather her editors decided after her death to name them by their first lines in the order that Emily had numbered them. Sad that Emily’s greatest recognition came after her death, but it follows the fact she chose to live a disconnected life.
Cautionary Tale (1) you would rather be remembered for your contribution to the lives of others. “372” conveys a sense suffering so greatly felt because the writer had become separate from her beloved. But to be fully we have to be separate in many ways, as I did from my Father.
Cautionary Tale (2) To spend one’s life in drink, you would not merely be separating yourself from your Mother, but also from the possibility of achieving a true relationship in which you could honor her memory, and take her love for you to a more profound level with someone else. That is the greatest thing you could for her.
Your Mother would look down on you in happiness to see you smile every day and know that you have escaped the tortuous world of private pain and loneliness that Emily Dickinson decided to wallow in alone -- however profound and beautiful her poetry may be.
Make the poetry of your life in genuine relationships, and at some point you will the feel embrace your Mother’s happiness from above. And you will be glad you did. Only connect, as another famous writer said. We can only connect and embrace in a lasting way through sobriety. Here’s the text of the poem. I often refer to it in shorthand, "After great pain, a formal feeling comes, first chill, then stupor, then the letting go. Be well.
After great pain, a formal feeling comes – (372)
BY EMILY DICKINSON
After great pain, a formal feeling comes –
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs –
The stiff Heart questions ‘was it He, that bore,’
And ‘Yesterday, or Centuries before’?
The Feet, mechanical, go round –
A Wooden way
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought –
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone –
This is the Hour of Lead –
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow –
First – Chill – then Stupor – then the letting go –
- Emily Dickinson
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
MeetJohnDoe, beautiful post. It reminds me that I do not read enough poetry and it is so rich.
Courtney, that is a shame about your sister's change of your writing and then putting your name to it, but people behave in very odd ways in bereavement; your Mother will know the real story. Keep writing; you have a gift.
Courtney, that is a shame about your sister's change of your writing and then putting your name to it, but people behave in very odd ways in bereavement; your Mother will know the real story. Keep writing; you have a gift.
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