Looking for support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
Looking for support
I'm new here, or to anything like this, and in my 6th wine-free day. It feels good to have some control over my alcohol consumption. Unfortunately, my unhappy marriage and negative husband seem to be my biggest drinking triggers.
Friends roll their eyes at me and tell me to leave him. However, I am not able to responsibly leave my marriage right now. I say responsibly, because we have two sons and I believe (for myself) that if a I must destroy my family to save my own sanity, than I had better darn well make sure my kids are effected as little as humanly possible. We are in a financial situation that is tight and a divorce would be disasterous to all of us. My family is in another state, 6 hours away.
With that being said, I am alone. We haven't shared a bedroom in almost 5 years and live like roommates. I have been relying on wine every couple of nights, to ease the lonliness, sadness and boredom. The funny thing is, I decided to quit drinking while my husband was out of town on business. It was fairly easy, until he returned a couple of days ago. It has gotten harder each day he has been home.
Today Is hubby's birthday and we have to go to dinner with his heavy drinking family. I have already told my father-in-law (a recovering alcoholic) and sister-in-law that I am not drinking for 30 days. They immediately put some pressure on me, saying one drink won't hurt. I told them that I was trying to loose weight (with the state of our marriage, I am not going to admit to his family, that I might have a problem). All I can think about are excuses to allow myself a glass or two(or three) of wine. I want my "security blanket" back!
I have prayed for God to intervene and help me be strong, and that has helped alot. It just sucks that I have to live with my biggest trigger. But I know if I can accomplish my goal of 30 days without wine, it will give me confidence to stay in control.
Well, that's me,..in a nutshell,...at least today.
Friends roll their eyes at me and tell me to leave him. However, I am not able to responsibly leave my marriage right now. I say responsibly, because we have two sons and I believe (for myself) that if a I must destroy my family to save my own sanity, than I had better darn well make sure my kids are effected as little as humanly possible. We are in a financial situation that is tight and a divorce would be disasterous to all of us. My family is in another state, 6 hours away.
With that being said, I am alone. We haven't shared a bedroom in almost 5 years and live like roommates. I have been relying on wine every couple of nights, to ease the lonliness, sadness and boredom. The funny thing is, I decided to quit drinking while my husband was out of town on business. It was fairly easy, until he returned a couple of days ago. It has gotten harder each day he has been home.
Today Is hubby's birthday and we have to go to dinner with his heavy drinking family. I have already told my father-in-law (a recovering alcoholic) and sister-in-law that I am not drinking for 30 days. They immediately put some pressure on me, saying one drink won't hurt. I told them that I was trying to loose weight (with the state of our marriage, I am not going to admit to his family, that I might have a problem). All I can think about are excuses to allow myself a glass or two(or three) of wine. I want my "security blanket" back!
I have prayed for God to intervene and help me be strong, and that has helped alot. It just sucks that I have to live with my biggest trigger. But I know if I can accomplish my goal of 30 days without wine, it will give me confidence to stay in control.
Well, that's me,..in a nutshell,...at least today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by LeesaLou 
I'm new here, or to anything like this, and in my 6th wine-free day. It feels good to have some control over my alcohol consumption. Unfortunately, my unhappy marriage and negative husband seem to be my biggest drinking triggers.
Friends roll their eyes at me and tell me to leave him. However, I am not able to responsibly leave my marriage right now. I say responsibly, because we have two sons and I believe (for myself) that if a I must destroy my family to save my own sanity, than I had better darn well make sure my kids are effected as little as humanly possible. We are in a financial situation that is tight and a divorce would be disasterous to all of us. My family is in another state, 6 hours away.
With that being said, I am alone. We haven't shared a bedroom in almost 5 years and live like roommates. I have been relying on wine every couple of nights, to ease the lonliness, sadness and boredom. The funny thing is, I decided to quit drinking while my husband was out of town on business. It was fairly easy, until he returned a couple of days ago. It has gotten harder each day he has been home.
Today Is hubby's birthday and we have to go to dinner with his heavy drinking family. I have already told my father-in-law (a recovering alcoholic) and sister-in-law that I am not drinking for 30 days. They immediately put some pressure on me, saying one drink won't hurt. I told them that I was trying to loose weight (with the state of our marriage, I am not going to admit to his family, that I might have a problem). All I can think about are excuses to allow myself a glass or two(or three) of wine. I want my "security blanket" back!
I have prayed for God to intervene and help me be strong, and that has helped alot. It just sucks that I have to live with my biggest trigger. But I know if I can accomplish my goal of 30 days without wine, it will give me confidence to stay in control.
Well, that's me,..in a nutshell,...at least today.
Friends roll their eyes at me and tell me to leave him. However, I am not able to responsibly leave my marriage right now. I say responsibly, because we have two sons and I believe (for myself) that if a I must destroy my family to save my own sanity, than I had better darn well make sure my kids are effected as little as humanly possible. We are in a financial situation that is tight and a divorce would be disasterous to all of us. My family is in another state, 6 hours away.
With that being said, I am alone. We haven't shared a bedroom in almost 5 years and live like roommates. I have been relying on wine every couple of nights, to ease the lonliness, sadness and boredom. The funny thing is, I decided to quit drinking while my husband was out of town on business. It was fairly easy, until he returned a couple of days ago. It has gotten harder each day he has been home.
Today Is hubby's birthday and we have to go to dinner with his heavy drinking family. I have already told my father-in-law (a recovering alcoholic) and sister-in-law that I am not drinking for 30 days. They immediately put some pressure on me, saying one drink won't hurt. I told them that I was trying to loose weight (with the state of our marriage, I am not going to admit to his family, that I might have a problem). All I can think about are excuses to allow myself a glass or two(or three) of wine. I want my "security blanket" back!
I have prayed for God to intervene and help me be strong, and that has helped alot. It just sucks that I have to live with my biggest trigger. But I know if I can accomplish my goal of 30 days without wine, it will give me confidence to stay in control.
Well, that's me,..in a nutshell,...at least today.
It sounds like you are aware you have a problem. Stick with you plan - Don't drink - and if someone makes it so hard for you to say no, maybe you should think about not going. It sounds like your FIL should know better.
Good Luck
1
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 100
Life can be very difficult. I also used alcohol to deal with anxiety, stress, and a marriage gone wrong. I told myself I was drinking because of this and that, and wasn't I entitled to it with all I put up with?
The truth for me was that I was drinking so much because I was dependent on it, physically or psychologically (what's the difference really). I didn't realize it until I stopped, but drinking was in reality not helping me through life, it was crippling and destroying me. Everything I thought alcohol was giving me it was truly taking it all away. It wasn't helping me deal with my problems, it was providing a brief procrastination and leaving me an anxious, unhealthy shell. When I was drinking I expected and accepted so much less for and from myself. I wish you the best on this journey. I must respectfully add that I am concerned that you believe a brief period of abstinence will bring about the ability to control your consumption. It has not worked that way for many, many people who have come before you. Take it one day at a time, and remain honest with yourself.
The truth for me was that I was drinking so much because I was dependent on it, physically or psychologically (what's the difference really). I didn't realize it until I stopped, but drinking was in reality not helping me through life, it was crippling and destroying me. Everything I thought alcohol was giving me it was truly taking it all away. It wasn't helping me deal with my problems, it was providing a brief procrastination and leaving me an anxious, unhealthy shell. When I was drinking I expected and accepted so much less for and from myself. I wish you the best on this journey. I must respectfully add that I am concerned that you believe a brief period of abstinence will bring about the ability to control your consumption. It has not worked that way for many, many people who have come before you. Take it one day at a time, and remain honest with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Poconos, PA
Posts: 3
Keep Coming Back
Hello,
I agree with zero, about controlling your consumption. I've tried that myself; have heard through the "rooms" that if I'm trying to control something, it's probably already out of control. I'm a product of two parents who got sober together and still abused each other in sobriety. Despite their motives to stay together "for the kids", often times we wished they wouldn't have, so as to spare us from chaos and insanity. Regardless, I've found sobriety for myself 30 years later, my brother has not. I have to put my children in my Higher Power's hands and ask him for help with my marriage. I found help once I started going to meetings. Just sitting there and listening. Eventually, I found the answers to questions I had been asking all along. And I keep going because it helps to answer my hardest questions.
I agree with zero, about controlling your consumption. I've tried that myself; have heard through the "rooms" that if I'm trying to control something, it's probably already out of control. I'm a product of two parents who got sober together and still abused each other in sobriety. Despite their motives to stay together "for the kids", often times we wished they wouldn't have, so as to spare us from chaos and insanity. Regardless, I've found sobriety for myself 30 years later, my brother has not. I have to put my children in my Higher Power's hands and ask him for help with my marriage. I found help once I started going to meetings. Just sitting there and listening. Eventually, I found the answers to questions I had been asking all along. And I keep going because it helps to answer my hardest questions.
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