Gal220

Sorry if I misinterpreted your thread as frustration with the newcomer.

DarkDays

Easier not drinking than having one drink or torturing yourself with moderating.

freshstart57

I have trouble enough with putting words into my own mouth, let alone into someone else's, but here goes anyway. Maybe the frustration is not with the struggler or with the relapser, but with ourselves, the solidly sober folks, and our success in communicating what we have learned.

We share our experience, we try to encourage and strengthen, and we show that there is indeed hope. The final answer has to come from within, I believe, and when the student is ready, so are we. I think that is all there is.

jazzfish

There are many reasons for this, but a big part is that humans are geared toward short-term rewards over long-term goals. It can be very hard for most people to forgo these short-term rewards. Additionally, many people have not been taught how to make a decision. There is a big difference between "I am trying to quit" and "I quit". For myself, I always wanted to keep my options open even though I kept choosing the option that did so much harm to myself. To be honest, I really don't know why I didn't get it. I can accept or surrender to the fact that I will always drink alcoholically if I drink, but this fact doesn't always register in my mind when it needs to. I wish there was an easy way to get there...

Garen

It's easier to be intoxicated than it is to be sober, or that's how it seems to me sometimes. I could die young from alcoholism, but I could also die young from something else. I could find clarity and sobriety and live to a ripe old age. But the end result is exactly the same and once I'm dead the way I got dead doesn't matter anymore.

That's how my brain keeps trying to think. A bit messed up, huh

chainsaw4618

hey trix: Your note really struck a chord with me. I have relapsed numerous times in the last couple years. It's always some stupid slip where I think I'll just have one or two beers, yadda yadda. Today I spent nearly the entire afternoon in a long meeting. The meeting went long, and was feeling a little rushed and possibly frustrated. On my way out of town to go home the thought crossed my mind that I could pick up a few beers and spend a nice evening at home having a few. I have to say that luckily I was not really tempted and immediately recognized the folly of my thinking. I'm working Day24 here, and I have been enjoying some clear days of sobriety. Even so, my BigBrain was trying to lure me into a binge. I think my frequent visits to SR in the past few weeks helped me today. No matter how I thought at the time, all I had to do this afternoon was think back to the many stories and pleas for help I've read online here. I knew what would happen if I bought "a few". I plan to spend the weekend working here at home and staying away from town. Good luck to all of us this weekend.

kizzy40

It's quite a scary concept for some, us addicts are wired differently...
The only option for us is total abstinence, there is no other way. That's it.
Russel Brand is at the moment raising awareness of this concept over here, he is an addictive personality and has embraced the fact he can never drink again due to his predisposition.
Maybe even though some are alcoholics they have not realised they are cursed with this psychological affliction?..

AngelBabe

Hey Trix;

I have felt exactly the same after a lot of reading on these boards. Then after feeling this I then feel bad because we are supposed to be compassionate and supportive of each other.This is why I can say that without a doubt in my case I could not have participated in these forums had I not gotten sober first. That is just me though. I know how my brain works and I have to be honest sometimes I do get that "So, do you want to quit or not?" feeling when I read those who have struggled so hard and then slipped and are still struggling. I even find that some of this reading even heightens the thoughts in my own mind to have just one drink. I am strongly committed to my sobriety though so when this feeling comes up I just close out of the forums for a while until it subsides.

Personally to me if I slip then that means I start back at square one, day one. I could not just look past it as a moment of fleeting indiscretion. I would have to be honest with myself and those around me and then resolve to start anew and recommit myself and do whatever else I needed to do to fix what was not already working for me. It's about being accountable no one expects me to be perfect but they do expect me to be honest with myself and them as well.

We all think and feel differently though and recovery itself is supposed to be a supportive and non judgmental place. Even though those new to this ask these questions here and a lot of them are pretty much the same I believe that they are all questions we pondered ourselves wither alone, to a partner or a friend.

This forum is a gift for so many addicted, recovering and those friends and family members who have been dealing with us and our ways for years. I could never had gone into work, or sat at my families dinner table or even posted on Facebook or a local area forum the things we post here. This is a safe haven to escape the criticism, shame and labels that we have been tied to for so long. There is so much hope to be had here for so many who truly want and need it. Some will get it pretty quick and others just take a bit longer. I know for me it was like dragging a screaming toddler out of a toy store before I finally made the choice to get off the merry go round and make a total life change.

AngelBabe

There is People magazine in the states that has a country singer Tim McGraw on the cover this week talking about how he gave up drinking 5 years ago. I did not buy it or read the whole thing but I pretty much gathered he had come to terms with the fact he was an alcoholic and if he did not change then he would die a lot quicker than he wanted to.

TrixMixer

Hi Chainsaw,

I know what your saying and maybe like Freshstart said it begins with US the "solidly Sober" How to find a way to convey this message to someone like you and others embarking on recovery.

....or maybe it is the "denial" part of alcoholism and you have to find out the hard way

All the best to you,
Trix

LadyinBC

For me I kept relapsing because I didn't really want to admit I was an alcoholic. And I had an excuse for my relapses. Never, ever my fault! Once I surrendered to it and admittied I was one, it was kind of liberating in a way. I knew that I had choices and it was me that was the problem.

But I don't kid myself. I am always going to be one drink away from going down that path again. I don't want to relapse and I pray everyday that I won't!

jazzfish

Why don’t I just quit? I have two decades of experience that I cannot drink normally. Drinking makes me miserable and I have ample evidence of the negative effects on my physical and mental health. I have identified that the effects of drinking are the main obstacles to me achieving my dreams and actually the root cause of most of my problems.

Do I want more attention? Am I waiting for a dramatic “saving” from my drunkenness, to be the center of attention during some family intervention or a magical, instantaneous makeover of life, or a ‘fun’ life-saving trip to rehab? Do I want to see my family and friends all sobbingly showing me their love and concern as they beg me to save myself? Is the regular pat on the back and dusting off of my knees after a fall somehow providing something I am looking for?

Is it a lack of tough talk? Meetings and forums can be very sensitive and PC. Do I just need tough, straightforward honest talk rather than unconditional support? Online forums and meetings can be very sensitive places, where every view is respected; relapses are learning events; and everyone is free to find what works for them?
Do I have other problems that are the real problem and drinking allows me to escape dealing with them? Or am I making quitting too big a deal, influenced by the many books, movies, and programs out there.

This has really made me think. I have more than enough evidence that I cannot drink normally. I have more than enough evidence that my drinking is causing me very real physical and mental problems and that these are directly responsible for my problems elsewhere. The bedrock of sobriety is to stop picking up a drink and pouring it down my throat. There is no magic beyond that.

I don’t have any answers to the above. But, today I see my sobriety is delivered by not picking up that next drink. I do appreciate the long-term sober people being around to share their experience and provide feedback.

TrixMixer

Ya Know Jazzfish,

That is exactly what I am getting at I guess?? You are proof of people relapsing, trying to drink in moderation to prove they are not an alcoholic, giving it up for 90 days and then feeling safe to go back to drinking. We put our minds through all kinds of mazes to find a path back to normalcy. It is like we are trying to find a way to recreate or reset our genetic addiction to that of a non-alcoholic.

Why do we not realize that if we were to reset ourselves to the non-alcoholics mind it would NOT be the THRILL it is for us. It would just be Pepsi with a kick.
It is the compulsion to Need that feeling that makes alcohol exiting--and we will do ANYTHING to keep that feeling in our lives, even if it kills us.

vegibean

Trix, it's different for everyone. If you got it on the first try, good for you, that is a rarity.

For me, I was going through some really heavy stuff, didn't have any good coping skills, and even with some time under me it was the only thing I knew to do.

Hence my signature, I keep it green too and don't forget what it was like for me. There are other people out there that really want sobriety, but there are many underlying issues that need to be worked with so that continuous sobriety IS viable.

MyTimeNow

I read this thread last night and it bothered me. It still is doing so.

You QUIT first attempt TrixMixer, I am really pleased for you. Although I think I read in one of your first posts you had a counsellor to help you through 9 days at a time?

Some newcomers when they first post are testing the waters with regards to having a problem. It does take many people a lot of time to work out that abstinence is the only way. Did you come to that conclusion overnight and stop? If so, again, good for you.

I do see a lot of frustration in your posts though, this one and the other wondering if there is a waiting room where people disappear to when you have offered them help.

This is an individual journey for each and every one of us. I would have hated to think when I joined and posted about my ups and downs that I was frustrating somebody so much. In fact it may have put me off posting all together.

Life would be so easy if we joined, and read a post from you saying abstinence is the only way, we took it on board and continued into sobriety without a second glance.

Sadly life isn't like that.

I hope that when I do have a good period of sobriety behind me, I can listen, understand be empathetic and hope that somebody follows my direction. I certainly wouldn't be vexed if they were continually trying yet falling down occasionally. It is not my place to do so.

FreeFall

Everyone is different, and if you read some of the threads about what made people decide to quit drinking you'll see so many different reasons. Some quit due to tragedy, or health scares, or embarrassment over their behavior, or were confronted by family,etc. I believe that recovery is the same way-many different reactions and methods for the same common problem.

I pretty much stay in the Newcomer's area here. New people can get support, and those with more time under their belt can appreciate how far they've come and provide support. It can be repetitive, but that's also comforting in a way. It reinforces you're not the only one struggling with it.

I think you're an unusual case in that you can say "never again" with conviction and it seems fairly easy for you to keep on track. I still have a hard time thinking never again, and have to keep it to "not today" which has worked so far. An internet stranger could tell me 1000 times all about relapsing, but I had to come to the decision on my own terms and time. I've known for years I can't drink normally, yet it took decades to actually stop. I don't know why, as I'm not a stupid person, except when it comes to alcohol.

Lionhearted1

Everybody is differant we are all unique and although some believe all addicts are the same I totally disagree. If that was true we would all be in recovery with the exact same method.

And this is the reason some get it first time others get it 100th time but that is all irrelevant as long as you get there in the end it does not matter if you are the hare or the tortoise!!

ovrock

It's called insanity... Doing something over and over and expecting a different result...

The ONLY way to deal with our disease is TOTAL ABSTINENCE... TOTAL!!!

Like any new job or task, it gets easier with time. Nothing good comes easy, or else AA, SMART, or even this website wouldn't exist...

We got to have it in us to "admit we are powerless over alcohol" and "that our lives have become unmanageable".

I tried the moderation or seasonal thing. THEY NEVER WORK... I have finally surrendered to the reality that I CANNOT HAVE ONE SIP OF ALCOHOL!!! So far, it is working... One day at a time my friend...:ghug3

jkb

Relapse or no relapse I think it is extremely important to just keep trying. There have been times I just wanted to give up on ever getting sober because I kept failing. Looking back I knew deep down I wasnt ready. I WANTED to be ready but just wasnt. After all it is a life changing moment whenever you decide to quit. Congrats Trixmixer or getting it the first time around though. I wish I was like that.

Hope4Life

For me, seeing the people I drank with acting in some very undesirable ways and having that behavior directed at me, convinced me that alcohol is not something I want in my life. There is nothing like having your alcoholic girlfriend hit on your friends to make you realize that booze creates bad behavior!

In our society alcohol is EVERYWHERE! Ad's on TV, in magazine's, on billboards, on website's, in movie's and TV show's and everywhere else are constantly bombarding us with the message that drinking is part of life and is NORMAL!

I decided to REBEL against the norm and remove it from my life but with the message being jammed down our throat's everywhere we look, it is not surprising that so many fall into the trap that, drinking is part of a normal life.

Since society considers alcoholism to be a personal problem and not a disease, we all have to learn from our own experiences. If we were taught in our Health class in school that alcoholism is a disease like diabetes or cancer, it would help many people avoid the trap of NORMAL drinking.

Sometimes I wish Prohibition had never ended......