TrixMixer

Hi Guy's,

I just don't get it!! Is thinking you can drink in moderation, or have JUST ONE glass after struggeling for months to remain sober, a part of the Denial Thing in Alcoholics??

What is it that makes one think THEY WILL BE DIFFERENT

Is it a lack of information
Disbelief in the stories shared here OVER and Over
Do we really think we are that great that we can actually get away with this?
I mean for people who feel pretty lousy about themselves while drinking, give em a few months of sobriety and their "Golden" You could get whiplash!

AveryMarie

I think we all need to go through that to learn, NO, we really CAN'T have just one drink, just one pill, just one line, etc. It takes lots of falling down, HARD

jazzfish

For me, it is an overwhelming desire to NOT be different. Drinking "normally" just seems so normal. I can forget about 20 years of contrary experience and a library of alcoholic knowledge and fall to that image so easily.

Xune

I think a lot of people have yet to accept that they have a life threatening addiction to alcohol and that alcohol is no longer an option in their life. They don't quite believe it, so it's awfully hard to commit to sobriety if on a base level, you don't believe you need to stay sober.



After a few days of not drinking, they start to feel better.

Then their addiction tells them that maybe they don't have a problem, after all, they stopped for X number of days.

Then their addiction convinces them that having one or two drinks is a perfectly rational and reasonable thing to do. After all, they don't really have a problem, now do they?

The other thing that I thing happens, is that addicts sometimes just say ' F' it, I'm drinking and no one is stopping me.'

I remind myself throughout the day that I am a non drinker, that alcohol is no longer in my life and that I am an addict in recovery.

My AV doesn't stand a chance when it creeps into my brain.

Good question Trix.

Xune

I don't believe that falling down hard often is mandatory.

Lots and lots of people relapse and there are people who were fortunate enough to stay sober the first time.

Jeni26

It happens to many of us. It happened to me. I guess we actually have to really believe that we can't ever drink normally.

It isn't the falling down that's important right now, it's the getting up again.

Never stop doing that.

Getting sober is one thing. Staying sober is something else.

Time to move forward x

AveryMarie

This is true Xune...I suppose that answer would have been just for me. I wish I could be one of those who did it right the first time or even the second.

freshstart57

I made the decision to quit drinking for good no matter what, and I have. I didn't decide to quit until the DTs cleared up or until the liver numbers settled down or just for today. I removed the idea of ever drinking again no matter how good or how rotten things are going.

I think we imagine we can return to drinking simply because that is the nature of addiction - it is implied in the meaning of the word. We continue to drink, or crave drinking, even when we know that will be harmful or even fatal.

TrixMixer

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Good Answer Xune!! So what is it --society does not devote the time and energy to educating people on alcoholism? Ya know my husband has Afib and there is a lot of research to be had out there on this health issue. Why do we not see more dedication to finding treatments for alcoholism or at least educating alcoholics that this nothing to mess around with. It will kill you if you let it.

A heroine addict knows they can't shoot up even once when they have detoxed or they are right back on the streets---I never hear Heroine addicts thinking they can just shoot up one time on Saturday night with the gang, and not realize the ramifications of their actions.
Why aren't alcoholics getting this message---Does the disease of alcoholism work on the brain chemistry enough to make them ignore all the warning signs Heroine has.

It is just so frustrating answering that "can I drink in moderation question over and over. I mean how many times doe you have to say it, read it , hear it--Yikes we are brainless with alcohol?

Sorry! I am venting to the AIR not you Xune, LOL

TrixMixer

So see Freshstart why did you and I get it ! QUIT IS QUIT and why do others not get it. I never oince thought I could even look at alcohol let alone drink one drink, I knew it was like heroine --one and your hooked.

It is just that sooooooooo many people could be spared relapsing over and over by using the "moderation" trial--why can't we get that thru to the "New to Recovery" .

Huglets

It took me 2 years to understand that I cannot drink. Until I completely believed and surrendered to it I was never going to stay sober. I hated the word surrender. I equated that with weak. And I am most certainly not weak. There was nothing else I could not overcome, so why could alcohol kick my butt?

I finally got to point of having to make a decision. 1. Keep trying to prove to myself that everyone else was wrong about alcoholism, or 2. Quit fighting, accept it and start living a much happier, healthier and more rewarding life. I choose Door #2.

Don't get me wrong, there are moments I miss having a drink. But it takes me approximately 10 seconds for me to play through that first drink. After those 10 seconds, I know for sure that I don't want a drink.

hypochondriac

I'm not sure it's just a denial thing with alcoholics... I think society in general is geared towards moderate drinking and it can feel a bit on the outside to be sober. Not only alcoholics but normal drinkers too are convinced that there are huge positives to drinking and it's easy to get sucked back into that. And of course it is easy to forget the pain it caused us. That is the nature of how we deal with the memory of painful stuff. It helped me to think that my default setting was to drink and it required effort to stay sober, so many people seem to expect the desire to fall away, but living in a society that drinks, it's only natural that we'll be tempted back.

Gal220

Yes, I think this "denial" is part of being an alcoholic. I've often heard this referred to as "terminal uniqueness". We all think we're different - that our situations are so unique and that's why we have to drink, or that I'm not like those 'alcoholics', or I can control myself. AA literature also describes this as one of the fundamental obsessions of the alcoholic - to control his drinking. We seek it to the gates of insanity or death until we realize drinking can no longer be an option for us. This is why surrender to that fact (or admitting, or accepting, or deciding, or whatever your program calls for) is such a vital part of many different recovery methods and also to my personal sobriety. This is why it's no use trying to convince someone they're an alcoholic! We have to know this for ourselves.

TrixMixer

Perhaps it is the "Surrender" word--makes one feel they are strong enough NOT to have to "surrender". They will show alcohol who's boss and CONTROL it,by moderating.

Maybe Surrender is the wrong way to get this message to alcoholics.

Now I did not work AA, so that word never entered into the equation for me, rather I was going to take Comtrol . I would not have like to thing I was surrendering anything. Food for Thought, eh!

SDSurfn

Great thread, TrixMixer.

I don't know about anyone else, but "surrender" was the right word for me.

I tried to get sober on my own for almost 2 years. I even went 30 days dry in the fall of 2011 to "prove" I wasn't an alcoholic. I followed those 30 days with 9 months of almost constant drunkenness.

I finally gave up the fight. And believe me, I fought tooth and nail to keep alcohol in my life, it was all I had known for 30 years.

Today I'm grateful to be sober since September 8, 2012.

Gal220

I figured someone would get up-in-arms about the wording! I get that, that's why I said surrender, or decide, or accept, or however you want to view it. I thought I did a pretty good job of being inclusive with that statement. I see a lot of people who do AVRT with signature lines that describe that they have decided to never drink again and AVRT showed them how to never change their mind. To me it's the same principle: I can't drink. My point was that this isn't something we can learn from "other people's" experiences. We have to know for ourselves that we can never drink again. And since this is a Newcomer's forum, the threads are repetitive. There are a lot of "I'm new and don't know what to do" or "Am I an alcoholic?" or "Do you think I can moderate?" But that's why this is the Newcomer's area. This is the place for people to ask those questions. If it's frustrating for you, maybe take a break from this area for a while.

TrixMixer

Hi Gal,
"In the Newcomer to Sobriety Thread" this is a question that is constantly asked , thus I posted it here to get newcomers off to the right start. I can post this somewhere else if you wish, because it is a recurring question in all threads even after years of sobriety.

If I sound frustrated it is only because I would love to find a way to make this crystal clear from the beginning. I have asked if this is part of the Denial--and some say it is. I find it interesting in general and my questions to be reasonable. Sorry you don't ,so you can move it anywhere you want. It is a question I have and I would like to have input from others.

.....and I don't believe I was UP IN ARMS, if I were you would surely know!

sugarbear1

just delusional thinking

"I'm not that bad, I'm not like HIM, I don't do THAT (yet), I can drink just one," I, I , I, yi yi!

we're hard heads....we're right......That won't happen to me!!

LOL

Anna

I know the level of denial I was in when I was drinking was phenomenal, insane actually. That's what the disease does to us.

I don't think I surrendered, but I fully accepted that alcohol was no longer an option and then I noticed changes in my thinking. My mind began to work out healthy ways to deal with life, rather than drinking. It was a pivotal moment for me.

Hevyn

It defies logic, Trix, but I did it too. I was a slow learner. I was determined to use willpower to control what I drank. This went on for many years. After all, I couldn't 'never drink again' - how impossible that would be! I had to have it proven over and over - one drink leads to many drinks - which leads to insane and dangerous behavior.

Great discussion, as always.