tomsteve

something i have to remember is that everyone is in a different spot of recovery. some really are sicker than others. there are many unstructured meetings out there. i highly suggest finding some that are structured around the solution as given in the big book. how to find them? i had to find them by attending different meetings.

SoulKat

I've come across at least one meeting like you've described. I felt they were this happy little clicky group and weren't interested in outsiders. Don't give up! There are so many wonderful groups out there are ARE welcoming and very supportive and want to get to know you. I ran into one just last week. I'll be going back.

Squizz

Not every group is the same. Let's make one thing perfectly clear though: I'm sure they weren't going out of their way to be rude to you. Did you ever stop and think that your being 25 minutes late had something to do with it? I mean, maybe, just maybe, you didn't give off a warm vibe yourself. I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but in reality we're only seeing your side of the picture.

But hang in there, because it *does* get better. Sometimes our perception can be a little skewed in early sobriety. I grew up with a guy who's recently got sober, and he rants on his FB account about how everyone is out to get him. Which is *clearly* not the case.

And I'm sure those people at the meeting might have been more inviting had you opened up a little more. Just because you show up at an AA meeting doesn't mean people are going to roll out the red carpet for you. And in my experience, it really doesn't help when you show up late. Next time, trying showing up 25 minutes early, as opposed to late, and watch the difference in people's attitudes.

Mcribb

I have been sober for 2 years and 6 months. I really respond well to the people who come in hungry to work the twelve steps. Like people who really go in there and beg to get a sponsor. If a person comes in and sits down I may introduce myself, but not put a big effort into "saving" a person. I have had to many people sit down in meetings and go out and die, but the ones come in hungry to talk to people, to work the 12 steps, to do service work, they seem to have a decent shot at sobriety.

mecanix

I've been sober for 16 months and have never been to a meeting . Don't let one experience cloud your day or your view on keeping sober . There are nice people who go to meetings there seem to be plenty of nice people here on SR who do .

4 days is a great achievement and when i was there it was quite an emotional roller coaster , maybe it'll be better next time you try one .

Bestwishes, M

ClearLight

I went to my first AA meeting last night. Turns out I came at it from a completely different point of view than you.
I didn't want anybody to talk to me. I just wanted to check things out. I went in about 30 seconds before the meeting started and left right away. It was a positive experience for me just the same.
Some people like me just want to want to check things out and be left alone. Maybe you unintentionally gave off those vibes. A lot of times shyness can be misread as arrogance.
Anyway - just thought you might be interested to see it from a different point of view.

NotSoIvory

I am trying to keep an open mind to this and absorb everything that is being said here. (I don't believe that, like your friend, I have a problem thinking that people are out to get me though.) I believe that it was rude because I personally am a lot more considerate to people than that. I don't really mind so much that nobody said anything to me, but the actions other than that, to me, were inconsiderate. As for the woman yelling in the parking lot, that is certainly not an element that I would like to be around in or out of AA. I won't be back to that particular meeting.

I don't expect them to.

heath480

Sorry notsoivory that your first meeting was a bad experience.

Please try nother one,perhaps you could call the local helpline number and get put in contact with someone that could go with you.

I promise not all meetings are like that one.

And squizz your reply was rather rude if you dont mind my saying so.AA should be a welcoming safe place for us.

MIRecovery

I always try to reach out to someone new but I have to know they are someone new that wants to be reached out to. So many people do not want to be there because they are court ordered, others are terrified of human interaction, some specifically do not want to be talked to, some want to be talked to but say they do not want to be talked to, the list goes on and on.

I always try to be friendly and hope I am doing what the new individual wants. I try to let my higher power guide how I approach people and hope for the best.

Sobriety is a selfish thing. I go to meetings primarily for me but if I can help others along the way then I am working the program of AA.

Squizz

And it is! And who's to say the people there weren't welcoming? We're only seeing one side of the coin here. It is impossible for any of us to know exactly what really went on.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, well, you don't know whatever from that particular meeting, do you, Squizz? Being suggestive that it is more likely her newcomer behavior, and of being late, that that accounts for her experiences at that AA meeting is just you being judgemental for no good outcome.

Being sober or not, people having their own take on whatever is just normal life, and this is not news in any setting where people gather...

Well, I agree, it dosen't help to show up late. Having said that though, so what if a person is late?. Again, what is important is now that she has been noticed, should there be excuses for treating her bad? Even if she could have been more pleasant perhaps, more on time, more whatever, a whole group ignoring her for whatever reason is absolutely NOT what AA is about, is MY experience, Squizz.

So go ahead and tell me that since I wasn't there either, what I'm saying dosen't mean much, because we'll never know what really happened either way, and I'll still be on HER side of the story, unless I learn different, is MY AA approach...

Gforce23

Hi there! First of all, you should pat yourself on the back for riding your bike all the way to a meeting in the dark! It would have been easy to talk yourself out of that one. Heck, I almost talked myself out of going to my first meeting in 6 years because I had to drive for 10 minutes in the dark!

Anyway, to reiterate what everyone else has said: bad group! And, even if your perspective was skewed (I said "if") Find another one anyway.

Speaking of which, I went to a women's group, and it was great. I did go early, and the women who were there were all very, welcoming and I must say, I got the red carpet "returnee" treatment in a sense, I mean--everyone made a point of introducing themselves and welcoming me back. Of course, I can't guarantee that will happen for you, but I would give the Women's meeting a shot for sure.

Good luck and hang in there!

BabyJane

AA's are just imperfect people like all of us and I'm sure no one meant to ignore you. In my experience, having attended probably over 500 meetings in the last 5 years, there are good meetings for me and bad meetings for me and some of the good meetings even have bad days. Last week I went to one of my favorites (A Big Book Study) and these two women were letting their very loud, rowdy, poorly disciplined children run all over the room like it was a McDonalds play land or something and I about lost it because I couldn't hear a thing over them squealing. I don't understand people sometimes.

Anyway, don't be discouraged we are here for you! And there are other meetings in and out of the AA program. There's more than one way to get into sobriety. I left that meeting early and if it happens again I won't go back. Problem solved.

MIRecovery

And some days I have a bad day at a good meeting. One thing I have found is that the people who irritate me the most are the ones most like me. Just hate looking in the mirror at meetings. The way you feel about a meeting is valid regardless of the variables.

Progress not perfection while I am trudging the road to happy destiny.

raja12

I can relate to your frustration about some AA meetings. A lot of them are very clicky,and I really dont feel welcome at some. Others are better. Sometimes the urge to drink was more powerful for me after I left a meeting . Why, I do not know. Not this way so much now. Whatever you decide, best wishes to you.

RobbyRobot

Yup. I've experienced the same in my early sobriety. Some meetings just have that 'feeling of drunkeness' hanging in the gathering. Awkward, lol.

Eventually I learned I was bringing some of that into the meeting myself. That was a real eye-opener for me, lol.

So I worked at being more 'sober' and less 'drunk' with my attitudes and perceptions, and things worked out. Now I can sit right in the middle of a table at a resturant with others drinking, and i don't even notice they are drinking, unless they get drunk and in my face that is, lol.

raja12

Thanks RR for your input on that. I thought I was the only one who felt that way after leaving a meeting. I agree, a lot of it is because I'm still in very early sobriety here,and I guess just being in a meeting that I'm not comfortable in makes me feel like picking up. One thing 4 sure,I'm so glad smoking isn't allowed anymore in side. Heck,no wonder I wanted to drink,when I came out,smelling like I'd been in a bar and all! Lol. Trying 2 avoid those triggers..........

bemyself

yes, Robby's hit that particular nail on the head for me: re facing the uncomfortable fact that, when I've started having thoughts of drinking either in a meeting and / or after I leave it.... those thoughts were lurking within ME to start with. Y'know 'mutter mutter mutter...grrr....mutter mutter mutter'.
Us alkies do that sooooo well, sadly!

Yeh, other people, eh?? Whether they're in an AA meeting, or just sitting next to us on a bus or something.....I can always find something misanthropic to say to myself about them :-)

The 'small mind' doesn't confine itself to telling me I fancy a drink, it can rush all over the shop telling me a host of other things about people, places and things. I'm darn well 57 y.o. and only really now starting to 'get' this.

sugarbear1

How many people did you say "hello" to and introduce yourself to?

We often have to show others we are being serious about our own recovery.

Hollyanne

I am laughing here to myself.
I was at a meeting that I attend regularly on Wednesday evening.
I got cornered again by my good buddy, "THE CLOSE TALKER"!
Oh lordy!
I felt like all that was missing was the pint in his hand.
He is sober about 2-3 years but is a real "lad" and just acts the same as if he was in a pub. He admits that he needs to change it up a bit, but I didn't point this out to him.
I usually manage to put a chair between us!
Remember the Seinfeld episode about the close talker?
Hilarious now,
Not so hilarious when I was hungover and trying to not jump out of my skin and run straight to the liquor store.