help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 1
help?
I don’t even know how to write this but I will try. I went out last night and made an absolute fool of myself and today I feel worthless. That’s exactly how I feel worthless. I have shivers up and down my spine even writing those words.
I feel like I did when I went through the depression in school but this is different this is alcohol related. I got so intoxicated drunk that I declared my love for a guy in my class, the embarrassment, but that’s not the issue. The issue is I can’t even remember doing it. I had to be told by a girl in my class.
Every time I’ve gone out recently and perhaps looking back on it, my whole life, I’ve gotten far too drunk. I’m embarrassing my family and myself. I woke up this morning to being shamed by my Mom and told that I was a drunkard and that she bets that no one else in my group of friends gets drunk like I do. I don’t remember seeing her last night, what I did. Anything. All I know is that I woke my Dad up and he had a massive meeting today and he is pissed. I am, according to my Mom, the most selfish person in the world. I feel that she may not be the only person with this opinion. I am starting to believe it too.
I never want to feel like this again. I can’t remember how I got home, where I went after the club, anything. I can’t remember paying for the taxi; I may have borrowed money off someone? I genuinely don’t have a clue. I made a fool of myself and I never want to feel like this again. I think I may be an alcoholic and shivers run up my spine even typing those words so I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like saying them.
I should cut out alcohol completely but it’s such a big part of my life that I can’t. I’m dependent on it to have fun, I think. I think I will go out this weekend and not drink and see how it feels. Even in my head as I type this I’m thinking maybe I’ll have just one beer … that cannot be healthy. Is it?
As I sit here pondering, gazing out the window of the library (I’m here purely to avoid my home situation) I see people running past. I want to be consumed by exercise and healthy living and not alcohol. This isn’t the first time I’ve recognised that I have a problem but it is this first time that I’ve mentioned it to anyone … even if it is only my trusty laptop.
My life is in a hole and I don’t know where to go from here. Am I an alcoholic? Can a 23-year-old girl be an alcoholic? No longer life and sole of the party. It’s getting embarrassing. I want to be able to enjoy 1 or 2 but it always turns into ten or eleven. Do you think I could enjoy an odd glass of wine or does it have to be cut out completely?
I feel like I did when I went through the depression in school but this is different this is alcohol related. I got so intoxicated drunk that I declared my love for a guy in my class, the embarrassment, but that’s not the issue. The issue is I can’t even remember doing it. I had to be told by a girl in my class.
Every time I’ve gone out recently and perhaps looking back on it, my whole life, I’ve gotten far too drunk. I’m embarrassing my family and myself. I woke up this morning to being shamed by my Mom and told that I was a drunkard and that she bets that no one else in my group of friends gets drunk like I do. I don’t remember seeing her last night, what I did. Anything. All I know is that I woke my Dad up and he had a massive meeting today and he is pissed. I am, according to my Mom, the most selfish person in the world. I feel that she may not be the only person with this opinion. I am starting to believe it too.
I never want to feel like this again. I can’t remember how I got home, where I went after the club, anything. I can’t remember paying for the taxi; I may have borrowed money off someone? I genuinely don’t have a clue. I made a fool of myself and I never want to feel like this again. I think I may be an alcoholic and shivers run up my spine even typing those words so I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like saying them.
I should cut out alcohol completely but it’s such a big part of my life that I can’t. I’m dependent on it to have fun, I think. I think I will go out this weekend and not drink and see how it feels. Even in my head as I type this I’m thinking maybe I’ll have just one beer … that cannot be healthy. Is it?
As I sit here pondering, gazing out the window of the library (I’m here purely to avoid my home situation) I see people running past. I want to be consumed by exercise and healthy living and not alcohol. This isn’t the first time I’ve recognised that I have a problem but it is this first time that I’ve mentioned it to anyone … even if it is only my trusty laptop.
My life is in a hole and I don’t know where to go from here. Am I an alcoholic? Can a 23-year-old girl be an alcoholic? No longer life and sole of the party. It’s getting embarrassing. I want to be able to enjoy 1 or 2 but it always turns into ten or eleven. Do you think I could enjoy an odd glass of wine or does it have to be cut out completely?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome.
I don't know anyone who was a blackout drinker who managed to achieve any level of moderate drinking.
Yes, a 23 year old can be an alcoholic--I know many of them. My first husband got sober at age 21, he has been sober (not a single drink) for 33 years, and he has a ton of fun with his friends and the stuff he is into (photography, mountaineering).
I know it's hard to imagine a different life, one where you can have fun without drinking, but it's out there. And you don't have to continue to feel shameful and worthless for the rest of your life--which is probably what you have to look forward to if you continue to drink.
Stick around, some other people who got sober at an early age will be along shortly, I'm sure.
I don't know anyone who was a blackout drinker who managed to achieve any level of moderate drinking.
Yes, a 23 year old can be an alcoholic--I know many of them. My first husband got sober at age 21, he has been sober (not a single drink) for 33 years, and he has a ton of fun with his friends and the stuff he is into (photography, mountaineering).
I know it's hard to imagine a different life, one where you can have fun without drinking, but it's out there. And you don't have to continue to feel shameful and worthless for the rest of your life--which is probably what you have to look forward to if you continue to drink.
Stick around, some other people who got sober at an early age will be along shortly, I'm sure.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Welcome to SR seekingfeedback.
For me, I started drinking at 16 and from that first drink onward I could never have just one, or two, or three. From the very start, I drank to get drunk and then really drunk and then pass out drunk and then blackout/pass out drunk.
I cannot or will not ever be able to drink normally. Once I pick up that first drink, I'm off and running and I have no idea where it will lead me to. I know it's lead me down some very dark, dangerous and scary places. I also shiver typing that.
That is my truth.
For me, I started drinking at 16 and from that first drink onward I could never have just one, or two, or three. From the very start, I drank to get drunk and then really drunk and then pass out drunk and then blackout/pass out drunk.
I cannot or will not ever be able to drink normally. Once I pick up that first drink, I'm off and running and I have no idea where it will lead me to. I know it's lead me down some very dark, dangerous and scary places. I also shiver typing that.
That is my truth.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR seekingfeedback 
I think all of us here have been where you are at some point. I definitely thought I was an alcoholic at 23 for what it's worth. It doesn't mean that you are but you might want to start taking steps so that alcohol isn't so central in your life. I had an embarrassing situation when I was 17 which changed the way I drink and in some ways I wish I continued to make a fool out of myself because then I would have had to stop sooner rather than drinking secretly for over a decade. I'd tell you what happened but I don't remember (what a shock) but I know I nearly lost a close friendship because of it. She made me quit for a few weeks just to prove I could. It was then I changed from a binge drinker to a daily drinker.
Keep asking questions. It can do you no harm to hang out here and learn what you can x
I think all of us here have been where you are at some point. I definitely thought I was an alcoholic at 23 for what it's worth. It doesn't mean that you are but you might want to start taking steps so that alcohol isn't so central in your life. I had an embarrassing situation when I was 17 which changed the way I drink and in some ways I wish I continued to make a fool out of myself because then I would have had to stop sooner rather than drinking secretly for over a decade. I'd tell you what happened but I don't remember (what a shock) but I know I nearly lost a close friendship because of it. She made me quit for a few weeks just to prove I could. It was then I changed from a binge drinker to a daily drinker.
Keep asking questions. It can do you no harm to hang out here and learn what you can x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by seekingfeedback 
I don’t even know how to write this but I will try. I went out last night and made an absolute fool of myself and today I feel worthless. That’s exactly how I feel worthless. I have shivers up and down my spine even writing those words.
I feel like I did when I went through the depression in school but this is different this is alcohol related. I got so intoxicated drunk that I declared my love for a guy in my class, the embarrassment, but that’s not the issue. The issue is I can’t even remember doing it. I had to be told by a girl in my class.
Every time I’ve gone out recently and perhaps looking back on it, my whole life, I’ve gotten far too drunk. I’m embarrassing my family and myself. I woke up this morning to being shamed by my Mom and told that I was a drunkard and that she bets that no one else in my group of friends gets drunk like I do. I don’t remember seeing her last night, what I did. Anything. All I know is that I woke my Dad up and he had a massive meeting today and he is pissed. I am, according to my Mom, the most selfish person in the world. I feel that she may not be the only person with this opinion. I am starting to believe it too.
I never want to feel like this again. I can’t remember how I got home, where I went after the club, anything. I can’t remember paying for the taxi; I may have borrowed money off someone? I genuinely don’t have a clue. I made a fool of myself and I never want to feel like this again. I think I may be an alcoholic and shivers run up my spine even typing those words so I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like saying them.
I should cut out alcohol completely but it’s such a big part of my life that I can’t. I’m dependent on it to have fun, I think. I think I will go out this weekend and not drink and see how it feels. Even in my head as I type this I’m thinking maybe I’ll have just one beer … that cannot be healthy. Is it?
As I sit here pondering, gazing out the window of the library (I’m here purely to avoid my home situation) I see people running past. I want to be consumed by exercise and healthy living and not alcohol. This isn’t the first time I’ve recognised that I have a problem but it is this first time that I’ve mentioned it to anyone … even if it is only my trusty laptop.
My life is in a hole and I don’t know where to go from here. Am I an alcoholic? Can a 23-year-old girl be an alcoholic? No longer life and sole of the party. It’s getting embarrassing. I want to be able to enjoy 1 or 2 but it always turns into ten or eleven. Do you think I could enjoy an odd glass of wine or does it have to be cut out completely?
I feel like I did when I went through the depression in school but this is different this is alcohol related. I got so intoxicated drunk that I declared my love for a guy in my class, the embarrassment, but that’s not the issue. The issue is I can’t even remember doing it. I had to be told by a girl in my class.
Every time I’ve gone out recently and perhaps looking back on it, my whole life, I’ve gotten far too drunk. I’m embarrassing my family and myself. I woke up this morning to being shamed by my Mom and told that I was a drunkard and that she bets that no one else in my group of friends gets drunk like I do. I don’t remember seeing her last night, what I did. Anything. All I know is that I woke my Dad up and he had a massive meeting today and he is pissed. I am, according to my Mom, the most selfish person in the world. I feel that she may not be the only person with this opinion. I am starting to believe it too.
I never want to feel like this again. I can’t remember how I got home, where I went after the club, anything. I can’t remember paying for the taxi; I may have borrowed money off someone? I genuinely don’t have a clue. I made a fool of myself and I never want to feel like this again. I think I may be an alcoholic and shivers run up my spine even typing those words so I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like saying them.
I should cut out alcohol completely but it’s such a big part of my life that I can’t. I’m dependent on it to have fun, I think. I think I will go out this weekend and not drink and see how it feels. Even in my head as I type this I’m thinking maybe I’ll have just one beer … that cannot be healthy. Is it?
As I sit here pondering, gazing out the window of the library (I’m here purely to avoid my home situation) I see people running past. I want to be consumed by exercise and healthy living and not alcohol. This isn’t the first time I’ve recognised that I have a problem but it is this first time that I’ve mentioned it to anyone … even if it is only my trusty laptop.
My life is in a hole and I don’t know where to go from here. Am I an alcoholic? Can a 23-year-old girl be an alcoholic? No longer life and sole of the party. It’s getting embarrassing. I want to be able to enjoy 1 or 2 but it always turns into ten or eleven. Do you think I could enjoy an odd glass of wine or does it have to be cut out completely?
With great admiration, Pamel
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
If I were you I'd give up on the idea of having "just one" as you've already proved you can't do that. And blacking out is not a good sign either. You're young and if you give up drinking now you won't have a lot of ugly memories (or the lack of them) to look back on when you're my age.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi. I wouldn't worry about labels. It seemed to me that you are a you g woman and that alcohol is causing problems in your life. Blackout drinking is dangerous. I'm so glad you made it home without something terrible happening to you.
Why dont you try to put the alcohol down for awhile and see how you feel? Perhaps try 30 days and see if your life gets better.
Welcome to our little community!
Why dont you try to put the alcohol down for awhile and see how you feel? Perhaps try 30 days and see if your life gets better.
Welcome to our little community!
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
The hardest thing to do is admit you have a problem and you are past that now. This community can and will support you through your transition and this is the place to come to squash your cravings and lean on someone (or a bunch of us).
You have probably heard this before but it bears hearing again......
you are a young woman and have 90% of your life ahead of you. A life w/o alcohol will be INFINITELY better than the life of a lifelong drinker.
I know, I have been drinking since I was 16 and I am 54. All those years controlled by the beast were a waste of my youth, young adulthood and into (dare I say it.....) Middle age.
Do yourself a BIG favor and do your best to follow through with sobriety. It wont be easy but it is the most IMPORTANT battle you will ever fight.
Now is the time that you can eliminate the cycle of pain caused by your drinking. Now you can stop hurting yourself and others around you. Now is the time to eliminate future regret and remorse.
Wish I could to travel back in time to my early 20s with the knowledge I have now.... I'm glad that you have the opportunity right in front of you.
Read the accounts of some of us and keep posting. We are here to help and many of us have lifetimes of experience with alcohol to share.
Best Wishes
You have probably heard this before but it bears hearing again......
you are a young woman and have 90% of your life ahead of you. A life w/o alcohol will be INFINITELY better than the life of a lifelong drinker.
I know, I have been drinking since I was 16 and I am 54. All those years controlled by the beast were a waste of my youth, young adulthood and into (dare I say it.....) Middle age.
Do yourself a BIG favor and do your best to follow through with sobriety. It wont be easy but it is the most IMPORTANT battle you will ever fight.
Now is the time that you can eliminate the cycle of pain caused by your drinking. Now you can stop hurting yourself and others around you. Now is the time to eliminate future regret and remorse.
Wish I could to travel back in time to my early 20s with the knowledge I have now.... I'm glad that you have the opportunity right in front of you.
Read the accounts of some of us and keep posting. We are here to help and many of us have lifetimes of experience with alcohol to share.
Best Wishes
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello seekingfeedback,
yikes, did that bring back non-memories: i remember the beginning of that particular evening i got drunk, and i remember the guy i had that crush on, and i remember a couple more things, not pretty, and then remember nothing until i woke up the next day and had to ask my room-mate (we were on some weird school-exchange trip in France) how we got home and why was i...and what...and waddayamean i threw up all night i just know you're lying cause i know i'd know if i threw up all night and fought with you while you were trying to keep me quiet and clean up and....
see?
after that, i drank for more than 30 years.
so you're way ahead in asking yourself and looking. waking up. i didn't know then that i was an alcoholic, but i did know a couple of years later that i had a very non-normal relationship with alcohol, which became more and more apparent every time i tried to limit or quit and couldn't.
experimenting is useful, because it does seem that our chances of getting sober and staying that way are much better when we know for sure.
I should cut out alcohol completely but it’s such a big part of my life that I can’t.
scary, eh?
sit with that; an answer might be in there.
yikes, did that bring back non-memories: i remember the beginning of that particular evening i got drunk, and i remember the guy i had that crush on, and i remember a couple more things, not pretty, and then remember nothing until i woke up the next day and had to ask my room-mate (we were on some weird school-exchange trip in France) how we got home and why was i...and what...and waddayamean i threw up all night i just know you're lying cause i know i'd know if i threw up all night and fought with you while you were trying to keep me quiet and clean up and....
see?
after that, i drank for more than 30 years.
so you're way ahead in asking yourself and looking. waking up. i didn't know then that i was an alcoholic, but i did know a couple of years later that i had a very non-normal relationship with alcohol, which became more and more apparent every time i tried to limit or quit and couldn't.
experimenting is useful, because it does seem that our chances of getting sober and staying that way are much better when we know for sure.
I should cut out alcohol completely but it’s such a big part of my life that I can’t.
scary, eh?
sit with that; an answer might be in there.
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