How do you say no convincingly?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I don't mention my recovery for the same reason I don't talk about certain other personal matters. It's nobody else's business.
Most of the time, anyway. Sometimes the seemingly-inappropriately-curious are people worried about their own drinking, or that of a family member or close friend. Sometimes it can be a service to talk about it, with the right person, and for the right reasons.
But going into my alcoholism and recovery in response to a question about having a drink strikes me a little bit like the little kid who gets a whole explanation about the birds and the bees in response to "Where did I come from?" when he really wants to know if he was born in Nebraska like his friend Sam. TMI.
Most of the time, anyway. Sometimes the seemingly-inappropriately-curious are people worried about their own drinking, or that of a family member or close friend. Sometimes it can be a service to talk about it, with the right person, and for the right reasons.
But going into my alcoholism and recovery in response to a question about having a drink strikes me a little bit like the little kid who gets a whole explanation about the birds and the bees in response to "Where did I come from?" when he really wants to know if he was born in Nebraska like his friend Sam. TMI.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 25
Great points, TrixMixer. That is fantastic that your being honest about your journey may have helped others to approach you with their own issues. You have certainly given me some food for thought.
In my case, I have shared with many that I've quit drinking, but I have only shared my reasons for doing so anonymously with the people in SR, and with an AA group. My own journey is something that I don't at this point feel comfortable sharing with others. It's not that I'm ashamed of myself; perhaps I'm just not there yet, nor do I completely understand my situation enough to tell others about it yet.
I also wouldn't want other people to feel that they have to change their outlook on an evening, or on being in my presence, because of my problem. As an analogy, I ate a vegetarian diet for some time, and when I switched back to eating lean meats a friend told me that he had stopped asking me out to lunch because he felt guilty eating meat in my presence. This wasn't because I had a problem with his eating meat - I was perfectly fine with it! Does this make sense?
In my case, I have shared with many that I've quit drinking, but I have only shared my reasons for doing so anonymously with the people in SR, and with an AA group. My own journey is something that I don't at this point feel comfortable sharing with others. It's not that I'm ashamed of myself; perhaps I'm just not there yet, nor do I completely understand my situation enough to tell others about it yet.
I also wouldn't want other people to feel that they have to change their outlook on an evening, or on being in my presence, because of my problem. As an analogy, I ate a vegetarian diet for some time, and when I switched back to eating lean meats a friend told me that he had stopped asking me out to lunch because he felt guilty eating meat in my presence. This wasn't because I had a problem with his eating meat - I was perfectly fine with it! Does this make sense?
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Avra
I take cipralex for my anxiety,and you arent supposed to drink on them (even though i had been fir over a year)
Anyways, i agree that medication is a good reason in situations you dont feel comfortable telling the truth.
Anyways, i agree that medication is a good reason in situations you dont feel comfortable telling the truth.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: ma
Posts: 242
Natom, I don't know if that was supposed to be funny but I just pictureda man with a hat and trench coat standing.in a dark foggy alley doing that and it made me crack up.
I had an office Xmas party last week. Co-workers.were all ordering drinks and when it got to m I weed for soda water. Oooh the looks.and pressure I.got was.unreal! I told them.I was.know a diet then I just let them think o was pregnant hahaha. How bout its none of your business!!
I would be the type to lie just to mess with people. I'm missing a kidney, allergic, medication, whatever. I might tell them 8 different things just to mess with them
I had an office Xmas party last week. Co-workers.were all ordering drinks and when it got to m I weed for soda water. Oooh the looks.and pressure I.got was.unreal! I told them.I was.know a diet then I just let them think o was pregnant hahaha. How bout its none of your business!!
I would be the type to lie just to mess with people. I'm missing a kidney, allergic, medication, whatever. I might tell them 8 different things just to mess with them
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by TrixMixer
...So why do we need excuses if some dimwit wants an answer to a question he really has no right to...
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 11
I haven't read all of the responses, so I'll probably be repeating what someone else has already said, but I definitely understand how you're feeling. I'm extremely early in my sobriety and am getting a little anxious as to how to communicate to my friends what's going on.
I completely understand people's advice to stay away from alcohol, especially early on. I agree with that, but at the same time, do I need to get rid of all my friends just because they drink? I don't think they will pressure me at all - REAL friends, at least - but it's that awkward, initial phase of telling them you're not drinking. So, for me, I think it's best to use "excuses" like I'm trying to lose weight, drink less, etc, for a while and THEN tell them what's going on.
Of course, people who I'm extremely close with I feel I can tell, but it's those friends whom you really just go out with. I'm single and still fairly new to Columbus, so I've got a lot of those types of friends - more of the ones you just "meet out for drinks" and such.
I'm almost positive, though, there will be a few people who get upset because I was the life of the party (as many/most alcoholics are). Well, I'll either be the life of the party sober and not at all. Too bad for them but I'm not missing out
Good luck!
I completely understand people's advice to stay away from alcohol, especially early on. I agree with that, but at the same time, do I need to get rid of all my friends just because they drink? I don't think they will pressure me at all - REAL friends, at least - but it's that awkward, initial phase of telling them you're not drinking. So, for me, I think it's best to use "excuses" like I'm trying to lose weight, drink less, etc, for a while and THEN tell them what's going on.
Of course, people who I'm extremely close with I feel I can tell, but it's those friends whom you really just go out with. I'm single and still fairly new to Columbus, so I've got a lot of those types of friends - more of the ones you just "meet out for drinks" and such.
I'm almost positive, though, there will be a few people who get upset because I was the life of the party (as many/most alcoholics are). Well, I'll either be the life of the party sober and not at all. Too bad for them but I'm not missing out
Good luck!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 210
I just got back from a team dinner at a St. Paul restaurant. I ordered diet coke and right after I ordered one of my peers ordered a diet coke too so we both got a jab from a guy but other than that no one seemed to care.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by Received
I had stopped by the local convenience store to pick up some smokes (this is the store I always bought my beer from). The owner said, "no beer?"
The cashier said, jokingly, "yeah, it gets kind of pricey when you go back on solid food."
As for giving a reason to people why you aren't drinking, I saw a flyer on the wall at an AA meeting with suggested responses:
I'm on a diet.
Doctor's orders.
I've got high cholesterol.
I'm allergic.
etc.
Someone had scribbled in at the bottom:
"F**k you!"
Really, I think the subject is a perfect opportunity to separate the wheat from the chaf. Someone worth keeping will support you. A drinking buddy won't.
This is one instance where throwing the baby out with the bathwater is the prudent thing to do.
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