jazzfish

There is no doubt that a sober person will have to tell people "no" to having a drink. Despite our fears, this is often no big deal, and a simple 'no' will suffice. However, there are also those cases where people are going to push you to have a drink, "just one", or quiz you on why you aren't drinking. I have seen some people who are able to say 'no' with such conviction that the other person knows that they are serious. I seem to say it in such a way that people want to plow right over me. I get pressured seemingly without end. I sometimes almost must get hysterical before they leave me alone, or just stand up and leave all together. It doesn't happen often, but I am tired of being in that demoralizing position. How do you say 'no' that makes it pleasant but completely convincing?

ReadyAtLast

I try not to put myself in situations where others around me are drinking. I just say No and change the subject. I've found people aren't really that bothered if I drink or not-those that are have a problem.But it is their problem,not mine. Stay strong

FinallyFinished

I just say that I am on a diet. No one has even batted an eye!

Weasel1966

Jazz.... It really does not sound like you have the issue. They do. Real friends don't pressure other friends. Or at least mature friends don't. I have a couple that always ask. Even after telling them over and over. Yet they ask. I say no every time.

I just let them be and limit where I see them. They are nice people but really. No is a complete sentence.

It sounds like the awesome part here is that you do say no... Walk away... Get itrate.... People whiout such conviction don't stay sober. Good for you!

K

Received

I drank alone, at home so no one really knew I drank. I wasn't a drunk dialer nor would I send crazy text. However yesterday a rather interesting thing happened.

I had stopped by the local convenience store to pick up some smokes (this is the store I always bought my beer from). The owner said, "no beer?". I replied "no". Oddly, she started asking why and wouldn't quit with the questions. I just stood there looking at her as the line kept getting longer behind me. She finally gave up, handed me my change and I left.

I understand her wondering why I didn't go in and buy my daily allotment of the poison but I don't understand the interrogation, ESPECIALLY when she told me one of her employees just died from complications due to alcohol.

So, I suppose my situation is a bit different from yours but it was still weird.

Oddly, my AV never kicked in although I ended up really tired and went to bed very early.

Paddler

I am still early and all of my friends are heavy drinkers... especially beer.

I would be kidding myself if I thought they weren't keenly aware I had developed a problem. That said... when I turn down a drink and they ask why I reply:

"I was having some reactions with alcohol and talked with my doctor. After some testing he/she determined I'd developed a mild allergy to alcohol that was prob. from years of drinking too much... They advised to stay away for a while and let my body heal so I'm giving it a go..."

If they prod more, which they never have, tell them you'd had stomach trouble, bad hangovers, heartburn, muscle aches, etc... make it sound real bad from little drinking. It might persuade them to cut back too...

Good luck.

Xune

This is easy;

If they never knew you in your drinking past;

" No thanks, I don't drink. "

If they knew you in your drinking past;

" No thanks, I don't drink anymore."

Of the people who knew me in the past, I've actually gotten a grand total of three congratulations.

This need not be complicated, so don't make it so.

LadyinBC

I have told people that I'm on Paxil and can't drink while on them. Antibiotics is another good one I was on one once where you couldn't have alcohol at all while taking them, not even mouthwash.

whiskeyman

i worried about this Sooooo much a christmas time because of a staff christmas party. we are all big drinkers (except me now).
i dwelled on this for days, talked to my sponsor about what to say.

and as suspected, No one said anything. my brain makes me think too far ahead and create stories that never happen.

and i did find that if i ordered a sparling water that others did as well.
People order booze if others are

LexieCat

I don't think excuses like being on a diet or being on antibiotics are a great idea. Sooner or later people will still expect you to drink.

My standard explanation is "I've decided it isn't good for me." Hard to argue with that one. Could be anything from bad hangovers to a weight problem to developing an aversion to it.

I also think one of the tricks to saying it "convincingly" is to be relaxed and matter-of-fact about it. When you say it reluctantly, or with longing glances at other people's drinks, the natural impulse for lots of people is to encourage you to "indulge yourself"--not realizing this indulgence has VERY serious consequences for you. Not like having dessert when you're on a diet.

It gets easier with practice, trust me.

janiebluebird

Get a drink (non-alcoholic) before they ask. Maybe a seltzer with lime or something. That also makes me feel more comfortable. If they ask what you're drinking/why not something alcoholic, say you have to wake up early and don't want a hang over.

Received - Thats so annoying. People are just nosey! Its rude to put you in an awkward position. I would have gotten cold at the point and said something such as, "because I felt like it"

jazzfish

Thanks, Lexie. I really limit opportunities for this to happen and prefer the straightforward 'no' approach. However, if in the situation where I am pressured, I have a look of 'no, but ask me one or two more times. Please!' This makes me think that I need to work on my own conviction.

doggonecarl

It hasn't happened since I've quit drinking, mainly because I don't put myself in situations where I have to explain my lack of drinking. But when I quit smoking pot, it took very little arm twisting for me to cave in.

Why?

I wanted to be talked into it. Your point about conviction was spot on.

Garen

When I tell folks "no thanks, I don't consume alcohol." they don't even bat an eye, they just quickly offer me something else like coffee or juice.

The only difficult part is telling my immediate family no. I will refuse and I will hear things like "pick a different day to be a party pooper" or "don't be a stick in the mud". It's unfortunate.

escapist

I have never had anyone push me. I look you in the eye when I say No. Maybe I am scary. If they are pushing you to do something you don't want to do they are not your friend. So ignore them.

Cleopatra1

hi great post,,,i was just chatting to a v close friend of mine,, whos now sober for nearly 3 yrs,, bout this same subject,, and we are v v fortunate to have our families and friends know of our problem,, and who are v v proud we have quit, and v supportive.
but i said,, when i go out now,, and get offered a drink,, im so proud to say"no thanks,, i dont drink",,, and its left at that.
how wonderful i feel when i say those words,, i never thought i would 3 months ago,,, and i dont care wot people think,,, im a non drinker,, if they cant handle it,, then thats "THEIR" problem xxxxxxxxxxx
keep it up guys,,, we are the best xxxx
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ruffian

These are great replies. I also like "my body has a hard time processing alcohol, so I shouldn't drink it." This is true. Most people's bodies have a hard time processing alcohol... some more than others.

When people are pressuring you to drink, take a step back and remember their motivations for doing so. It's really not about you, it's about them - they don't want to travel the crooked path to inebriation alone. If you were once a heavy drinker, perhaps you remember what it's like? Your friends don't really care if you get drunk or not... they just want company in their drinking. Alcohol wants you to take your friends with you as you're sliding down the rail.

Focus your interactions with your friends on the camaraderie and the conversation rather than on the drinking. And if they're hellbent on getting sloshed, maybe you don't want to be hanging around there anyway.

ScottFromWI

To me it's all about honesty. As a problem drinker/alcoholic, you are lying to yourself when you drink thinking you can control it. So why lie to others when you aren't drinking? Just say no thanks, i don't drink. Or no thanks, I'm trying to cut back. If they pressure you just keep saying no thanks until they stop. If they wont' stop ask them to leave or leave yourself. It's not rocket science.....

There is peer pressure/persuasive pressure in every part of our lives - salespeople, religious folks, policitians, addict friends, etc. The commonality is that they are all trying to get you to do something for them/with them. And in every case you have the right to just say no thank you.

Avra

I take cipralex for my anxiety,and you arent supposed to drink on them (even though i had been fir over a year)

Anyways, i agree that medication is a good reason in situations you dont feel comfortable telling the truth.

duane1

Fear of how I could possibly explain why I wasn't drinking kept me drinking for a decade longer than I should have. Now that I have 7 months sober, I see how absurd my fear was. Nobody really cares if you're drinking or not. If they do, that is their own issue and you don't need to worry about their issues. My close friends, I came out and told them that I could no longer drink. Everyone else, I just tell them I prefer water.