Sorry I gave in ...trying again.. help please !!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by FreeFall 
Ironically we drink to cope with frustrating situations, yet drinking ultimately makes us even more frustrated. I can't tell you how many times caring for an elderly mom with Alzheimers has made me want to run straight to the bar (and I used to do just that when it got to be too much). I've found that sober a lot of her stuff doesn't bother me as much as it did before. I also know how unable I would have been to cope with an emergency while drinking or hungover. If we're responsible for other people we kind of owe it to them to stay sober so we can care for them.
It's a hard thing to do. Just try again and each time add as many tools as you can to help you through the cravings.
It's a hard thing to do. Just try again and each time add as many tools as you can to help you through the cravings.
The circumstances do not change, but the way you react to them does.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
Now that you've decided you're not going to drink again, try as hard as you can try not to drink. If you can do that then your problem is solved.
If not then you may need to conceed the fact that you cannot and instead make the efforts you need to make to secure effective help to recover and never drink again.
If you're new and need to make the point to yourself a few more times, I sure understand that one from my own experience. On the other hand, if you've been at this a while it may be hard to ignore the facts, something I also understand from experience.
Alcoholics get stuck in patterns that take great effort to break themselves free from. That usually takes more effort than we are normally enthused about giving. When the dispair rises to the point where it causes us to do some things we wouldn't normally do we have an opportunity to change things. Doing what we normally do often results in switching between uncomfortably sober and drunk states.
If not then you may need to conceed the fact that you cannot and instead make the efforts you need to make to secure effective help to recover and never drink again.
If you're new and need to make the point to yourself a few more times, I sure understand that one from my own experience. On the other hand, if you've been at this a while it may be hard to ignore the facts, something I also understand from experience.
Alcoholics get stuck in patterns that take great effort to break themselves free from. That usually takes more effort than we are normally enthused about giving. When the dispair rises to the point where it causes us to do some things we wouldn't normally do we have an opportunity to change things. Doing what we normally do often results in switching between uncomfortably sober and drunk states.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,588
You already have some wonderful advice. I'm glad you came here and were honest about what happened. That's what we're all here for.
That same thing happened to me many times. Out of nowhere the craving would strike, and in the beginning I just wasn't strong enough to say no. Those old habits die hard - and we always think we'll somehow be comforted by getting numb. In the end, drinking only added to my problems - it wasn't helping me get through them. Once I truly believed it was of NO use to me anymore, then I was able to reject it.
Now you'll be even more determined to stick to your plan. We know you can do this.
That same thing happened to me many times. Out of nowhere the craving would strike, and in the beginning I just wasn't strong enough to say no. Those old habits die hard - and we always think we'll somehow be comforted by getting numb. In the end, drinking only added to my problems - it wasn't helping me get through them. Once I truly believed it was of NO use to me anymore, then I was able to reject it.
Now you'll be even more determined to stick to your plan. We know you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Originally Posted by Fandy
Use this as a learning experience? Your son's behavior is trying and grating at best, but you know his patterns...so drinking over them is an excuse.
Plan ahead. If you don't want to drink, have a plan of what you can do to stop your behavior. Call someone for support, set the timer on the microwave(i did this) and give yourself a time out.
A wise person on these boards told me that cravings last 7 mins. I politely scoffed her idea, but tried it and she was right, or the power of suggestion helped.
Being accountable here is a good thing...are you getting ftf support? Is your husband helpful.
Plan ahead. If you don't want to drink, have a plan of what you can do to stop your behavior. Call someone for support, set the timer on the microwave(i did this) and give yourself a time out.
A wise person on these boards told me that cravings last 7 mins. I politely scoffed her idea, but tried it and she was right, or the power of suggestion helped.
Being accountable here is a good thing...are you getting ftf support? Is your husband helpful.
You also really need to get some time under you, you need to break your "habit" of reaching for the drink, the longer you can sustain, the easier it gets.
I hope/wish you'd get help with this. I know we're all here for you, but going out and asking for it from a group or doctor/therapist takes a lot of strength, and it will help.
I really want to see you say stopped also, I've been there, and I know how you feel.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
hang in there
Hey imust, no worries. One of the things I like about SR is the fact that we can express ourselves in so many ways and still be accepted. Of course, being openly hostile or purposely argumentative should be out, but if we need help or have suggestions for someone, we should all feel free here to express these things. As for the lapse, well I'm so familiar with this. I can be cruising along blissfully in a sober life and then BAM. With the seemingly smallest trigger I can somehow justify a beer or two. That usually turns into a dozen. I really have enormous self-doubt as to whether I'll ever make long term progress, but at least I always come back to the realization that I must keep trying. We must keep trying. You must keep trying!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Imustdothis
Thanks to all of you who posted yesterday when I appealed for help to counter an urge to drink (after 4 days sober)- which, as it happens, I was not able to fight even with your help. So its back to square one. If i think about my urge it was weird - I had had no cravings at all over the last four days , even when a friend came round and drank wine in front of me. Then my (lovely) son who has ADHD was messing making (hot) caramel in the kitchen and not listening when I told him to be careful. Once I had sorted that out .. I just caved in, went to the supermarket and bought some wine. Even on the way there (5 minute walk) a voice in my head said 'don't do this, don't do this' but I ignored it. This morning of course I feel ill, tired, shaky and anxious. WHAT CAN I DO TO GET THE BETTER OF THESE CRAVINGS ????? Please advise. I am so cross/disgusted with myself.
Being a mother myself and having some very hard times with it when my son was a toddler, I can understand where your at. At the time, we had moved, my husband was working away from home, and I had no friends to speak of and no support. My son doesn't have A.D.H.D (unlike me) but he was very high energy back then, kept me up at night, (I was soo tired all the time) He had a raging hour long tantrum everyday at 2:30 that I was helpless to really do anything about, and he also loved to throw objects at my head-- the kid has had a major league left arm pitch since he was two and a half.
Needless to say, I became a basket case I practically had a nervous breakdown because I was scared one day--I was pushed to the edge--that I was going to hurt my child in such a state. I called a help line... and they "helped" by calling child protective services, who showed up with a police officer, (Oh yes. I have never been so frightened in my LIFE.) At which point, I truly did have a break down. I really just needed support and a break. See if you can make something happen there.
Don't be afraid to reach out. I wish I had sooner--believe me. I was to depressed, and I thought no one wanted to be around me. The worst was how guilty I felt. I thought I was a terrible mother. Don't do this to yourself! Call up your friends, family, daycare, babysitting /trade offs--whatever it takes. Don't beat yourself up. Being a mother with out a break ain't no picnic. Hell, it ain't even a gas station burrito.
Cheers--hang in there, I've been posting here and lurking around SR, just like you, going back and forth making myself miserable. I finally went to a meeting yesterday, and it was something I had really been avoiding. It was scary, but it was also a relief. No one is going to judge you there.
You can do it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,529
You learn and move on. Look at the circumstances with your son, for example, and figure out a way to deal with that next time it comes along. These are tools you develop that help you to stay sober.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by artsoul
The good news is that you get stronger and better at it each time you get through a craving. :ghug3
Addiction/alcoholism never goes away. But the less we reward it by feeding it alcohol or drugs, the more tractable it becomes. You get to a state where you can really start to recover. Because it all begins with quitting drinking. As long as you are giving in to it you can't start to heal.
When I quit drinking I made it a point to go to an AA meeting every day, to spend some time reading recovery literature and doing other stuff to benefit my recovery. It kept me focused and got me through those early rough days until the fog lifted enough for healing to begin.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Xune
HAVE YOU ACCEPTED THAT CONSUMING ALCOHOL IS NO LONGER AN OPTION?
Do you want your son to have a drunk for a mom?
Do you want your son to have a drunk for a mom?
Ya know?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by Gforce23
Being a mother myself and having some very hard times with it when my son was a toddler, I can understand where your at. At the time, we had moved, my husband was working away from home, and I had no friends to speak of and no support. My son doesn't have A.D.H.D (unlike me) but he was very high energy back then, kept me up at night, (I was soo tired all the time) He had a raging hour long tantrum everyday at 2:30 that I was helpless to really do anything about, and he also loved to throw objects at my head-- the kid has had a major league left arm pitch since he was two and a half.
Needless to say, I became a basket case I practically had a nervous breakdown because I was scared one day--I was pushed to the edge--that I was going to hurt my child in such a state. I called a help line... and they "helped" by calling child protective services, who showed up with a police officer, (Oh yes. I have never been so frightened in my LIFE.) At which point, I truly did have a break down. I really just needed support and a break. See if you can make something happen there.
Don't be afraid to reach out. I wish I had sooner--believe me. I was to depressed, and I thought no one wanted to be around me. The worst was how guilty I felt. I thought I was a terrible mother. Don't do this to yourself! Call up your friends, family, daycare, babysitting /trade offs--whatever it takes. Don't beat yourself up. Being a mother with out a break ain't no picnic. Hell, it ain't even a gas station burrito.
Cheers--hang in there, I've been posting here and lurking around SR, just like you, going back and forth making myself miserable. I finally went to a meeting yesterday, and it was something I had really been avoiding. It was scary, but it was also a relief. No one is going to judge you there.
You can do it.
Needless to say, I became a basket case I practically had a nervous breakdown because I was scared one day--I was pushed to the edge--that I was going to hurt my child in such a state. I called a help line... and they "helped" by calling child protective services, who showed up with a police officer, (Oh yes. I have never been so frightened in my LIFE.) At which point, I truly did have a break down. I really just needed support and a break. See if you can make something happen there.
Don't be afraid to reach out. I wish I had sooner--believe me. I was to depressed, and I thought no one wanted to be around me. The worst was how guilty I felt. I thought I was a terrible mother. Don't do this to yourself! Call up your friends, family, daycare, babysitting /trade offs--whatever it takes. Don't beat yourself up. Being a mother with out a break ain't no picnic. Hell, it ain't even a gas station burrito.
Cheers--hang in there, I've been posting here and lurking around SR, just like you, going back and forth making myself miserable. I finally went to a meeting yesterday, and it was something I had really been avoiding. It was scary, but it was also a relief. No one is going to judge you there.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by Gforce23
Personally, I find empathy and compassion to be a much better motivator than shame.
Ya know?
Ya know?
Alcohol addiction kills and I tend to ask tough questions about real life
If a fair question on an open forum like' do you want your son to a have a drunk for a mom' causes you discomfort, then block me.
Ya know?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Xune
To each their own.
Alcohol addiction kills and I tend to ask tough questions about real life
If a fair question on an open forum like' do you want your son to a have a drunk for a mom' causes you discomfort, then block me.
Ya know?
Alcohol addiction kills and I tend to ask tough questions about real life
If a fair question on an open forum like' do you want your son to a have a drunk for a mom' causes you discomfort, then block me.
Ya know?
Just my opinion--I hope we can move on here....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
OK, let's get back on the subject. Nobody was intending to shame anyone, and I think we can take it for granted that nobody wants their child to have a drunk for a mom.
Her question was about how to deal with overwhelming urges to drink. For some people thinking about a child or about one's responsibilities will kill those urges, but we all know that that doesn't always work.
I was fortunate that my obsession with alcohol left almost immediately. For other people it persists for a time until they have worked the Steps.
Have you considered checking out AA? It can help a lot to have a group of people who understand how you are feeling, and phone numbers of people you can call when those urges strike. Often the urges pass after a short period of time if you don't act on them, and calling someone who knows how you are feeling might be enough to help get you past these temporary feelings.
Her question was about how to deal with overwhelming urges to drink. For some people thinking about a child or about one's responsibilities will kill those urges, but we all know that that doesn't always work.
I was fortunate that my obsession with alcohol left almost immediately. For other people it persists for a time until they have worked the Steps.
Have you considered checking out AA? It can help a lot to have a group of people who understand how you are feeling, and phone numbers of people you can call when those urges strike. Often the urges pass after a short period of time if you don't act on them, and calling someone who knows how you are feeling might be enough to help get you past these temporary feelings.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
