Imustdothis

Thanks to all of you who posted yesterday when I appealed for help to counter an urge to drink (after 4 days sober)- which, as it happens, I was not able to fight even with your help. So its back to square one. If i think about my urge it was weird - I had had no cravings at all over the last four days , even when a friend came round and drank wine in front of me. Then my (lovely) son who has ADHD was messing making (hot) caramel in the kitchen and not listening when I told him to be careful. Once I had sorted that out .. I just caved in, went to the supermarket and bought some wine. Even on the way there (5 minute walk) a voice in my head said 'don't do this, don't do this' but I ignored it. This morning of course I feel ill, tired, shaky and anxious. WHAT CAN I DO TO GET THE BETTER OF THESE CRAVINGS ????? Please advise. I am so cross/disgusted with myself.

Change4good

You don't have to apologize to us. What helped me when I caved, is to look at what led up to the decision to pick up. How I justified it (and we know we always have what seems like a rationale justification!)

Then, use that knowledge to do something different when the urge strikes again. What also helped me was the play the tape until the end. You know how you feel right now? You don't have to feel that way if you don't pick up. The end of the tape, the story, can have a different ending.

So here is to happier endings for you going forward.

Fandy

Use this as a learning experience? Your son's behavior is trying and grating at best, but you know his patterns...so drinking over them is an excuse.
Plan ahead. If you don't want to drink, have a plan of what you can do to stop your behavior. Call someone for support, set the timer on the microwave(i did this) and give yourself a time out.
A wise person on these boards told me that cravings last 7 mins. I politely scoffed her idea, but tried it and she was right, or the power of suggestion helped.
Being accountable here is a good thing...are you getting ftf support? Is your husband helpful.

SIPD

Yes please dont be sorry....do you have any sober friends you could call? Maybe find meetings in your area...I always remind myself how one equals two equals four...and so on...and how awful the feeling when you wake up....hang in there it DOES get better....

Threshold

What has been useful to me is to evaluate what I was telling myself when I reached for my DOC again. I mean what, at that moment, and the moments shortly before.

Was I thinking "I deserve this" or "The world is against me.", or "I'll show them." or "Maybe if they see how sick I am, they'll take this responsibility away from me." or "Maybe THIS time I'll over do it and die and never have to feel this way again." or " I really just can't handle this." or "I really just don't want to do this, what's wrong with me? I must be a monster...oh I just can't stand to feel this way any longer."

Those tended to be my bugaboos. Stopping long enough to hear what I was REALLY saying, and then asking "how will a drink/pill fix this?" and "Will a drink or pill really fix this?" and "what could truly help this situation." gives me the chance to find a better way.

Lately I keep thinking "I wish I were dead" and then I stop and say "No, I wish I felt differently than I do right now, so what can I do to create a condition that makes me want to live?"

2granddaughters

I am not disgusted with you. You are me in 1989.

I only ask that consider one thing... can you do this the way you are doing it or do you need the help of AA?

I wish you the best.

Bob R

escapist

I am the last person to judge you. I drank when I had children too. The insane cravings are going to be around for awhile. Accept that. Know that the only last for a few minutes. As you stick to sobriety they get further and further apart. You can do this

soberlicious

What helped me was separating myself from that voice (urge) and looking at it as "not me". The "don't do this, don't do this" voice you describe is the real you. I had to learn how to be clear on which was which, and learn how to effectively dismiss the urges without acting on them...to put and keep ME in charge, not IT. Over time it becomes easier. Things like urge surfing and the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique give strategies for doing that.

sugarbear1

Are you really ready to stay stopped and heal? You CAN stay stopped, too!!!!

soberclover

I've been in your place too many times to count. I tried staying sober, something would happen, and I would later blame the incident on the "reason" why I drank. The reality is that the reason why I drank is because I'm an alcoholic. I don't really need a reason to drink; my alcoholic thinking believes it is always time to drink. I needed to train my brain to think "I will not drink no matter what". I figure you can get sober now or you can wait for the **** to hit the fan and then get sober. Hopefully you will find a phone number of someone near you who you can go to or who can come to you; nothing like the real thing!

artsoul

You pretty much described what addiction's like. When I was drinking and a craving/urge hit, it was like going into auto-pilot (half the time, I was out the door before I knew what hit me). The mental part is still there when we stop drinking and that's what trips us up.

I agree with the others - if you can make those thoughts/feelings conscious and see them as your addiction (and not the real you), it really helps. The good news is that you get stronger and better at it each time you get through a craving. :ghug3

Abetterway

How about getting a meeting schedule for aa and when the urge comes, instead of walking to the store, walk to a meeting. That will give you enough time for the urge to pass. It's worked for me for the last 410 days.

needtostopthis

Sounds like me. If my son is driving me nuts what do i do? Yep reach for that bottle. I will say to myself come on you had a bad day so you can drink. Then the next day i feel just like you and i wonder how i made such a stupid decision again. What i am trying to tell myself now, is that getting drunk only makes it worse. Now on top of my son stressing me out i am hungover and feel awful. So why do it, ya know?

ScottFromWI

It sounds to me like you already know why you drink, and you already know why it 's a bad idea. And as you say - it's a decision YOU make - to drink or not to drink. We cannot make that decision for you, but I can tell you that from my limited experience making the decision NOT to drink has been much better than the alternative. I also have 3 kids who drive me nuts and my escape was to run out in the garage and pound a beer when it got too overwhelming. That was not fair to them or good for me.

I am not participating in any other recovery programs besides SR at this point, but I may have to someday. Perhaps you should try some of the other suggestions locally like others have said. If you can't break the cycle on your own local help may be the only alternative.

Best of luck, please keep reading and posting here too.

TrixMixer

YES! you do NEEDTOSTOPTHIS! ......but maybe you are just not at that point yet. It would seem to me if it was you would have fought harder to stay away from the "alcohol relief card". It never helps it only sets you back . You have to have a stronger reason to quit---maybe for the love and safety of your son.

ADD is a very disruptive condition, I am sure your son is taking meds for this, if not perhaps you should visit a doctor that can calm his behavior down and cut down on your stress l

Let's face it without a REAL commitment we can always find another reason to stress out and need "that drink"

Good luck to you,
Trix

LadyinBC

Being cross or disgusted with yourself is not going to help you. Next thing you know you are on the pity pot and it just makes things worse. There comes a point where we have to say to ourselves "how badly do I really want this?"

Cravings. All of us get them and they are worse in the beginning. We are so use to coping with alcohol that when the chips are down the first thought is "i need a drink" and I myself have given into it. I would try quitting, last for 2 weeks and then bam. Right back at it over and over again. I kept relapsing because I was doing the same thing over and over again, which was nothing. Trying on my own and not changing anything about myself. Alcohol was the problem in my mind, not me!

We have two choices. We can choose to drink or choose not to drink. Most cravings will last for 30 minutes. Finding a program of some sort can help you learn how to cope with these cravings. No one said that this journey was going to be easy and it sure isn't.

If you are doing this on your own I would really encourage you to see an alcohol counsellor or even talk to your doctor. Nothing will change unless you change first. And it means changing your thinking and the way you react to things. The craziness ends when you say it ends.

soberlicious

The behaviors that accompany Attention Deficit Disorder can very often be managed with properly applied behavior modification techniques. I was able to learn and apply these more effectively when I quit drinking. It was a struggle to understand any options without a clear head.
In some cases, medication is indeed effective. In my case, I decided not to medicate my children just because they were getting on my last frazzled hungover/drunken nerve. Just my .02.

FreeFall

Ironically we drink to cope with frustrating situations, yet drinking ultimately makes us even more frustrated. I can't tell you how many times caring for an elderly mom with Alzheimers has made me want to run straight to the bar (and I used to do just that when it got to be too much). I've found that sober a lot of her stuff doesn't bother me as much as it did before. I also know how unable I would have been to cope with an emergency while drinking or hungover. If we're responsible for other people we kind of owe it to them to stay sober so we can care for them.

It's a hard thing to do. Just try again and each time add as many tools as you can to help you through the cravings.

neferkamichael

Imustdothis, yes, you can do it. Never block that voice tha says "don't do it", and you will win. Rootin for ya.

Pamel

WONDERFUL IDEA!!! :ghug3