Melanomagirl

The last few nights I had a couple of glasses of wine. My 13 yr old son actually said he liked it when I drank. I was funny and less cranky. When I quit in Nov/Dec he heard me saying how much I wanted a glass I wine. I have created quite a mess and have confused a teenager. Ugh! My hubby also says to just have some wine and not drink all the time. Feeling alone.

dancinggirl

9years: I would do that with UFC fights!! I'd remember the prelims, but blackout the main fights and have to check them first thing in the morning. And the pathetic thing is that I'd pay $50 for the ppv!

halfvictory

Made it just 3 days. Broke down last night on day 4 and had 3 beers. It was hard to break that usual Saturday ritual. a run in the morning, work around the house, a soccer game to go to (I play in adult league), and then after all that I just felt like I "deserved" a few beers.

About 1 1/2 beers in i was wondering what I was doing. Realized I didn't actually need to be having these but still continued to have 1 1/2 more. I am staying positive, though. No giving in just because I broke last night.

Just going to keep on getting back on the horse.

CherylT

Hey there Melanoma Girl my hubby says the same thing - just have 1 or 2 glasses of wine and not the whole bottle. It doesn't usually work for me. I hear you

Sulu1

Day 1 again for me. Had a lager shandy with my father, woke up today next to an empty bottle of vodka. Trying not to feel too down, its done now and the resulting hangover is punishment enough.

I cannot drink in moderation, need to get out of this hell once and for all. Stay strong today all

CherylT

Halfvictory - did the same thing yesterday and drank wine but I'm still not going drink today. I've tried before to stop and when I failed I told myself what the hell and just kept drinking. This time I promised myself I would check in here at SR everyday no matter what. We can do this. Just keep trying.

CherylT

Grindilow - I hear you. I did the same thing only with wine yesterday. Lets stay strong together today. We can do!!!!

OnlyTheLonely

Nearly the end of day 6 for me. First day back at work after a short holiday during xmas and new year. Felt great going to work this morning. I was switched on and raring to go. Everything was going ok until on the way home I started to think of having a drink tonight. Could not get it out of my head and it was for no apparent reason - no stress, nobody upset me at work, etc - just baffling but I guess it's the little demon inside of us all. Really annoying and frustrating.

As someone said on another post / thread, between 5pm and 8pm I'm at my worst so I went to the gym, had dinner, and hopefully time will pass quickly until it's time to go to bed.

Have a safe and wonderful day folks

scaredkitty

day 5 for me, i keep reading all your posts and take strength from the fact that am not alone in this.
i now remember why i drank in the first place- 23 years of m.e and drink was the only thing that stopped the pain. am in agony, all my muscles and joints are screaming at me to drink, please drink, just one and it won't hurt anymore.

the pain is good, the pain is great. it means i'm still here, still alive, still going.
i will not drink.

on the plus side, while am still awful fat, the 'bloat' in my poor abused tummy has gone- lost a jeans size already lol.

off to hunt paracetamol and a nice cup of tea :-)
stay strong everyone, you CAN do this!!!!!!!!!! hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

yestofreedom

the weightloss is such a reward!
just like getting bloated is a gradual process, so is weight loss!
be patient

nel68

Hello 2013 class it's been a few days since I have posted. Been laid up from a fall. I was 6 1/2 months sober and relapsed for 5 1/2 months. I feel I will reach my full 30 days this month! So will all of you, we have to pick ourself up, dust off and start a new. There can be many high and lows but we just have to remember we want to be free of alcohell. We will have to keep our minds busy, change our routines, and stay away from those who drink. My husband drank like a fish last year when I was trying to get sober but I think this year is different, He has hardly drank at all the last few months so hopefully It will help me stay to on track. Lets lean on each other we can do this!

blondsober

Welcome to everyone, incl. the Brits with the "stonking" word - if it starts being used on the "Left Coast" here in the US - you know where it came from . Agree Dee74 that tapering doesn't work for many - but it sounds like moderation is working for some - for those maybe tapering to 0 would work.

Well, day 4 for me, feeling much better, those who "fell off" last night - get back on, it feels better and better - and I'm looking forward to the weight loss too!

Newatthis34

Day 3, all going well. Getting comfort and support reading other people's stories here on SR. Limbs finally back to normal after very twitchy withdrawals, what have i been doing to my central nervous system? Anxiety also abated. Well done everyone on a weekend passed booze free!

Melacole

So after a rough night and no sleep, I am back. Day 2. Phew. My goal is to not drink today. And with it comes anxiety but also a sense of relief. Today I won't have to worry about where I am going to go to purchase alcohol, how I am going to hide my purchase and the money spent, wondering if I threw away the receipt, where I am going to hide my empties, planning stops along my ride home to dispose of empties because I can't throw them out at home, is anyone going to know that I am loaded before noon, am I going to get caught today, if I get pulled over could I pass a test, will I start a drunk argument with friends or family, who did I send a drunken text to or what did I post on Facebook, knowing I watched a movie or my favorite show but not remembering a thing about it. Secrets, cover ups and lying can be so tiring. If I put half as much effort into recovery and staying sober as I did in getting drunk and always having to think about how to hide my secret this should be easy, right? Haha. More like "Easy? Yeah right." Today I am grateful for a new beginning and relieved over not having to plan my day around hiding my secret.

Pamel

Have to go back to Day one; drank last night. It is some sort of crazy drama to get the bf's scotch.

Lunetta

9yearsgone - I log on here without anyone knowing, even my husband. He would be fully supportive but I am not ready to tell him...trying to take it one day at a time.

Reeny - Thank you for your support!

Unhappyhour - Great job not drinking during the toast! I had such anxiety when they were pouring the champagne like I was going to draw all of this attention by passing my drink off, but it turned out that no one could have cared less. I was offered wine at dinner too but I had to drive 4 hours home at night which was a great excuse, but I'm beginning to think it wouldn't have been a big deal to refuse even if I wasn't driving.

Today is the beginning of Day 6 for me, I can't remember the last time I did not drink or take a painkiller for even more than 2 or 3 days straight in at least the last 3 years. After a long travel day yesterday and also finding out a great Uncle passed away, I somewhat want to take it easy today, but since I'm not hungover I have all of this energy and thoughts of things I can do so I may go out into the world and get some things done! I hope everyone is having a good day today!

Marius76

Hello All

Day 6 here. I feel a bit of a fraud coming back here after preaching about how great non-drinking was last year, then giving up around day 48 to go back to my old ways.

2012 ended up being pretty much as bad as any of the other over the last 10 years, drinking heavily and hanging by a thread most days, I fooled myself into thinking after a short break from the alcohol I'd be able to control myself and be a moderate drinker, I was of course very wrong.

So here I am back again and 2013 is a new year, and I'm determined more then ever to break the habit, the support here last year was wonderful and I hope we can all all help eachothers this time.

Good luck and well done all of you so far, let's make this work!

Pamel

I just want to say I am glad I found this site and this thread. Thanks all; maybe we can support each other through this. Sorry it is going to take a long time to catch up with all the people. Please forgive me...

Obladi

Marius, if you are back with sincere desire, there's nothing fraudulent about that at all. I've been in several SR classes during the past year and know how you feel, but that's just our addiction talking, giving us the message that we are full of %&$# if we really think we're going to stop drinking. Don't listen to it and don't second guess, just go with your true self on this.

9years, I don't publicize the fact that I post here with my Beloved, nor with my children. Two reasons for that - one is that my eldest daughter caught wind of it when I was posting to a different web site, signed up, then went and found my posts and shared them with my middle daughter. I can't tell you how upset, invaded, pissed off and plain violated I felt about that. I'm not risking that again.

But the reason I don't discuss it with my Beloved speaks to something I was thinking as I was reading those who wrote about their spouses, friends or families "wanting" us to drink. He doesn't get it. He can't. No more than other folks' non-addicted loved ones can get it. I'm not keeping it a secret from him that I wish to not drink, but there is no sense in trying to convey to him the depth of the well into which I fell. What purpose would it serve when I am the one who has to climb out and stay out?

Does that make sense?

Deleteda

Hi everyone, back to day 1 for me. Was in the December 2012 class but blew it at New Year, thought I had a plan in place but got sidetracked (far too easily) and ended up on a three day massive binge and have been tapering since, so day 1 again (sigh) and yep every time I drink the chaos gets worse and the aftermath of guilt, anxiety and paranoia grows larger. Im not giving up though. Hoping the withdrawals wont be as bad since Ive managed to taper off but know I just have to get through it.