Why do we drink when we have everything going for us?!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I attempt to put myself in situations to distract myself from drinking. But it always seems to find me.
It is hard to quit and hard to change the way we think. I spent so long using alcohol as a way to cope that when I quit, I didn't know what to do. I ended up also seeing a counsellor and going to daytox. I did go to AA meetings and it does help to listen to others talk about it.
I wish I would have found this site when I first quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7
Thanks everyone!
I read some of the encouraging messages this morning before I went to work, and reading about your experiences and your feedback really stuck with me! I worked my caboodle off tonight, and was offered a drink multiple times at the end of my shift and was begged to go out clubbing. I instead chose to maintain focused on how great I would feel later tonight and tomorrow morning if I passed, despite how tempting the immediate reward was. Like Dee74 said, it was about thinking about consequences rather than just mindlessly reacting in a knee jerk fashion.
Let me tell you, I trotted right out of that bar with a big smile. It felt good, to be able to safely drive myself home. The mental clarity at night was nice too. ... and it feels great to be here right now sharing this sober evening with you fine folk of SR. I am realizing if I can just maintain self-control in the heat of the moment, the temptation is actually fleeting. As soon as I got home I was over the whole drinking thing and ready to relax and rest up.
Sobriety. I used to think it was so square, and here I am thinking it's about the craziest thing I will ever try!
Let me tell you, I trotted right out of that bar with a big smile. It felt good, to be able to safely drive myself home. The mental clarity at night was nice too. ... and it feels great to be here right now sharing this sober evening with you fine folk of SR. I am realizing if I can just maintain self-control in the heat of the moment, the temptation is actually fleeting. As soon as I got home I was over the whole drinking thing and ready to relax and rest up.
Sobriety. I used to think it was so square, and here I am thinking it's about the craziest thing I will ever try!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,080
Good going! I actually used to think alcohol could lead to some kind of "enlightenment," and so non-drinkers were spiritually deficient. Amazing what a difference sobriety makes!
I went for a four-mile walk yesterday, my legs and feet in pain the whole way. But a lot of what inspired me was simply the fact that made a post here that I needed exercise.
Here is the rest of "Key Methods for Living Sober:"
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
I went for a four-mile walk yesterday, my legs and feet in pain the whole way. But a lot of what inspired me was simply the fact that made a post here that I needed exercise.
Here is the rest of "Key Methods for Living Sober:"
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Why did I drink when I had everything going for me?
A lot of the time, it was a fantasy. It allowed me to escape my "life" and be in a mind-altered state where I could remove myself from reality and not have to deal with life. I could then begin to "fantasize" about the "could be and would have" of my past and future, good or bad.
This was a terrible prison to be in. Because none of it was real. I was living in a dream world. When I realized this to be the case, it began a stream of consciousness and joy that would never have been achieved if I had continued drinking.
A lot of the time, it was a fantasy. It allowed me to escape my "life" and be in a mind-altered state where I could remove myself from reality and not have to deal with life. I could then begin to "fantasize" about the "could be and would have" of my past and future, good or bad.
This was a terrible prison to be in. Because none of it was real. I was living in a dream world. When I realized this to be the case, it began a stream of consciousness and joy that would never have been achieved if I had continued drinking.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,080
Well, I get the feeling you are not going to run out to the next meeting...
So, just for you, I edited my previous posts.
SoberRecovery Plan for Life
Attend a SoberRecovery meeting daily. If needed, attend other meetings on-line or in-person also.
Participate in the forum. The more you give, the more you get!
Introduce yourself to another person at SoberRecovery. Do this until you know three people to say "Hi" to when you log on again.
PM two SoberRecovery members. Explain you are new and just want to practice using the system. Ask about good threads to read. Or just wish the person "Happy New Year!"--it might make their day!
Select a mentor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice a program of your choice. He/she should be able to guide you through the program and be reasonably available.
Start you day by acknowledging your higher power and ask for guidance. Close your day with gratitude for your sobriety and any other gifts which came your way.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes a day to read a inspirational text. Increase the time as your brain waves begin to level.
Allow yourself time to rest each day. Eat nutritiously on a regular basis.
Take time out when your emotions are on a major high or low. Balance is the goal.
Ask for serenity from your higher power. The "Serenity Prayer" has saved many.
PM your mentor or email a friend when you are out of sync.
Write about your feelings in a blog.
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
So, just for you, I edited my previous posts.
SoberRecovery Plan for Life
Attend a SoberRecovery meeting daily. If needed, attend other meetings on-line or in-person also.
Participate in the forum. The more you give, the more you get!
Introduce yourself to another person at SoberRecovery. Do this until you know three people to say "Hi" to when you log on again.
PM two SoberRecovery members. Explain you are new and just want to practice using the system. Ask about good threads to read. Or just wish the person "Happy New Year!"--it might make their day!
Select a mentor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice a program of your choice. He/she should be able to guide you through the program and be reasonably available.
Start you day by acknowledging your higher power and ask for guidance. Close your day with gratitude for your sobriety and any other gifts which came your way.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes a day to read a inspirational text. Increase the time as your brain waves begin to level.
Allow yourself time to rest each day. Eat nutritiously on a regular basis.
Take time out when your emotions are on a major high or low. Balance is the goal.
Ask for serenity from your higher power. The "Serenity Prayer" has saved many.
PM your mentor or email a friend when you are out of sync.
Write about your feelings in a blog.
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 59
I've not even read this thread in its entirety, but I had to leave this comment because this is exactly what happens to me all the time.
My opinion from my own experience is that once I have a wage, clean skin, good haircut, house scrubbed and new stuff, I feel like I'm winning! But instead of celebrating like a normal person with a meal or whatever I get a bottle of vodka, then another, then another.....until I have none of the aforementioned.
Then I build myself back to the beginning.
And round and round we go. I'm still doing it. The mental obsession I guess the book would say.
My opinion from my own experience is that once I have a wage, clean skin, good haircut, house scrubbed and new stuff, I feel like I'm winning! But instead of celebrating like a normal person with a meal or whatever I get a bottle of vodka, then another, then another.....until I have none of the aforementioned.
Then I build myself back to the beginning.
And round and round we go. I'm still doing it. The mental obsession I guess the book would say.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Why do we drink when we have everything going for us?!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7
I am not sure I am ready to run out to the next AA meeting quite yet. But I did contact a close friend who went sober (after a drunken night we spent together, actually) a few years ago. I think she has sensed this uneasiness from me about my drinking, and she mentioned the door is always open at her house if I ever want to talk. So we are going out for coffee later today 
I like the Sober Recovery Plan for life, I'll be writing it down on my dry erase board today. Inspirational text is next on the agenda
I like the Sober Recovery Plan for life, I'll be writing it down on my dry erase board today. Inspirational text is next on the agenda
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,069
Even moderate drinking can shrink the brain and cause cognitive deficit. As an excessive drinker for decades, I got to the point where alcohol/drugs were causing me brain damage. Because of my continued abuse of my mind/body, my brain became programmed to drink/drug as the first order above absolutely everything. No wonder recovery can be daunting for some.
Undoing all that damage by relearning new ways to think and act, I continue to grow in my wellness practice. I strive for 'progress not perfection' by being confident in my new ability to guide my life in a healthy direction.
Undoing all that damage by relearning new ways to think and act, I continue to grow in my wellness practice. I strive for 'progress not perfection' by being confident in my new ability to guide my life in a healthy direction.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,080
Zencat has an advertisement about comorbidity in his signature. Things that happen to us change our gene expression, and can lead to addiction and a host of other problems. I have a diagnosed disorder which may have been caused by alcoholism.
I left this item out of the "plan:"
"Prayer is the telephone to your HP. How else will you know he answers unless you call!"
(Thanks to Lake Chelan Community Hospital for the "Key Methods of Living Sober"))
I left this item out of the "plan:"
"Prayer is the telephone to your HP. How else will you know he answers unless you call!"
(Thanks to Lake Chelan Community Hospital for the "Key Methods of Living Sober"))
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
In short the answer to the original question could be: because I was an alcoholic with no spiritual defense against the first drink.
Thanks to the steps, I was able to progress forward spiritually, achieving an awakening and placed in a position of neutrality through a power greater than myself, which I choose to call God.
Thanks to the steps, I was able to progress forward spiritually, achieving an awakening and placed in a position of neutrality through a power greater than myself, which I choose to call God.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
embracestruggle: Welcome to SR! You wrote:
"Why didn't I just listen to my rational mind and NOT DRINK. Just do not bend your arm at the elbow while palming a glass bottle of a mind altering substance, it's NOT THAT HARD. I'm only 27, I'm a smart girl with so much potential to tap into, why do I give these days away to booze?"
Here's why I didn't listen to my rational mind and not drink. At first I drank because it made me feel good, gave me a buzz, lessened my shyness, made it easier to fit in with friends at parties, made me more at ease with girls (that's what we called them back then). Then, as my dependence grew, I gradually became an alcoholic. My body chemistry changed, probably my physiology too. I needed alcohol just to feel normal. And when I tried to taper off on drinking, a part of my brain, I have heard it's called the amygdala, a very primitive area which the Rational Recovery (AVRT) folks call "the beast", would send child like "witch" messages to the more "rational" parts of my brain, persuading me that it would be all right to have "just one", that I could "control" it. In reality the "beast" wanted to control it and gradually did, off and on, for forty years. Finally I got into AA (that's only one of several possibilities) and I've been sober for 24 years. With luck 2013 will see me to 25. A quarter of a century. Good luck.
W.
"Why didn't I just listen to my rational mind and NOT DRINK. Just do not bend your arm at the elbow while palming a glass bottle of a mind altering substance, it's NOT THAT HARD. I'm only 27, I'm a smart girl with so much potential to tap into, why do I give these days away to booze?"
Here's why I didn't listen to my rational mind and not drink. At first I drank because it made me feel good, gave me a buzz, lessened my shyness, made it easier to fit in with friends at parties, made me more at ease with girls (that's what we called them back then). Then, as my dependence grew, I gradually became an alcoholic. My body chemistry changed, probably my physiology too. I needed alcohol just to feel normal. And when I tried to taper off on drinking, a part of my brain, I have heard it's called the amygdala, a very primitive area which the Rational Recovery (AVRT) folks call "the beast", would send child like "witch" messages to the more "rational" parts of my brain, persuading me that it would be all right to have "just one", that I could "control" it. In reality the "beast" wanted to control it and gradually did, off and on, for forty years. Finally I got into AA (that's only one of several possibilities) and I've been sober for 24 years. With luck 2013 will see me to 25. A quarter of a century. Good luck.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
That's very good stuff, Cold Fusion! I'm not sure that SR is a complete substitute for AA or other meetings or programs but the plan you suggest seems to me like a very big help and a great step forward. Tell us more. How precisely do we go about choosing two or three friends to communicate with, choosing what you call a "mentor"? I suspect I may know but I'm not sure whether everyone knows how this is done.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: glasgow
Posts: 5
Here we go again...
Xmas eve was the start of a 6 day bender for me that has resulted in me missing 2 days off work, letting down my 4 year old son and also my friends and family.
I don't drink every day and am generally happy when sober but once i start drinking it can easily carry on for days on end. I am totally sick of this feeling and just hope it is the last time i ever feel like this. Drinking affects every aspect of my lfe including, work, relationships, finances and health. However i always seem to fall back into the same traps and make the same promises that despite however genuine they may seem at the time do not last longer than a couple fo weeks.
Although i feel miserable right now it is good to know that i am not alone and that others have the same problems and experience the same feelings as i do.
I don't drink every day and am generally happy when sober but once i start drinking it can easily carry on for days on end. I am totally sick of this feeling and just hope it is the last time i ever feel like this. Drinking affects every aspect of my lfe including, work, relationships, finances and health. However i always seem to fall back into the same traps and make the same promises that despite however genuine they may seem at the time do not last longer than a couple fo weeks.
Although i feel miserable right now it is good to know that i am not alone and that others have the same problems and experience the same feelings as i do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7
Another night sober, and I'm back here on SR with you fine folk once again. It feels so strange to have started this non-drinking journey on the weekend before New Years when everyone else is bucking up for the party.
When I was getting off work, being in that darkly lit bar, the music going, and my friends laughing over drinks. . .I wanted so badly to get social and join in for 'just a glass of wine'. But I know what that glass of wine will do .. I will either feel bad for giving in to the one glass of wine and be mad at myself, or say 'eff it, I already drank' and go nuts for the rest of the night. It was a lose/lose. I walked out of that bar and drove myself safely home for the second night in a row.
Then I arrived home, where my compadres were drinking. No longer the romanticized setting of the bar, but still tempting in that it's free drinks in the comfort of my home with friends. Same setting..same people I was hiding my debaucherous ways from a few days ago when I wrote my initial post. I packed my bags and left to spend the night somewhere else.
I am so appreciative of myself for those series of choices I made today. Only two days. But at the same time. . . TWO DAYS! I know a lot of you newcomers can relate with not being able to imagine going two days, a week, a month, a YEAR! It seems impossible!!! But seeing yourself make the baby steps is empowering. And if you ever want to make that mile you have to start with those baby steps. I got twooooo on it!
I truly appreciate the feedback I have been getting from the website. I think I am going to surf around tonight and exercise some of these 'Key Methods' coldfusion so graciously shared with me! Still too nervous to go to AA...
When I was getting off work, being in that darkly lit bar, the music going, and my friends laughing over drinks. . .I wanted so badly to get social and join in for 'just a glass of wine'. But I know what that glass of wine will do .. I will either feel bad for giving in to the one glass of wine and be mad at myself, or say 'eff it, I already drank' and go nuts for the rest of the night. It was a lose/lose. I walked out of that bar and drove myself safely home for the second night in a row.
Then I arrived home, where my compadres were drinking. No longer the romanticized setting of the bar, but still tempting in that it's free drinks in the comfort of my home with friends. Same setting..same people I was hiding my debaucherous ways from a few days ago when I wrote my initial post. I packed my bags and left to spend the night somewhere else.
I am so appreciative of myself for those series of choices I made today. Only two days. But at the same time. . . TWO DAYS! I know a lot of you newcomers can relate with not being able to imagine going two days, a week, a month, a YEAR! It seems impossible!!! But seeing yourself make the baby steps is empowering. And if you ever want to make that mile you have to start with those baby steps. I got twooooo on it!
I truly appreciate the feedback I have been getting from the website. I think I am going to surf around tonight and exercise some of these 'Key Methods' coldfusion so graciously shared with me! Still too nervous to go to AA...
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by embracestruggle 
Another night sober, and I'm back here on SR with you fine folk once again. It feels so strange to have started this non-drinking journey on the weekend before New Years when everyone else is bucking up for the party.
When I was getting off work, being in that darkly lit bar, the music going, and my friends laughing over drinks. . .I wanted so badly to get social and join in for 'just a glass of wine'. But I know what that glass of wine will do .. I will either feel bad for giving in to the one glass of wine and be mad at myself, or say 'eff it, I already drank' and go nuts for the rest of the night. It was a lose/lose. I walked out of that bar and drove myself safely home for the second night in a row.
Then I arrived home, where my compadres were drinking. No longer the romanticized setting of the bar, but still tempting in that it's free drinks in the comfort of my home with friends. Same setting..same people I was hiding my debaucherous ways from a few days ago when I wrote my initial post. I packed my bags and left to spend the night somewhere else.
I am so appreciative of myself for those series of choices I made today. Only two days. But at the same time. . . TWO DAYS! I know a lot of you newcomers can relate with not being able to imagine going two days, a week, a month, a YEAR! It seems impossible!!! But seeing yourself make the baby steps is empowering. And if you ever want to make that mile you have to start with those baby steps. I got twooooo on it!
I truly appreciate the feedback I have been getting from the website. I think I am going to surf around tonight and exercise some of these 'Key Methods' coldfusion so graciously shared with me! Still too nervous to go to AA...
When I was getting off work, being in that darkly lit bar, the music going, and my friends laughing over drinks. . .I wanted so badly to get social and join in for 'just a glass of wine'. But I know what that glass of wine will do .. I will either feel bad for giving in to the one glass of wine and be mad at myself, or say 'eff it, I already drank' and go nuts for the rest of the night. It was a lose/lose. I walked out of that bar and drove myself safely home for the second night in a row.
Then I arrived home, where my compadres were drinking. No longer the romanticized setting of the bar, but still tempting in that it's free drinks in the comfort of my home with friends. Same setting..same people I was hiding my debaucherous ways from a few days ago when I wrote my initial post. I packed my bags and left to spend the night somewhere else.
I am so appreciative of myself for those series of choices I made today. Only two days. But at the same time. . . TWO DAYS! I know a lot of you newcomers can relate with not being able to imagine going two days, a week, a month, a YEAR! It seems impossible!!! But seeing yourself make the baby steps is empowering. And if you ever want to make that mile you have to start with those baby steps. I got twooooo on it!
I truly appreciate the feedback I have been getting from the website. I think I am going to surf around tonight and exercise some of these 'Key Methods' coldfusion so graciously shared with me! Still too nervous to go to AA...
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