Am I wrong?
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it.
I understand someone not wanting to get sick ... believe me, I do. I would not have shown up today if I was so sick that I thought I might get someone else sick. I am sensitive to people's feelings, believe me. And the counselor didn't think I was so sick that I shouldn't be there. But I really felt that this woman completely overreacted. If it had been me, and I had been that concerned with being exposed to someone else's sickness, I would have taken the counselor aside during the break and said, "Hey, I'm not comfortable with being in the same room as this person ... and I think I'm going to go home." Fine, well, and good. But to ask the counselor for Lysol, rant and rave about being in a "contaminated" room, and make me feel like a leper in front of the entire group was just over the top, in my opinion. She is entitled to her opinions/feelings, but she's not entitled to make me feel like crap. I think she could have handled it much more sensitively. JMO.
I understand someone not wanting to get sick ... believe me, I do. I would not have shown up today if I was so sick that I thought I might get someone else sick. I am sensitive to people's feelings, believe me. And the counselor didn't think I was so sick that I shouldn't be there. But I really felt that this woman completely overreacted. If it had been me, and I had been that concerned with being exposed to someone else's sickness, I would have taken the counselor aside during the break and said, "Hey, I'm not comfortable with being in the same room as this person ... and I think I'm going to go home." Fine, well, and good. But to ask the counselor for Lysol, rant and rave about being in a "contaminated" room, and make me feel like a leper in front of the entire group was just over the top, in my opinion. She is entitled to her opinions/feelings, but she's not entitled to make me feel like crap. I think she could have handled it much more sensitively. JMO.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
but she's not entitled to make me feel like crap.
One of the wisest women ever said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" (Thanks Eleanor)
and I agree with you...it seems she did over-react, but really so what? That's just how some people roll. It is what it is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 69
Congratulations on your 30 days! 
I have no control over what other people think, say or how they behave.
Try to let go of the negative, release it, don't let it trouble you.
Imagine standing in a stream, holding on to this dark mass and letting it go. It will drift away from you and will quickly be out of sight and out of mind.
Focus on the positives here, you have 30 days behind you, you look forward to your next sessions and meetings.
These are things that you can build on and go forward from, that's where your energy might best be put to use.
I have no control over what other people think, say or how they behave.
Try to let go of the negative, release it, don't let it trouble you.
Imagine standing in a stream, holding on to this dark mass and letting it go. It will drift away from you and will quickly be out of sight and out of mind.
Focus on the positives here, you have 30 days behind you, you look forward to your next sessions and meetings.
These are things that you can build on and go forward from, that's where your energy might best be put to use.
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Originally Posted by choublak 
You could get her some Lysol for Christmas...jk
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
well..look...I'm a bit of a hypochondriac (I used to be really bad)...and with some good reason behind it...my immune systems not great.
I'm not saying she was right to freak out so much & make such a production about it - I would have just left if I was worried....cos it's not all about me...and you had a right and a need to be there.
but I do understand the panic and the fear that some of us can have about germs.
Yes it's totally irrational and self absorbed and silly...but that doesn't make the panic any less real.
This is just me, but yeah - I wouldn't make a joke of it by bringing in lysol or anything. Move on
D
I'm not saying she was right to freak out so much & make such a production about it - I would have just left if I was worried....cos it's not all about me...and you had a right and a need to be there.
but I do understand the panic and the fear that some of us can have about germs.
Yes it's totally irrational and self absorbed and silly...but that doesn't make the panic any less real.
This is just me, but yeah - I wouldn't make a joke of it by bringing in lysol or anything. Move on
D
Last edited by Dee74; 12-14-2012 at 01:03 AM. Reason: clarity
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
pretty much everyone in early recovery is a little crazy. the signals you were getting from the others in the room seem to suggest she was wearing the crazy crown in that session. I think that you leaving when even the counselor was supporting you sounds kind of martyr- y. don't let anyone control you that way....she coulda just left if she was that uncomfortable.
Way to go on the 30 days...keep it up!!
Way to go on the 30 days...keep it up!!
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Desertsong, I would have been upset in your situation too at the way she handled it. I think the group leader might have taken a stronger role too, rather than letting her do that to you. She "won" the round today as you left, but maybe you can discuss constructive ways to deal with fears and expressing opinions in tomorrow's session. Maybe you can talk about how her behavior made you feel and how you missed a big milestone because of it. I understand not wanting to get sick, but if it were me and everyone else in the group was fine I would have left because it was my issue. Oy!
Huge congratulations on 30 days though! Don't let that experience take away from a great accomplishment!!
Huge congratulations on 30 days though! Don't let that experience take away from a great accomplishment!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
I've caught a cold. It must have been 15 years since I got sick. Not a big deal, but there's a fair amount of coughing, sneezing, and runny nose, so it's best that I stay away from people, since my job is serving food.
I hope you recuperate soon.
I periodically wonder about people who are environmentally sensitive. It seems that the whole universe has to revolve around them. If you've got a peanut allergy, that is legitimate. But perfume? I can smell the stuff from yards away and am not fond of it, but I'm not going to ask someone not to use it just because I think it doesn't smell good.
You don't need to apologize for being sick. And you can stay at home if need be. Cut yourself some slack and grant yourself some "me" time.
I hope you recuperate soon.
I periodically wonder about people who are environmentally sensitive. It seems that the whole universe has to revolve around them. If you've got a peanut allergy, that is legitimate. But perfume? I can smell the stuff from yards away and am not fond of it, but I'm not going to ask someone not to use it just because I think it doesn't smell good.
You don't need to apologize for being sick. And you can stay at home if need be. Cut yourself some slack and grant yourself some "me" time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
CONGRATS ON 30 DAYS!!! awesome
one thing i know about other people....is that i don't have control over any of them. i only have control over how i react. (i'm sure this is something i could take my own advice on - lol...i strive to look at things this way at least)
one thing i know about other people....is that i don't have control over any of them. i only have control over how i react. (i'm sure this is something i could take my own advice on - lol...i strive to look at things this way at least)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Sydney
Posts: 11
Definitely not a reaction I would have expected, however look after yourself.. try not to let it effect you too much and also getting back into things too soon could potentially be harsh on our recovering bodies and immune systems.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
ds...SO proud of you! SO happy for you!
now, the situation you describe.
First, I really suggest you don't retaliate by bringing her a can of Lysol. Maybe the people who suggested it were joking, I don't know, but I think it's inappropriate.
Some people have real serious reasons to NEED to avoid getting ill. Who knows, maybe somehow it's a trigger for her? Maybe the temptation to take Nyquil, or who the heck knows what?
Some people have immunity issues, or their spouse or child does, or they will lose a job if they get sick and can't come in. Maybe she IS a germaphobe and it's an issues she's working on. We all have triggers, we all have challenges, many of us have relapsed over things that other people would roll their eyes or laugh at.
Basically, her reaction was not personal, NOT aimed at you, but aimed at whatever her personal demon is, or at worst, your illness.
As so many wise heads have said, let it go. If you are a 12 stepper, say a prayer for her...for, like us, she is a sick person, how can you help her (and you)?
A lot of illness is going around my work place these days. I've been washing my hands like crazy, but the other day the person I was working with, side by side and handling the same items...was coughing all over the place. I admit I wasn't feeling warm and fuzzy towards him, especially when he started telling me how sick his wife is with the flu.
I don't get paid for sick days. If I get the flu I'm in trouble. There are other people at work wearing masks...and I'm considering it.
Her outward reaction wasn't very graceful to be sure, and I'm sorry about that, but please don't let her awkwardness get in the way of your awesome progress! Don't let her issues keep you away from meetings.
You can get a mask at the drug store, and in that way show respect for the people around you, and wash your hands, and sneeze or cough into a tissue if you need to.
We can only ever alter our own behavior. We can't demand respect or empathy, but we can choose to behave with respect and empathy.
now, the situation you describe.
First, I really suggest you don't retaliate by bringing her a can of Lysol. Maybe the people who suggested it were joking, I don't know, but I think it's inappropriate.
Some people have real serious reasons to NEED to avoid getting ill. Who knows, maybe somehow it's a trigger for her? Maybe the temptation to take Nyquil, or who the heck knows what?
Some people have immunity issues, or their spouse or child does, or they will lose a job if they get sick and can't come in. Maybe she IS a germaphobe and it's an issues she's working on. We all have triggers, we all have challenges, many of us have relapsed over things that other people would roll their eyes or laugh at.
Basically, her reaction was not personal, NOT aimed at you, but aimed at whatever her personal demon is, or at worst, your illness.
As so many wise heads have said, let it go. If you are a 12 stepper, say a prayer for her...for, like us, she is a sick person, how can you help her (and you)?
A lot of illness is going around my work place these days. I've been washing my hands like crazy, but the other day the person I was working with, side by side and handling the same items...was coughing all over the place. I admit I wasn't feeling warm and fuzzy towards him, especially when he started telling me how sick his wife is with the flu.
I don't get paid for sick days. If I get the flu I'm in trouble. There are other people at work wearing masks...and I'm considering it.
Her outward reaction wasn't very graceful to be sure, and I'm sorry about that, but please don't let her awkwardness get in the way of your awesome progress! Don't let her issues keep you away from meetings.
You can get a mask at the drug store, and in that way show respect for the people around you, and wash your hands, and sneeze or cough into a tissue if you need to.
We can only ever alter our own behavior. We can't demand respect or empathy, but we can choose to behave with respect and empathy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
