desertsong

I have 30 days again today, which is no small accomplishment for me considering I am going through a divorce, the holidays, and a lot of other issues that have been challenging my sobriety. Adding to the stress is the fact that I am struggling with a severe upper respiratory infection that I came down with earlier this week.

I am in an intensive outpatient program that meets 5 mornings a week. I missed yesterday because of this virus, so I felt it was important to show up today. When you miss a day or two at this program, they get concerned, so I showed up this morning so that they could see that I was okay and wasn't drinking or slipping down the slope to drinking.

It was clear that I wasn't 100%, and when our group counselor saw me, he said I didn't have to stay if I wasn't feeling well. But I wanted to stay because I'm committed to my program and needed to be there, and he was okay with that. Nobody objected to my being there .... in fact, they were happy to see me be there, especially since I wasn't feeling my best. But one of our group members totally freaked out about it.

We weren't 15 minutes into group when she asked the counselor, "Do you have Lysol here?" The counselor said, "Why? Do you want to spray Desertsong with it?" And it went on from there ... this woman was totally freaking out about my being there. She said, "I can't get comfortable ... I feel like there are germs all over this room ... I can't afford to get sick ... can we open the door? Can we run a fan in here? Blah blah blah ..." I mean, she was TOTALLY paranoid about having me in the room. Finally, she says, "I think I'm going to have to leave. I can't sit in this room knowing someone is sick. I feel like there are germs all over this room and I'm going to get them. I have to leave."

The woman sitting next to me said, "I am sitting right next to Desertsong and I don't think she is going to get me sick ... I'm okay with her being here." Other members looked at me and winked as if to say, "Don't let her bother you." The counselor even called this woman a "germophobe." But I felt like a leper and very unwelcome. So I simply said, "I'll leave ... I don't want someone to leave because of me ... I'll go." It was clear to me that the rest of the group was fine with me being there, but this woman totally FREAKED OUT and made me feel terribly unwelcome.

I wasn't offended at the time, but the more I think about it, the more it ticks me off. I was going to go to my AA meeting at noon to get my 30 day chip, but this woman attends the same meeting and I was afraid she would freak out again if I showed up, so I stayed home. Am I overreacting? Is she? I mean, I understand people not wanting to get sick, especially at this time of year, but I thought her reaction was extreme and very hurtful. Now I just want to stay home and stay away from people until I know I'm 100% healthy. Not a good thing for me, since isolation was one of the reasons I drank.

I guess I am sympathetic to her concerns ... I would probably have the same concerns if it was me. I just feel that she was very insensitive in the way she expressed them ... it was hurtful and totally lacking in tact and sensitivity. Help me understand ...

SavingSelf

Congrats on 30 days!!

I have a child who should not get sick--although she still does occasionally (a simple cold could cause her further brain damage and/or involve a hospital stay in the ICU --I wish I was exaggerating, but I am not). So personally I wouldn't have wanted to sit next to you and may have even left if you were really coughing a lot (and right next to me). But I still wouldn't have reacted the way she did.

My situation is extreme of course. I have been in AAmeetings where people are sick and just make sure to clean my hands before I go near my daughter. You can't avoid sick people in public.

Sorry that happened.

Quinne

A dear oldtimer once said to me "there's no right or wrong way to feel, but emotions can be appropriate or inappropriate". If this woman has an issue being around people who are physically unwell, that's her problem. Her conduct did sound very inconsiderate and I'm not surprised you felt uncomfortable! As long as you're well enough, I'd keep going about your routine. Rest when necessary, though! I was sick with something similar recently-it was gross and knocked the stuffing out of me! Maybe ask the counselor to have a quiet word with her after the next session? Are there group rules the participants unanimously agreed on, or that the facilitator put in place? Particularly pertaining to respect?

Xx

Natom

Congratulations on your 30 days desertsong. I think that judging by the reactions of other members in your group the woman who 'didn't want to get sick' was overreacting and most likely attention seeking. You shouldn't have left because of her. When you go to your next session politely tell her to 'do one' and perhaps hand her a gas mask. Don't let anyone else affect your recovery desertsong.

awuh1

To me it seems she was reacting out of fear. She was not reacting to you personally. Fear is a big reason why many of us drank. I find it easier now to forgive behavior that’s fueled by it than I did before.

phoebe64

She sounds as if she does have a true phobia or OCD issue surrounding germs or illness. I think, if you are well enough to be to and about, not with fever, and not coughing your fool head off, you are entitled to go about your routine in public. I think about the guidelines in school, for my kids. Basically, if no fever, no strep, no vomiting or diarrhea for 12 hours, you are good to go! 24 hours on the strep with meds.

choublak

This is really mean of me to say, but she reminds me of the "bubble boy" from Seinfeld.

heathersweeds

I'm sorry you felt so uncomfortable I have a big problem with people that act like this woman. Maybe because I never thought I was allowed to take care of myself to that extent (thats a little over board) Or, that I never voiced a concern for myself? I don't know but today, if I were in the same situation, I would not have left. That was all her stuff. In no way you acted like you were risking her health. If she was that uncomfortable, she could have left. We are not promised once we walk out the door each day we will not get sick. I know for me I would be resentful if I left and resentments are something alcoholics can't afford!

heathersweeds

AND!!!!
Congrats on the 30days!!

Hollyanne

Congrats on 30 days!!!!!
Oh, and yeah, whatever, to the other one.
Bring tissues and don't hold hands.
Don't barf on anyone.
I don't have anything else.

sugarbear1

it's her problem, not yours.

you're sensitive, it's been 30 days! congrats!!

MIRecovery

If you are sober for 30 days she would be lucky to catch what you have

Maylie

Congrats on 30 days! I'm sorry you didn't go to your meeting because she would be there.

It def. sounds like she was overreacting. If everyone else in the group was fine with it and the person sitting next to you even made a point of saying that she didn't think she was going to catch anything then that just shows how off base that woman was. She seems like an attention seeker (or she has OCD or really has a phobia) and I couldn't imagine making someone feel so uncomfortable that they leave. When we are in early recovery we need all the meetings we can get.

Don't let others get in the way of your sobriety. You should have gone to the AA meeting later that day and if she said something go "hey I left the last one, your turn!" and then sat down. lol.

Hevyn

I think she overreacted - and she was unnecessarily mean about it. Everyone knows how fragile we are in early sobriety. I was hyper sensitive and easily wounded by people's attitudes - so I understand how you felt. There was no need for her to keep harping on it. Better for her to just quietly leave if she was that upset - since no one else was.

Congratulations on your 30 days, desert!! Nothing can take that away.

sugarbear1

That woman is also in early recovery, right? She's as sensitive and self-centered as the next newly recovering alkie. Both are entitled to their feelings at this time.....

soberlicious

Congrats desertsong

At some point, you may feel something more akin to compassion for someone who behaves as you described. Imagine living with that kind of fear...no escape, no relief. Dude...whoa...it must kinda suck to be her, ya know?

You can always choose not to take something personally.

Xune

If I were in you're shoes, I wouldn't give two damns either way.

Dee74

Congrats on 30 days DS

D

Fandy

Maybe someone should have offered her a coffee filter to put over her face? (Meow). Congrats on 30 days, ignore her its not like you were kissing her.

JungleGirl

Don't take it personally desertsong, if she had a problem and no one else did she should have left instead of making a scene about it. I would still go to your meetings considering how important you feel they are to your recovery, that is the main thing you need to focus on.

This woman clearly has her own issues and you don't need to let them affect you.

x