This is a Negative Post
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Hi, Tara - I recognize that thought pattern of yours. It certainly is exhausting, isn't it? Guess what? When you quit drinking, you no longer have that inner conflict. You think you're high functioning now, just wait until you stop drinking altogether. You will be so amazed and proud of yourself. Keep checking in here. I have a good feeling about you. 
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
What bothers you about drinking?
- you can't for any length of time even though you want to
- you know alcoholism is progressive so you are likely to get more dependent
- your children will eventually work out what's going on and copy you as adults
- it will cause long term damage to your health (class 1 carcinogen)
- you lack control over an aspect of your life
I think you are building towards your tipping point although you're not quite there. Push yourself further by talking to your doctor, doing more research and digging into your real motivators. They may not be the hitting rock bottom reasons of others but you don't want to get to that stage. Good luck, I think you will do this.
- you can't for any length of time even though you want to
- you know alcoholism is progressive so you are likely to get more dependent
- your children will eventually work out what's going on and copy you as adults
- it will cause long term damage to your health (class 1 carcinogen)
- you lack control over an aspect of your life
I think you are building towards your tipping point although you're not quite there. Push yourself further by talking to your doctor, doing more research and digging into your real motivators. They may not be the hitting rock bottom reasons of others but you don't want to get to that stage. Good luck, I think you will do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Tara. Everyone has given some great advice and food for thought but I wanted to put something out there.
Why don't you challenge yourself to do 100 days without alcohol. See what your life is like without it and then you may realise what you have been putting up with. You may feel differently about your drinking.
S x
Why don't you challenge yourself to do 100 days without alcohol. See what your life is like without it and then you may realise what you have been putting up with. You may feel differently about your drinking.
S x
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Tara,
I do not think you are a bad mom. Or a bad person.
I think you are a person who is struggling with a drinking problem, and that you are scared of what this means. This is understandable and also a place that most everyone here (including me) has been or is right now.
I know you've written here a lot and have been having a time of it, coming to grips with this. We're here for you.
I do not think you are a bad mom. Or a bad person.
I think you are a person who is struggling with a drinking problem, and that you are scared of what this means. This is understandable and also a place that most everyone here (including me) has been or is right now.
I know you've written here a lot and have been having a time of it, coming to grips with this. We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Everything is ok - until it's not.
It is really that simple. At least of was for me. I too thought I was doing just fine...and then I wasn't. It it scary and it just happens...and climbing back from that place is NOT fun. If you can stop it before you get to the point that it is not ok, you will save yourself from horrible physical and mental pain. Trust us...we are all drunks here - rich, poor, executives, homeless, students, teachers, artists, mothers, fathers ... You catch my drift I'm sure.
Anyway, I was appalled and embarrassed that such a successful and wonderful person like me was drinking warm 3 dollar white wine or beer at 6am on a Saturday and then driving two miles to hide the evidence from my perfect life. Not pretty...don't let it be you
It is really that simple. At least of was for me. I too thought I was doing just fine...and then I wasn't. It it scary and it just happens...and climbing back from that place is NOT fun. If you can stop it before you get to the point that it is not ok, you will save yourself from horrible physical and mental pain. Trust us...we are all drunks here - rich, poor, executives, homeless, students, teachers, artists, mothers, fathers ... You catch my drift I'm sure.
Anyway, I was appalled and embarrassed that such a successful and wonderful person like me was drinking warm 3 dollar white wine or beer at 6am on a Saturday and then driving two miles to hide the evidence from my perfect life. Not pretty...don't let it be you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
Gotta give yourself a chance, early days in quits are hard and can feel overwhelming ...You gotta push though these hard feelings do WHATEVER just grind it out, you have to give your self enough SOBER time to get to a place where you feel you can make it .
Its Life changing, but only in a dramatically better way.
Its Life changing, but only in a dramatically better way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
I don't mean this is a negative way so I hope you don't take it out if context, but I have to ask you, if you have a "perfect" life, as you claim, why are you on a forum for alcoholics and addicts? Obviously you aren't being completely honest with yourself. You know something isn't quite right. I believe you are a good person, mother, daughter, etc. I believe that you are somewhat happy with your life, but a normal drinker with zero problems in life wouldn't even be here unless she was researching addiction for school / career work.
You are afraid you might develop health problems due to drinking. There's a guideline for alcohol use vs. abuse. You can look that up on google. I'm sure it depends on your weight, how much you drink, how often, etc.
I hope you're able to get honest with yourself. If this is really a problem, help is available! Good luck.
You are afraid you might develop health problems due to drinking. There's a guideline for alcohol use vs. abuse. You can look that up on google. I'm sure it depends on your weight, how much you drink, how often, etc.
I hope you're able to get honest with yourself. If this is really a problem, help is available! Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
I reread your post.
Are you trying to convince us or yourself that your life is perfect?
You said you got sober before with the help of AVRT. I see Addictive Voice all over this. Did you read Rational Recovery or just the bullet points?
If you have not, I suggest you do. It helped me end the constant battle within.
That constant turmoil within is quite exhausting, I hated it.
I hope you can find peace.
You deserve to be free. We all do.
Are you trying to convince us or yourself that your life is perfect?
You said you got sober before with the help of AVRT. I see Addictive Voice all over this. Did you read Rational Recovery or just the bullet points?
If you have not, I suggest you do. It helped me end the constant battle within.
That constant turmoil within is quite exhausting, I hated it.
I hope you can find peace.
You deserve to be free. We all do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I think Onlythetruth sums it up perfectly. I am a mom too, and felt very similar about my drinking. I am getting close to two months, and although it hasn't been easy I am feeling better physically and mentally.
You can do this!!!!
You can do this!!!!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
AA, I suppose, is the only thing left that I haven't fully tried. I think I just need to be "ready" to quit, ready to change, but I feel like I'm trying to force myself to be ready.
As for being ready, I don't think you can afford to wait nearly that long.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 40
Tara - you are me! I have two young, healthy kids, a husband who makes plenty of money and a life that any person would envy. I work out, have a lot of friends and "function" normally throughout the day. However, I've known for a while that I have a problem but figured as long as I wasn't hurting anyone I could continue to live as such. That is no more.. my husband is furious with me, I find myself lying and hiding my drinking just so I don't have to stop. I went to my first AA meeting today and learned from where I stand now, my drinking will not get better if I continue on this path. I can't really offer much advice being that I am in the same situation. I just hope you (and I) can make the right choices to get out from under this clutch. I'm starting to realize when I feel this guilty about my drinking not only do I have a problem,but it's not even fun anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that your life is perfect and that your drinking is not a big deal.
Unfortunately, no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we have it all together, no matter how much we justify our actions, and no matter how much we project a perfect life to others....at the end of the day the truth remains and that truth is that deep down you know your drinking is a problem or you would have never come here.
Normal drinkers don't justify their actions, they don't make excuses, they don't second guess their drinking, and they don't look up recovery sites. The sooner you break the denial and be honest with yourself the sooner you can begin a path to recovery.
Your children might not know about your drinking now, but since it is a progressive disease, they one day will. You also mentioned you were worried about your health, don't let your children lose their mother down the line by different health problems that could have been avoided by stopping drinking.
As for inpatiant, it doesn't matter if your husband wouldn't let you go. If you need to go then you go. You said he wouldn't leave you and if he did you would be alright, well then don't use him as an excuse not to go. If you don't want to go that route (I didn't go to OP to get clean) maybe start with some counseling sessions and just see what you can uncover about why you drink so much in the first place. Counseling is always helpful and you can really find out a lot about yourself.
Keep reading on here and posting, get some books about addiction and recovery, look up different methods, etc. Knoweldge is always key in fighting addiction.
Unfortunately, no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we have it all together, no matter how much we justify our actions, and no matter how much we project a perfect life to others....at the end of the day the truth remains and that truth is that deep down you know your drinking is a problem or you would have never come here.
Normal drinkers don't justify their actions, they don't make excuses, they don't second guess their drinking, and they don't look up recovery sites. The sooner you break the denial and be honest with yourself the sooner you can begin a path to recovery.
Your children might not know about your drinking now, but since it is a progressive disease, they one day will. You also mentioned you were worried about your health, don't let your children lose their mother down the line by different health problems that could have been avoided by stopping drinking.
As for inpatiant, it doesn't matter if your husband wouldn't let you go. If you need to go then you go. You said he wouldn't leave you and if he did you would be alright, well then don't use him as an excuse not to go. If you don't want to go that route (I didn't go to OP to get clean) maybe start with some counseling sessions and just see what you can uncover about why you drink so much in the first place. Counseling is always helpful and you can really find out a lot about yourself.
Keep reading on here and posting, get some books about addiction and recovery, look up different methods, etc. Knoweldge is always key in fighting addiction.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 14
I have never been much of a mind reader but always a pretty decent listener. Sounds like you are strugging with what it is and worse potentailly what it could become. I was in a similar place with a picture perfect life on the surface but beneath the surface stressors in my life. Once the connection was made between stress and alcohol the bond was very strong. I had to do some deep soul searching and dig deep to change my ways. My life did not really change just the way I dealt with my stress did. I really feel like I am a totally different person, for the better. Sometimes we just need to be heard. I know you can do this. Being here is a step in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
You mention you've gone from being thin to an average weight. 10 beers a day is 1000 calories, if it's a light beer and more if it isn't. Those 1000 + calories are not providing good nutrition to you.
Sometimes it just takes one thing to reach a tipping point. It sounds like weight is an important issue for you , so maybe use it in your decision to quit drinking. Of course , there are many other health benefits to being sober, besides wight control
Sometimes it just takes one thing to reach a tipping point. It sounds like weight is an important issue for you , so maybe use it in your decision to quit drinking. Of course , there are many other health benefits to being sober, besides wight control
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UT
Posts: 161
I could have written your post 30 years ago...
My drinking progressed, my kids grew up, I got heavier even though I was in the fitness industry, and my family eventually lost their respect for me.
The problem then was knowing I would have to give up my wine forever. I used alcohol to deal with my anxiety and frustration and, yes, loneliness.
I really regret not taking action to quit sooner. Sobriety would have been easier then than it is now and fewer people would have been hurt by my words and actions. I hope you are smarter than I was and find the courage to deal with your drinking now.
My drinking progressed, my kids grew up, I got heavier even though I was in the fitness industry, and my family eventually lost their respect for me.
The problem then was knowing I would have to give up my wine forever. I used alcohol to deal with my anxiety and frustration and, yes, loneliness.
I really regret not taking action to quit sooner. Sobriety would have been easier then than it is now and fewer people would have been hurt by my words and actions. I hope you are smarter than I was and find the courage to deal with your drinking now.
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