Shoebox62

My wife and I were working last night on a photobook we're giving as Xmas gifts to the family this year. My parents took the entire nuclear family - 3 sons, our wives & kids - on an Alaskan cruise in 2011 to celebrate their 50th anniversary, and this book chronicles that trip. It was a beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime experience that I'll remember forever. That is, I'll remember except for the parts I don't because of alcohol. Drinks on this particular cruise were abundant and free (well, included in the price). At the time, I was drinking heavily and consistently, and looking at all the pictures made me sad when I realize how hungover I was in certain shots, drunk in others. Bloated face, red complexion, glassy eyes. The pain I was living through is right there for all to see. It made me sad to think that this wonderful gift from my parents to me was polluted by my disease, and that it's forever chronicled in these pictures. I wish I could do it all over again, sober, of course, as I've been for nearly 3 months now, so that I could relive and relish those experiences free from alcohol. Those pictures will be with me for the rest of my life, proof of the horrors of my past. Just one of many regrets I'm coming to grips with in my recovery.
Thanks for listening - I just needed to share.

MsJax

I hate that too Shoebox. When I was still on Facebook, my cousin posted a picture of me at her wedding, ugh, fat and bloated, glassy look. Awful.

Even though the pictures are forever, at least now we can and should hold our heads up knowing that time is over. Most people are worried about their own selves in photos and hopefully don't dwell on how bad we looked

As time goes by I still feel sad about the past, but those awful memories do help reinforce my sobriety. Hope you soon feel better and congratulations on being sober Now

zeroptzero

"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

This is something I have found very useful. It is good to find a balance between remembering the misery but not dwelling on it. Yesterday is gone. The good news is you can live the life you choose and a life to be proud of.

Shoebox62

Good advice MsJax. And I do feel proud knowing that those days are over and done with. Still, when I think on all the wasted time and clouded experiences I've had, it's hard. I'll try to remember to look forward, not back as I move ahead...

Fallow

I did a lot of thinking about regrets yesterday.

I figure that of my top 10 regrets in life at least 9 of them are due to drugs drinkin or both.

So I can avoid at least 90 percent of my future regrets by staying clean

Porkpup

Thanks for posting that Shoebox. I somtimes wondered if other people dreaded looking at old pictures for some of the same reasons that I did.

Dee74

I have many photos like that too...
It is what it is I think - whats done is done.

the important thing is...I pulled out of the dive, and today I'm much closer to who I want to be

D