Timebuster

Today I have five days clean and I went to see my therapist today I told her that I was feeling depressed and that I was very upset with my self for using again.
The last time i used was last week my usual patten get all the meds on Wednesday and by Friday im kicking again. She wanted to put me on anti-depressent and i look at her like she was crazy. I said to her im here to find out why i cant stop geting high not to be put on any other meds she insisted that it might help me with my depression so I said to her im depressed because I cant stay clean thats why im seeing you so I left there angry. Will any way chalk up onther therapist my forth one in the last year. The last one i was seeing she was falling asleep as I was talking to her about my past. I dont get it I want help I want to find out why i cant spot using drugs. I moved to New Jersey three years ago im a X- New Yorker live there for 45 Years. I graduated a 24/7 drug program in 1989 I was there for two years went to meetings that where ass kicking meetings, you got what you needed in those meetings here in NJ i go to meeting and i dont get anything out of them. After I graduated from the drug program I was seeing a therapist and she was no joke she give to you straight no holding back there was no puting any thing over on her. I stayed clean for eleven Years and then I moved to NJ I had a bad relationship Chronic back pain thats how i stated on pain medication and i was of to the races big time denial. any way i feel better now then when i left the therapist thanks for listening.

soberharleylady

timebuster........................its real easy..............change everything!!!!!!!!!meetings book sponsor steps and dont use/drink inbetween meetings..KCB!!!! also pg 62 is great....................holliday

Anna

Hi Timebuster,

I understand your frustration with your therapist who doesn't really seem to be listening to you. If the depression is caused by using drugs/alcohol, then it should go away when you stop. However, I had depression which resulted in me using alcohol and I needed, and still need, medication for that. I wouldn't be without it. I hope you are able to find a therapist who is more suited to what you need. Also, what soberharleylady said is true, change things. I had to change routines and patterns in my life, that worked for me. Hang around and get to know us!

Welcome, Soberharleylady, hope you enjoy SR.

Love, Anna

dotcom

Welcome timebuster!

my name is dot and im an addict. i see where you are coming from. since i used, i have been in and out of NA and therapy. i did attend one crash meeting where they really gave it to ya! it was not what i expected at first, but they never let me get by with "ok im fine". ive had therapists whose answer for my not using was, "keep taking your meds". well, i took my meds for ocd for the first year clean and i really needed them then. i started feeling that i had to see if i could do it on my own. i so much wanted to be unmedicated. my therapist told me, "you will not be able to stay clean without your meds". and i said, "see ya". it has been 3 months and i am really working on tackling the ocd with the 12 steps. Congrats on your 5 days. that is great! i was in bad mental, phys and emotional state during my first few months. but in time, it will get better. it is good that you are reaching out for help. i did not do that until 4 months! you hang in there and let us know how you are doing!

hugs and prayers,

dot

Chy

Glad your here, vent away as you need to! You'll get a handle on it again.

In memory of miracle

Timebuster-I am gonna give it to you straight,ok?New Jersey is not the reason you are relapsing,I sense a big part of the problem is the resistance (I am not hearin surrender) I tried to work the program the way I wanted to and the result was nil until I let go-absolutley!I was so desperate I wouldnt have cared if the meetings where in OZ with the lolipop kids!I feel ya on the runnin out of meds,I was always in withdrawal from something.Do you really want to stay miserable?That is always our choice..surrender to win! Congrads on your 5 days I hope you know each one is precious..I just lost a friend to this disease and I almost lost my sister to an overdose this weekend.This is a serious disease, you know that, adjust that attitude! I am pullin for you! Peace and prayers to you :tri The program works if you work it.

Alice Wonder

your therapist can only suggest she cannot force you to take meds. you are in charge of what you get from therapy, meetings etc. take responsibility for your sobriety fully and figure out what you need. it seems like you have the answers from prior experience. if you don't feel your therapist is right for you. find another one and let them know about your experience with this one and why you left. save your energy for the work on yourself.you seem to do well with bluntness so find a therapist who is blunt. let them know this is the way you grasp things better. i said that to my very funny therapist and everytime i was in denial or sidetracking to get away from the point a nerf ball would fly across the room and hit me on the head.it was great and we would both crack up! maybe bluntness is something you have to offer at a meeting. i am blunt and i find that when i tell it like it is ...other people find the courage to be a little more forthcoming. just make sure it is not abrasiveness. you seem to have a lot of determination. go get um tiger.

Timebuster

Thanks all of you for responding.
Alice your right i need to find someone who i could identify with someone who is a recovering addict and is a therapist and dont take no bull. Miraclen im not blaming NJ for my problems its just been very difficult to connect with the right people and yes i have surrendered but this disease is stronger then my will right now.

In memory of miracle

Timebuster-I did not mean to offend!! All was offered in the spirit of help.Trish.

Alice Wonder

you will find the right therapist. my therapist is fiesty and funny. i look for someone i would want as a friend if they weren't my therapist. i walked out of a guys office when i told him that i would work hard on my therapy but i did not under any circumstances want medication.i did not want to numb myself but to actively work on things. i was on medication for seizures and some other problems i was having from major surgery already. he wrote a perscription while i was talking. puhleeese I told him what i thought of him and then i got up and walked out but on the way out i stopped by the front desk and told his staff and the people waiting what i thought of him as well. i was so mad i spent days phoning therapists out of the yellow pages until i found one whose personality i liked and who when i told her i didn't want any medication didn't seem to have a problem with it. i am not saying medication for treatment of patients is wrong but i was on so much already for medical reasons. i think i was numb enough already.....anyhow find yourself someone who sill kick you in the behind if that is what helps you. i always think we know best when it comes to how we need to learn. i also prefer a therapist who has been in therapy and gone through some hell in life.
the best fight is for our personal happiness. now once again go get um tiger!