Not ready to stop completely, but time to make changes
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
I'm not judging you.
I hope you DO find the way to drink moderately!
I just looked for a way to moderate my drinking for the past 6 years or so.
Every week it was a new deal I made for myself..
No vodka. It's the vodka that gets me.
I'll just drink beer from now on.
Oh, I can drink about 24-30 beers.. That's not good.
Maybe I'll switch to bourbon. That'll slow me down..
And on and on and on..
Until I went out for just "a couple of glasses of champagne" and ended up coming to in my bedroom drinking straight margarita mix, and putting an 8ball up my nose.
I'm just saying it didn't work for me.
And I see a lot of these posts..
The desperate search for moderation.
Why would you go to a "recovery" site to talk about moderation?
Those who can drink moderately don't have to recover.
I couldn't do it, is all I'm saying.
I hope you DO find the way to drink moderately!
I just looked for a way to moderate my drinking for the past 6 years or so.
Every week it was a new deal I made for myself..
No vodka. It's the vodka that gets me.
I'll just drink beer from now on.
Oh, I can drink about 24-30 beers.. That's not good.
Maybe I'll switch to bourbon. That'll slow me down..
And on and on and on..
Until I went out for just "a couple of glasses of champagne" and ended up coming to in my bedroom drinking straight margarita mix, and putting an 8ball up my nose.
I'm just saying it didn't work for me.
And I see a lot of these posts..
The desperate search for moderation.
Why would you go to a "recovery" site to talk about moderation?
Those who can drink moderately don't have to recover.
I couldn't do it, is all I'm saying.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 21
Reading Fenways post, I identified quite a bit with it. Being 25, a life without another drink is almost unfathomable to me. Never had any "major" trouble YET (DUI, loss of job, jails, treatment centers, drinking daily etc). However it is a progressive disease, and able to see how my drinking has progressed over the years.
From my own experience, I've tried many times over the past 1.5 especially to moderate myself and limit to just a few. I'd be able to do it a few times, or for several weeks before I fall back into the routine of getting wasted every time I drank always chasing "that" feeling once the buzz starts.
I've slowed down for periods of time more or less to "prove" to either myself or my wife that I don't HAVE to drink or don't HAVE to get drunk if I do drink. Most of that had to do with being in denial and not wanting to admit I was an alcoholic (liked to think of myself as a heavy drinker rather than alcoholic). I HATED to say it outloud for the first time.
Sk8 not making any judgement towards you and hope things worth out. I think where the judgement part may be coming from is people strongly identify with where your mindset is currently. From feedback I've read, seems people want to impress that the "management" part of drinking has rarely worked for people.
From my own experience, I've tried many times over the past 1.5 especially to moderate myself and limit to just a few. I'd be able to do it a few times, or for several weeks before I fall back into the routine of getting wasted every time I drank always chasing "that" feeling once the buzz starts.
I've slowed down for periods of time more or less to "prove" to either myself or my wife that I don't HAVE to drink or don't HAVE to get drunk if I do drink. Most of that had to do with being in denial and not wanting to admit I was an alcoholic (liked to think of myself as a heavy drinker rather than alcoholic). I HATED to say it outloud for the first time.
Sk8 not making any judgement towards you and hope things worth out. I think where the judgement part may be coming from is people strongly identify with where your mindset is currently. From feedback I've read, seems people want to impress that the "management" part of drinking has rarely worked for people.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by sk8man121 
A battle is challenging the notion that I cannot control myself when it comes to drinking. I intend to embrace this battle, and perhaps win.
Maybe you will win. More power to you.
But how are you going to know that you have officially "won" this battle?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I think you're looking for validation that it's possible to drink in moderation. And honestly drinking at night, alone in your bedroom or at the bar, or "to relax" (an excuse many alcoholics including myself has used) is concerning and not normal drinking behavior. I think you want people to say that because you had a good day today, because you drank in moderation, that means like "Hey maybe your drinking isn't a problem" but you wouldn't be here on this forum at all or looking for any kind of validation if you weren't concerned about your drinking behavior. No one here can tell you if you're an alcoholic but obviously your drinking is concerning to you and to others. Someone told me I should not compare my level of drinking to other peoples but my feelings and experiences when drinking such as having a hard time controlling it once I begin, drinking on days I said I wouldn't, having other concerned about my drinking, be concerned about it myself ETC
If you are in fact an alcoholic, drinking in moderation won't work. It just won't . That's that very nature of alcoholism.
You don't seem to think you're an alcoholic however, so maybe moderation can work for you, but I would still be seriously concerned about your need for 1-2 beers a day, a normal drinker does not get this kind of craving. Plus someone who didn't have a drinking problem wouldn't have had a difficult time abstaining from alcohol or from only drinking moderately. Just something to think about.
I don't think any of us are trying to come off a judgemental I'm certainly not. I'm stll on Step 1 and go back and fourth about weather or not I'm powerless every day. All I know is for a long time alcohol "worked" for me. As did drugs. Made me forget about things for a while, numbed me out. But my problems were stll there in the morning. And they've only grown over time because I've ignored rather then dealt with them. No I haven't lost a ton I still have a family, an apartment, a job and enrollment in a good graduate school but alcohol has been holding me back from reaching anything close to my full potential.
It wasn't until I was sober a few week that I realized how truly miserable it was making me
Best of luck to you in wherever your journey brings you.
If you are in fact an alcoholic, drinking in moderation won't work. It just won't . That's that very nature of alcoholism.
You don't seem to think you're an alcoholic however, so maybe moderation can work for you, but I would still be seriously concerned about your need for 1-2 beers a day, a normal drinker does not get this kind of craving. Plus someone who didn't have a drinking problem wouldn't have had a difficult time abstaining from alcohol or from only drinking moderately. Just something to think about.
I don't think any of us are trying to come off a judgemental I'm certainly not. I'm stll on Step 1 and go back and fourth about weather or not I'm powerless every day. All I know is for a long time alcohol "worked" for me. As did drugs. Made me forget about things for a while, numbed me out. But my problems were stll there in the morning. And they've only grown over time because I've ignored rather then dealt with them. No I haven't lost a ton I still have a family, an apartment, a job and enrollment in a good graduate school but alcohol has been holding me back from reaching anything close to my full potential.
It wasn't until I was sober a few week that I realized how truly miserable it was making me
Best of luck to you in wherever your journey brings you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by sk8man121
Oh see...I don't drink 30 beers. I drink 3 or 4.
See I really think there is a difference here. Maybe this ISN'T the right place for me.
See I really think there is a difference here. Maybe this ISN'T the right place for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Thank you for the good words, Fenway. I'm not, to be honest, saying that I am positive that I'm not an alcoholic. I think it's important, though, for me to be absolutely positive of this before I ever even consider making that statement. I don't want to identify myself as an alcoholic for the rest of my life if I simply have a problem that needs attending to and can potentially be rectified.
If I take those steps and they don't work, than so be it. The fact is, I haven't yet, and it would be a disservice of myself to overlook this.
If I take those steps and they don't work, than so be it. The fact is, I haven't yet, and it would be a disservice of myself to overlook this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by sk8man121
woke up feeling good today. it's going to be the first day of NOT drinking to escape my problems in a very long time. so far, so good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Rygar1
All the best, I am at 4..Day 3 was a bit tricky for me, but I am over that hump.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
The development of craving evolves over time. It is a biological
Reaction that seems to run in parallel with the diminished control. It took years for it to be obvious to me, and in some ways is clearer in retrospect. What was 'hard' got harder. The outcome of an episode of drinking less predictable.
Reaction that seems to run in parallel with the diminished control. It took years for it to be obvious to me, and in some ways is clearer in retrospect. What was 'hard' got harder. The outcome of an episode of drinking less predictable.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
If I have one beer, I want another and another and another.
I understand that one drink is too many and a dozen drinks isn't enough.
The only solution available to me is to not drink.
That's it. I do not drink...ever.
I understand that one drink is too many and a dozen drinks isn't enough.
The only solution available to me is to not drink.
That's it. I do not drink...ever.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 133
"but alcohol has been holding me back from reaching anything close to my full potential"
For me, I have to use this as my definition of alcoholic, even though I have had legal, family and financial issues, I was unable to say I was an alcoholic because I didn't drink every single day, in the morning, hard liquor and also these bad events were more than 15-20 years ago and I'm pretty together (on the outside) now. But drinking was keeping me from being my best and in my late 40's - not sure there's much time to turn that around.
I'm with you guys who don't see the point of drinking 1 or 3. I gave up that thinking in my 20's. I only want to drink if I can have lots and lots. Otherwise there is no point. But Sk8, I did the dance that you are doing for many years - go to a kegger and drink soda until 2AM then have 3 beers. At a bar, alternate beer and water and coffee. Gosh it was a pain in the *** to be thinking about it all the time - did not enjoy myself and wasn't drunk but wasn't present either.
I'm the first one to rail against black and white situations in most cases, but its clear to me, I have an allergy. I do not react to alcohol like normal people. It has caused untold ruin in the path of my life. If I was a diabetic (which I may become if I keep drinking), it would be black and white - I would need insulin to survive, unless I reversed the diagnosis by changing the way I lived/ate. So for alcoholism, I have to reverse the way I lived/drank.
It really makes it so much easier to look at it this way because I minimized everything alcohol was ruining in my life and didn't take it seriously for a VERY long time. Its hard to when you are young. One day, some of us wake up in our forties and look around and realize how stagnant our lives have become and how our old drinking buddies have moved on to productive careers, homes, families, retirement funds etc.
My hope is for young folks that question their problem to find the solution earlier than I did so they can have a chance at the good life and be spared of the many regrets that makes it that much harder to stay sober later on. Because, then, physical problems are creeping in and it truly becomes a matter of life and death.
For me, I have to use this as my definition of alcoholic, even though I have had legal, family and financial issues, I was unable to say I was an alcoholic because I didn't drink every single day, in the morning, hard liquor and also these bad events were more than 15-20 years ago and I'm pretty together (on the outside) now. But drinking was keeping me from being my best and in my late 40's - not sure there's much time to turn that around.
I'm with you guys who don't see the point of drinking 1 or 3. I gave up that thinking in my 20's. I only want to drink if I can have lots and lots. Otherwise there is no point. But Sk8, I did the dance that you are doing for many years - go to a kegger and drink soda until 2AM then have 3 beers. At a bar, alternate beer and water and coffee. Gosh it was a pain in the *** to be thinking about it all the time - did not enjoy myself and wasn't drunk but wasn't present either.
I'm the first one to rail against black and white situations in most cases, but its clear to me, I have an allergy. I do not react to alcohol like normal people. It has caused untold ruin in the path of my life. If I was a diabetic (which I may become if I keep drinking), it would be black and white - I would need insulin to survive, unless I reversed the diagnosis by changing the way I lived/ate. So for alcoholism, I have to reverse the way I lived/drank.
It really makes it so much easier to look at it this way because I minimized everything alcohol was ruining in my life and didn't take it seriously for a VERY long time. Its hard to when you are young. One day, some of us wake up in our forties and look around and realize how stagnant our lives have become and how our old drinking buddies have moved on to productive careers, homes, families, retirement funds etc.
My hope is for young folks that question their problem to find the solution earlier than I did so they can have a chance at the good life and be spared of the many regrets that makes it that much harder to stay sober later on. Because, then, physical problems are creeping in and it truly becomes a matter of life and death.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Sk8,
People are reacting this way because we've been there, we know what probably will happen. I'm not saying it will, I'm saying it is likely that you will moderate for a while and then you won't. And hopefully noting terrible will happen when that occurs, but it might. How often has alcohol burnt you? When problems happen do they occur more often when you are drinking or sober?
Moderation is a plan. See the guidelines set by Moderation Management and give it an honest shot. If you can't keep to those limits, or you find it difficult or you really want more, then perhaps you should consider just stopping.
People are reacting this way because we've been there, we know what probably will happen. I'm not saying it will, I'm saying it is likely that you will moderate for a while and then you won't. And hopefully noting terrible will happen when that occurs, but it might. How often has alcohol burnt you? When problems happen do they occur more often when you are drinking or sober?
Moderation is a plan. See the guidelines set by Moderation Management and give it an honest shot. If you can't keep to those limits, or you find it difficult or you really want more, then perhaps you should consider just stopping.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by ru12
Sk8,
People are reacting this way because we've been there, we know what probably will happen. I'm not saying it will, I'm saying it is likely that you will moderate for a while and then you won't. And hopefully noting terrible will happen when that occurs, but it might. How often has alcohol burnt you? When problems happen do they occur more often when you are drinking or sober?
Moderation is a plan. See the guidelines set by Moderation Management and give it an honest shot. If you can't keep to those limits, or you find it difficult or you really want more, then perhaps you should consider just stopping.
People are reacting this way because we've been there, we know what probably will happen. I'm not saying it will, I'm saying it is likely that you will moderate for a while and then you won't. And hopefully noting terrible will happen when that occurs, but it might. How often has alcohol burnt you? When problems happen do they occur more often when you are drinking or sober?
Moderation is a plan. See the guidelines set by Moderation Management and give it an honest shot. If you can't keep to those limits, or you find it difficult or you really want more, then perhaps you should consider just stopping.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
The thing about moderation, is that while you are moderating, if you DO happen to be an alcoholic, the addiction and cravings will overpower you very gradually. The way you are thinking now will be distorted down the road because alcoholism is deceptive as well as progressive. I think what most people here are saying, and I could be wrong, is that you're taking a big risk that just isn't worth taking. Because for the most part, and for most people, if you think you're an alcoholic, you probably are. Continuing to try and moderate to "make sure" you aren't one usually doesn't end well. That said, I wish you nothing but the best.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York City
Posts: 154
I feel you on this entire post but all I'm going to say is this:
If you aren't an alcoholic, not having another drink for the rest of your life wouldn't bother you. You might miss it for the taste, but you'd be fine without it.
Otherwise, you probably are. And it's just a matter of time. Alcoholism looks different on everyone. I always kept my grades up and my jobs together. Not everybody "hits bottom," but I have friends whose parents are in their late fifties and are still getting ****** up all the time. They hold it together, but barely.
Think about it - do you REALLY want to just have one or two drinks?
If you aren't an alcoholic, not having another drink for the rest of your life wouldn't bother you. You might miss it for the taste, but you'd be fine without it.
Otherwise, you probably are. And it's just a matter of time. Alcoholism looks different on everyone. I always kept my grades up and my jobs together. Not everybody "hits bottom," but I have friends whose parents are in their late fifties and are still getting ****** up all the time. They hold it together, but barely.
Think about it - do you REALLY want to just have one or two drinks?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto ONtario
Posts: 80
A number of people here have explained it well. I don't think people are being judgemental but speaking from a lot of experience.
Oh yeah, I've done that as well. I remember with horror, how many bottles I found when I had to puck things up when I moved out of my last apartment.
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
You might be an alcoholic if you hide your bottles so well even you can not find them
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