sk8man121

Hi folks. To put it straight and simple, here is my deal.

26 year old male // 5'11 // 160 lbs

1.) I drink at least 5-6 beers per day, and am ready to take steps to cut that back significantly. Thinking 1-2 per day, then down to once or twice per week ideal.

2.) I smoke a bowl or two of weed daily. Honestly the least of my worries.

3.) I recently started smoking cigarettes again after having quit for a few years. Not happy at all about this, and ready to take steps towards quitting completely.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. Just putting this out there. All I can say is that I'm not happy with where my life is, and it's because of this for the most part.

FenwayFaithful

I can only speak from my experience that I couldn't change anything when I was drinking and using. Every remained the same. I tried to control my use but I'm an alcoholic/addict, so that's impossible for me.

What changes do you plan to make?

For most alcoholics drinking 1-2 times a week or "only 3 beers tonight" rarely if ever works, at least not for a very long time. This is a story I've heard over and over in AA and I haven't been in the program very long.

What is causing you to want to cut back? To be honest you won't ever truly feel ready. You'll just reach a point where you feel so low or lose so much or miss out on so much that you realize you just can't live like that anymore.

sk8man121

With all due respect, I think the majority of what you've said is true for you and perhaps many others, but not for all. Life is not always as black and white as many people in recovery seem to enforce, and I should note that I am very close to many people who frequent meetings.

The fact is, I haven't "hit bottom." I'm successful in my personal life in a variety of ways. This is not to say that alcohol has caused me zero problems, however. I recognize this, and AM ready to start making changes based upon this fact.

I have a drinking problem, which is something I can freely admit and am ready to begin working on. To say that it means I can never have another drink again, however, seems to me a bit absolutist and hastily-perceived.

Dee74

welcome back

Just curious - how much have you cut back since February 2011 when you joined Sk8?

D

sk8man121

To answer your questions -

What's causing me to cut back? The fact that I spend a small fortune on beer each week, that it's getting in the way of my productivity, that it isn't good for my health, that it's causing me to gain weight etc.

What changes am I going to make? I'm not entirely sure; that's probably why I came here. Stream of consciousness, I think my first step will be to stop droning alone entirely. I am a an active musician and spend a lot of time socializing at bars/venues when I have shows, and would like to keep those situations at 1 drink instead of 5. I'm going to start exercising more to compensate for cutting back. I may also seek private therapy, which I am no stranger to but haven't utilized for close to 2 years.

These are a few ideas.

sk8man121

Dee,

I've gone through periods of ups and downs with it. I cut back significantly for 4 or so months but have ended up perhaps 2 steps below where i started, instead of, say, 6.

Dee74

Yeah. I know it's not what you want to hear, but maybe it's time to consider that you and alcohol (and the weed) aren't really working?

Things got worse and worse for me...eventually I stopped having ups at all...it was all downs.

I lost my music career, a lot of friendships in the band, and my creativity to booze...I wouldn't want to see another musician go down that road.

D

Rennet

I'm not going to try to convince you of anything because I don't know you and I'm not qualified to do that.

My own experience has been, "All I can say is that I'm not happy with where my life is, and it's because of this for the most part." That reminds me of when I recognized alcohol was something that was causing me problems, in fact most of my problems, but I was unable to stop. That's when I realized I had a problem. This substance controlled me more than I controlled it.

That was maybe 4 years ago.

I ignored it, or had fits and starts of cutting back. About two years ago I gave up even trying to quit. More recently I had a lot more freedom and I gave up even trying to moderate. I understood what people meant by alcoholism being progressive.. it slowly went from 5-6 a day to consuming most of my life either being hungover or drunk.

Then, like FenwayFaithful said, exactly what happened to me:

"You'll just reach a point where you feel so low or lose so much or miss out on so much that you realize you just can't live like that anymore. "

So like I said, I'm not qualified to make any recommendation to you. But you're a person who has created an account at a soberrecovery.com, has said alcohol is causing more problems than its worth, but instead of giving it up you're going to "try" to moderate. As an outside observer it just reminds me of myself.

sk8man121

Yes, and I recognize this. The weed is perhaps not a "sober" approach, but it honestly does balance my anxiety and gets in the way of pretty much no parts of my life that I can discern. The alcohol is an entirely different story. I do believe it's time to make changes, and if that means abstaining for a period of time then I'm ready to accept that. I do believe, however, that I can learn to control my drinking and live life in a more healthy manner. Perhaps I'll be proven wrong, but I think it's worth a shot.

sk8man121

Either way, I think it's time to find out instead of ignoring the problem any longer.

sk8man121

With the whole "try to moderate" thing - to be honest, I've never put forth a strong effort to do so. I've always been very laisez-faire about the concept. I think I owe it to myself it give it a true shot and see what the results are.

poppyuk45

Good luck sk8man, I hope it works for you, I tried that way many times and I always went back to my old ways of binge drinking. I'm in early stages and today is my 4th day sober, but I know that as soon as I let myself think 'oh I'll just have a couple of glasses of wine' then it's all over again.

sk8man121

I can definitely understand that feeling. I'm actually really looking forward to testing myself to see if I can actually have a drink and cap it at that. It's going to be an interesting experiment!

I'm also really bothered by the cigarette thing, which is new after quitting for like 6 years. Talk about toxic. It's so difficult as an "ex-smoker," though, because these days I'm around it all the time. As a musician, I find myself CONSTANTLY surrounded by people smoking, a lot of whom are actually in AA. I don't get it sometimes. Isn't nicotine an addiction too???

Dee74

They have no smoking meetings if that's a problem

I always had so much to do dealing with my own addiction I tried not to worry bout anyone elses.

best of luck with your experiment. I advise you to set definite goals. If the goal is one drink then stick to that.

If you can't...don't waste 20 years trying like I did.

I know you'll find a lot of advice and experience here if you decide you want help in quitting completely.

D

instant

I was only unhappy with the parts I was unhappy with- In retrospect I would have also been happy if things didn't get worse over the years- but they did

I was unhappy to admit that sobriety seemed to be the last option- I took it when I was unhappy with the other alternative-

Bizarrely after all that I am happy

Pondlady

sk8man121,
I moderated the summer of 2011, quit all alcohol the summer of 2012. Quitting was easier ....I'm at five months now. My husband and I both quit and have lost weight and feel so much better I'll follow your journey with interest....good luck and welcome back

Elisabeth888

Trying to stop at one drink is the great test, and I hope you are able to.

MIRecovery

If you are an alcoholic moderation will not work as most everyone here and medical science will attest to. If you are not an alcoholic you may be able to moderate.

What most fail to recogonize is that changing our drinking habits is a life long commitment. I quit more times than I can count but always went back. I tried moderation and always went back. Staying quit/moderating is the hard part because it is forever. As a result we need a lifetime plan.

solstice3

For the last 10 or up to 20 years, honestly, I drank to get buzzed. Plain and simple. So there is no reason for me to just drink one - maybe a reason to try limit it to 4 or so, but as most of us know, that switch goes off and I would carry on until many more were gone and I was looking for even more. I have close friends that are musicians and we all used to get way crazy in our thirties. Most of them do not drink now and they are much better musicians, getting better gigs, and releasing CD's. But I know they had to go thru that stage anyway.

YoungAndClean

And also ask yourself how hard do you want to have to work to manage your drinking. When your out at the bars after a stunning performance and surrounded by hotties & your friends and everyone is having a great time are you really gonna stop at 2-3? I wouldn't lol.