SoberForMySon

I think I may be one. Thanks to BUS, referenced in the sticky on suicide, for self harming people, I quit cutting. What a great site!!! Been there for years, ten or more, and finally knocked that habit. But I cannot kill the fear in e of one specific thing that will probably never happen, but would take everything from me if it did. How do I get over this? I cannot eat, sleep, play, watch TV, or anything, cos this fear is so all consuming, even though it is so unlikely. Clearly, I cannot even think of ending an addiction in the middle of trying to function at all with a horrible terror ruling my life. I do not know what to do. I know drinking doesn't help in reality, but it gets me through each fear filled horrible day. I have over a year before the fear ends, and even longer maybe because of pesky details. Ugh! Help me! I am dying here. I have already given up all my hobbies and interests, cos the fear is so strong. My life has no joy. And no, there is nothing I can do to resolve it.

DeepBreath2012

SFMS, you are NOT a lost cause. You need to work on your inner dialogue so you can conquer this. As I posted to you somewhere else yesterday, you can't use this year of uncertainty regarding whatever it is you are fretting over as an excuse to put off recovery/sobriety. As you've mentioned, what you are worried about is unlikely as well. I have a similar circumstance although I have no idea what you're worried about. So I can identify...

Would it help to disclose to someone what your (potentially irrational?) fear is so they can help you talk through it? If so, feel free to PM me.

You've conquered self-harm with success so I know full well that you have the strength and courage to beat alcohol too!

I do believe you have a toddler, yes? If so, that should be all the reason in the world to fight for your sanity and sobriety. Look into the eyes of your child and do it for him/her. I know everyone says you have to do it for yourself, but I'm a firm believer that if you have a child, you should be doing it for the both of you...and I know you would agree.

Keep reaching out to SR and also work on your inner dialogue. It's not easy and I know firsthand as I struggle immensely with negative internal, fatalistic self-talk...It takes concerted effort, but you CAN do this. A strategy I've used before is writing down the awful things I tell myself on one side of the page and writing more rational, realistic, optimistic, positive counter-arguments on the other side of the page and keeping it in my hands. You have to retrain your brain and take it from one who knows, it is not an easy task...but it can be done.

Be strong!!!

FredG

The drinking fuels the fear ... and the fear fuels the drinking. Remove one the other runs out of fuel. In this case, seems that the drinking would be the easiest to remove. Not saying that its easy, just that it's easier.

FEAR: F-alse E-vidence A-ppearing R-eal

Not sure what your fears are, but I think that if you clear your mind of the alcoholic fog you'll see the reality of that statement. I had a lot of them myself and some simply dissappeared when I quit drugs and alcohol, others I've had to work on. Some I'm still working on but I'm no longer ruled by them.

A while back, I had a home invasion. Some guy broke into our house while we were there. He had 2 other guys chasing him with baseball bats. Took out a 2" metal clad solid wood door. The 2 guys with the bats didn't get in before the police came but I spent a long, long time living in fear of them and the guy that got in. For weeks after I was deathly afraid to go outside of my house. Did anyway. Afraid to get on an elevator with anyone else in it. Did anyway.

After 2 years I still have residual fears from this event, but because I faced each they weren't able to control my life.

Sounds like you've faced some of these fears in yours. Let them go. Keep facing them. All alcohol does is allow us to hide from fears, not face them.

With you and praying for you

SoberForMySon

Thank you my friends. That honestly makes me nearly cry. I feel so lost and hopeless. I am no mother, not bc of booze, but because this fear cripples me to being a shell of myself. I want to live again. I am so scared. It sucks so much. I want hope.

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. Heard that in my favorite film!

artsoul

I've felt that way before, too. It can be paralyzing. But just because we feel hopeless, doesn't mean we are. The catch-22 is that the more we allow the fear to run our lives, the stronger it gets.

I don't know what this specific thing is, but if you feel you can't beat it on your own, what about getting help/counseling? Drinking only creates more anxiety and depression and reinforces our belief that we can't cope with life.

What I do when all else fails, is find something to be grateful for. It works every time. Staying in the moment helps a lot, too.

We're here for you, SFMS.

SoberForMySon

Thanks, art soul. I have done some counseling, but am scared to tell people what happened. Boy, it sucks. Shame fear, guilt, self hate. All the fun stuff. And all because of drinking.

I really want to learn to live in the moment. Any tips for that?

artsoul

The quickest way I've found is to pay attention to my senses, how my body feels, the sounds/sights around me, etc... You can do it any number of ways. A good exercise at first, just to get the feel of it, is focusing on your breathing. When your mind goes off (as it will), just bring your focus back to your breathing again. It's hard at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" is a great book, but just look on the internet and you'll find TONS of info and help. I picked this at random, but it will give you an idea of what's out there:
8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment

I knew I had to do something to deal with my racing thoughts/fears in order to stay sober and have been amazed at how much this has helped me. Good luck!

chicory

Hi SoberForMySon.
It helps me to remind myself that I only have this moment, and tomorrow , or next year, isn't guaranteed to me. To live for this moment, be happy, be mindful of what is going on around me, live, for tomorrow may never come..that may seem sad, but to me it is sort of freeing. plan, follow a budget, attend meetings, but enjoy the moment.

sometimes the fear of something is much worse than the thing we fear.

good wishes coming your way,
chicory

Sapling

This is how I was when I walked into my first AA meeting...I instantly got hope....I was riddled with fear...Working an honest 4th and 5th step I was able to identify and face my fears which brought me tremendous relief...This is what the big book says about fear...It was true for me.

This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

bb pg 67

Vall

Dear SFMS,

when I read you, I don't, definitely don't see a lost cause...

Keep reading, posting and trying to think of how you can make your life better, easier.

Have you asked your doctor if there is anything they can do for your anxiety/worrying? When we are down everything seems out of perspective and much worse than it really is.

The more you talk about your fears, over and over and over again on here if necessary, the less important/big they will become.

You have a lot of fans here :> Keep going, keep looking.x

SoberForMySon

Thanks all. Food for thought. I want to live for the moment so much. My senior dog may only have a short time left, and he's my world. And no one is promised tomorrow.

SoberForMySon

Thanks Vall!

benice

SoberForMySon, I'm so sorry you have to keep your fear to yourself. I see that you have never told anyone, not even a therapist. Ya know, you don't have to be Catholic to talk to a priest. Look for a close one and then check their website to see when they have reconciliation. That's the same thing as confession. It is very private and they will never tell another soul what you say to them. You may be liberated by just sharing in complete and utter confidence. Just a thought...

SoberForMySon

Idid tell my shrink, he thought I was mad and there's nothing to fear. I also told a member here lol. I guess I am truly mad cos I can't let it go.

jaz06

SFMS, my friend, the last thing you are is a lost cause. I've read some great posts here supporting you, you're not alone. I do hear you, sometimes it really is hard to let go of something tragic that happened in the past, whether it was your fault or not. One thing I've learned in my life so far, is that having the ability to forgive, yourself or others, is 1 of the most difficult things to do, but also the most rewarding. It may take time, but forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself. With that, maybe getting sober won't be such an unbearable struggle for you. In order to truly move on, you have to find that in you. From the sound of it, you've definitely beat yourself up enough. For your's & your child's sake, dig deep, find that strength & start moving forward instead of living in the past. You can do this! I have faith in you!

BIG HUGS!!!!

SoberForMySon

Thanks Jazzy, I do heart you!!!!

jaz06

Right back at ya Sister!!

Hopscotch

Hello SFMS

What helps me live in the moment, even when I get a racing heart rate and a million voices in my head, is stopping everything I'm doing (unless I'm crossing the street, I'll finish that first ) and just pause and wait. This does 25% of the job.
The longer I'm stoped, the quieter everything gets in my head. My heart rate usually comes down in parallel.

Then, you can do one or two things: Right where you are, find something positive and state it out loud. Consider the beautiful cloud-free sky above you, or I marvel at the perfection of nature around me (how do trees know how to grow?) If nothing else : Oh wow, my back doesn't hurt right now! Doing this gets rid of another 50% of my fear.

If you're still not where you want to be, write down what's left on your mind, anything that's troubling you: make a list. I'm always surprised at how short that list is, considering the space it takes up in my head...

Wishing you the best

SoberForMySon

Sage advice from a wise new friend. How DO the trees grow? We wonder don't we?

hypochondriac

I'm so impressed that you managed to stop self harming Soberformyson! That's a massive achievement. I replaced my self harming with drinking when I was about 17 and it has been on my mind a lot since I quit drinking. To my mind they are one and the same thing, and if you have the strength to stop cutting then you can definitely quit drinking.

I have been using mindfulness meditation to help stop those downward spiral thoughts from a book Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. It has a CD for meditations...I think there's a website for it too.

It's a hard habit to break staying in those negative thought patterns but I hope you find a way out x