PurePoison

This site literately saved my life a couple of months back. I'm so grateful for all the support I got back then. I'm still drinking and struggling with the concept of quitting forever (or even for a day or two). I hate the miserable self obsessed person I've become. I don't even know why I'm posting really...I'm drunk I suppose. Sorry!

Dee74

Welcome back
I guess it boils down to what you're prepared to do PP?

You could start posting here regularly again, and committing to not drinking, you could see your Dr, you could check out a recovery group like AA, or SMART etc...or you could look for counselling, or check out inpatient or outpatient rehab.

There's a lot you could do - if you want to

I know there's some part of you that wants to quit - that's why you're here - fan that little spark as much as you can

D

Hevyn

Hello Pure. I think it's a good idea to keep posting & sharing how you feel - even if you're not happy with yourself at the moment. At least you have the sense to know things need to change. I hadn't quit when I first came here, and it took me a few months to get used to the idea. Every day I signed on, I learned something though - and was building my courage to lay it down forever. I finally have.

Glad to hear from you. Keep on talking to us.

PurePoison

I like drinking, I like the buzz. At the start of the evening that is . Right now I feel sick and depressed. Rinse and repeat huh? I'm such an idiot.

Hevyn

No, you are learning.

NoFireWater

I don't think anyone here didn't like the buzz. It's just the ruthless aftermath that did us in. I think you already get that and that's why you're here. Try not to concentrate on forever. Thinking "not now" is more productive and a whole lot easier!

Southerner

At a certain point you will just accept that the ending of the movie is always going to be the same, no matter how many times you play it. So try a different plot line and see what happens. I bet the ending is different...

That is to say, I have been there and know how you feel. However, it just got to the point that it took too much wine, beer, sake, or whatever to get a momentary thrill. But then, the downside would seemingly last 10 times as long. Unless, of course, I went back to the beginning. I simply got fed up with my own immaturity for not seeing what was obvious. I guess when we finally make that acknowledgement, we actually do start to change. When you get to that point, you will be posting without a buzz, and with a much better ending ahead of you.

Happier

I am glad you are here. We understand.
Keep reading and posting.

In my case, my "buzz" ended up turning on me. It wasn't the euphoria that I had when I first started drinking. Chasing that elusive buzz began to hurt important relationships and physically destroy me.

Just my experience. Hope you can find whatever it is that you are searching for.

PurePoison

The movie analogy is such a good one. My life is a total horror flick at the moment. Time I changed the channel.

Obladi

I am also glad you are here and posting.

I know it's as simple as "changing the channel," and all we have to do is get off the couch to do it. For the moment, I'm deliberately putting the focus on other things that need to change - figure that if something is going right, it will help give me the oomph to carry through with others.

You are not alone and you are not an idiot.
You are just human.

least

Produce a new movie. One with a happy ending.

heath480

Sorry you are struggling purepoison.

You could call your local AA helpline number and speak to an Alcoholic in recovery.

You could be at a meeting later today.

A different way of life can begin for you today if you want it.

I wish you well.

Sugarfix

Keep reading the posts for inspiration and keep trying

Grace2

Ho Pure Poison

I'm glad you've come back and posted. There is some good advice given in these posts.

I think all of us here know how you feel, we've all been there,but giving up drinking is something you really, really must want to do, for yourself, before you can do it. If you want something badly enough you can do it.

I'm in the early days of sobriety myself and have had many set backs along the way, but I can tell you this for sure, the temporary buzz that alcohol gives you is nothing compared to the buzz you get when you wake up sober, without those guilty feelings, and seeing what a wonderful place the world can be.

Keep reading, keep posting. Be strong

You can do it.

Big hugs

Grace xxx

Southerner

I have been in my own horror flick. It was not quite gory, more like dark humor, but nonetheless the same darn thing kept happening over and over. I would get euphoria because something great was going on in my life, I would have drinks to celebrate, and either I would just wake up feeling rough or worse, wake up with a vague memory of having been rude, obnoxious, or just plain silly. That would cause me to drink to forget it, and bingo, now we have a binge going. Maybe it was just repetitious comedy, like Groundhog Day?

Changing the channel is the hardest part. It hurts physically and emotionally. Physically, because that first week absolutely sucks! After that, emotional pain occurred because the realization of the problems I caused myself and the realization that I truly had to change completely. It is a daily struggle, but after week two it really does get easier. As you see from other posts, you sleep better, you eat better, you feel better, and your loved ones feel better about you.

However, only you can make that choice. You truly have to decide if you are going to change the ending, which means changing the entire plot. If you introduce the same old plot line, your life will slip back into a really bad, not fun to watch sequel.

Good luck!

Sasha4

Hi Pure

I am in the UK too.
Glad your back.

Drinking makes you like that - it did me.

You can get a buzz from other things - running, walking, achieving something you want or need.

Got to be better than the misery of drinking day in and day out don't you think?

xxxx

PurePoison

Ground hog day...yes you've totally nailed it! Time to take a good hard look at my life and priorities. Thank you Southerner.

PurePoison

Thanks to everyone who's offered me advice support and encoragement. It means so much to me. You guys are the best.

Anna

Know that you can do this. There is always hope.

I found that when I made one small change in my life, it had a ripple effect.

Southerner

You are quite welcome. And you are starting at the right place. What do you want your life to be and mean, not only for you but for all who know or depend upon you? Also, what is most important, as you say what are your priorities?

For people who choose selfish self-gratification at the expense of their own health and the happiness of others, then a life of endless drinking is a pretty good way to achieve that. Most of us have lived that attitude, at least at times.

If you care about you, how you feel, how you feel about yourself, and how you contribute to others' happiness and well being, then you have to see if those priorities are really being actualized by drinking. I won't answer for you, but for me the binge drinking was inconsistent and indeed counter to who I am and who I want to be. So I am resolute in my choice this time. It will hurt for a few weeks, as I said, and then the longer term challenges come into play, but if you are honest about what your priorities are then do what you need to in order to achieve them. I support you regardless.