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I hate myself

Old 09-16-2012, 05:58 PM
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I hate myself

I blew almost a week of being sober. I had five beers watching the Patriots game. I am a failure. I want to be better.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:01 PM
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I screwed up Friday night and I took that as a sign to re-commit to sobriety. I don't know about you but I can't have 1 drink...it leads to many many more and self-destruction. Learn from this and think about what you can do differently to quit alcohol.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:02 PM
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The statement " I hate myself" is not beneficial in this situation. I can see that this is very hard for you. Start anew tomorrow. We are all here with support. You can do this.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:03 PM
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I love being sober, but I am a 34 year old professional, father, husband, and screw up.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:06 PM
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I had a tough time getting through Football Season coupled with Sobriety (Raiders Fan). I used Non-Alcoholic Beer for awhile as a Prop and Placebo. It helped take the Edge off.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:12 PM
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I've screwed up so many times. At least we are still here. Before I never even thought of it as really screwing up but more like, "Oh well, I got wasted"--life as usual.

Now we are conscious of the problem and trying to address it. Even if it takes longer than we want, we recognize what is better for our lives and can start again.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:18 PM
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WWG: Don't let this action, giving in, define your whole being. I've been defining myself by my collosal, booze induced f*ck ups for months - years - but feverishly over the past 4 months and tonight something clicked...it is NOT who we are...and more importantly, not who we have to be. The power is in your control - is it easy, hell no, but is it going to be worth it - YES.

Lean on us...we can do this together! Throw the rest of the beer out!
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:19 PM
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I don't think you need to get too upset about it. I know that I had to go back and have a taste, just to make sure that quitting was the right thing. I had 5 beers after 65 days of sobriety and knew for sure that drinking wasn't the right path. I haven't drank in more than a year since then.

So, now you know.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:19 PM
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I would do anything to not be like this, but it is my fault. I want to be a sober father and husband.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by walkingwithgod View Post
I would do anything to not be like this...
But are you doing everything it takes?
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:29 PM
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You can be......the fact you almost had a week is proof. Start again
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:31 PM
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There's a couple threads that Weasel and I started two weeks ago about self love and they really helped me...a lot. I can't copy and paste right now cause i'm on my blasted phone, but go back and try to find those. I found this awesome quote during that time and it flickered some fuse in my head:' we are born with self love. We didn't have to learn it. We innately felt it'. Basically, some people forget it even exists because we bury it so deep. It's there with you already.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:32 PM
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1st things 1st: yer not a screw up or a failure! yer just a sick man. i am glad to see yer nik. makes me believe you believe in God. however, there comes a time to stop walking with God and let him carry us.
willing to do anything to not be like this? have you looked into AA?
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:33 PM
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Last night I had three beers and two ciders. I left the bar and walked home alone. One thing I'm realizing the less I drink and the more times I screw up is that I hate being drunk - heck, I don't even like consuming the booze anymore. I am also a 34 year old professional. I don't have marriage or kids and that's my own fault. It's the emptiness and loneliness I have to address better.

I told the bar tender I wouldn't be there today for the Steelers' game.

Today I watched part of the game from home, then sat in the graveyard reading Dostoyevsky. When I choose not to drink, it makes me realize how much I love everything else more than drinking.

Wake up and do everything you can to get the alcohol out of your system, then you will hate less and love more.

I wish you well.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:36 PM
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Thanks and God Bless all of you. Day 1 tomorrow.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:37 PM
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That way that Pats game ended probably a lot of people picked up a drink

Reality is you had 6 days sober and 1 day drinking. Don't beat yourself up so much that you ditch your whole plan for getting sober. Being a perfectionist doesn't work well in this situation. You came right back here to SR and you want to make a change. Chalk it up to drinking didn't make you feel as good as you thought it would, actually, it made you feel defeated. Not fun.

Good news is, there's a Pats game every week and another chance for a new outcome (for both you and the team) Good suggestion on the non-alcoholic beer to ease you out of the habit while watching sports.
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Old 09-16-2012, 06:44 PM
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Hello walkingwithgod. There's no doubt you can do this. You never have to feel this miserable ever again. Now you'll be more determined to stay away from the stuff. We believe in you - and you're not alone. Keep posting & let us know how it's going.
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Old 09-16-2012, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by walkingwithgod View Post
I love being sober, but I am a 34 year old professional, father, husband, and screw up.
Buddy I am all of the above except I am 46 years old. You have a 12 year head start on me, starting over now after one week is not the end of the world.

The big thing is you realize already at this part of your life you need to change. I am feeling so friggin happy about the potential changes I can still make in my life I am in awe at the possibilities. Focus on the potential upside now and get back in the saddle!

Can't believe the Cardinals pulled it off by the way.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:23 PM
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WWG, I'm from new England originally, btw, so Go Pats!
The last time I tried to quit, I lasted about a month, then got drunk one night and kept on drinking for two more years. You, on the other hand, have come to SR, ready to do day 1 again. Fortunately there is no law that says if we "fail" we can't try again. So go for it! Day one tomorrow! You can do it! And stop hating yourself, that does no good. We don't hate you. The universe doesn't hate you. God doesn't hate you. Learn from what happened today and use it. And six days sober is great. No one but a daily alcoholic drinker can understand how bloody hard that is. And if football is a trigger, maybe you have to give up watching for a while? Or not allow yourself to watch unless you won't drink?
NA beer could help. Fom my personal experience, NA beer just makes me want a real one. I know that it's different for others, and that may work for you. Worth trying if you think it could help.
Good luck to you. You CAN do this!
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Old 09-16-2012, 09:28 PM
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Like others have said, hating yourself is pretty futile and it's likely to put you one step closer to a drink WWG.

Use that energy though - you have a week now til the next game - find support, build a support network, make plans for your recovery to remain intact next weekend - now.

You can enjoy the game just as much sober...but you'll never know unless you give it a go.

and - no offense to anyone - but to me drinking NA beer was like feeding your ravenous dingo pitbull cross kibble...

it might keep him quiet for a while, but it won't hold him forever.

I think, if you're going to make changes in your life WWG, make them.
Just do it, man

Don't be afraid of change - cos change will get you to where you want to be

D
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