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Old 09-05-2012, 07:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Understanding Sponsorship


Hello, sober 104 days, feel much better glad I listened and did 90&90. I go to a lot of meetings, I am starting to hear now. Ok I met with my Sponsor last Sat to do step 1, loved it and loved talking with her. She said lets meet next Sat. Then I asked her Monday what are good times to call her she said after 6.

Ok I called last night no cback. Ok I think she must have got delayed. I saw her at a mtg this am. She said she got busy, I say, ok. She tells me to call her tonight, after mtg she tells me not to call her tonight. I say hello to her dog in the car and say to Dog, see u on Sat. She says I can't do Sat.

Ok I feel vulnerable is this normal ? Am I being tested for something. All help greatly appreciated
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Sponsorship is a two way relationship. If your schedules are not working together, you should talk about it. If you cant work anything out between you two, you may want to find another sponsor. Not always an easy thing to do, but you want a sponsor who is available to work with you. If she gets offended by that it means her ego is wrapped up in sponsoring and that is probably not a good thing. But someone with quality sobriety will understand you wanting another sponsor.
Best wishes.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Finding a good sponsor is not always easy. Is she just giving you the "I can't meet you" or at least giving you another option to meet?
You are in early sobriety, and whereas a sponsor isn't a babysitter, you should find one that is very available to you.
Did you approach her for sponsorship or did she approach you? Sometimes people say they will sponsor you, but just not have the time. Or she could just have something going on in her life right now that is keeping her distracted.

If you have other phone #s, make some calls just to keep in touch with people while this resolves itself
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Sponsorship is a two way street. You need someone who is available to work with you. As someone said, a sponsor isn't a babysitter. I know if I miss a call from a sponsee I call back as soon as I can. If this one isn't working, don't hesitate to find another one.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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This AA pamphlet might help you out.

Questions and Answers On Sponsorship.

When I meet with a sponsee for the first time we talk about what our expectations are. I tell them how I do it and ask what they are looking for etc. There has to be communication.
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank You Thank You all, I feel understood. I didn't realize I had responses, OMG Oh the abandonment. It was my computer I think :>). Your words make a lot of sense to me. It's so hard when you are new..I want to do the right thing..I'm understand I'm young but my sobriety means so much to me. I didn't matter in my family (oldest of 5), father raging alcholic and my mother who for her survival made me a parent. So I'm used to being cast aside, you know me needs don't matter. This is how I felt after the meeting a dual in my head. Ok suck it up ...no something is wrong here. thank you
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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BB Thumper thank you for your words. Its hard again when you're new...oh gosh here I go again....ok AA teaches you to trust, I try and remain open and let the trust come...ok I have good intuition so after this am's incident, I felt something wrong between me and my sponsor ( I am going to talk to her )...and I can caught up in blind trust (just made that up) and allowing myself to listen to my gut . Thank you
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:19 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Ok I'm probably doing this wrong..my replies I mean.....Ty Paperdolls you see that makes sense to me. When I finished doing step 1 with her I thanked her and told her I got so much out of it. I felt my trust let her in. Ok she said want to meet next Saturday and I said yes, there were not other offers, I felt like I had no options..again felt like just do it to myself. I felt ok she doesn't talk to me about times. Again my inner thoughts to myself just be patient she'll tell you the time. Oh I feel like such an idiot. Yes I have to talk to her..thank you
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:20 AM   #9 (permalink)
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glad yer here and glad to see ya wanting to work the steps. yup. early recovery is a place for a sponsor who will be there and return phone calls. i am very impressed that you are wanting to call and work with yer sponsor. that is awesome on ya!
i let my sponsees know they can call me anytime, just not drunk or from jail. other than that, i dont care if its 3 am.
you have not been cast aside! you are wortyh the help you want and crave!there could be other things goin on with yer sponsor. you may want to bring your concern up with yer sponsor. it is also important that, when a sponsor doesnt pick up the phone to leave a message and call someone else.
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Pippa thank you... " Finding a good sponsor is not always easy. Is she just giving you the "I can't meet you" or at least giving you another option to meet?
You are in early sobriety, and whereas a sponsor isn't a babysitter, you should find one that is very available to you.
Did you approach her for sponsorship or did she approach you? Sometimes people say they will sponsor you, but just not have the time. Or she could just have something going on in her life right now that is keeping her distracted.

If you have other phone #s, make some calls just to keep in touch with people while this resolves itself "
After the meeting it was don't call me tonight & then I can't meet with you on SAt, there were no other options. So I felt like i had been knocked to the ground. She offered to be my sponsor. She has 18+ yrs sobriety. Ty Pippa I will call other people.
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:24 AM   #12 (permalink)
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All great advice,,

I will just say congrats on triple digits...

Keep going and growing..


Stay on the beam
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:02 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Can't say what is going on with her, but she should at least be gentle with you. Sounds a bit gruff to me. My advice is to call other people just to talk. Get to know others and see if you like one of them more.

There are all kinds of people in AA. It took me awhile to realize they aren't all saints, they have issues too, and once I found the right sponsor, it made a huge difference for me. However, I had several along the way, and some were just awful. So stay in touch with the people you can relate to, and keep talking/sharing.
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlcKelty View Post

Ok I feel vulnerable is this normal ? Am I being tested for something. All help greatly appreciated
brought back memories. My second sponsor and I kinda got off to a rocky start. He "requires" daily phone calls. My time is at 7:15. He was insistent so I knew better than to blow it off or be late.

Day 1......no answer. I just left a, "hi, it's me" message but didn't ask him to call me back. Day 2 was the same thing. At first I thought he was testing me / God was testing me.

Day 3 he answered, we talked for 3 minutes and that was it. On and off sporadically for another week or two. Finally, I asked him if I was doing something wrong. He laughed and said, "look, you're fine. You're calling, that's what I asked for. IF you need to talk, be a big-boy and leave me a message that you want/need to talk if I don't answer."

Turned out, he had VERY legit reasons to miss those calls....and he was dead-on about telling me to sort-of stand up for myself if I needed to talk. I needed to hear that.
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Well I can't say thank you enough because you all understood I felt affirmed. I called a woman in the program and we had a good talk, she affirmed something is not quite right here as many of you wonderful folks shared with me ((hugs to you all )) and I will tell you the pain in my stomach is gone, yea I was getting quite worked up though I told myself I had everything under control I also left a message for my sponsor a nice one ..lol but honest..now she may not pick up message..lol..but you know it's ok I will see her and talk to her...and we'll see how it goes...she maybe only temporary for me at this point...again all your feedback on Sponsors feels right to me. You know I was kind of feeling before I wrote here..oMg why is this happening I feel yucky...but thanks to you folks and the calls.. I've found my voice... I saw this board about a month ago and I thought mm I think this might be nice helpful option in addtion to my meetings. I go to sunrise meeting at 6:30am Love It..about 5x a week, hubby comes with me to an open mtg on Sundays. Monday Night I go to beginners mtg and Thurs is a double header, I also go to a 7pm mtg. So thes mtgs work for me I feel the fellowship experience and gives me strength and hope. This is good, thanks again
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Good for you...I kept praying I'd get the right sponsor...And I did.
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Old 09-05-2012, 01:16 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Congratulations on your sober time....

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Old 09-05-2012, 01:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
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You said Monday then called her on Tuesday? Maybe she feels slighted.
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Old 09-05-2012, 03:08 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi Taking 5, I probably wasn't clear I was to call her on Tuesday...I've since talked to ladies with good sobriety on my call list. They've been very helpful on guidance to dealing with this...progress not perfection
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Old 09-05-2012, 04:15 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR AlcKelty

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