Zaya

I feel like I am losing my battle with alcohol I am scared and ashamed of myself. My family is overseas and I have only one friend here who seems supportive, but too is telling me I am a weak person for giving in to drinking. I want to stop before I destroy myself and my 2.5 year old son's life. I must get better for him but somehow i keep falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. My husband is very unsupportive and told me many times that he is done with me. He also drinks but can go on the next day, I cannot. I am in bed feeling awful and I hate myself for not being able to take my son to the park or places being always hungover and later in the day drunk again. I cannot stop crying today. Please someone, tell me I can do it, I can get mylife back in order.

heath480

Welcome to SR Zaya.

SoberJohn

You can do it Zaya!!! You and only you have the key to release you from that prison cell. Something that might help you is to focus on how bad alcohol is making you feel and lock in on it. When you feel better and your addictive voice starts convincing you to drink again, recall the bad feelings. And then grab a bowl of ice cream, and jump on here for support. I hope you feel a little better and hope to hear more from you.

Zee

Welcome to SR Zaya
Of course you can do it, but you really have to want to do it. That is the main starting point.

Hevyn

Zaya, I know you can - because I did - and I was in my 50's when I finally saw the light. I drank all my life. I never thought I could live without it. Now that I look back, I don't know how or why I became so dependent on it. In the end, all it did was bring me misery and danger.

It sounds like it's no longer fun for you, or an escape - or whatever it once was. There's no reason to cling to something that's bringing you pain. Life will be much better when you're not fuzzy and in a fog. We believe in you - keep posting and reading.

least

I thought I was doomed to drink myself to death but I never gave up on trying to quit drinking. I had a lot of support from this site and my counselor and I'm now happily two and a half years sober. And I thought I was hopeless!

Support is crucial. If you don't have it from your husband then you can count on it from us.

Welcome to the family! :ghug3

Dee74

You can absolutely do it Zaya - you'll find a ton of support here

There's a lot of support in the real world too...here's some links to some of the main players, including things like AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

There's a lot of non 12 step programmes too. I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

great to have you with us...no matter what you decide to do, feel free to join our 'Class of August' too

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-2012-a-2.html

D

Pondlady

Welcome - you'll find you're in good company here.

artsoul

Welcome Zaya -

I found a lot of hope and inspiration here when I couldn't find it in myself. We know what it's like and how hard it is to do this on our own. Keep reading and posting!

CarolD

Welcome...

IndaMiricale

There is no doubt you can do it.

Your friend is just another person that has no idea about alcoholism. It has nothing to do with strength or lack of.

Glad you here lots of great advice. I use AA and love it, great place to meet new real friends.

Zaya

Thank you do much everyone! I am glad I am here, you all are giving me such hope!! I tried not to drink ever since my first post, but I had huge tremors to the point I could type or do much else with my hands and fingers. I had alchogol last night and it seemed helpful with tremors. Today I am all shaky again and scared. Anxiety is very big. Will I ever be a normal person again, I don't know. I looked at the photos of me from two years ago, and I didn't recognize myself...I look horrible now.

Zaya

And guys, forgive my English, I am not a native English speaker plus all that is going on in my head due to alcohol really messes me up lately

IndaMiricale

Yes you can be normal and free.

I lived daily with shaking. I had to have several shots just to start the day and not shake enough to work. I worked in restaurant so I would have shots throughout the day and night.

And when I couldnt drink like going to jail or interview I couldnt write a thing.

Its very dangerous to quite when we are so bad, PLEASE see a doctor to make sure you do it safely. Not to mention it helps so much with the side effects. I risked it many times on my own and was very lucky to make it. I also have done it with doctor assistance, I was a fool to not do that everytime.

You can do this

Zaya

Hi IndaMiricale,

I went to dr a couple of weeks ago and she prescribed Librium for me to take 10 mg twice a day. It seems to help, but I am not consistent with taking it. Sometimes I forget where I put it or hidden it . My husband doesn't want me to take it . I think he is scared to lose his drinking buddy, myself that is.

Innerchild

You can do it! Just put down that drink first. I use AA for my recovery. Maybe you can check out meetings in the area and see if it may work for you. You need a network of supportive people to help you in your recovery and you can find this in AA. You arent a weak person for putting down the drink its an addiction, a physical allergy to the body a disease. There is hope for a bright and happy future no doubt so think of what you can do as a solution rather than beating yourself up because you are worth it.

IndaMiricale

I am sorry that you have that problem with having a active alcoholic husband also.

But he faily could lost his buddy to either you continuing to drink or even in detox. Please save yourself.

Ps. I used to live in the Bay Area , San Fran. great city but very dangerous for this alcoholic and addict. And a great AA scene though.

Zaya

I will save myself and hopefully he will follow. I started going to the gym with him and it seems to be helping us to bond better without the alcohol involved so much. When he is home after work, he pours himself his favorite vodka tonic. I try my hardest not to drink even though the temptation is very much there. I am noticing he is drinking a couple of less drinks when I am not drinking... Hopefully it is a good sign for his eventual recovery.

P.s. i love San Francisco. We are within 40 minutes away from the city, but drive in almost every weekend.

Dee74

Your English is fine Zaya
Keep working on this and you will find your real self again

D

Zaya

Guys, thank you for all your support! I relapsed while on vacation, husband just doesn't get it I have a problem and he does too. We' ve been drinking so much while in Thailand I don't remember half of the vacation, half of the adventurs and tours we went on. Only pictures tell me I did this or that, otherwise I don't remember. I am going to see a doctor today at 3:30. Going to tell her I have relapsed badly. I hate the demon - alchogol! My husband told me today we don't belong together. That is after me and him drinking last night untill I don't know or remember anything. This morning I told him that we DO belong together but alchogol does not belong with us. I hope the doctor can prescribe Librium again to help me. There are four bottles of red wine in the garage and a huge bottle of vodka in the freezer. I want to pour it away, but David will be pissed of. I know I am ramblening, plus my English. I don't make any seance do I? I am sweating like crazy and have so many tears on my face