sugarbear1

I'm cute, too and I don't look 51.....okay, a little flirting over the 'net doesn't hurt....if that is a pic of you, well, then I wish I were younger......

justhadenough

aw that is lovely

sugarbear1

I just embarassed myself a bit.....

justhadenough

no you didn't! it's sweet!

MightyMung

There's no need to wish you were younger - some of us find experience attractive

Better leave it there - don't want to annoy any mods, haha! Thanks for the confidence boost, i've never really had any luck with the fairer sex (my last and only relationship was an utter disaster) so it's nice to have my self esteem boosted in that department. And don't worry, you didn't embarrass yourself at all. X

Quick update: still have total insomnia but i'm doing fine. Just concentrating on the thought of home and my trip in the morning. Just wishing I could get a wink of sleep!

hypochondriac

Have you been travelling on your own Jake? It'd be nice to think you have someone out there who can look out for you? Did you make any friends on your travels who you could talk to about this? x

artsoul

Sugarbears are always cute.

MightyMung - just keep talking to us (if it helps), OK? Is there any chance your brother (or someone close to you) could come to be with you and help you get back?

Remember that this is all the effect of the drugs and not you going crazy. If you get panicky, try to focus on your breathing. It helps with the panicky feeling and slows your heart rate down.

(Some tricks: Try to make your exhalations longer than your inhalations. Breath in slowly and breathe out even more slowly. Try to breathe a little deeper each time so that you're breathing into your diaphragm and not just your chest. It takes several minutes to work, so give it a little time.)

We're here for you.......

MightyMung

Thanks for the breathing tips. I will try them when I next feel panicky.

And i'm afraid there's no way anyone could come out to see me. My family members are either incredibly poor or incredibly busy. Also it's my Mum's 60th birthday party in 12 hours and her actual birthday the next day, so those two days are off limits for any discussion/action other than talking to my brother and sister (i've always been selfish and cannot make Mum's day about me again, although she won't mind deep down, she'll make a big fuss).

Don't worry i'll be fine - i'm about to head out on my excursion and I've got my maintenance doses measured out to stop the withdrawals being so terrible. I'll take my laptop as the boat apparently has free wifi (?) so I can check in here if things get too much.

Thanks again everyone! x

MightyMung

Yeah i'm alone, i'm not going to lie to myself any more - one of the biggest motivations for coming out here was the availability of medicines over the counter. Sad I know.

I've met plenty of people but they're just travelling buddies (very temporary), they wouldn't be any actual use to talk to and it wouldn't help much anyway. I'm just going to wait on the reply from my travel agent about changing my flights and if there's good news, i'll jump on the first jet out of here. If there's bad news, i'll either wait a few more days or book another flight entirely x

justhadenough

it's very brave of you and honest to admit that jake

hope you get a good response from the travel agent today

MightyMung

Argh! They're closed over the weekend! I'll have to wait a few more days before I know if I can change my flights. Luckily things have gotten a little better for me:

Just got back from my excursion and actually had a fabulous time. Met a great British couple who I was honest with about my situation and they've been so great, haven't consumed any alcohol around me and have actually insisted on checking into the same hotel as me to give me a hand tonight if I feel rough - i've been exercising extreme discipline with my tapering schedule though and I now feel fine taking only 3 pills per day. Still, it's amazing to find such understanding people willing to put themselves out to look out for someone they just met.

I'm feeling much better, but still need to get home to get well and away from temptation.

I hope everyone else is doing well, and, as ever, if anyone wants to chat about anything, please PM me if you think I can help! After all the support i've had from this forum i'm more than happy to return the favour.

I wish everyone a good day! x

MrsKing

Good to hear you're feeling better, Jake. It's also wonderful to know there are strangers out there willing to support you - what fantastic people they must be. I hope you get the news you want on Monday. All the best to you x

Dee74

I'm glad to know you've found some support too Jake

D

MightyMung

Well, the British couple have moved on but I had a great evening with them last night.

Managed to get some restful sleep as well which is promising.

Emailed my brother today to try to get the "coming home operation" (haha) into action. Hopefully i'll know by the end of today whether Mum is okay with me coming home early. Unfortunately i'll have to wait a while longer to hear back from the travel agents, but even if the news is bad I can get a flight home for about £300 from Bangkok (which i'm loath to spend since i've already bought flights, but i'd say it's better than potentially relapsing out of boredom/temptation).

Sorry again for consistently bumping this thread, I just like to keep a log for my own sanity. It's nice to read through my previous posts and see that i've come so far from the first post where I said I thought I was "going insane". It's great to feel real progress and see evidence of change in my own posts, even though they are only a few days apart.

Once again, I hope everyone else is doing well! Best wishes x

Change4good

MM,

I have been following you since you joined us, and so glad that you are headed back home. And I agree, the extra money spent to come home is SO worth it. It will get you to both a figuratively and literally better place.

I find you extremely bright, intuitive, and caring. You are so young, and have so much ahead of you. Considering all of your gifts, I expect you are going to do great things. Glad that you are choosing not to squander your potential, and get back to being healthy.

Don't ever worry about *too* much posting. Keep at it, as you mentioned it helps you and keeps you sane. (I marvel at your ability to find reliable internet access over there. . .I had to search far and wide when I was in Vietnam a few years back.)

Blessings and good wishes to you mate. We are rooting for you, and will always be here, no matter where you are in your head or in the world.

sugarbear1

Glad to know you are doing better! I suggest you print out your "feeling insane" post and tape it somewhere where you will read it every day for a while! We often forget how bad it can get. Some of us literally lose our minds, too, so be grateful yours is intact.

Keep posting!! We want to see you succeed in recovery!

MightyMung

Had a bit of a slip up today.

I met a friend who wanted to go to the pharmacy to get some paracetamol, I walked with him and when I got there I spotted codeine tablets and gabapentin for cheap. The greedy Vietnamese pharmacist waved them in my face and said "you hungover? these make you feel good, you try these before, I see it in your face". I wasn't hungover (haven't been drunk in a long time) but temptation was gnawing at me and I gave in like a weak coward.

I ended up walking out with some codeine and gabapentin, justifying it as a treat for staying strict with my tramadol schedule.

I'm also tapering off valium and took 5mg in the day when the withdrawals kicked in, along with only two tramadol pills (75mg). So, i'm doing great with the tapering from those two drugs.

But, predictably, I took some of the gabapentin and codeine a few hours ago out of boredom. I totally forgot that taking four downers in a day would likely lead me to this position... barely able to stay awake and worried for my health.

I've flushed the codeine and the gabapentin and tomorrow is a new day, but i'm disappointed I celebrated my success in tapering off two drugs by taking two more. I'm a real fool sometimes. Oh well, I flushed the other drugs and nipped the idiocy in the bud early before I relapsed entirely. I feel in control despite the slip up.

Back to my tapering routine tomorrow - half a 5mg valium (so 2.5mg) when the withdrawals kick in and 1 and a half tramadol pills (57.5mg), also when withdrawal kicks in. I'm determined to stop this nonsense, but tapering is the only way to do it safely at the moment. Drooling in front of a computer is no way to live, so i'm annoyed I bought the other two drugs. I don't feel like i'm back to square one though, tomorrow is a new day.

I need to get home and keep busy. All this waiting around is feeding my temptations. I wish the travel agency would get back to me soon! I've sent them another email quoting their policy to reply to all emails within 48 hours, and threatened to contact the Citizens Advice Bureau. Low and behold when I mentioned that I got an instant response, but they simply asked me to clarify the dates I wanted to return (they've already asked me that). I said "as soon as possible!"

Hopefully tomorrow I will get a proper response and be able to get home. If not, i'll be lodging a formal complaint against the company as it's now been 9 days since I asked for a flight change and they've done nothing but ask me the same question twice.

I feel like this is becoming my motto, but tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to breathe, relax, focus on my plan, and revel in my willpower in flushing the codeine and gabapentin. Let's do this!

I hope everyone else is doing well! I just wanted to check in and update people, it's nice to know there's people on the other side of the internet who care.

Best wishes to everyone, if anyone wants a chat let me know. I may be young but I'm still really happy to help anyone who needs a chat. We're all in the same boat here, this forum makes striving for sobriety a team effort, and i'm so happy I found this place.

Hugs to everyone, stay strong! Life is much better when sober! No more regret, no more mistakes, and no more embarrassment! x

justhadenough

Hello MM.I was wondering how you were. Would it be very expensive to get a different flight home?

MightyMung

I'm considering it. It would be about £400... so i'd prefer to wait a few more days to see if I can get my flights changed for free, since £400 is a LOT of money to spend seeing as i've already paid for a return flight. I think i'm only willing to wait one more week. If the travel agency doesn't get their act into gear by then, i'm going to book a different flight home. The availability of drugs here frightens me and there's so many triggers that get me to consider buying them - even my friend mentioning paracetamol got my mind racing, thinking about the pharmacy and what to buy - my devious AV had already decided "I'm going to get Jake high with evening". I'm proud of myself for stopping it before it got too far though. I think i'm beginning to gain control of myself more, since I have a plan for the future and I don't want drug abuse to be part of that plan.

justhadenough

£400 isn't as much as I thought it would be. I understand what you are saying but it is a small price to pay for your physical and mental health,your safety and wellbeing.A lot can happen in a week.