Live2Run25

I am pretty proud of myself right now. Today I stood up for my sobriety and put my foot down. All of my friends drink in a giant group and when I stopped drinking, naturally I stopped seeing them. A friend invited me and “the group” to meet at a bar tonight. At first I thought I’d go. I’d keep my boyfriend by my side and leave after an hour, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. They all know I quit drinking, and while I know it is not their choice, it annoys me that they are only capable of hanging out in a bar. So I emailed the friend today and explained that I am not okay with going to a bar to see everyone, and that there are plenty of other options, and to contact me when they wanted to do those things.

I am feeling really good right now. I’ve been having a really stressful week, and putting myself near alcohol tonight would have been a bad thing. I know I can pretty much forget about these friends. It saddens me, but they don’t GET my sobriety. I can’t really be around people like that right now.

Go me!

IndaMiricale

Gooood For You !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its hard not doing those normal things, but they will show you there true colors if they want to see you.

Keep on doing what your doing, and stay on the beam.

Anna

Wow, that's a huge step forward in your recovery. Good for you!

It's hard to set a boundary like that, but it's so very important. I had so much to learn about boundaries when I began to recover, because I had no experience expressing what I needed and wanted.

Pondlady

Good for you. It's not like drinking is the only activity friends can share. You need to take care of yourself

Misguided

Good for you!

I had to do the same thing...I had A LOT of drinkers in my life because I was a club goer. A few friends understand my position and most others either didn't like my choice or are still just drinking their life away. I lived in a city that REVOLVES around drinking so trying to avoid it was almost impossible for me without becoming a hermit.

artsoul

It's great that you're putting yourself (sobriety) first - not always easy when it comes to things like this.

Don't be too angry, though - it could be that your friend may have just wanted to include you, not knowing how tempting it would be. Most people don't realize what we go through unless they've been there themselves.

But whatever the case, you did good today! You can always meet up for lunch.

Julynine

I think you have a right to feel proud about yourself. One of my learnings is that i must change a number of things in my life, not just my drinking. If that means I lose a few 'drinking friends' then so be it. I know that once I start taking up new hobbies/activities I will meet new people who will do more worthwhile things in their free time.

All the best

Julynine

Rossy

Well done Britt,I have been there many times but I never give into peer preasure.

instant

Britt you are making great progress and you should be proud of your efforts. Rejoice in your freedom. Sobriety can be hard won. Your friends are on their journey as well and they are where they are. It is not where you want to be.

I was stuck there for so long and could not get out.

I found in the past that getting bound up in dramas could drag me down or back into the fray.

PaperDolls

I second what artsoul says .... Way to go! But don't be angry.

Live2Run25

I guess I'm coming off in a way I'm not meaning too. It's just these friends are nearly impossible to make plans with unless there is alcohol involved. I've NEVER seen a few of them without drinks in their hand. It's just frustrating realizing that someone isn't really your friend. If they were, it wouldn't be hard to meet up elsewhere!

Thanks for all the kind words. I'm so proud of myself. My friends are on their path, and i'm on mine. I know i'll lose some (umm most) of them, but that's just how it's going to be!

SmittyBittyBoo

Good for you.

PaperDolls

I understand.

Time to find new friends?

Live2Run25

Yes. I'm having a really hard part with that. I know all these lovely sober people online, but not in person. I keep thinking that my friends will make an exception and do something other than drink at bars with me, but so far in the past 2 months they offered nothing except "hey come out to the bar tonight! I haven't seen you in forever!"

I guess i'm just wanting them to be a little understanding, but you guys are right. They don't know what i'm going through because they aren't going through it.

Rossy

If they have a problem with you not drinking thats there problem,if people feel the same about me I could not care less.

PaperDolls

It's not easy to deal with.

Have you invited them to do some things that don't involve drinking?

Misguided

When I say I lived in a city that revolves around drinking, I mean people can't have a birthday party for a 1 year old without getting wasted. Alcohol is served EVERYWHERE and it's the only place you can leave a bar with a drink that contains alcohol. Trying to get people in that area to change their ways or understand that drinking is not an ok thing for me was like talking to a brick wall.

Sadly, when you make changes that help you become happier, some people see that as a threat or it makes them see things in themselves that they don't want to see.

I have gotten to the point in my sobriety that I am comfortable enough to sit in a laid back bar (not a club) and drink Sprite while hanging out with people who prefer to drink like "normal" people that don't get wasted. The one thing I hate that my high drinking friends say is "oh it must be so fun to watch everyone get drunk." -- NO...it is not. It's not fun and people look like idiots. I've also gotten comfortable enough to give them that answer. They don't like it. I also don't hang out or hear from them much anymore either. I've gotten used to that, too.

saraylah

Yay! for you. To be able to do that is an accomplishment in itself. Keep up the hard work and it will get easier. Your friends , if friends will soon realize how important it is for you to stay sober and either they will respect your quest for sobriety and honor your friendship by inviting you out to sober functions but YOU will also start seeing some friends drift off. But its all good because they are moving away from you and that will also help to stay sober. I have drifted away from many friends but there are some that have helped me in my sobriety and although for a time I was left out because I did not need to be around that sort of environment, it was ok because they did invite me but it was more like a warning invite. " We are having this celebration if you want to come but I don;t think you should because there will be drinking." And yeah I was out of the scene for a while but now 2 years later they call me and I know as well as they know that I can go now to a function and not drink. It feels really good.
Good luck to you and your sobriety.

Weasel1966

I always knew you were awesome!

dado2

really impressive, great job, it feels great doesnt it?