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Fearful

Old 07-19-2012, 12:56 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
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Welcome...

Please do keep moving forward....you are worth the effort..

You mentioned meetings....I am an AA recovered alcoholic.
The AA Steps gave me a way out of darkness.
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Old 07-19-2012, 05:19 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Thanks Carol.

Yes, doing step work, just starting on written step 1. Do a lot of meetings try to get at least one in each day, today I missed a meeting as had lectures etc on and lacking sleep came home for the evening and fell to sleep pretty promptly. Woke up with a wee bit of obsession going on so am here.

Step 2. Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Beware! Science and spirituality ahead. This might upset christians so don't read it you have been warned, this is my step, my sobriety.

My day begins with me getting on my knees and handing my will over to God. There is no religion or denomination affiliated to this God: an abusive 'christian' childhood; coupled with extensive scientific study of geology and evolution have me conclude the earth is 4.5ish billion years old and life evolved here. Life may have been seeded, who knows? Miller & Urey (1957) found they could generate several amino acids (building blocks of life)merely by placing seawater above a gaseous atmosphere and adding sparks to simulate lightning. Further experiments yielded all of the amino acids, several proteins and then eventually RNA. Protobionts (cells that are not alive) were then formed in lab conditions, these contained proteins, had membranes, and RNA. As RNA can spontaneously form it was thought all that was then needed to be found was RNA polymerase (a protein/enzyme) to form spontaneously and you got yourself self replicating molecules bearing the stuff of life. In the 1980s, Thomas Cech and his associates at the University of Colorado at Boulder discovered that RNA molecules can function as enzymes - so they could have self replicated in protobiont cells without the need for enzymes.

So lets move from The 50's, then 80's to the early 90's in Russia. Physicist Vladimir Poponin created a vacuum in a tube and after 'everything' was removed it was found that photons (particles of light/elementary particles) remained. These were measured and as predicted moved at random - BUT! - here's the kicker - when DNA was added to the vacuum tube the photons aligned with the helical structure, even cooler, when the DNA was removed from the tube the photons remained aligned. What does this mean - DNA alters the stuff the universe is made of.

It gets deeper. Another Russian experiment is set up, this time DNA is removed from a subject and transported 400 miles away. The subject and his seperated DNA are both then monitored. The subject is subjected to various emotional stimuli and as predicted his DNA opens/closes genes to produce the hormones/chemicals etc associated with emotions e.g. adrenaline, dopamine etc. While this is happening the DNA 400 miles away is DOING THE SAME THING!!!

So what does this mean. Thoughts drive emotions, emotions alter DNA, DNA aligns matter. Our thought can alter the stuff of the universe. These thoughts -> changing matter processes are not constrained by time and space.

Major spiritual teachings talk about how we are a part of God. We are in fact the creators of our own destiny, including misery should we wish.

Christianity: I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you" John 14:20.

Islam: Those who know themselves know their God.

Buddhism: Look within, you are the Buddha.

Vedanta: Individual consciousness and universal consciousness are one.

Yoga: God dwells within you as you.

Confuscianism: Heaven, Earth and human are of one body.

The stardust, the stuff of the universe and Earth became life. Life is controlled by a language written in DNA code which controls the stuff of the universe. It's a chicken and egg scenario, but somewhere in all of this, consciousness came to be. I believe consciousness always was, it guided the stuff of the universe to form life. Dreams in consciousness became reality. But all we see on this physical plain is an illusion of sorts. Most of it is space, and holding/linking that space together is energy, photons, quarks, God particles.

I believe today that our consciousness is universal, and all of life is intrinsically linked with all of the universe. The experiments conducted in Russia explain why prayer changes things. Why intuition occurs. The wisdom of scholars and enlightened people throughout the ages all report the same message - God is within and without, and we are part of God.

Addiction seperates me from God. My thoughts become self centred and disconnect me from the infinity of creation. As part of creation and a creator it is obvious to me now why addiction destroys the spirit, it confines it within my self centredness. I create my own detachment, my seperateness, isolation and resultant desolation.

Prayer reconnects me to this infinite source of which I am a part.

Each morning I get on my knees and I hand my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand God. And miracles happen!

I go out to do some community service with no food, people see what I am doing and bring me food! I ran out of money for cat biscuits and when I went for a walk and came back - there was a box of cat food on my doorstep! I go to make peace with my sarcastic cantankerous Father after 20 years, my sister and I pray beforehand - and it goes witout a hitch! These are not isolated incidents and all within a matter of only a few weeks. I sought God before i sought recovery, God just pointed me to AA. A spiritual teacher I was listening to said "If you want to see God, go to an AA meeting".

I was not seeking God, I was seeking answers. God heard me, God found me.

Early recovery is certainly not without its problems. But if I continue to seek Gods help in my life God will provide. The big book of AA does not make promises that the programme will improve life beyond my wildest dreams lightly. The people who wrote that book's very lives depend on rigorous honesty.

Reconnecting with God connects me to infinate possibility. Every morning I get on my knees and I say please. Every night I get on my knees and I say thank you. And inbetween, I try to live the steps.

I thank God for recovery, and all of you, as you and I, we are all a part of God, we are all connected. May you find God too.
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Old 07-20-2012, 12:52 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I can do this.

Iíve been burning all my bridges
Dressed in ashes in the rain
Cut a flower for my pocket
Wore it proud to hide my shame

Iíve been screaming in my pillow
Iíve been begging for relief
Cut the sun out with my curtains
Lived apart in dark and grief

Every day now as the dawn hits
I must get down on my knees
Cry to God for some redemption
Just one day Lord, give me peace

Iíve been loved but love was broken
Iíve been held but holdingís gone
Cut the cord and itís just me now
Singing all these lonesome songs

Every dawn the birds are singing
Calling out in praise and awe
Shake my bones out of the slumber
Just one day, one day is all.
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