fiske

Hi folks,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I've gotten sober through AA (usually only 3-6 months at a time), gone back out and then returned (generally I try sobriety again during the summers which I have off from my job). This time I am coming back to sobriety after learning that many of my co-workers have smelled alcohol on my breath and that I almost didn't get my contract renewed (if I lost my job I would not be able to pay back nearly $1400 a month in student loans). My SO said that although our relationship was fine now if she continued to see me dependent on a daily basis for the next few years that it would be a deal breaker--especially if we decide to raise a kid.

For whatever reason, AA has consistently caused me to feel a lot of shame and to really beat myself up if I slip--causing me to just fall into a horrible binge. I I've tried this and lost every year for the past 7. I also feel like it's hard to have relationships that are close with local AAers that I do relate to as I've disappointed them again and again. I'm thinking of trying this board as a way to check in and keep myself on track--I need to find another way outside of the 12 steps to stay sober that works for me. Any advice from folks that have been able to stay sober without AA?

EXM6

I use a substance use counselor, this website, and my own reading about alcoholism. I find this website as a great resource to keep myself self-aware of my problem and I feel that people REALLY do not judge. I like that. Hopefully, you will feel the same way. (:

Dee74

Hi Fiske

I dunno...I think feeling shame and guilt after a relapse is a pretty common thing for all of us...especially when those feelings lead us to more drinking. Our addiction loves that.

I was in that cycle for years - and I never went to one AA meeting....so it maybe AA's not really your problem?

But...if you feel like AA is not working for you, there are alternative programmes.

Here's some links to some of the main players (including but not limited to AA):

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

Welcome to SR

D

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Fiske.

It sounds like guilt is making you ashamed to go back to AA rather than anything else. I am sure that people there will just be glad you're are still trying.

That said, you might want to check out AVRT (Rational Recovery). It is actually aimed at people who have been in and out of AA and will probably suit you very well. Check out the Secular Connections forum here.

And I'm sure SR will be a massive help in itself. I find that checking in here often helps keep me accountable. Join the Class of July on this forum

Glad you're here x

Sapling

Welcome to SR fiske...There are people here that have recovered with different methods...AVRT...SMART...LIFERING....Some just use SR.....I use AA myself....And I've met a lot of people that have been in and out of AA...Some for years...Do you mind if I ask?....Did you ever work the steps with a sponsor?

fiske

thanks so much to everyone who responded! there are a lot of great ideas here and I will definitely check out the secular forum. in terms of the steps--I've started my way through step four a couple of times. but i am really thinking that I need another approach. there is an alcohol counseling program that I've been going to but only have 4 or 5 meetings left as part of that program (we started with trying moderation and tracking and after four weeks of trying that I know I need to abstain completely). I'm definitely going to try checking in here. I drank two drink this morning and then just took a long nap, woke up and have no desire to drink (which I haven't felt for a long while now) so today's the day. I haven't had a drink in the last 9 hours so that's a start.

Sapling

It amazes me how many people don't get past step 4....But yeah...It won't work without it....There are other ways here to look into...I wish you the best!

Anna

Fiske, I use SR as the basis of my recovery program, and a few books that I depend on. Honestly, I think it's more about the motivation you have, rather than the program you use. And, I always find inspiration when I come here and read.

IndaMiricale

Keep looking for what works for you. I am an AA and I am totally positive that the people you met are not mad or upset with you. We know how hard it is, and we see people with much sober time still go back out. Everyone wants you to succeed.


Wishing you the best.

Dalek

You may want to check out Rational Recovery. They specialize in helping AA drop-outs and merry-go-rounders, aka the "constitutionally incapables."

You can find the RR web site via Google, and there is also a discussion thread on the RR method, known as AVRT, in the Secular Connections forum.


RR

shapeup

I found this board and I have a doctor that I'm seeing this time, but I've tried AA in the past and I do understand what you are saying. If I hadn't have found this site, I would definitely be aiming to go to a daily meeting because support is so important. I think the key to AA, is finding a good group, and making or having the time to drive there and be away from your home for an hour to two hours every day/night. I work and I've been so tired through all this, that it is better for me to come home every evening right now.

onlythetruth

fiske,

I quit drinking many years ago and, while I was going to AA at the time, I can't credit that program for my success. I never believed the fundamental philosophy of the program and spent a lot of time beating myself up for that and pretending. I've written here before about how painful that was for me.

Fortunately along the way I learned something critical about recovery, which is that motivation matters more than anything else. I wanted so badly to be sober that even spending years in a program which didn't fit me didn't keep me from doing what ultimately we all need to do: make a commitment not to drink, and do whatever it is we need to do to keep that commitment. Even swimming upstream as I was, I never lost that commitment, and I found myself a good therapist to work with because I needed to get my head on straight if I was going to keep away from alcohol.

You'll note from my avatar that I'm a member of SMART Recovery as well. I think SMART is a great program and wish I'd used it from the start; you might want to give that a try yourself. But whether it's SMART, some other program, or "just" SR, the bottom line is always the motivation and the commitment.

sugarbear1

Stopping on step 4 is bound to give anyone horrible feelings about themselves. The relief and freedom, the solution, is in working through to step 12 and practicing steps 10-12 on a daily basis.

AA has no monopoly on recovery.

Whatever program you choose, you first must make that decision not to drink no matter what. Work whatever you choose as if your life depended upon it, as it does. Sobriety is a wonderful place to be. You are worth it!

I wish you well,

soberbrooke

I use AA, but I felt the same way you did at first. It was when I surrendered to AA that my life became better. I had to put my EGO aside and work the program like they said.

relapsepro

There is a website holds out hope for those of us who can't stay sober in AA. Just Google: "Alternatives for Alcoholism". Very helpful for me.

Dee74

Welcome relapsepro

as others have said we have a whole section on secular recovery here at SR

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Whadahay

I have no idea how I could've gotten emotionally sober without the 12 Steps. Alcohol was just a symptom of my real problem. The Steps can be a painful journey but the work was so worth it for me. I don't carry around the shame at all anymore.

You can't blame AA. AA doesn't just hand over sobriety on a silver platter. Only you can do the work and if you aren't willing to work the Program, you won't get the solutions.

If I didn't have the 12 steps to work through for my emotional sobriety, I would be just a white knuckling dry drunk.

Sobersunshine

Welcome Fisk. I love AA, but there's lots of other recovery programs out there, which is awesome. I don't think AA works unless you really give yourself over to it, and I can understand why it isn't for everyone. I am in early recovery, and I'm trying to use lots of different ways to stay sober--AA, SR, meditation, reading the Bible a bit (I'm not religious but grew up catholic, and do find some comfort in some of the readings), etc etc. I hope whatever program you chose you do give it an honest try, and don't give up on it too soon. I don't know much about the secular recovery programs, do I can't say much more. Glad others here can advise you. Best wishes to you.

MrsKing

I am six months sober without AA. There are many people on this board that don't use AA and have been sober for long periods of time. I use AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) and it really helped in the beginning, but you can certainly do it alone, if you decide that you would like to follow nothing at all. As has already been suggested, check out the secular connections board here at SR - there are many people over there who have a very deep understanding of the other methods available and could really help. Otherwise, I'd say that belief in yourself and unwavering commitment to not drinking are the two most important things - or at least they have been for me.

All the best and welcome to SR!

heath480

For AA to work fiske,you need to go and stay.Not in and out,I dont believe AA has a revolving door.


I needed to work through the 12 steps with a sponsor.I needed a defence against the first drink,I have that today.I know whatever happens in my life I will not pick up that first drink.

There are other methods of Recovery people use on here.AVRT,SMART etc.

Doing it on my own never worked for me,I once had 3 years sobriety,then when a difficult situation arose in my life I drank again.

Wishing you well.