I need your help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 47
I need your help!
I've let myself down, again. Since this place is all about honesty, I must confess, I'm drinking tonight.*
Something about Friday of a long weekend (here in Canada). The heat is on, summer has arrived and I simply could not fight that voice in my head telling me to stop on my way home from work.*
Something else I've noticed as a trend is how much an alcoholic really hates themselves. As I sit here drinking I'm thinking to myself, God what a loser you are (talking about myself of course).*
I'm too proud to seek help through AA, my God what if I see someone I know?*
A little about me, I work in a very prominent *job, I help people, I have a government position and deal with all walks of life, up close & personal. *I deal with people just like me, although I'm the only one who knows this.*
I'm not your typical alcoholic, I am very together looking, no signs of my addiction are displayed on my face or body. .... Yet!
I thought I could fight this when I found you all here, but I now know, I must render myself, helpless, hopeless?
Please! I need some words of wisdom! Tips, tricks, knowledge!!!
Something about Friday of a long weekend (here in Canada). The heat is on, summer has arrived and I simply could not fight that voice in my head telling me to stop on my way home from work.*
Something else I've noticed as a trend is how much an alcoholic really hates themselves. As I sit here drinking I'm thinking to myself, God what a loser you are (talking about myself of course).*
I'm too proud to seek help through AA, my God what if I see someone I know?*
A little about me, I work in a very prominent *job, I help people, I have a government position and deal with all walks of life, up close & personal. *I deal with people just like me, although I'm the only one who knows this.*
I'm not your typical alcoholic, I am very together looking, no signs of my addiction are displayed on my face or body. .... Yet!
I thought I could fight this when I found you all here, but I now know, I must render myself, helpless, hopeless?
Please! I need some words of wisdom! Tips, tricks, knowledge!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Don't beat yourself up...Stop drinking and keep trying...Take a look at this site about a first AA meeting...Especially the part about fear.
Your First AA Meeting<
Your First AA Meeting<
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Well, don't beat yourself up too bad here. You've been practicing drinking for years, right? Long enough to get good at it? Well, mark today's experience down as "quitting practice." (Reminds me of when I quit smoking. I quit probably thirty times, and only succeeded once--the last time.)
If it was easy to sober up and stay sober on the first attempt we'd have fewer people on SR, I suppose.
Hopefully tomorrow you get up and dust off, it's a new day, maybe give the sober stuff another try then, hey?
Good luck!
If it was easy to sober up and stay sober on the first attempt we'd have fewer people on SR, I suppose.
Hopefully tomorrow you get up and dust off, it's a new day, maybe give the sober stuff another try then, hey?
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by FancyFace 
I'm too proud to seek help through AA, my God what if I see someone I know?*
Many folks told me that they never knew I had a problem. Looked good on the outside and it was all I could do to not shoot myself.
AA saved my life, it would probably be just the ticket for you as well. The hard part is walking through the door the first time... after that, you're home.
All the best.
Bob R. (near Windsor)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Many of us faltered a time or two - this is hard - and it hits all of us the same whether we're CEOs or homeless people...
I'd tip whatever you have left away - it won't make you feel better - and the better you you feel waking up tomorrow morning the sooner you can leap straight back into action
Have you got a plan - thought of anything you could add to what you've been doing so far?
D
I'd tip whatever you have left away - it won't make you feel better - and the better you you feel waking up tomorrow morning the sooner you can leap straight back into action
Have you got a plan - thought of anything you could add to what you've been doing so far?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I'm too proud to seek help through AA, my God what if I see someone I know?*"
welp, theres a chance iffen ya see someone you know, you didnt een know they were in recovery and would be glad to see you there.
I'm not your typical alcoholic, I am very together looking, no signs of my addiction are displayed on my face or body. .... Yet!
welp, what you describe is quite typical. we also come from every walk of life. we are the teachers, students, doctors, assembly line workers, lawyers, construction workers, counselors...you name it, we are it. alcoholism is no respector of profession.
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
... They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous
as sapling said, you are not hopeless and helpless!! you are just a sick person. AA has a great solution. it took this hopeless,helpless, worthless, useless, and suicidal drunk and turned him into a hopeful, useful, worthwhile, and helpful sober individual. oh...and i havent had any suicidal thoughts in quite a few years!
you are a child of God and worth getting sober!
welp, theres a chance iffen ya see someone you know, you didnt een know they were in recovery and would be glad to see you there.
I'm not your typical alcoholic, I am very together looking, no signs of my addiction are displayed on my face or body. .... Yet!
welp, what you describe is quite typical. we also come from every walk of life. we are the teachers, students, doctors, assembly line workers, lawyers, construction workers, counselors...you name it, we are it. alcoholism is no respector of profession.
Among today’s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
... They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these A.A.’s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: “We didn’t wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous
as sapling said, you are not hopeless and helpless!! you are just a sick person. AA has a great solution. it took this hopeless,helpless, worthless, useless, and suicidal drunk and turned him into a hopeful, useful, worthwhile, and helpful sober individual. oh...and i havent had any suicidal thoughts in quite a few years!
you are a child of God and worth getting sober!
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
If you see someone you know at AA then it's mutual. Also, it's Alcoholics Anonymous, not just Alcoholics. We take the Anonymous part quite seriously. Set your pride aside. It's not doing you any good and work on humbling yourself. Humility is a gift and a tool for the alcoholic in recovery. Humility allows you to ask for help and lets you acknowledge that you are human and imperfect and that's okay.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 47
I actually called AA. About 6 months ago, met a lovely lady at Starbucks we had the BEST talk, she gave me "the book" and tried to get me to go with her to a meeting. I couldn't do it. Sure I understand if I see someone I know obviously they are there for the same reason as me BUT they are probably my client. It's like a teacher seeing their student there. It feels much different for the teacher than the student. I feel it would be instant loss of respect.
Might be different if I lived in a bigger centre.
Anyway I appreciate each of your responses. I just don't know what I need. I've humiliated myself lots. Get drunk, write on Facebook, call an old friend you haven't talked to in forever. Email. Invite a ton of people over for dinner the next night (ugh the next day) I've done all of this. I'm not violent but a lovable (lush) when I drink.
Why me??? <insert loser symbol>
Might be different if I lived in a bigger centre.
Anyway I appreciate each of your responses. I just don't know what I need. I've humiliated myself lots. Get drunk, write on Facebook, call an old friend you haven't talked to in forever. Email. Invite a ton of people over for dinner the next night (ugh the next day) I've done all of this. I'm not violent but a lovable (lush) when I drink.
Why me??? <insert loser symbol>
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
I go to AA. If i was a student and saw a teacher there, they would have my respect for being there and my fellowship. If i was associated with anyone in the room in a professional way (i hired them, they hired me, whatever) they would have my respect for being a fellow member. I may make a point to not go to the same meeting as them out of respect for our outside of AA relationship, but knowing that someone is in AA in no way diminishes my respect for them professionally or as a fellow human.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 47
Not nearly enough Sapling! I'm very spiritual, I used to pray for things I "wanted" a million bucks, fame etc. I've taken the high road since then, prayed for my family and things near and dear to me (I'm a HUGE animal lover) as well as forgiveness for my sins.
So yes I do pray, unfortunately not enough and probably not for the right reasons.
So yes I do pray, unfortunately not enough and probably not for the right reasons.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 138
I went to AA because I wanted to be sober more then I wanted to drink. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was so frightened and ashamed, but I didn't know what else to do. I am a teacher and was very afraid of seeing someone I knew. Well, at my first meeting was another teacher I knew and she was celebrating 9 years of sobriety that day. The next day I went to another meeting and saw 2 parents there of students I knew from school. In the past year I have seen many teachers, parents, and school related people at meetings. It is difficult at times, but I want to be sober more then I want to drink so I just go with it. I remind myself they are there for the same reason I am. I know that I am a better teacher and person now that I am sober and anyone who sees me at meetings knows thats. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck.
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