eumenides

I was doing very, very well with not drinking and then I took a drink.
But it was okay, b/c I could go a few days w/o taking another drink.
I thought I was fine.
Now I am back to drinking every night and know I need to stop.
I am torn between doing what is right and stopping drinking. I have a two-year old and when I get off work I am so busy with taking care of him, making dinner for my wife and I and giving him a bath, the only way to do everything is having 4-5 beers so I can be *there* but also be *having fun* b/c, really, doing all the stuff I am having to do is not much fun. I hate to say it but it really isn't. I feel like it is a great big f*ing chore and I am lucky if I have 30 minutes at night to watch t.v. or read a book.

I used to be a very, active runner. I loved running and that's how I blew off steam. I drank, but I also ran and kept everything in a balance. Then I tore up my knee and I can't run nearly as much as I used to. Now I am having other physical ailments, potentially exacerbated by alcohol, and should stop but I feel like I have nothing left.

Sorry - I had to rant and get this off my chest.

Elisabeth888

Can your wife give you say an hour to just relax? It sounds very stressful and that you are drinking to cope with it. Everyone needs some down time. Use it to focus on your recovery.

stevie88

That was how my life was buddy...I got three little kids and the only way i could get through the boredom of all all the chores was to drink all day...If i drank then cooking dinner was enjoyable,doing the dishes and putting the rubbish out was all enjoyable....When i drank i thought i never had time for myself but that was cos i was always drinking and i just wasted the time i had....Now that im off the booze,i find that i have loads of spare time,i hit the gym 4 times a week,i hit AA meets twice a week,i take my son to karate twice a week....I could never of done all that 19 days ago when i was boozing.....

Sapling

Just out of curiousity...What do you consider as being right?

Dee74

I used to feel like life was a big chore too.
Now looking back I was *really* ungrateful.

I was a really lucky guy and all I could see fit to do was moan about things.

I'm not trying to lecture, but maybe try looking at the good things in your life, Eumenides?

I'm sure you have a lot to be grateful and thankful for - when I try and keep that gratefulness in me, even the not fun stuff seems like much less of a chore.

I have a second chance at life now I'm sober - I really sincerely believe our attitude, how we look at things and react to things can do wonders.

Your child won't be 2 forever - children of that age particularly are a great gift I think...how many wonderful, intimate memories are you hazy on or missing out on entirely?

If your life is all work and no play - then by all mean redress that balance to something more healthy...but I think you and I both know drinking is not the way to do that.

I hope you'll decide to get back on the right road

D

MrsKing

Alcohol tends to do that - make people feel like they have nothing left.

I know you feel as though drinking is making you feel like you are having fun whilst you are doing those chores, but it probably isn't, or you wouldn't be here. You obviously know that your drinking is becoming a problem, rather than just something you do for fun, or it wouldn't be something you're trying to stop, and it wouldn't be aggravating health issues.

I used to think that drinking made things seem better - like I could get through doing them, etc, if I had a drink. Since I've got sober, I actually enjoy those things, rather than just DO them because I have to. Alcohol robbed me of enjoying the little things in life, because I felt that I couldn't do them without a drink. Actually, if I hadn't have had a drink they would have seem much more doable/enjoyable. Do you see what I mean?

I wish you all the best of luck!

oh2exhale

Hi Eumenides!
That does sound stressful, overwhelming and sometimes not very fun. Elisabeth used the word "cope". I was told, when I was drinking, that I had very poor "coping mechanisms". Which now I understand that I used alcohol to cope with everyday life experiences. There has been a lot of talk about "urge surfing" in the threads lately. Its very interesting!
Bottom line is, the person you have become is not the person you see yourself as being for you, your spouse, your child, your employer, your neighbor, etc. There are many healthier ways to deal with life. Check out the urge surfing or meditation and try and get some type of daily excersise which will help with the stress relief. Keep coming back!

eumenides

What a great question! I would say being in control. Making sure we have a healthy dinner every night and bathing my son. There's a certain routine we have gotten into. If I didn't have my son, I would be out running, biking or lifting weights -- maybe doing martial arts again.

Several years ago, I was very active in martial arts. I would train 3-4 days a week, for 2-3 hours a day. I also ran a lot. I started getting burned out on the martial arts after 3 years of heavy training and began concentrating on just running...running fast... which led to a intractable case of tendonitis in my knee. When my son was born I had expected changes but I didn't realize there would literally be little or no time for me. I know that sounds selfish but I am a pretty introverted guy and am used to "alone time" to recharge my batteries.

I don't know if any of that made sense.

oinobares

Eumenides, your post struck a chord with me. When my two kids were born (2003, 2005) my grad studies seriously ground to a halt. I was mainly working at home and library (nearby) so by default I was the fallback daddy day care. Becoming a father seriously got in the way of personal goals, and the responsibility began to cause, I see now, some deep resentments that only exacerbated my already problematic drinking. Time to do *my* stuff seemed non-existent, so damn straight I was going to catch a buzz to make doing parenting stuff more palatable. That or escape it all in a black hole of oblivion. Very alcoholic thinking. Even my wife says she thinks I "really became an alcoholic" after the birth of our kids.

When drinking became a tool to create "alone time" for me I started more and more deep into alcohol troubles. Or when feeling resentful and pained that I did not have enough "alone time" to do my work, or watch that movie, or finish my book, etc., I would medicate that anger with booze.

At a certain point, since those negative feelings were pretty much always with me, I pretty much always needed to numb them. If control was ever a priority in my drinking--which I doubt--it rapidly eroded away until I had absolutely none.

I'm still early in my sobriety after several failed attempts over the past couple years. So no great insight here yet. I just know that my kids didn't deserve a drunk dad. It will be possible to achieve personal goals and enjoy being a parent--as long as alcohol is not involved. But that is my situation. I see some striking similarities.

Hang out here, SR is wonderful for support and shared experience! I wish you the best!

doggonecarl

I would say that being in control and drinking contradicts each other. It may not feel like it, but if you keep drinking you will lose control.

Glad you are here looking at the option of recovery.

FredG

I am a GEEK - Geeks are the definition of Introverted - For an alcoholic, it's just an excuse.

If you haven't lost absolutely everything you value in life, keep drinking, you will

Your choice, stop now and keep what you have or keep drinking and lose it, maybe slowly, maybe quickly.

Sapling

Wouldn't this be the right thing to do...Without alcohol?

IndaMiricale

I know I dont do anything right while drinking , I am way to self absorbed then, I can only give myself now I am free. Prayers sent your way.

duane1

I know there is a bigger overall problem here, but why can't you get one of those bike carriages for your child and go biking with him?

Notmyrealname

After quitting drinking I've found that I enjoy things that I didn't enjoy or didn't do because I thought I would not enjoy them when I was drinking regularly.

Edited because I read that you have tendonitis. That's not a permanent ailment, though, you just need to treat it properly and stay off of it for awhile.

Mundane things are not near as bad as we make them out to be when we're either drunk or hungover all the time. Although work still sucks. I think work was actually a little better when I was hungover all the time.

The thing to keep in mind as a parent is that this, too, will pass. Sure, it's a long-term commitment, but they eventually grow up and move out on their own. And assuming you raise your son right he will require much less micromanagement down the road. It's just one of those things you get used to.

I'm a single parent. I know exactly what you are talking about. But mine's two years away from college it does get easier. (gets very expensive in their teens, though--save your money, seriously)

SamanthaIam

Perspective, man.

When my kids were little, they knew me as a runner, an athlete, a champion equestrienne.

When they were teenagers, they mostly knew me as a drunk.

I found time to do each of these scenarios (drinking takes up an enormous amount of time).

Would you rather have your family know you as an athlete and martial artist? Or a drunk? Which activity would you be proud to share with your son? Doing sports together or drinking together?

Remember, your kids hear some of what you say, but they see everything you DO.

eumenides

That is/should be one of the reasons I stop drinking. For those of you who have quit drinking, has it been through AA, another group or sheer will-power? I am interested in going to an AA meeting but am scared as well and feel like a failure or as if I let my wife down.

Sapling

I think you would be letting her down if you don't go...It's kept me sober for a year after 35 years of drinking....You should at least try it....You can't beat the price.

instant

alcohol encouraged me to focus on the negatives rather than the positives of what is happening now. I was always either bombed or wanting to be somewhere else.

Now I am sober it is easy to go with the flow, feel relaxed and have fun- all the things alcohol was supposed to do for me LOL

Dee74

I quit drinking without a programme, but with the help of this community - and there's a few of us like that here.

A lot of others find face to face support very useful tho.

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players (including AA):

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D